Even Better!: A Guide to Winning in Life

Even Better!: A Guide to Winning in Life

by Bill Ballester
Even Better!: A Guide to Winning in Life

Even Better!: A Guide to Winning in Life

by Bill Ballester

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Overview

Are you willing to accept the possibility that you can become EVEN BETTER in all of your relationships?
Our entire lives are spent looking for answers that we hope will guide us to become even better at everything we do. In this guide, you will learn the nine principles of winning teams drawn from highly successful coaches from the world of sports, confirmed by leaders from business and government, and endorsed by successful parents.
You'll learn how to
• successfully apply their secrets to all of your teams;
• become more efficient at solving problems;
• improve the way you communicate with others; and
• overcome personal shortcomings to achieve success.
Author Bill Ballester also explores why some coaches always win, regardless of where they go to coach; how some parents provide the leadership for their children to be happy and successful; and why some business and government leaders always seem to be able to create highly motivated and highly productive employees.
Even Better takes a nontraditional approach, with many original insights, to help you move beyond ordinary to become extraordinary.


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781475972948
Publisher: iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date: 03/26/2013
Pages: 195
Product dimensions: 8.50(w) x 5.50(h) x (d)

About the Author

Bill Ballester is one of the most effective coaches in the country. He has made the transition from university professor and one of the nation's premier men's gymnastics coaches to a nationally known speaker, author, and leader in the field of team building. Whether, working with a profit-oriented business or a federal government agency, or sharing his thoughts with committed parents, Bill brings the same enthusiasm and intensity that earned him Hall of fame honors, and a lifetime winning percentage of 88 percent as a gymnastics coach.

Read an Excerpt

Even Better!

A Guide to Winning in Life


By Bill Ballester

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2013 Bill Ballester
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-7294-8



CHAPTER 1

Can I Be Your Coach?


Take a few more minutes to look inside yourself and react to this question before you answer it. Your degree of acceptance will significantly affect our journey together. Before answering, I will tell you what the word "coach" means to me: a coach is a leader who is committed to serving the team and the individuals on the team. A coach has the responsibility to create an environment that will allow each team member to grow and develop to his or her greatest level of potential. In other words, a coach exists only to provide an environment for all team members to meet their personal goals while helping the team reach its goals and objectives.

If you agree to let me be your coach, expect to learn how to win on all of your teams, expect to become an Even Better parent or grandparent, expect to become an Even Better leader with all of your teams. Don't worry, there won't be any push-ups or running laps. So what about it? Can I be your coach? I am asking you to make a commitment to me as your coach and to your own life, a commitment to learn how you can become Even Better in all of your relationships. Once a commitment is made, the process of change will begin.


About Commitment

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!

—W. H. Murray


If you are still with me, then you have made a commitment to yourself and to me as your coach to explore your opportunities for additional growth and development, to create an Even Better life for yourself and those you come in contact with. We have established that you like to win and that you have agreed to be coached by me. Fantastic!

My next question is, are you coachable?


Are You Coachable?

What does being coachable mean to you? As you think about your answer, let's explore together what being coachable means to me. When I think of being coachable, I think of the following characteristics: enthusiasm, excitement, commitment, the willingness to change, the willingness to listen, the desire to learn and grow, and finally the unyielding desire to improve, to become Even Better at everything you do.

Are you coachable? A good place for you to find this answer is to become aware of how you are receiving this information. How are you listening? Are you open to learn? Are you critical? Cynical? Accepting? Bored? Excited? Your answers to these questions will help you to determine if you are really coachable.

I will be asking you many questions throughout our journey together. When I have a question for you, or you have a question about what you are reading, stop reading and take a few minutes to reflect and answer these questions for yourself. I encourage you to read this book and to live your life constantly asking "Why" and "How" questions.


Listening

Being willing to listen is an essential part of being coachable. (Even though you are reading, your response to what you read is a form of listening.)

Listening can mean many different things. Growing up, I was taught to listen to what I was told, to keep my mouth shut, and to look into the eyes of the person who was talking. Even though I did these things, there were many occasions that I learned very little because I was not listening with an open mind.

Become aware of how you listen; are you open to consider that what you are reading (listening to) is possible? Are you willing to consider the possibility that what you read might work for you and maybe even change your life? At the very least, ask yourself, "What if I can become an Even Better leader or parent?"

If you are closed to an idea, and you have already made a decision, there is no real listening. Without listening, there is no learning, and without considering the possibility that you may learn something by listening, you are not coachable. What's going on in your mind right now? Are you still coachable? Are you still open to possibility? Are you willing to consider that Even Better! can actually change your life?

We all can become Even Better listeners when we make a conscious effort to become aware of how we really listen. We can discover if we are closing our mind to what we are hearing because we don't like a person's age, race, nationality, sex, or even political views.

