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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781546223634 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 08/18/2018 |
| Pages: | 118 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.28(d) |
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CHAPTER 1
BITTER-SWEET
Maybe you heard about the garden. Or skipped the garden and creation, and only learned about the serpent. Maybe you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about. Whether these things are familiar or unknown, one thing is true. The Bible speaks clearly about people. About our desires. And more often than not, it portrays how we tend to gravitate toward the unknown.
In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, we find God doing what He does best; creating. God creates many different things, such as the earth, the expanse of heavens and waters, and an array of creatures. After all of that, God creates us.
"In my life, people have often told me that I looked familiar. Have you ever gotten that? I mean, I've gotten Snoop Dogg, RG3, Barrack Obama (not sure how), and an abundance of others. But no one has ever told me that I look like God. I'm sure you don't have people that come up to you and say "you look a lot like God," or get, "looking pretty 'godly' today." That's because there is a distinction between God and man. Being created in the image of God, doesn't mean that you are God. Being made in God's image, means that you, yes you, are a direct reflection of God's glory.
God, fashioned us in his image, yet, designed us with a completely different set of DNA. from any other person on this earth! You possess the characteristics and qualities of God. Like God, you have the ability to love, to forgive, along with many other traits. But there's a flipside to this. Unlike God, we are commonly unfaithful, and uncommonly committed. Our natural bent is rebellion ...
It was a common thing to see college kids behaving as though they didn't have any home training, literally losing all sense of their upbringing. I could understand why ... no parents to correct your every move, or tell you where to be, and what time to be there. Now, I probably didn't have the average curfew, nor was I prohibited from spending the night at a friend's house on a school night, but my pre-college days were filled with rebellion.
I remember sitting at my oddly shaped desk in high school. Fading in and out of concentration during 6th period, waiting impatiently for the bell to ring. My desk was gum-ridden, with pieces that had blended in and fused to the desk over time. Squirming out of my desk, I headed down the hallway to the bathroom.
There were a group of guys that usually hung out near my locker, waiting to "crack jokes" at the next victim. Dodging their "clown session," I continued my journey to the bathroom, without the slightest thought of stopping. But something, well ... someone, delayed my potty break. She was beautiful, and she was familiar. I refrained from the whole "pick-up" line thing ... Instead, I decided to reintroduce myself, remembering that we had met before.
Let me give you a better picture. It was 2006, the era of the electric Air Force One shoes, and just for years after Nelly released a song named after them. It was also a time where the legendary and all too popular jersey dress, was at its peak. I inherited some hand-me downs, and as hand-me downs are usually gender specific, my sister wasn't shy from baggy clothing and fly shoes. She was a tomboy, and I was overjoyed to receive her old apparel.
At the time, I was rockin' her old pair of grey Air Force Ones, with maroon on the trim of the Nike symbol. You better believe my outfit matched as well. You couldn't tell me anything. Mind you, this was all a part of the reintroduction to the familiar pretty girl. Upon speaking with her, and continually bumping into her, I remembered where we had first met. It was at a track meet. I didn't think much of the first time that we met, let alone did I think I would ever see her again, but sometimes the world is smaller than we think.
After inconsistent, subtle, yet intentional conversations, it wasn't long before we hooked up. We did everything together. I mean, it was rare that we were separated. We grew closer with time. Everything was perfect. And like many, our friends and family deemed us as the "perfect" couple. We had even spoke about marriage. But something happened. Something that I would've justified as "normal" seven years ago. Like many people, with fleeting passion and slighted vision, we got too close, too quick. We were tied emotionally, and in one moment, we let our feelings get the best of us, which ultimately led to sex.
Now, you couldn't convince me that sex was something that God held as sacred. Heck, you couldn't even convince me that sex was something that was even designated for marriage. And although God's standard for that level of intimacy wasn't new to me, I let good ol' "doing my own thing," steal my virginity; now just an added regret for marriage. It was bitter-sweet. I had everything that I ever wanted in a relationship, but some of the elements of my relationship, left me feeling broken, depressed, and guilty. And no matter what I did, I couldn't shake my guilt, or change the facts. I felt the consequences of my actions, and they consumed me. Honestly, church was the last thought, and even though I seldom read my Bible, I knew deep in my heart that I had hurt her, taking advantage of her feelings and vulnerability. And worse, I had wronged God. I sinned against Him.
Inherently, we know that bad things will happen. I mean, just take a look around, or watch 5 minutes of CNN ... Yeah, bad things are happening. You hear about the young girl that's been molested dozens of times by a distraught father that could care less to affirm her. Or what about the guy who took 30 lives in less than 10 minutes, in "the name of Jesus." Bad things exist. This "bad," is the unfortunate but natural rebellion that surrounds; it is within us. No matter how you categorize it, anything that is bad, is not good. Bad, even "wicked" as defined by some, is what the Bible calls sin.
So ... you might be wondering, what exactly is sin? Well, I'm glad you asked.
