Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents

Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents

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Overview

Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents by Jacqueline Marcell

Elder Rage is a Book–of–the–Month Club selection (caregiving book first) receiving 200+ 5–Star B&N reviews, required reading at numerous universities, and considered for a film. Over 50 endorsements include Regis Philbin, Leeza Gibbons, Jacqueline Bisset, Duke University Center for Aging, Dr. John Gray, Mark Victor Hansen, Julie Harris, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Dr. Rudy Tanzi/Harvard Medical School, and the National Adult Day Services Association.

Elder Rage is a riveting, humorous, true story chronicling Jacqueline Marcell’s trials, tribulations, and eventual success at managing the care of her aging parents. Also an extensive self–help book, Elder Rage provides solutions for effective management medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, financially, and emotionally of challenging elders starting to get dementia and resisting care.

Elder Rage presents creative solutions for getting obstinate elders to: accept cleaning/caregiving help, give up driving, see new doctors, take medication, shower, eat, attend adult day care, move to a new residence, etc. Includes valuable resources, Q&A, recommended reading. Also includes an extensive addendum by renowned neurologist/dementia specialist, Rodman Shankle, MD, A Physician’s Guide To Treating Dementia, making it valuable for everyone from the family to the physician.

MARCELL’S MISSIONS:

Help improve eldercare laws; show healthcare professionals how they can better help families they work with; provide solutions and hope to caregivers; encourage funding for Alzheimer’s research and bring awareness to importance of early diagnosis; expose elder abuse, neglect and exploitation; encourage long–term care planning; bring attention to the need for Adult Day Care Services.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780967970318
Publisher: Impressive Press
Publication date: 04/28/2001
Edition description: Second Edition
Pages: 346
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Jacqueline Marcell barely survived as a caregiver to her ‘challenging’ father and sweet mother, both with Alzheimer’s undiagnosed for over a year. But after fighting through the medical system, endless tears, and depleting her parents’ life savings and much of her own, she figured everything out medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, financially, and emotionally. Passion to save others (especially from elder abuse) compelled her to write Elder Rage, launch the ‘Coping with Caregiving’ radio show, and become and international speaker (CEU/CME), in an effort to educate on issues which unnecessarily cost years of her life—and then nearly her life itself when she survived invasive breast cancer.

Hundreds of keynotes include for the California Governor’s Conference, National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, National Security Agency, and Florida House of Representatives. Media includes: TODAY, CNN, PBS Alzheimer’s Documentary, AARP Bulletin cover story, Woman’s Day, Prevention, and hundreds of articles and radio & television interviews. Honors include: Advocate of the Year from the National Association of Women Business Owners at their Remarkable Women Awards—and Media Award from the National Adult Day Services Association.

