Elder Rage is a riveting, humorous, true story chronicling Jacqueline Marcell’s trials, tribulations, and eventual success at managing the care of her aging parents. Also an extensive self–help book, Elder Rage provides solutions for effective management medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, financially, and emotionally of challenging elders starting to get dementia and resisting care.
Elder Rage presents creative solutions for getting obstinate elders to: accept cleaning/caregiving help, give up driving, see new doctors, take medication, shower, eat, attend adult day care, move to a new residence, etc. Includes valuable resources, Q&A, recommended reading. Also includes an extensive addendum by renowned neurologist/dementia specialist, Rodman Shankle, MD, A Physician’s Guide To Treating Dementia, making it valuable for everyone from the family to the physician.
Help improve eldercare laws; show healthcare professionals how they can better help families they work with; provide solutions and hope to caregivers; encourage funding for Alzheimer’s research and bring awareness to importance of early diagnosis; expose elder abuse, neglect and exploitation; encourage long–term care planning; bring attention to the need for Adult Day Care Services.
|Edition description:||Second Edition|
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.80(d)|
About the Author
Hundreds of keynotes include for the California Governor’s Conference, National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, National Security Agency, and Florida House of Representatives. Media includes: TODAY, CNN, PBS Alzheimer’s Documentary, AARP Bulletin cover story, Woman’s Day, Prevention, and hundreds of articles and radio & television interviews. Honors include: Advocate of the Year from the National Association of Women Business Owners at their Remarkable Women Awards—and Media Award from the National Adult Day Services Association.
Table of Contents
|1.||If it Isn't Ten Things--It's Twenty||1|
|I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head|
|Cries and Careless Whispers|
|Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya|
|Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home|
|2.||Hyde Strung in Plain Sight||17|
|What's It All About, Jackie|
|Losing My Religion|
|As the Wounded Turn|
|One Life to Live-or-Two Minds to Lose|
|3.||My Little Gang of Rascals||33|
|Phantom Menace of the Old Folk's Farm|
|Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage|
|And Then Came Mom|
|Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers|
|Demented Times Require Desperate Measures|
|4.||Honey, I Blew up the House||47|
|Shock It to Me|
|Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres|
|The Man From U.N.Believable|
|Look Who's Talking Now|
|Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You|
|5.||Jacqueline, You Ignorant Slut||67|
|Good Morning, Vietnam|
|And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo|
|I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia|
|I Remember Mama Said There'd Be Months Like This|
|6.||In a Oh-My-Goddadivida, Honey||87|
|I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas|
|More Nonsense and Responsibilities|
|If This Table Could Talk|
|7.||Nurture and Nature Messed Him Up||103|
|The Way They Were|
|Grumpy Old Men Was a Documentary|
|It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life|
|Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream|
|8.||Mending Shattered Fences||117|
|Too Good to Be True Lies-or-Dared Consequences|
|I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not|
|That's Me in the Spotlight|
|9.||Fugitives From Injustice||137|
|He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words|
|Star Searching For Sanity-or-All My Caregivers|
|The Price of the Prejudice|
|The Old and the Restless|
|Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo|
|May the Driving Force Be With You|
|Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares|
|Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital|
|Joined at the Hip|
|Oh What a Mangled Web We Weave|
|The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business|
|Pros and Cons|
|12.||Once an Adult, Twice a Child||185|
|Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies|
|Still Crazy After All These Years|
|Liar Liar, Pants on Fire|
|Unsolved Maniac Mysteries|
|Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief|
|Even Ripley Won't Believe It|
|13.||Friends and Family Matters Most||201|
|Desperately Seeking Sanity|
|The Three Faces of Jacqueline|
|The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief|
|I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love|
|I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah|
|14.||Gullible's Travels-or-Small Balls of Fire||217|
|Bound and Gagged By Honor|
|Two, Two, Two Minds in One|
|Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde|
|In the Heat of the Day For Night|
|Relative Relativity-or-Tommy Can You Hear Me?|
|The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO|
|15.||Achy Breaky Heart of Hearts||233|
|Unwanted: Dead or Alive|
|Bound on Broadway|
|What a Long Strange Trip It's Been|
|Hyde Risk Behavior|
|Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy|
|16.||To Be Demented or Deceptive? That Was the Question||251|
|How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home|
|Ahhh, Hindsight--It's Always 20/20, Barbara|
|Behavior Modification Guidelines||272|
|When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior||273|
|Loving Physical Affection|
|Gold Stars Chart|
|When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior||275|
|Remove Specific Privileges/Charts|
|Call the Police|
|How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who||278|
|1.||Wants all my time and attention?||278|
