Fire Me

Fire Me

by Libby Malin

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Overview

She's ready to resign...until her boss announces a layoff.

Anne Wyatt is about to move on to a better job when she learns her mercurial boss will lay off a staff member by the end of the day, bestowing on that employee a generous severance package. Quickly changing course, Anne does her best to become the Worst Employee on the Planet, to win the layoff and its monetary reward. During a crazy day of escalating hijinks, Anne discovers hidden truths about her coworkers and herself -- a kind and handsome graphic designer might be fixing her mistakes, and another staff member might be competing with Anne for the same goal. By the end of the day, Anne gets more than she bargained for as she examines what she really wants from work, life, and love.

"This fast-paced, humorous book kept me giggling throughout the night. " - A Novel Menagerie

"Fire Me ...had this reader chuckling out loud." - Lancaster Sunday News

"Fire Me is a zany, laugh-out-loud novel that will satisfy the mischievous child in all of us; an office worker's dream come true!" - Book Reviews by Bobbie

"Libby Malin has written a funny and often charming story about life -- and love -- in an office setting. " - BookLoons

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781717508515
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Publication date: 05/02/2018
Pages: 320
Product dimensions: 5.25(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.67(d)

About the Author

Libby Malin is the author of humorous women's fiction, historical and young adult mystery and more. Her first book, a teen mystery, was an Edgar finalist, and her first romantic comedy was described by Booklist as "a clever debut (offering) quite a few surprises..."

Read an Excerpt

Excerpt from Chapter 1

From Mitch Burnham's book Use It or Lose It:
Think of your employees as children. You might let them sit behind the wheel, but you'd never give them the keys to the Maserati. Sure, let them pretend if it makes them feel good. But in the end, there's only one driver and it's not one of the kids.

Monday, 7:02 a.m.
Sometimes Anne Wyatt wished she could feed parts of her life into a shredder.

She stood staring out at the crystal blue sky from her seventh floor, Crystal City, Virginia, apartment, fingers warming around a Burnham Group mug, thoughts jammed in first gear as they outstripped her ability to process them all. Her short, reddish hair was still damp from the shower and she wore one navy pump but couldn't find the other.

Should I call my brother to apologize for getting angry with him last night? Should I give up on Lean Cuisine and start eating regular frozen meals? Should I have handed in my resignation earlier when I first got word I'd landed the California job? Should I start drinking decaf or will I get a headache? Am I spending too much time with Rob when I know the relationship's not going anywhere? Should I forget about finding the other shoe and just change my outfit entirely?

Her thoughts danced and fluttered like the blossoms outside her window, eventually landing gently on the argument with her brother. Her brother was in the military and headed out for deployment overseas.

Her cat meowed gently from the short hall to the bedroom.
"Maisie, don't you think I should be able to suppress minor irritations at a time like this?" she asked without turning to look at her. She took the cat's silence as a yes.

But no, no, she had to jump in with verbal fists flying and rhetorical arrows zinging. She came from a family of fighters, after all. Her father had been a full-bird colonel and his father a general. Her mother had been an Army nurse.

Anne had not followed their path but had spent most of her young adulthood carving out a road that led in the opposite direction, away from rigidity and structure toward freedom and flexibility. She'd pursued a degree in the arts.

But she was Corporate Girl now, having forsaken flowing skirts, velvety jackets, and dangly earrings. Sometimes she wondered if her previous life had been a dream, or if she'd really wanted that life, or merely wanted to rebel or… or what?

It didn't matter anyway. She might be a responsible contributor to society now, but in her brother's eyes she would always be… Irresponsible Anne. She wished she were.

I should call Jack and smooth things over, but that's tantamount to surrender. Surely he'll lose what little respect he has for me if he senses I'm waving the white flag.

Noticing a smudge on the flat pane of glass, she quickly retrieved a bottle of window cleaner and square of paper towel. Here, at least, was a problem she could quickly solve. She'd become fastidious about her apartment lately, since she was going to need to sublet it. As she rubbed the glass, she admired the lush green landscape of spring, the earth so thick with new growth it looked like you could scoop it up with a spoon. She stepped back to admire her work just as a flash of deep blue broke away from the paler blue sky.

Bluebird of happiness—an omen! She smiled. What message do you have for me?

Bump! Splat! Bluebird of happiness ran into transparently clean window.
Ohmygod. She dropped the window cleaner as if it were a smoking gun.

Get out of here, Anne, before you slay any more harbingers of spring. She hustled to her bedroom, searching for that other shoe and rehearsing her speech.

"I'm resigning, Mr. Burnham, because…"