Table of Contents

1.If it Isn't Ten Things--It's Twenty1
I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head
Cries and Careless Whispers
Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya
Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home
Le Miserable
2.Hyde Strung in Plain Sight17
What's It All About, Jackie
Losing My Religion
As the Wounded Turn
One Life to Live-or-Two Minds to Lose
3.My Little Gang of Rascals33
Phantom Menace of the Old Folk's Farm
Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage
And Then Came Mom
Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers
Grouch-Ohhh!
Demented Times Require Desperate Measures
4.Honey, I Blew up the House47
Shock It to Me
Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres
The Man From U.N.Believable
Look Who's Talking Now
Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You
5.Jacqueline, You Ignorant Slut67
Good Morning, Vietnam
And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo
I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia
I Remember Mama Said There'd Be Months Like This
6.In a Oh-My-Goddadivida, Honey87
I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas
More Nonsense and Responsibilities
If This Table Could Talk
7.Nurture and Nature Messed Him Up103
The Way They Were
Grumpy Old Men Was a Documentary
It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life
Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream
8.Mending Shattered Fences117
Too Good to Be True Lies-or-Dared Consequences
I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not
That's Me in the Spotlight
9.Fugitives From Injustice137
He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words
Star Searching For Sanity-or-All My Caregivers
The Price of the Prejudice
The Old and the Restless
Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo
10.Enter Terri159
May the Driving Force Be With You
Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares
Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital
Joined at the Hip
11.Amazing Ariana177
Oh What a Mangled Web We Weave
The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business
Pros and Cons
12.Once an Adult, Twice a Child185
Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies
Still Crazy After All These Years
Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
Unsolved Maniac Mysteries
Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief
Even Ripley Won't Believe It
13.Friends and Family Matters Most201
Desperately Seeking Sanity
The Three Faces of Jacqueline
The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief
I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love
I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah
14.Gullible's Travels-or-Small Balls of Fire217
Bound and Gagged By Honor
Two, Two, Two Minds in One
Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde
In the Heat of the Day For Night
Relative Relativity-or-Tommy Can You Hear Me?
The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO
15.Achy Breaky Heart of Hearts233
Unwanted: Dead or Alive
Bound on Broadway
What a Long Strange Trip It's Been
Hyde Risk Behavior
Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy
16.To Be Demented or Deceptive? That Was the Question251
How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home
Ahhh, Hindsight--It's Always 20/20, Barbara
Appendix
Behavior Modification Guidelines272
When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior273
Verbal Praise
Loving Physical Affection
Edible Treats
Special Activity
Special Attention
Gold Stars Chart
When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior275
Verbal Commands
Time-Outs
Three Strikes
Shame
Remove Specific Privileges/Charts
Call the Police
How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who278
1.Wants all my time and attention?278
2.Makes constant unreasonable demands?279
3.Is inflexible, critical and negative?279
4.Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms?280
5.Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses inappropriate/foul language?281
6.Has become suspicious and paranoid?282
7.Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss?282
8.Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf?282
9.Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing--"waiting to die"?283
10.Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home?284
11.Gets furious if something doesn't happen at a specific time?284
12.Gets mad when told "no" they can't do something?284
13.Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing?285
14.Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes?285
15.Is a danger on the road but refuses to give up driving?286
16.Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home?286
17.Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances?289
18.Refuses to see any other doctor but is not getting adequate care?290
19.Needs to see a psychiatrist but absolutely refuses to go?291
20.Acts completely normal and charming in front of others?292
21.Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying?292
22.Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems?292
23.Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt?294
24.Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage?295
25.Is completely unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home?296
Long-Term Care Insurance297
Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease298
How is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed?299
Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease300
Startling Statistics302
Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's304
Epilog305
A Physician's Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia306
Types of Aggressive Behavior308
The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior309
The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior311
Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression311
Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression313
Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment314
Screening316
Prevention318
Neuroanatomy of Aggression319
Neurophysiology of Aggression319
Treatment of Aggression320
Behavioral Treatment of Aggression320
Medications to Treat Aggression321
Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action324
Conclusion327
Hope For the Future329
New Medication: Neotrophin329
Omentum Transposition Surgery: Dr. Harry Goldsmith330
The Search for a Cure: Dr. Rudolph Tanzi331
Valuable Resources332
Recommended Reading342
Contact the Author346

What People are Saying About This

Steve Allen

A remarkable book! You have charted a relatively untrod field associated with the aging process. You deserve a great credit—congratulations!

Dr. Dean Edell

Jacqueline tackles that part of life that most think will never happen, and shocks us out of our denial with what it can really be like dealing with the personality and diseases of our elders.

Hugh Downs

Jacqueline's story and style of writing will surely grab a large readership. Studded with flashes of humor, it demonstrates the enormous resourcefulness and resilience of the human spirit.

Regis Philbin

I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, What a story! If you're caring for an elder, you won't believe how much this books will help you.

Robert A. Stern Ph.D.

Robert A. Stern, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Neurology and Associate Director of the Alzheimer's Disease Clinical and Research Program, Boston University School of Medicine
Thank you so much for your superb presentation at our Alzheimer's Research Seminar. The audience included dementia specialists, senior neurologists and neuropsychologists, basic scientists, nurses, fellows, residents, medical students, clinical research staff, and others from New England who came specifically to hear you. And, what a fabulous presentation it was! Your ability to combine humor, personal insight, wisdom, and critical meaningful guidance to all of us involved in the web of care for those with dementia was sensational. Each gained useful tips and tools that will enrich our professional practices and personal experiences.

