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FlirtSpeakThe Sexy Language of Flirting
By Eve Marx
Kensington Publishing Corp.Copyright © 2006 Eve Marx
All right reserved.
Chapter OneWhat's Your Flirtstyle?
What Kind of Verbal Flirt Are You?
The following is a little quiz designed to help you figure out your natural verbal flirting style. There are no right or wrong answers here-the idea is to assist you in honing in on your natural talents, defining and assessing your assets, and guiding you toward realizing your ultimate flirting potential. Hopefully, your answers will help you focus your efforts on guys who are most naturally drawn to you. Why waste your valuable time on bad fits?
WHAT'S YOUR NATURAL FLIRTING STYLE?
1. Your favorite movie that features lots of hot and heavy flirting is:
a. Breakfast at Tiffany's b. Pretty Woman c. Desk Set d. Notting Hill e. The Prince of Tides f. Love, Actually
2. If you were to go out and buy a new perfume it would be:
a. Paris by Paris Hilton b. Miami Glo by J. Lo c. Reaction by Kenneth Cole d. Baby Girl by Clean e. Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel f. Roberto Cavalli by Roberto Cavalli
3. On a first date, you'd be most comfortable wearing:
a. Something leather b. Something formfitting c. Anything with cleavage d. Something buttonedup e. Something bedizened with chiffon or velvet f. Sexy jeans
4. The first words out of your mouth to a new guy are something like:
a. "Here's my phone number-don't lose it." b. "Did we meet before? You look familiar." c. "How do you feel about love at first sight?" d. You'd never make the first comment e. "How can I help you?" f. "Hey, you're cute, but you just stepped on my foot."
5. If you could have any pet, it would be:
a. A purse pup b. A stuffed animal c. A guard dog d. A kitten e. A fish f. A ferret
6. A possible line you might throw out to a guy might be one of these:
a. "You're not living with anyone, are you?" b. "Are you really from Italy?" c. "I heard you were getting married." d. "My mother told me to never talk to guys like you." e. "We haven't been introduced. Should we?" f. "Got milk?"
7. Your last boyfriend accused you of being:
a. High maintenance b. Fickle c. Pushy d. A tad comatose e. Needy f. Not serious enough
8. You're most likely to talk to a guy you don't know:
a. At a club b. On an airplane but only if you're petrified c. At the library d. Because your mother forced you to e. In an elevator f. Online
8. If you could be a celebrity, the woman you'd most like to be is:
a. Heidi Klum b. Britney Spears c. Julia Roberts d. Natalie Portman e. Scarlett Johansson f. Kathy Griffin
Figured out yet who you are? Are you shy and unassuming or are you more the jokey type? Are you a smooth talker, a kibitzer, someone who loves being helpful, or a bit of a ditz? Five women who were given this quiz said they thought they were a bit of everything, although not at the same time.
Even if you think you're more shy, than, say, helpful, absolutely don't limit or compartmentalize yourself. Just as you change your hairstyle and play with your heel height, depending on your mood, and where you are and who you are with, you can and should adjust or fine-tune your persona to suit different needs.
Here's a breakdown on what kind of flirty girl you might be. Remember these definitions definitely aren't set in stone. Think of them as guidelines to develop your own signature flirtspeak style.
Mostly a's: The Smooth Talker
Mostly b's: The Ditz
Mostly c's: The Interrogator
Mostly d's: The Shy Girl
Mostly e's: The Helper
Mostly f's: The Comedienne
The Smooth Talker
Smooth Talkers come in a variety of shapes and sizes. They're the chameleons among flirtatious women because they can shift and change tactics depending on what type of guy they're talking to. Smooth Talkers are skillful conversationalists-they are adventurous and inventive with their social interactions. The original "say anything girls," these ladies truly deserve their exciting if slippery reputations. They have a flair for small talk and wrapping a string of phrases together that can leave the listener feeling a bit dazed and confused. It's a "shock and awe" thing.
Smooth Talkers are, in a word, slick. Experts at the riff and the pun, they are also marvelous storytellers who can be extremely entertaining. Not everything a Smooth Talker says should be reckoned as the truth. Smooth Talkers somehow aren't held to the same standards as other flirts. They get a lot more leeway! It isn't an exaggeration to say that Smooth Talkers operate in a realm of their own because they're just so smooth that they are expected to get away with saying the most outrageous things and have everybody listening hanging on their every word.
If you're a Smooth Talker, then you have probably been honing your skills for quite some time. If you wish you were more of a Smooth Talker, there's good news-Smooth Talkers are made, not born. Smooth Talking requires practice. Ladies who would like to develop their Smooth Talking muscles need to work at it with the same dedication they put into their thighs at the gym. Beginning Smooth Talkers can hone their skills by studying back to back episodes of Sex in the City (most people think of Samantha as the original Smooth Talker, but Carrie is the queen) or really old episodes of Moonlighting starring Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis. The repartee between those two is priceless! Jennifer Aniston played the role of the Smoothest (female) Talker on Friends. (Joey, of course, was the guy.) Joyce Carol Oates wrote a short story called "Smooth Talker," which was made into a movie starring Laura Dern.