All humans have what I call "built-in" listening. We will listen to someone based on what we feel we will gain from listening. What would happen if I told you that in this book, I will tell you how to become an instant millionaire? How would you listen to me then? Would you casually glance through the next few pages at your leisure, or would you commit every ounce of your energy to discover what I would share with you? How we listen is tied directly to what we feel we will gain from listening. This isn't good and it isn't bad—it is simply part of being human. My coaching suggestion: listen to everything as if you will learn something that will change your life, and be open to learn from everyone.

I want to share one other observation about listening: the closer you are to someone—such as your spouse, your children, your parents, your boss, or your employees—the less "listening" is actually happening, by anyone. Remember, there is no listening when you have already made up your mind.

Nearly every leader has a so-called "open door policy." They may say things like, "Come on in, my door is always open," or "What's on your mind?" or "Of course I value your input." You may have heard similar statements from your own parents. But sometimes, even after we are assured that there will be open listening, it does not happen.

It may be useful to share a personal story that illustrates my own lack of listening. When my daughters were very young, I told them that I was willing to listen to them about anything they wanted to talk about. I also told them that my decisions were made with consideration of their input. When they were about fifteen or sixteen years old, they came to me with a request that lingers in my mind, even after all of these years. They asked, "Dad, can we stay out until four o'clock next Friday night?"

After a few deep breaths and an internal conversation (that I won't share here), I started to ask rather pointed questions like, "Why do you want to stay out until four o'clock Friday night? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to go with?"

Even while acknowledging their answers, there was absolutely no "listening" by me! Why? Because I had made up my mind long before our conversation ended that there was no way I was going to permit them to stay out until four that night, regardless of what they said to me.

Can you relate to this scenario in any way? Have you found yourself "tuning out" in a conversation, or being tuned out? What are you missing by not listening? What are they missing by not really listening to you? What might be learned that would be of value to you or to the other person if everyone was really listening with a mind that was open to possibilities?


Coaching Hint

Constantly be aware of how you are listening to those around you.


Also, be aware of the possibility that others may not really be listening to you. Everyone is human and subject to the same problems with their listening. Often in businesses, families, and even sports teams, there is little or no listening going on by anyone. Coaches often don't really listen to their players, players don't really listen to their coaches, bosses really don't listen to their employees, and employees really don't listen to their bosses. Parents and children really don't listen to each other either. Why is there so little real listening? Good question. Because many have closed their minds to the possibility that there might be something of value for them if they really listened. What can not listening cost you with your loved ones and your fellow team members? Without open listening, there is no effective communication, and effective communication is an essential part of team building and winning in life.

How is your listening right now? Are you still listening with an open mind? Great!

CHAPTER 2

Are We Speaking the Same Language?


Effective Communication

"What did you say?" "Say it again, please." "I don't understand." "One more time, please." I can't count the number of times that I have heard or spoken those words. I spent many years visiting Baja, Mexico, and I enjoy the culture and the people; however, I do not speak their language. I have tried to learn Spanish, and I can communicate (a little), but there are times when I just can't seem to understand the person I am talking with. I frequently use a dictionary or translator to make sure I am using the correct words; however, even with direct translation from English to Spanish, words can mean different things to different people. My experiences in Mexico have helped me to become more aware that my words don't always convey my meaning and that my words may not mean the same thing to others. This chapter is written to minimize any misunderstandings that may occur between us caused by our different use of certain thoughts and words. Our journey together will be much more effective if we have a common understanding of the meaning for words and phrases that I frequently use. Spend a little time reading through these definitions and phrases and their meaning to me.


What Is a Team?

There are lots of different definitions for team. However, as your coach, I would encourage you to adopt my simple and straightforward understanding of this term:

A team is two or more people who come together to accomplish something that they could not otherwise accomplish as well alone.


Using this definition, you can see that we all are on many teams. Sometimes being a member of a team occurs by circumstance or default. We don't choose to be a member of the human team, and yet, by our existence, we are. There are many teams that we become members of by choice: joining the school band, a sorority or fraternity, the local Rotary club, and athletic teams are choices that we each make individually. Finally, even though we don't usually think of them as such, we are involved in many different relationships and groups that are teams. Your family is a team (parents, children, relatives), you and your spouse are a team, you and your car mechanic are a team, and you and your doctor are a team. Any time that two or more people work together to do something they can't do as well alone, there is a team.

Here are some teams of which I am a member:

• The human team

• The USA team

• My family team (my parents, children, relatives)

• My work team

• My community team

• My Rotary team

• My readers and me (that's you!)


I encourage you to consider the many teams to which you belong; think about each of your teams and ask yourself, why am I on this team, what do I gain by being a member of this team, what can I do to make my team Even Better?


What Is a Dream?

A dream is a visualization of a desired result. One of my first memories of dreaming happened in the first grade. I was just sitting there, looking out the window, and dreaming of going fishing in a small creek near my uncle's home in northern Indiana. I really wanted to go fishing; I could practically smell the water as I envisioned myself sitting on the bank with a bamboo pole in hand and a can of worms at my side. This dream became a reality later that summer, when my uncle invited me to spend a few weeks working on his farm. And it was remembering that dream that provided the inspiration for me to accept his invitation.