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Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents 4.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 290 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Seeing someone you love go through the trauma of dementia is a confusing and frightening experience. When my mother was first diagnosed with dementia, I soon realized that I knew next to nothing about this very serious illness. I began searching for books about dementia, in order to gain a better understanding of the disease, and found many excellent resources. However, even after having read many books and articles, I was still feeling lost and unable to fully comprehend the complexity of the personality and behavioral changes that I had been witnessing personally. When I first learned of the book "Elder Rage", it was the title that hit a familiar note for me, with its emphasis on one of the key issues of the disease - RAGE! As I read page after page of "Elder Rage", I began to feel less alone and confused. Finally, I had found the most detailed and forthright account of the nightmarish effects of dementia that I had come across so far! The story is told in a way that is so honest, open, personal, and revealing, that you feel like you are right there with the author sharing the experience. She also includes guidance for caregivers, and detailed steps to be taken when you are coping with all of the complexities of helping someone with dementia. This book is the most complete and helpful resource that I have come across so far, and I am deeply grateful to the author for sharing her experience!
Guest More than 1 year ago
What a relief to have a laugh while trying to deal with this often depressing subject. The author uses funny stories to tell what she went through. While you are laughing you can relate to what she went through and get an important lesson at the same time. I have bought every guide know to mankind and I found this one to be the MOST HELPFUL and MOST HUMAN.
SueHavilandCSA More than 1 year ago
There are so many books on caring for elderly now, but this is the first one I have ever LOVED reading! The first two-thirds is this amazing true story that reads like a novel and you just can¿t put it down, and then when you do you keep thinking about the characters and just have to get back to it. It¿s exciting and poignant and then there¿s this unexpected witty humor woven in that keeps you laughing and then crying on the same page and you can¿t wait to see what she¿s going to say next!


And then by being so fascinated by what¿s happening and getting so emotionally attached to Jacqueline and her parents and everyone, you suddenly realize you¿re absorbing all this important knowledge so fast and easily and that you¿ll never forget it, like we usually do when we read a boring text-type book.

Then, the last third is this Resource Section with answers to 25 of the most common eldercare and caregiving questions. And then this extensive Addendum on treating dementia by a Neurologist who is a Dementia Specialist, so I see how good it would be for doctors who aren¿t trained in dementia to read. Then she has all these other resources, on an on, just very extensive. No wonder she got so many celebrities and well-known healthcare professionals to endorse it. I couldn¿t believe that the first six pages are glowing quotes of praise from famous people, but now I see why, as they are very well deserved!



Sue Haviland, Author of ¿The Senior Solution: Secrets to Maintaining Independence and Choice for Life¿, National Speaker and Reverse Mortgage Consultant: www.askSueHaviland.com, www.helpseniorsnow.com
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book handles a rather difficult topic exceptionally well. She gives much needed insight to help others handle the many obstacles involved in the care of an aging loved one. I found it difficult to put down and extremely helpful in many ways. Give it a try, I think you'll love it too.
cheflizzy More than 1 year ago
Jacqueline's book is helpful and humorous, dealing with the timeless topic of caring for ones aging parents. As a case manager, I found the resources in the book to be invaluable. As a child of aging parents, I found the story heartwarming, uplifting, and affirming. The book was a real page-turner with a LOL funny storyline. A must read!
DanKoffman More than 1 year ago
"As I read Elder Rage I felt like I was right there going through every unbelievable twist and turn with Jacqueline. Her incredible indefatigable humor and pop culture references often brought laugh-out-loud relief to situations you'd never expect! She also includes extensive valuable suggestions and resources to help caregivers navigate their situation. As the son of an Alzheimer's sufferer, I know so well that having a loving advocate like Jacqueline in the family can make all the difference in the world. Thank you, Jacqueline, for educating and sharing a piece of your heart!" --Dan Koffman, Author, "Simple Pleasures for Special Seniors Books" (for later stage dementia/Alzheimer's patients)
14ptstag More than 1 year ago
Jaqueline Marcell is surely one of a kind. So many people who went through or who are going through only a part of what she went through with her father's Alzheimer's would have broken. Maybe if they had an extremely strong support system, they could have delt with her father's situation. She not only delt with it for over a year, but alone and in the process became an authority on caregiving to Alzheimer's patients.

Jaqueline's book Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents is surely a must read for anyone dealing in anyway with Alzheimer's. She covers all the hurdles that must be overcome through out the caregiving process. By reading her book and learning about these hurdles in advance, it truely makes the caregiving process endurable. I know from experience how important it is to be able to get the jump on problems that will surely arise from an Alzheimer's patient.

