Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar

Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar

by Kelly Oxford


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From her beginnings as a wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds, through her spirited adventures watching self-satisfying monkeys, throwing up on Chinese food deliverymen, and stalking Leo DiCaprio, here are the goofy highs and horrifying lows of life as Kelly Oxford.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780062102232
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 01/21/2014
Pages: 336
Sales rank: 644,406
Product dimensions: 6.10(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Kelly Oxford, born in Edmonton, Canada, currently lives in Los Angeles with her three children. She is the author of the New York Times bestseller Everything is Perfect When You’re a Liar. You can find her avoiding her book and screen writing on Twitter and Instagram (@kellyoxford). She likes poodles and PBS.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Queen of the World or Something 1

She's a Darling, She's a Demon, She's a Lamb 19

Fuck You Forever 37

Tweezers 59

I Peed My Pants and Threw Up on a Chinese Man 77

Work Experience 101 99

Finding Leo 107

The Terrible Horrible 153

How I Met Your Father: When the Children Ask, This Is What I Will Have to Tell Them 177

Life with Harvey 183

The Backup Plan 201

An Open Letter to the Nurse Who Gave Me an Enema Bottle and Told Me to Do It Myself While I Was High on Morphine 227

My Zoo 233

Vegas 243

Frogger 295

Epilogue 315

Acknowledgments 317

Customer Reviews

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Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar 3.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 77 reviews.
Grody More than 1 year ago
Hilarious. Unlike any book you've ever read. Almost choked to death on my gum because I laughed so hard. Don't chew gum while reading this book.
David_Bremmerton More than 1 year ago
A really good book! Loved the self-deprecating humor. As funny as it is, there are also a fair share of tender moments, even sad ones. Overall an excellent book!
Nadina85 More than 1 year ago
Not so long ago, I posted a discussionary post about success prompted by an article about renown comedy writer, Kelly Oxford. I'm a big fan of hers so when I found out she wrote a book, I knew I had to get my hands on a copy. Oxford has gained legions of fans due to her incredible wit and irreverent observations as showcased on both her blog and Twitter. Personally, I think she's hilarious so I figured her book would reflect that humour quite succinctly. Unfortunately, some of that humour doesn't translate to the page as well as I hoped it would. That's not to say this book isn't funny, because it is, but I found some of the stories to be totally unrelatable, hence---not very funny. The book is broken into individual essays, each one recounting an important moment/event in Oxford's life. Where these little vignettes are exaggerated, they are also disjointed so it makes it a bit hard to follow. You're better off looking at them as separate entities rather than a book. Now some criticize this book for being too crass and narcissistic, but if you follow her on Twitter, you ought to know better! Humble, she is not. Look, it's not easy writing about yourself so I do have to give her credit for being so bold. I will, however, admit that she's made some poor life choices (as chronicled here), ones that I cannot abide. And there were definitely moments where she comes off as an overly privileged, pretty girl. And these are the parts I didn't like. It isn't until she has a serious brush with reality that her tone changes and the book finally becomes endearing. There's depth and humour in it, the kind of humour that I was waiting to see. Everything Is Perfect When You're A Liar isn't the funniest book I've ever read, but there is a note of sincerity towards the end that makes it a decent read. I was hoping for more here but this isn't the first time a funny person wrote a book that left me feeling a little disappointed. Perhaps these types of books aren't for me? Or maybe, just maybe, these funny people should stick to their usual mediums of comedy.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Obnoxious humblebragger.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I don't know if it was my infatuation with KO's story to stardom that led me to begin following her anywhere I could find her on the net. When her book came out I read it 2x. The. First. Week. I laughed until I cried. My 2 year old was probably neglected during my first run through the book. It is absolutely uproarious! Don't read any more reviews. Trust mine. And  not even getting paid to write this. Camile Araujo
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Kelly Oxford is hot and every word she says is wonderful. I highly recommend this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Really cheap humor, if you want to call it that. Save your $$.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Couldn't finish it so don't know if it eventually got better.
MicG More than 1 year ago
I both love and fear Kelly Oxford. She is the teen I wished I had the courage to be and the mother of all mothers with her honest wit and touching sentiment. Hysterically funny.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If Ramona Quimby grew up and wrote a book, this would be it.   It was funny all the way through, but the chapter titled (something like) "I peed my pants and puked on a Chinese man" was the funniest thing I have EVER read.  I literally woke both my husband AND my four-year-old son because I could NOT stop laughing hysterically.  I was crying and got a belly ache laughing at that chapter!   It is not literature.  If you get uptight about language or prudish in any way, this may not be for you (get a life, by the way).  It is a look at the silly situations we sometimes put ourselves in... I could identify with most of them on some level.   I don't care if it is fact or fiction - it is funny and entertaining.  Perfect for the beach or a sleepless night.  ENJOY!  :) 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is in my top 5
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Uninspired ramblings from an untalented author and comedian.
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I would give this a zero if I could. total dribble. This lady is further proof that a good twitter feed doesn't mean talent in other arenas like writing and storytelling.  and sorry previous reviewer, but she isn't even hot. Seriously. She looks like a neo-nazi with a pig nose. And if you dig a little you'll see that she does have a history of discrimination against those of a certain religion...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very fresh and funny. Love Kelly Oxford.
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Clever writing. I absolutely love a book so full of realness that it makes me laugh out loud in the most inappropriate places!
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