|2.||Makes constant unreasonable demands?||279|
|3.||Is inflexible, critical and negative?||279|
|4.||Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms?||280|
|5.||Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses inappropriate/foul language?||281|
|6.||Has become suspicious and paranoid?||282|
|7.||Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss?||282|
|8.||Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf?||282|
|9.||Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing--"waiting to die"?||283|
|10.||Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home?||284|
|11.||Gets furious if something doesn't happen at a specific time?||284|
|12.||Gets mad when told "no" they can't do something?||284|
|13.||Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing?||285|
|14.||Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes?||285|
|15.||Is a danger on the road but refuses to give up driving?||286|
|16.||Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home?||286|
|17.||Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances?||289|
|18.||Refuses to see any other doctor but is not getting adequate care?||290|
|19.||Needs to see a psychiatrist but absolutely refuses to go?||291|
|20.||Acts completely normal and charming in front of others?||292|
|21.||Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying?||292|
|22.||Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems?||292|
|23.||Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt?||294|
|24.||Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage?||295|
|25.||Is completely unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home?||296|
|Long-Term Care Insurance||297|
|Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease||298|
|How is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed?||299|
|Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease||300|
|Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's||304|
|A Physician's Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia||306|
|Types of Aggressive Behavior||308|
|The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior||309|
|The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior||311|
|Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression||311|
|Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression||313|
|Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment||314|
|Neuroanatomy of Aggression||319|
|Neurophysiology of Aggression||319|
|Treatment of Aggression||320|
|Behavioral Treatment of Aggression||320|
|Medications to Treat Aggression||321|
|Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action||324|
|Hope For the Future||329|
|New Medication: Neotrophin||329|
|Omentum Transposition Surgery: Dr. Harry Goldsmith||330|
|The Search for a Cure: Dr. Rudolph Tanzi||331|
|Contact the Author||346|
What People are Saying About This
A remarkable book! You have charted a relatively untrod field associated with the aging process. You deserve a great credit—congratulations!
Jacqueline tackles that part of life that most think will never happen, and shocks us out of our denial with what it can really be like dealing with the personality and diseases of our elders.
Jacqueline's story and style of writing will surely grab a large readership. Studded with flashes of humor, it demonstrates the enormous resourcefulness and resilience of the human spirit.
I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, What a story! If you're caring for an elder, you won't believe how much this books will help you.
Robert A. Stern, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Neurology and Associate Director of the Alzheimer's Disease Clinical and Research Program, Boston University School of Medicine
Thank you so much for your superb presentation at our Alzheimer's Research Seminar. The audience included dementia specialists, senior neurologists and neuropsychologists, basic scientists, nurses, fellows, residents, medical students, clinical research staff, and others from New England who came specifically to hear you. And, what a fabulous presentation it was! Your ability to combine humor, personal insight, wisdom, and critical meaningful guidance to all of us involved in the web of care for those with dementia was sensational. Each gained useful tips and tools that will enrich our professional practices and personal experiences.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Seeing someone you love go through the trauma of dementia is a confusing and frightening experience. When my mother was first diagnosed with dementia, I soon realized that I knew next to nothing about this very serious illness. I began searching for books about dementia, in order to gain a better understanding of the disease, and found many excellent resources. However, even after having read many books and articles, I was still feeling lost and unable to fully comprehend the complexity of the personality and behavioral changes that I had been witnessing personally. When I first learned of the book "Elder Rage", it was the title that hit a familiar note for me, with its emphasis on one of the key issues of the disease - RAGE! As I read page after page of "Elder Rage", I began to feel less alone and confused. Finally, I had found the most detailed and forthright account of the nightmarish effects of dementia that I had come across so far! The story is told in a way that is so honest, open, personal, and revealing, that you feel like you are right there with the author sharing the experience. She also includes guidance for caregivers, and detailed steps to be taken when you are coping with all of the complexities of helping someone with dementia. This book is the most complete and helpful resource that I have come across so far, and I am deeply grateful to the author for sharing her experience!