The humor Jaqueline injects into her book makes the learning process so much more enjoyable and tends to lighten the seriousness of it all. As serious as an Alzheimer's condition is anyway, the more often you can read or do something to keep yourself focused in a positive manner the better. Jaqueline's book definately does this.

I highly recommend Elder Rage by Jaqueline Marcell to anyone associated in any way with Alzheimer's, whether it be an Alzheimer's patient, caregiver, friend or family member.

Terry F. Townsend
Author, "Living Alone with Dementia-Alzheimer's" (How to Keep Your Loved One in Their Home as Long as Possible)
tumbledry More than 1 year ago
This book is a valuable resource to anyone who is caring for an elderly family member. While reading the often funny, always touching, occasionally horrifying memoir, I learned so much about caring for my aging mother. This is rich with advice, examples, and brilliance. Thank you, Jackie, for sharing your story with us. I will buy more copies and give them to my friends whose parents are approaching the age where they¿ll need some care. I am also now taking assessment of my own behaviors as I get older; I don¿t want any of my bad habits following me into my golden years! It is clear from your Jake Tales that these habits may become exaggerated as we get older and I don¿t want my kids to have to deal with me if I¿m going to be difficult
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a Caregiver Coordinator for the local Area Agency on Aging I read a lot of books concerning caregiving and Alzheiemer's disease. This is the best one I have ever read. The story is told with humor, but it is full of extremely helpful tips and education. A great book! I will recommend it to all of my caregivers!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Gave encouragement to me when starting out caring for my dad. Learned a lot from a book that wasn't written in a 'textbook' format, but in a way anyone could read and enjoy while learning about the ups & downs.
WRV6CX8 More than 1 year ago
The book is not for the squeamish, however I feel much stronger as a woman after having read Elder Rage. I am more ready to take some stands in making better decisions for myself--and am left wondering why it took me so long to see the light regarding my personal abilities. If this new feeling does not last, I may need another dose of Elder Rage to get me back on track. Although the book is her personal story, I found much everyday wisdom in it, so that even an individual who is not a caregiver can gain a completely new perspective on life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Before I read Elder Rage I thought either I or my father had gone insane. This outstanding, unflinching account of the author's heartbreaking struggle with her out-of-control father showed me I wasn't crazy, nor was I alone in my struggle, and my father needed my help, compassion and most of all my prayers.
Guest More than 1 year ago
When you give birth it is obvious and everyone wants to help and you have tons of books to read but when dementia hits you don't know the date, where to start, what to do, no one jumps in to help and you feel like you are concurring the west again. When you retire your family should be given this book so they know what the signs are and not just brush off as they are getting old. I wish i had this book 2 yrs ago when i jumped in feet first to tackle my in-laws.
GratefulEM More than 1 year ago
If nothing is to be feared, only understood, has this writer got the solution for you! With humor as the override, the writer takes you where few have dared to go. You'll find much that validates the worst of situations with difficult parents and even more that will keep you focused and winning the battles. A must-read for anyone questioning their sanity after dealing with hard-to-handle parents!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Your parents spend years taking care of you. Then one day you find out they can't do very much without you. This book is the authority on how to care for elder parents and leaves no stone unturned.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is one of the most outstanding books I can recommend about dealing with difficult elderly parents. Anyone can quote helpful suggestions, but reading this story is an eye-opening experience for a baby-boomer about to begin the wonderful world of 'taking care of my parents.' Sure, we can tell people there are gaps in the system, that they need to be prepared for...and this is how you might deal with.... but reading Jackie's experiences puts it in a human perspective. She makes you really care about her parents as human beings, and to root for her and her caregivers as they struggle to cope and find ways to deal with what seems to be an impossible situation. The informational sections at the end are sound, and quite helpful, but not as personal, engrossing and human. I can see this becoming a good movie, one you'd actually be able to tolerate watching, as good a love story as 'The Notebook,' but true. As someone who is caring for a elderly parent,I have bought copies of this book for everyone I know who is going through similar trials.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was given this book by a patient's daughter who is living with an aging parent. As a home care therapist, I thought Jacqueline's book was perfect in capturing the frustration associated with long term health care. I couldnt put it down once I started it and will recommend it to all my clients' families.
