Move over Harvard, Stanford, and Whartonthere's a new top-ranking MBA program in town! With the Kasper Hauser Continuing Education Academy, all it takes is a few minutes and a roll of bathroom tissue to earn a fully-accredited executive business degree.
For the hundreds of millions of Americans who are looking for better, more successful, and more fulfilling livesbut don't have the time and money to invest in a full-on graduate degreecomes this revolutionary new system that turns crap into gold!
With Earn Your MBA on the Toilet, the Kasper Hauser Continuing Education Academy offers readers a complete business education, on subjects ranging from Accounting to Widgets to Business Ethics to Ethical Pickles. Why spend $100,000 and two years on an MBA when you can simply read this book? Written for the busy professional, the unemployed CEO, or the motivated alcoholic, this incredible course condenses thousands of hours of business wisdom into a 72-minute crash course, chunked into 3-minute "jam sessions." After a mere 8 trips to the toilet, readers will be able to hold their own with a finance professor at a cocktail party; after 15, they will be qualified to work as a management consultant for a Bass Pro shop; and by the end they will have a certificate of completion that is definitely, literally an MBA degree on par with the big guys, basically.
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About the Author
KASPER HAUSER is a sketch comedy group whose previous books include such absurdist gems as Obama's Blackberry and SkyMaul: Happy Crap You Can Buy from a Plane. They perform and produce live shows and digital content. The group's members have written for HBO digital and appeared on Comedy Central and This American Life.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Join the 1 Percent … without Leaving Your Toilet! 1
Chapter 1 Before You Embark: Would a Degree in Metal Detecting Be Better for You? 5
Chapter 2 Microeconomics and Macroeconomics: A Tale of Two Economicses 9
Chapter 3 Finance: The Gay "Stairway to Heaven"? 17
Chapter 4 Accounting: Blecchhh! 22
Chapter 5 Marketing the Medieval Way 30
Chapter 6 Business Statistics Made Easy! 35
Chapter 7 Strategy Is the Best Strategy 37
Chapter 8 Business Psychology: $uccess and the Mindset of the Minotaur-Mind™ 41
Chapter 9 Entreupeuneurialiasm 48
Chapter 10 Leadership: Harnessing Your Inner Darth Gandhi 54
Chapter 11 Business Ethics: LOL 63
Chapter 12 If John Wayne and Yoda Had a Baby: Attributes of the Great Manager 68
Chapter 13 Fake It Till You Make It: How to Act and Dress Like You're Somebody 76
Chapter 14 Negotiation: Let's F#ck Each Other Over 87
Chapter 15 Rule-Based Business Process Modeling 94
Chapter 16 Business and Computers! 97
Chapter 17 International and Multiglobal Business: Whåt Yoü Neéd to Knøw 102
Chapter 18 The Stock Market: Las Vegas for Losers 107
Afterword: Prison Life 115