What a relief to have a laugh while trying to deal with this often depressing subject. The author uses funny stories to tell what she went through. While you are laughing you can relate to what she went through and get an important lesson at the same time. I have bought every guide know to mankind and I found this one to be the MOST HELPFUL and MOST HUMAN.
There are so many books on caring for elderly now, but this is the first one I have ever LOVED reading! The first two-thirds is this amazing true story that reads like a novel and you just can¿t put it down, and then when you do you keep thinking about the characters and just have to get back to it. It¿s exciting and poignant and then there¿s this unexpected witty humor woven in that keeps you laughing and then crying on the same page and you can¿t wait to see what she¿s going to say next!
And then by being so fascinated by what¿s happening and getting so emotionally attached to Jacqueline and her parents and everyone, you suddenly realize you¿re absorbing all this important knowledge so fast and easily and that you¿ll never forget it, like we usually do when we read a boring text-type book.
Then, the last third is this Resource Section with answers to 25 of the most common eldercare and caregiving questions. And then this extensive Addendum on treating dementia by a Neurologist who is a Dementia Specialist, so I see how good it would be for doctors who aren¿t trained in dementia to read. Then she has all these other resources, on an on, just very extensive. No wonder she got so many celebrities and well-known healthcare professionals to endorse it. I couldn¿t believe that the first six pages are glowing quotes of praise from famous people, but now I see why, as they are very well deserved!
Sue Haviland, Author of ¿The Senior Solution: Secrets to Maintaining Independence and Choice for Life¿, National Speaker and Reverse Mortgage Consultant: www.askSueHaviland.com, www.helpseniorsnow.com
This book handles a rather difficult topic exceptionally well. She gives much needed insight to help others handle the many obstacles involved in the care of an aging loved one. I found it difficult to put down and extremely helpful in many ways. Give it a try, I think you'll love it too.
Jacqueline's book is helpful and humorous, dealing with the timeless topic of caring for ones aging parents. As a case manager, I found the resources in the book to be invaluable. As a child of aging parents, I found the story heartwarming, uplifting, and affirming. The book was a real page-turner with a LOL funny storyline. A must read!
"As I read Elder Rage I felt like I was right there going through every unbelievable twist and turn with Jacqueline. Her incredible indefatigable humor and pop culture references often brought laugh-out-loud relief to situations you'd never expect! She also includes extensive valuable suggestions and resources to help caregivers navigate their situation. As the son of an Alzheimer's sufferer, I know so well that having a loving advocate like Jacqueline in the family can make all the difference in the world. Thank you, Jacqueline, for educating and sharing a piece of your heart!" --Dan Koffman, Author, "Simple Pleasures for Special Seniors Books" (for later stage dementia/Alzheimer's patients)
Jaqueline Marcell is surely one of a kind. So many people who went through or who are going through only a part of what she went through with her father's Alzheimer's would have broken. Maybe if they had an extremely strong support system, they could have delt with her father's situation. She not only delt with it for over a year, but alone and in the process became an authority on caregiving to Alzheimer's patients.
Jaqueline's book Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents is surely a must read for anyone dealing in anyway with Alzheimer's. She covers all the hurdles that must be overcome through out the caregiving process. By reading her book and learning about these hurdles in advance, it truely makes the caregiving process endurable. I know from experience how important it is to be able to get the jump on problems that will surely arise from an Alzheimer's patient.