JenniferKistler More than 1 year ago
I read this book on a whim, my mother had borrowed it from a friend of hers and when I saw it at Mom's house, I had to read it. However now that I've read it, I have to say it is a fantastic book. The author tells her very personal story of dealing with her elderly parents who both suffer from ill health and dementia. Her father particularly is combative at times which adds a twist tot he story that had me praying that Jackie would find a way to help all of them. I was able to relate to much of her story as it is told in a conversational tone and is easy to draw parallels between your situation and hers. I would recommend this book to absolutely everyone who is in a caregiver situation.
Chaco_Murray More than 1 year ago
Elder Rage was my first exposure to some of the big differences between dealing with myself and dealing with my parents in the medical system. Most of us want to do our best and do whats right for our parents in the twilght of their lives. This book gave me some really good advice, so hopefully I will have an easier time with my parents (which I have).
AZMomJM More than 1 year ago
Elder Rage is a must-have book for all caregivers of elderly parents. Jacqueline Marcell's ability to keep her sanity through heart-breaking episodes of parental dementia and extreme frustration with professionals, will be of great help to everyone dealing with the elderly, not only their children but also professionals who interact with them. Written with great compassion and humor. If I had to choose just one book of all that I have read on this topic, this would be the one.
pw29 More than 1 year ago
Very easy to read, hard to put down, defining the entire gamut of emotion caregivers face—presented with a generous heart, large doses of humor, and utmost reality. Valuable for caregivers who share the frustration, anger, and guilt that often occurs when caring for a loved one with dementia. If you struggle with the daily challenges of caregiving, learn how to manage and put it all into perspective from someone who has been there, done that, and knows! -Peggy Watson, M.S., CCC-SLP and Nancy Shadowens M.S., CCC-SLP, co-authors, “Dementia: Loving Care with a Therapeutic Benefit”
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Required Reading for Geriatric Pharmacotherapy Students As a professor in a college of pharmacy, I have taught a geriatric pharmacotherapy course for many years. I like to have students read books from the perspective of the caregiver to shed light on different behaviors and how to approach them, rather than just being behind a counter filling prescriptions and reviewing charts. Elder Rage provided a great description of what it is really like to be faced with difficult parents and challenging situations, colorful language and all! Additionally, this book supplies creative solutions for managing what may seem like impossible patient behaviors. My goal is to make my students more open and less intimidated by patients. I want them to be able to offer useful advice for caregivers and health care providers; as well as advising caregiver about resources available to obtain the best information and tools. Thank you so much to Ms. Marcell for having the courage and strength to write this remarkable and poignant book! -Sandra L. Hrometz, BSPharm, PhD, CGP, Raabe College of Pharmacy, Ohio Northern University
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Encouraging, Entertaining, Educational! My beloved father suffered from Alzheimer's and I have written hundreds of articles and a book on the subject, so I understand very well the extreme range of emotions and experiences Jacqueline describes. Thankfully she had the will to persevere, solve each crisis, and come out on the other side to share her success story in such a compelling way to help those undergoing the heart-wrenching turmoil of caring for a loved one with dementia. --Kathleen Clary Miller, Author, ‘When Forgetting Is a Gift--Placing My Father In An Alzheimer's Facility’ (Amazon Kindle)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You will not regret buying this book, promise. If you are reading this review, you are probably approaching the edges of the nightmare of dementia. Jacqueline's book will help you on several levels. First, she is an excellent writer and her story is compelling. You won't want to put it down and will find yourself learning about the disease while coming to know some wonderful people in the process. Second, whatever happens with your loved one, it is unlikely to be as bad as what Jacqueline went through. You will find yourself, as I have, saying "Jacqueline was strong enough to do it. So can I." You will not feel so alone. Third, it is a wonderful, wonderful resource, both for everday coping tricks and for the big-picture where to turn/what to do information and guidance. God bless Jacqueline for sharing this very personal, touching and edifying story and guidebook.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book for a class in pharmacy school, and was intrigued from the beginning to the end. It's really just her story, which makes it so much better than just a "do it yourself" kind of book. At the same time, you finish reading with a sense of how to handle an aging individual in need of care. Great read.