Lock Ness is one very deep, very dark lake, and there's the problem: You can't see anything under water. Particularly at night. How convenient, then, for the special effects crew, which can cut corners in creating a creature by keeping things eye-squintingly dark. But that's bad news for an audience that wants to see the monster. Not until the very end does the creature get its big close-up, but by then few people will be watching this wheel-spinning melodrama about the in-fighting among a team of scientists. Part of the problem is the variety of Scottish accents by the cast; it varies from scene to scene. (Among others, you've got Australian Vernon Wells as a rude Scottish constable and Irishman Patrick Bergin as a Scottish hermit, who gets to whisper "Its eyes were as black as Hell" with a straight face.) And what's with the American money being spent at a bar in Scotland? How did all those left-drive SUVs wind up in Scotland? Who uses depth charges in a lake? But the best nonsequitor is saved for Bergin's Captain Blay (pronounced by all as Bly), who wanders onto the dock wearing a kilt and Braveheart -blue face paint with a spear in his hand -- to go scuba diving. Yikes.