The humor Jaqueline injects into her book makes the learning process so much more enjoyable and tends to lighten the seriousness of it all. As serious as an Alzheimer's condition is anyway, the more often you can read or do something to keep yourself focused in a positive manner the better. Jaqueline's book definately does this.
I highly recommend Elder Rage by Jaqueline Marcell to anyone associated in any way with Alzheimer's, whether it be an Alzheimer's patient, caregiver, friend or family member.
Terry F. Townsend
Author, "Living Alone with Dementia-Alzheimer's" (How to Keep Your Loved One in Their Home as Long as Possible)
This book is a valuable resource to anyone who is caring for an elderly family member. While reading the often funny, always touching, occasionally horrifying memoir, I learned so much about caring for my aging mother. This is rich with advice, examples, and brilliance. Thank you, Jackie, for sharing your story with us. I will buy more copies and give them to my friends whose parents are approaching the age where they¿ll need some care. I am also now taking assessment of my own behaviors as I get older; I don¿t want any of my bad habits following me into my golden years! It is clear from your Jake Tales that these habits may become exaggerated as we get older and I don¿t want my kids to have to deal with me if I¿m going to be difficult
As a Caregiver Coordinator for the local Area Agency on Aging I read a lot of books concerning caregiving and Alzheiemer's disease. This is the best one I have ever read. The story is told with humor, but it is full of extremely helpful tips and education. A great book! I will recommend it to all of my caregivers!
Gave encouragement to me when starting out caring for my dad. Learned a lot from a book that wasn't written in a 'textbook' format, but in a way anyone could read and enjoy while learning about the ups & downs.
The book is not for the squeamish, however I feel much stronger as a woman after having read Elder Rage. I am more ready to take some stands in making better decisions for myself--and am left wondering why it took me so long to see the light regarding my personal abilities. If this new feeling does not last, I may need another dose of Elder Rage to get me back on track. Although the book is her personal story, I found much everyday wisdom in it, so that even an individual who is not a caregiver can gain a completely new perspective on life.
Before I read Elder Rage I thought either I or my father had gone insane. This outstanding, unflinching account of the author's heartbreaking struggle with her out-of-control father showed me I wasn't crazy, nor was I alone in my struggle, and my father needed my help, compassion and most of all my prayers.
When you give birth it is obvious and everyone wants to help and you have tons of books to read but when dementia hits you don't know the date, where to start, what to do, no one jumps in to help and you feel like you are concurring the west again. When you retire your family should be given this book so they know what the signs are and not just brush off as they are getting old. I wish i had this book 2 yrs ago when i jumped in feet first to tackle my in-laws.
If nothing is to be feared, only understood, has this writer got the solution for you! With humor as the override, the writer takes you where few have dared to go. You'll find much that validates the worst of situations with difficult parents and even more that will keep you focused and winning the battles. A must-read for anyone questioning their sanity after dealing with hard-to-handle parents!
Your parents spend years taking care of you. Then one day you find out they can't do very much without you. This book is the authority on how to care for elder parents and leaves no stone unturned.
This is one of the most outstanding books I can recommend about dealing with difficult elderly parents. Anyone can quote helpful suggestions, but reading this story is an eye-opening experience for a baby-boomer about to begin the wonderful world of 'taking care of my parents.' Sure, we can tell people there are gaps in the system, that they need to be prepared for...and this is how you might deal with.... but reading Jackie's experiences puts it in a human perspective. She makes you really care about her parents as human beings, and to root for her and her caregivers as they struggle to cope and find ways to deal with what seems to be an impossible situation. The informational sections at the end are sound, and quite helpful, but not as personal, engrossing and human. I can see this becoming a good movie, one you'd actually be able to tolerate watching, as good a love story as 'The Notebook,' but true. As someone who is caring for a elderly parent,I have bought copies of this book for everyone I know who is going through similar trials.
I was given this book by a patient's daughter who is living with an aging parent. As a home care therapist, I thought Jacqueline's book was perfect in capturing the frustration associated with long term health care. I couldnt put it down once I started it and will recommend it to all my clients' families.