Unfortunately, dreaming was discouraged when I was in school. Teachers frequently told me to stop daydreaming and pay attention to what they were saying (to listen). I later found that most things big and small start from unstructured thoughts (dreams) about a desired result. Keep dreaming! It is the first step to reality.

When I refer to dreams as they pertain to teams, it means the thing that brings people together to form the team. A dream is the inspiration and visualization of a desired result; it usually starts with a single person, and that person shares his or her dream with others that have the desire to accomplish the same results, and together they form a team. Dreaming and sharing your dream are the first steps to creating a winning team.


What Is a Team Member?

Teams are composed of members: people organized under a single directive for a single purpose. In sports, there is a core group of team members: coaches and players. In families, this core group is usually the parents and the children. In business and in government, the core team is made up of employers and employees.

I will expand my definition of a team member to include anyone that impacts the team and anyone that is impacted by the team.

• In sports, this includes administrators, secretaries, equipment workers, marketing people, members of the media, family members, fans, and supporters.

• In families, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, even teachers and coaches.

• In business, customers, suppliers, the communities in which we work and live, and all family members.

• In government, employees, voters, suppliers, and all those who are affected by the actions taken by the team.


This is a very expanded definition for team members, yet the list is far from being complete. This list is intended to stimulate your thinking and help you to become aware of the many people who are touched by you and each of your teams.


What Is a Team Leader?

Teams require leaders to reach their goals and objectives; leaders come in many different forms and are chosen in many different ways. Some simply surface because of their leadership qualities; others are predetermined, such as parents. Some are hired or elected, such as those in business and government. On some of our teams, we are leaders, on other teams, we are members, and in some situations we are both leaders and members.

Team leaders have many different titles. In sports, it is the coach; in families, it is usually Dad or Mom; in business, it is the president, CEO, or boss; in government, it is the president, governor, or mayor. These are just a few of the titles for team leaders. All team leaders have a primary responsibility to provide an environment in which all team members can meet their personal goals while meeting the goals and objectives of the team.


What Is Teamwork?

Teamwork is nothing more than a group of people coming together, acknowledging and recognizing their similar dreams and goals. This act, in turn, acknowledges and recognizes the need for support from one another to accomplish something that each could not accomplish as well alone. By being an active contributing member of a team, we can accomplish much more, much faster than being alone.


Why Team Building?

There are many philosophies and theories about why individuals and teams benefit from focusing on team building. I believe that a cohesive team can consistently outperform a collection of talented individuals. When team members learn to work together toward a common goal, and understand that personal goals and team objectives are interdependent, and actually help each other, they are really helping themselves.


What Is Competition?

Competition is what teams and individuals do when they want the same things: they compete for them. We usually think of competition as something that occurs in sports, where athletes and their teams compete to win championships; to determine who is the best, the strongest, the most capable; to decide who is superior.

However, all teams compete, either internally or externally. Competition occurs naturally between all living organisms that coexist in the same environment. Many philosophers and psychologists believe that competitiveness is an innate biological trait that coexists along with the urge for survival. What does this mean? Good question.
(Continues...)


Excerpted from Even Better! by Bill Ballester. Copyright © 2013 Bill Ballester. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Preface ix

Acknowledgments xix

Part 1 The Journey to Winning in Life 1

Chapter 1 Can I Be Your Coach? 3

Are You Coachable? 4

Listening 5

Chapter 2 Are We Speaking the Same Language? 9

Effective Communication 9

Chapter 3 Change 17

Change in Leadership Style 18

Change in Business and Government 20

Change in Thinking: Scarcity to Abundance 22

Scarcity/Abundance Thinking in Families 26

Chapter 4 Two Different Teams, Two Different Results 31

The Dream 33

Agreements 36

Part 2 A Leadership Model for Winning Teams 47

Part 3 The Nine Principles of Winning Teams 53

Principle #1 The Double Win 53

Principle #2 Adaptation 55

Principle #3 Alignment 58

Principle #4 Contribution 62

Principle #5 Responsible Freedom 73

Principle #6 Integrity 80

Principle #7 Positive Learning Cycle 82

Principle #8 The Balance of Extremes 89

Principle #9 Progressive Mastery 96

Part 4 How to Solve Problems 101

Chapter 5 Is There a Secret to Winning? 103

Communication: No Good News/No Bad News 105

Chapter 6 Adventure in Baja 109

Understanding Destructive Conflict 115

Formula for Resolving Destructive Conflict 119

Chapter 7 Now Who Do We Blame? 121

Focus 125

Team Checklist 128

When to Solve a Problem 137

Our Race in Baja 138

ABCDE Problem-Solving Formula 141

Why, Why, Why, Why, Why? 148

Part 5 Tools for Life 151

Our Journey Together 152

Invitation 153

Appendix A 155

Appendix B 157

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