Sin, essentially, is a failure to follow God's law. One the earliest recordings of sin in the Bible, and perhaps the most popular, is the sin of Adam and Eve. This story would be one of your favorite sitcoms today. It starts with God creating. God creates man (Adam) in Genesis 1:27, and then gives him work (a job). Adam's job, to be fruitful (productive) which should lead to increase, fill and subdue (take control of) the earth. Lastly, God charged Adam to rule over every living thing. Not bad for a first job huh? Beats the heck out of my first job building sandwiches and cleaning sharp vents at Chick-Fil-A. Nonetheless, God says that everything with His creation is good ... Well, except one thing ... Adam is alone!
Thankfully, God is never without a plan. God puts Adam, into a deep sleep, and although there were women present on earth, God took the time to create a woman (his boo thang) especially just for Adam. So, God created Eve from Adam's rib (his side) to help him with his work and for them to enjoy one another. Now, if you're not married, don't go getting any ideas about just jumping into a relationship blindly. A relationship can be a good thing, but it becomes a great thing in its proper time. Enjoy your singleness, but don't despise marriage. Meanwhile, on a different relationship tangent back in Genesis, we find Adam and Eve, enjoying their roles and company of one another in the Garden of Eden. But, it didn't take long for Adam and Eve to make a "bad" decision in the midst of all the good. They decided to sin.
Eve has a run-in with what the Bible refers to as "the serpent," and the serpent succeeds in making Eve, doubt God. Prior to Adam and Eve's disobedience, God commanded to eat from any tree within the garden, except the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil."
The consequence for eating this forbidden Fruity Pebble was not a toothache; it was death! God set a standard, and that standard was to be holy (set apart to God). For Adam and Eve, sin started with just one glance, as holiness became a small concern in light of the temptation set before them.
In this moment, Adam and Eve broke God's law. They became law breakers, following the futile footsteps of one another. Collectively, they shared the burden of birthing sin into the world.
This was all just a subtle reminder of puberty for me. I remember sitting in the living room on our shaggy carpet when I was about 12-years-old. The lighting was dim, but that wasn't about to stop me from watching T.V. and pulling my dinner tray over my legs. I had a Kids Cuizine meal, with the funny looking penguin and the mysteriously yet, microwaveable brownie. We were watching Cops. And boy did I love Cops, considering that it was usually the only thing to watch growing up without cable. "Bad boys bad boys, what you gonna' do, what you gonna' do when they come for you." It was an all-time favorite theme song of mine. I watched intently, as the scene quickly changed from a highway pursuit, to a foot-race. The man the police were chasing was running so fast, you would have thought you watching a gazelle escaping a pack of lions on the Discovery Channel. It was a classic "Cops" scene.
It all started when the "gazelle," had stolen a car and after a rather violent but lively police chase, the stolen vehicle was trapped between two police squadrons ... on a highway. And of course, the "smartest" thing to do, on a busy highway, is run. But after much running, and lack of adrenaline, the man is taken down by a resilient police force. But before he decided to run across a busy highway or steal a car, he had a thought ... An idea that was, bitter-sweet. Stealing the car, may have been beneficial, or eve pleasurable, but the sweet taste of benefit quickly turned into a sour, bitter taste of detriment.
If there's one thing for sure, we will all experience some sort of pain in life. If you were a 90's baby, you grew up in the All That/Harry Potter era. Dumbledore, the Grand Sorcerer in the heralded Harry Potter book series written by J.K. Rowling, had much to say about embracing our pain.
It is impossible to numb the pain that is inside of us. Adam and Eve, effortlessly, tried to cover up, or numb the reality of their disobedience. The two had willingly sinned against God. Overwhelmed with humiliation, Adam and Eve covered themselves with fig leaves at the uncanny realization of their nudity.
The focus is not the fruit. And as surprising as it seems, it's not even about their nakedness! The unique thing about this scripture, is how it relates to us. The focus, is the fact that they, yes they, went up against not a suggestion, but a command from God! Because of their decision to disobey, they felt shame, a feeling you may have felt after those embarrassing middle school photos or bed-wetting adventures, that had never been felt.
We've all done it ...
Feelings change. If you show me someone that feels bad, I'll show you someone that feels good! Regardless of how you feel, there is one feeling that is unaffected by our outlook ... the feeling of shame.
I'll never forget stepping onto the college campus. It was like learning how to walk all over again (If you can remember that). We drove 26 hours (nearly a two-day trip) from the cold tundra of Colorado Springs, to the slightly nauseating, lukewarm capital of Florida. The dark grey Dodge Durango had my entire room inside. We somehow, got everything unpacked into my closet-sized room, conveniently located on the fourth floor.
After staying with me for a few days, my mom prepared to leave. She cried, and as hard as I tried to resist, I cried too. The tears welled up on my white tank, and wiping the snot from my nose and tears from my eyes, I said my final goodbye to mom, as I knew it would be a long time before we saw one another again. As she drove off, I faced the marching field, to embark on a journey that would change the rest of my life ...