I read this book on a whim, my mother had borrowed it from a friend of hers and when I saw it at Mom's house, I had to read it. However now that I've read it, I have to say it is a fantastic book. The author tells her very personal story of dealing with her elderly parents who both suffer from ill health and dementia. Her father particularly is combative at times which adds a twist tot he story that had me praying that Jackie would find a way to help all of them. I was able to relate to much of her story as it is told in a conversational tone and is easy to draw parallels between your situation and hers. I would recommend this book to absolutely everyone who is in a caregiver situation.
Elder Rage was my first exposure to some of the big differences between dealing with myself and dealing with my parents in the medical system. Most of us want to do our best and do whats right for our parents in the twilght of their lives. This book gave me some really good advice, so hopefully I will have an easier time with my parents (which I have).
Elder Rage is a must-have book for all caregivers of elderly parents. Jacqueline Marcell's ability to keep her sanity through heart-breaking episodes of parental dementia and extreme frustration with professionals, will be of great help to everyone dealing with the elderly, not only their children but also professionals who interact with them. Written with great compassion and humor. If I had to choose just one book of all that I have read on this topic, this would be the one.
Very easy to read, hard to put down, defining the entire gamut of emotion caregivers face—presented with a generous heart, large doses of humor, and utmost reality. Valuable for caregivers who share the frustration, anger, and guilt that often occurs when caring for a loved one with dementia. If you struggle with the daily challenges of caregiving, learn how to manage and put it all into perspective from someone who has been there, done that, and knows! -Peggy Watson, M.S., CCC-SLP and Nancy Shadowens M.S., CCC-SLP, co-authors, “Dementia: Loving Care with a Therapeutic Benefit”
Required Reading for Geriatric Pharmacotherapy Students As a professor in a college of pharmacy, I have taught a geriatric pharmacotherapy course for many years. I like to have students read books from the perspective of the caregiver to shed light on different behaviors and how to approach them, rather than just being behind a counter filling prescriptions and reviewing charts. Elder Rage provided a great description of what it is really like to be faced with difficult parents and challenging situations, colorful language and all! Additionally, this book supplies creative solutions for managing what may seem like impossible patient behaviors. My goal is to make my students more open and less intimidated by patients. I want them to be able to offer useful advice for caregivers and health care providers; as well as advising caregiver about resources available to obtain the best information and tools. Thank you so much to Ms. Marcell for having the courage and strength to write this remarkable and poignant book! -Sandra L. Hrometz, BSPharm, PhD, CGP, Raabe College of Pharmacy, Ohio Northern University
Encouraging, Entertaining, Educational! My beloved father suffered from Alzheimer's and I have written hundreds of articles and a book on the subject, so I understand very well the extreme range of emotions and experiences Jacqueline describes. Thankfully she had the will to persevere, solve each crisis, and come out on the other side to share her success story in such a compelling way to help those undergoing the heart-wrenching turmoil of caring for a loved one with dementia. --Kathleen Clary Miller, Author, ‘When Forgetting Is a Gift--Placing My Father In An Alzheimer's Facility’ (Amazon Kindle)
You will not regret buying this book, promise. If you are reading this review, you are probably approaching the edges of the nightmare of dementia. Jacqueline's book will help you on several levels. First, she is an excellent writer and her story is compelling. You won't want to put it down and will find yourself learning about the disease while coming to know some wonderful people in the process. Second, whatever happens with your loved one, it is unlikely to be as bad as what Jacqueline went through. You will find yourself, as I have, saying "Jacqueline was strong enough to do it. So can I." You will not feel so alone. Third, it is a wonderful, wonderful resource, both for everday coping tricks and for the big-picture where to turn/what to do information and guidance. God bless Jacqueline for sharing this very personal, touching and edifying story and guidebook.
I read this book for a class in pharmacy school, and was intrigued from the beginning to the end. It's really just her story, which makes it so much better than just a "do it yourself" kind of book. At the same time, you finish reading with a sense of how to handle an aging individual in need of care. Great read.