Customer Reviews

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Fire Me 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 10 reviews.
ANovelMenagerie on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
The ReviewThis book has a story that happens during the course of 1 day! This fast-pace, humorous book kept me giggling throughout the night. The books that make me laugh out loud, well I just have a special place in my heart (and library) for them. This book certainly gave me plenty to giggle about and loads to remember fondly.Anne and Sheila discover, on the very same day that they had intended to give their resignation notices, that their boss is intending on cutting back staff. To soften the blow, he announces that there is a HEFTY severance package just waiting for the person who will, unfortunately, lose their job at the end of the day. What the readers know and the boss doesn¿t is that Anne and Sheila have already lined up new jobs. This severance package would just be a great nest egg to compliment their existing plans to move on. So it begins¿ the war to the finish between Anne and Sheila¿ who can get fired first? Their antics are the funniest part of this book and I loved them! They were pure genius! For me, the romance aspect of this book wasn¿t nearly as important as the race to get fired. There was a little romance and it was fine, but for me it was secondary to the main storyline. For anybody who¿s wanted to really annoy their boss¿ for anybody who¿s ever had it ¿up to here¿ with their job¿ this book is a fun read and will bring you lots of laughs. On Sher¿s ¿Out of Ten Scale:¿If you read my book reviews, you may know that I am a fan of Chick Lit. I just devour it! This was Chick Lit with humor that really set it apart from the others for me. I had a ton of fun with the book and really enjoyed it. For the genre Fiction:Chick Lit, I am going to rate this book an 8.5 OUT OF 10.
theepicrat on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Fire Me is a fairly pleasant read that had me chuckle at Anne and Sheila's schemings. I may never dare to do what they did, but I have to admit that I am sorely tempted to try it at work and see if it might work! ;D I kept reading onward to find out what schemes they'd attempt next, and I was surprised at how it ended for Anne (but totally happy for her!). I thought the romance was really downplayed, almost like an afterthought and not really a major part of the story. Which is fine because this was more about Anne trying to figure out that there is more to life than Mitch Burnham and his workplace.And that work gets a little more interesting when she uses her creative juices for evil! :}
samantha.1020 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
rom the back of the book:Fed up with impossible deadlines and meaningless busywork, Anne Wyatt goes to work one day determined to resign. But that's the day her boss announces someone's getting laid off (and a generous severance package). Now Anne has one day to ruin her career and convince her boss that someone should be her.My Thoughts:I was kinda iffy when I picked this book up...I just wasn't sure if I was in the mood for it to be quite honest. But I was pleasantly suprised at how great of a read that this ended up being. For one, it was hilarious! The antics that Anne goes to are such fun to read and I found myself shaking with laughter quite a few times. And this ended up being the perfect read for me. It was fun, light and filled with laugh out loud moments. The characters were interesting and well thought out and kept me interested within the story. The plot itself wasn't perfect but it was good enough that I couldn't put the book down. Which leads to my only qualm with the book which was that it wasn't realistic...I can't see this ever really happening. But I didn't care as I was enjoying it too much. For me this was such a fun read! I would recommend it to anyone looking for a light, funny read and will be looking for more by this author.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The story started out strong and showed promise. But towards the end it slowed and dragged on.
Pistachio77 More than 1 year ago
No,I did enjoy this book but it reminded me too much of the things I could possibly do to lose my job as well in the meantime. If only one could get away with the things she did in this novel on the job. I like to keep work at work and not when I read but it was well written.
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Twink More than 1 year ago
Put Fire Me by Libby Malin on your summer reading list. Newly released from Sourcebooks, this is perfect beach bag chick lit! The Burnham Group provides consulting, lectures and it's latest venture - ' camps' for management teams to work on trust issues among it's services. Anne Wyatt works at the Burnham Group and was in a relationship with CEO Mitch Burnham. She heads to the office on Pizazz Day (another team building exercise) to hand in her resignation and move on with her life. But before she can do that, Mitch announces that they need to tighten their belt a bit and he needs to let a staff member go. However, he will be fair and that person will get a generous severance package. Well, Anne could use that severance money. The problem is that a few other people in the office could as well. Sheila and Ken were planning on leaving as well. The money would be an added bonus. Ken was last hired, so he feels pretty confident it will be him let go. But Anne and Sheila are taking no chances...... The entire book takes place over the course of that day in the office. Anne and Sheila do their best to become the worst employee ever, with absolutely hilarious results. It begins with simple things, jamming the copier, bad coffee, loud music and progresses to TV parties, gifts for everyone and completely inappropriate behaviour in an office. Sheila is a formidable competitor though as their efforts to outdo each other escalates. I had to check if Malin had ever worked in an office (she has) as her descriptions of office antics and politics had me laughing out loud. Each chapter begins with excerpts of wisdom from Mitch that are oh so clever! I saw past managers flash before my eyes. (If you like the television show The Office, you will appreciate the office antics in Fire Me) With nothing left to lose, Anne begins to see her life with newly opened eyes. Is she really happy? And what about that Ken - he is sweet and nice looking, maybe.... And Sheila, why didn't she ever talk to her before this? The closer the end of the day and the decision comes, the freer Anne feels. Who gets fired? I'm not telling! Malin has written a light-hearted romp of a book. The race to be fired is the part I enjoyed the most. The romantic and self discovery elements are there, but play a smaller part. I found this to be a quick, fun read. Libby's website mentions that Fire Me has been optioned for a film. I think it would make a great comedy.
AMorgan721 More than 1 year ago
Fire me was a fun read! It had lots of humorous, unbelievable events smashed between serious life reflection and small sparks of romance. I giggled out loud at some of the antics that both Anne and co-worker, Shelia, pulled off. Under any circumstances outside of the fictional world, what these ladies did to get themselves fired would have ruined a company, smeared their names for a long time AND sent them out on their butts early that morning with out the added benefit of the offered severance package. Still yet, it was a cube-dweller's dream come true. Imagine doing anything and everything you ever wanted in the office. Imagine saying exactly what you meant, wrote an e-mail expressing how you really felt- without all the business-ese added in. Perhaps they should publish this book with a disclaimer; Warning: Do not try this at work. But what was the book really about? I believe Fire Me was more about self discovery than it was about getting an awesome deal while getting laid off. There was the underlying issue of what really makes you happy; financial stability or doing what you love. It's a book about new beginnings, whether the events that lead to that new beginning were fortunate or unfortunate - it's never too late to start over. I would love to go into more detail about what I mean, but seeing as how this book is still unpublished - I'd hate to be the one who spoils it for you. I will say this - I honestly believe that this book would make a great movie. While it was funny to read, I bet it would be even funnier to watch it unfold on the big screen. More reviews at www.iloves2read.blogspot.com