Baddest Band in All the Land
The crash cymbals weaved between my finger like a spider in its web. I had held them for so long that they had practically fused with my hands. I scurried cautiously onto the field; the hot soil, like lava. And just as I could gather my thoughts and find my position, practice had begun. The unison from each drum major's whistle, instantly brought the entire band to attention. Legs marched quickly. Knees lifted with intensity, evenly bent to a precise 90-degree angle, followed by a shuffling of toes that dug deep into the dirt. After about four hours of enduring 15+ marching formations with two water breaks, practice was "finished." Because it was still summer and the season hadn't begun yet, practices were longer. A magnitude of freshman (including myself) had come from all the corners of the world, to join the "Best Band in the Land."
But we've all done it. We've all sacrificed time and energy to something we care about. Maybe you joined a fraternity or sorority, a club, organization, or applied relentlessly for that internship. I joined the band. And being on that field wasn't practice, it was competition. Every 1st chair and All-American flocked from their perspective high school just to be in that number. Majority of us were "freshies" (fresh out of high school), so we wore white shirts. Mine was practically dark brown by the time practice was over. Our white shirts helped the upper-classmen and everyone else identify us. This was our normal attire, because we weren't "officially" a part of the Marching 100.
It was day four of practice. It only seemed like the days were getting shorter, and the practices were getting longer. We were finally released for lunch, only to face half of the battle; waiting in line. The other half, was how I felt. My body felt like Billy Blanks and Muhammad Ali had used me as a punching bag. Meanwhile, gnats and flies vacationed around my face, as freshman bystanders made fun of my one-white T-shirt!
The lunchroom was like a busy highway. Nonetheless, I steered my way through the lunch traffic, grabbed some food, and headed toward the drinks. My arms, fumbled across the vending machine. They were withered from practice. I couldn't decide what I wanted to drink, and I was too thirsty and tired to even care. I pulled a wet cup from the rack and pushed the button for sweet tea. I realized there wasn't much left. Sadly, I watched the remaining drops of tea dive into my cup. I managed to find a seat in the chaos of the lunchroom.
I sat with my freshman "brothers" and "sisters." Conversation was kept to a minimum at the table, because everybody was too tired to talk. All you heard were gums smacking and the friction of pizza and grease sliding on and off of each plate. But The Sound and the Fury of the food was quickly silenced when one freshie stopped smacking, and started gossiping.
"Yo, did you guys see Keshauna's 90-degree angle?" He was referring to the way that Keshauna was marching. In the Marching 100, Your "high knees" were to be executed a nothing less than 90 degrees. Another freshie sitting next to me dropped his fork and chimed in.
"Yes! She looked ridiculous. She looked like someone tied bricks to her knees!"
And immediately, the subtlety, became a clown-session. One by one, each person at the table made fun of nearby students and staff members. They made their rounds throughout the entire lunchroom, making people feel helpless from each harmful joke. And before I could evacuate the premises, or wipe the "practice" residue off of my legs, the jokes hit me in the face like a swirling dodgeball.
"Dude, your hair is messed up," prodded one freshie. Another added their two cents.
"Yeah, you're real skinny too ... like a toothpick."
There was no escape. And if these antics weren't welcoming enough, I had earned the nickname "Colorado" after I miserably failed to recite my alma mater during practice. Yup ... Colorado. It was the most consistent hometown for me growing up in the military. But hey, I suppose I could've had a worse nickname, from the likes of my middle and high school credentials (Chicken Legs & Tiger Toes).
I could already tell what the next few weeks would be like, based off of how lunch went. My heart was heavy, I felt immense discouragement. I didn't understand how people could be so cruel, and create tension just to get a laugh. I thought about a scripture that my sister wrote on the front page of a Bible she gave me before college. It was about the only spiritual thing that I could conjure up in the midst of my feelings.
Destiny
As distant as this scripture seemed, I couldn't shake it from my thoughts. It was like a good movie trailer, and it was what I held onto for hope when everything in the band was grim.
I continually forced myself to attend practice, as the "glorious" light of the band that once shined brightly, was dim; faded into a hazy gloom. I lost track of myself, and I what came next, was not on my "top 10" list for joining the "100."
The blood was running down my fingers. The cymbals squeezed against my skin, until my flesh eventually ripped. After being denied bandages, I attempted to play doctor. I applied pressure using the grips of each cymbal. With flesh exposed, each cymbal engraved my middle fingers. I never thought I would exhaust the dexterity of my skin, but that was now the case. I could see the bone of my finger reflecting in the mirror-like cymbals as I lifted them to play "pre-drill." I never thought that I would give so much of myself to anything and definitely didn't plan on getting hurt in the process. I used this thought in an attempt to escape reality, but it was time ...
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Finding Christ in College"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Aaron Tillman.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements, vii,
Prologue, ix,
Bitter-Sweet, 1,
Defining Moments, 22,
Walking on Water, 37,
"Come."-Jesus, 47,
Up from the ashes, 61,
The Lion's Den, 65,
Wonderful Thorns, 72,
Light in the Midst, 85,
Camouflage, 100,