Pub. Date:
Epic Space: The Architectural Diaries

Epic Space: The Architectural Diaries

by Ian Martin


View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for delivery by Thursday, October 28


Epic Space is a hilarious take on contemporary culture as viewed through the twisted prism of "Martin," amoral architectural consultant with a penchant for a long lunch and powerful friends, including members of the Cabinet and HRH the Prince of Wales. Written in weekly diary form, Martin’s world is a mad and woozy version of our own: one in which Martin and his friend, the nanofuturologist Beansy, can invent Kryptogel—a new building material developed using "hard air." It’s a world where the property wing of the Church of England builds buy-to-let almshouses while "bouncy mega-mosques" have helium-stiffened minarets. An arts correspondent is fired by a Sunday newspaper and replaced with his own overdressed architectural dachshund. Soot becomes a valuable stock market commodity. A hipster skyscraper is called the Blard. Big questions are asked: Is texture the new fragrance? Is modern modernism just post-modernism but with a neo-modernistic coat on? How fat is your faceprint? And, reassuringly, there are still plenty of boozy lunches.

Related collections and offers

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781783523177
Publisher: Random House UK
Publication date: 08/01/2018
Pages: 256
Product dimensions: 6.50(w) x 9.50(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Ian Martin is an Emmy Award-winning comedy writer. His credits include The Thick of It, Veep, and In the Loop. He writes regularly for the Guardian and the Architects' Journal

Table of Contents

Foreword xiii

The Case of the Missing Parisian Absinthe Kiosk 3

The Betjemanisation of South London 5

The Dreamed Vortex 7

Simpering Psychomuff 9

The Vegetable Liberation Front 11

The Shitley Experiment 13

The Slightly Underground Railway 16

An Abridged Larkin Poem 18

That Giraffes Head Was Always Coming Off 20

Twitterborough 22

The Age of Oxygen 24

A Multi-Dimensional World 27

There Is No Rationalism but Rationalism 29

How Kryptogel Will Change the World 31

Zeppelins Full of Shit 33

Velvet Smackpad 35

The Molecules of Swinging London 37

Hubmakers v Spacesmiths 39

Youthanasia 42

Slow Modernism 44

The Irony Bridge 46

Pathetic Fallacy 1, Emphatic Delusion 0 48

The Decadent Egg 50

Remagination 53

It's the Sulk I'm Really After 55

One One 57

Pudding Gateshead 59

The Collide-O-Scope 61

A Strange Glint 63

The New Pop-Uption 65

19th-century Brickdust 68

The Certification of Public Space 70

The Blard 72

A Cross-Vectored Media Partnership 74

The Airpunch 76

Goodbye Olympic Rebadging Task Force 78

Magnetic Values 81

The Chapel of Notre Dame du Marmalade 83

Latest Books About Icons 85

An Analogue Underground Cotswolds 87

Little Stripey Crestfallen Moons 89

The Jockular Campus 91

Metarchitectural Sausages 93

Looks Nice Theory 96

Battle of the Styles 98

The Hard-Working Class 100

Dysgustopia 102

Windhampton 105

I Am Grand Designsy 107

I Sense My Enemies Massing Like Simpering Starlings 109

Five Versions of Me 111

Kenny Axe-of-Wrath, Meet Julie Bloodbath 113

Diana Princess of Wales Laying a Wreath at an Accident Blackspot Wearing Sunglasses Plus She's in a Wheelchair 116

The People's Centre for Cultural Transmution 118

The K'buum el-K'buum Residuals Farm 120

If Only Time Will Tell, Should Architecture Really be a Narrative? 122

Back to the Futurniture 124

Right Enough to be True, True Enough to be Trite 126

Human Content Management 129

A Critical Stream of Piss 131

Obituary: T. Dan Hooker 133

Little Gatsby 135

Ha Ha Ha You Fucking Ants 137

This Sorry Cabal of Pretension 139

The Plagiarism Assizes 141

Cross-Glaminated Poverty Style-Out 144

Eurafrica: A New Bivalve of Hope 146

Masked Grans Dancing on a Bungalow Roof 148

From Fenestrated Parabola to Melty Fucklump 150

The Strategic Mentalising Unit 152

Supra-Heezy Ionised Piff 155

Insulational Rescue 157

An Inspector Calls 159

Owning the Vagination 161

A Bubble of Absence Enclosed by Sentient Retardant Foam 163

Get a Grip, Munchniks 165

Laughable Bear in a Frock 167

Extended Prison Break 169

Yesterday's News Is Tomorrows Emergency Clothing 171

The Emptiness Between All Particles 173

Fuck Shitter 175

The Epic Space Foundation 177

Oligarchitectural Capitalism Versus Patriarchitectural Sexism 180

The Right to Let Die 182

Evil in a Pork Pie Hat 184

Rough Concrete and Mulleted Genitals 186

The Henge 189

Curse You, Buildings That Resemble Breasts Quarterly 191

Yipster Gentrification 193

The Dalek Clusterfuck 195

Honeycombed Privatised Air 197

Twirly Atlantis 200

Austerity Christmas Human Turducken 202

The Worm Is Cast 204

This Feudopolitan Life 206

Hello Kinky Pinky 208

Post-Ecological Re-Regeneration 210

If It Ain't Broke, Amend It 213

History Eats Itself 215

The Twelve Step Plan 217

Not Being Funny but Black People Don't Do Gardening, Do They? 219

The Bees Have It 221

A Sense of Placenta 223

Acknowledgements 227

Supporters 329

Customer Reviews