Smooth Talking is fun. It's playful, sly, glib, facetious, and attractive all at the same time. Certain professions encourage Smooth Talkiness. If you are a personal injury lawyer, personal trainer, guru, sales person, or real estate agent, you've probably racked up a lot of time practicing smooth talking. Smooth Talkers do well on TV, make great radio deejays, can sell ice to Eskimos. The best ones are terrifically entertaining since talking smooth can be quite funny.
The trouble with being too good a Smooth Talker is that guys don't take you seriously. They know you're flirting and figure every word out of your mouth is a line, definitely enjoyable but lacking in sincerity. When a Smooth Talking girl really falls for Mr. Right, she may have to work overtime convincing him that he's more than a plaything. Guys today are so sensitive! They just hate being thought of as anybody's toy!
Top Tips for Smooth Talking Girls
* Smooth Talk with confidence. Even if what you say only bears a passing resemblance to the truth, relate your information convincingly and everybody will believe you.
* Don't go batty. Refrain from batting your eyes if you're a Smooth Talker-that's really over the top!
* Borrow material from other sources. The Smooth Talkers have stock lines for every potential flirtation situation.
* Channel your inner politician. Speak more for effect than meaning-and charm your audience.
* The Quotability Quotient. Do remember that everything you say will be repeated. People always quote Smooth Talkers!
* Keep your game face on. Don't laugh out loud at your own outrageousness. Duck into the ladies' room when your own bullshit becomes even too much for you to handle.
* Keep it flowing. Keep the conversational current flowing at a fairly rapid rate so the guy you're flirting with doesn't have a chance to ponder very long on anything you said. Most Smooth Talking is crème de la crème gibberish but, if you spout your words fast enough, he won't even notice.
Guys respond naturally to Smooth Talkers at first because Smooth Talkers use tactics similar to men's! As the old expression goes, "It takes one to know one"-many guys admire women who sound, er, like men. Smooth Talkers quite often are exceptionally beautiful and feminine, which further enhances their appeal and allows them to work their magic. The best Smooth Talkers may invest a lot of time watching themselves in the mirror, coordinating their eyes, lips, and other facial expressions with the lines that spill out of their mouths.
A Smooth Talking girl can flirt her way into the heart (or groin) of a guy she met only an hour before and get him to buy her dinner. The ability to Smooth Talk can really pay off big time. Keep in mind that many a Smooth Talking girl has become the wife of a CEO or other hotshot. The men who ask for these ladies' hands in marriage know exactly how much their special talent is worth.
For as many guys out there who love the charm of a Smooth Talking woman, there are some who are naturally suspicious of a woman whose talk is even slicker than their own. So if you're a Smooth Talker and you find that your sibilant syllables turn your flirt quarry off more than turn him on, either drop the pose immediately or release that guy back into the pond.
The Smooth Talking girl is the mistress of the "little white lie," or falsification by omission. She likes to keep her back protected, her bases covered. It's hard to get to really know a Smooth Talker; except to their closest friends or lovers, they can come off as superficial and insincere. The Smooth Talker is most at ease when she controls the situation, which she does through her superior use of language. Out in the man/woman marketplace, this woman's outstanding verbal skills make her a formidable customer! The Smooth Talker is often quite guarded about her personal life. While she can talk rings around other people, she isn't easy to penetrate.
Everybody loves the appeal of the Ditz. Famous lovable Ditzes you will recognize straight off the bat have been Lisa Kudrow playing Phoebe on Friends, Sandra Bullock in Speed, and Meg Ryan in just about any movie she's ever been in. Marilyn Monroe, of course, played the ultimate Ditz. As you can see from the examples above, a lot of famous Ditzes are blondes-but that doesn't mean if you're a brunette or a redhead, you can't work it! Despite their ditzy ways, Ditzy girls have a certain naive charm that often gets them out of sticky situations-from missing appointments to losing their keys to clumsy physical encounters, either in the car or on the street. And at the same time Ditzy girls are incredibly sexy and that's without even trying! Men just love it when a girl adorably screws up-it makes them feel so in control and superior!
The great thing about the Ditz is that it's an easy flirting style for any girl to use. The Ditz personality is naturally enthusiastic, bubbly, even gregarious. Ditzy girls can appear drunk even when they're cold sober. They often come off as naive, or disingenuous, or easily confused. They tend to be artistic by nature and often pursue artistic professions, like photography, painting, or acting. Seldom are they whizzes at parallel parking or dealing with unfamiliar gas pumps. Although the Ditz might not always remember her ATM password or her keys, when it comes to flirting, she's a total pro. One of the great things the Ditz can really excel at is the knack of being at the right place at the wrong time ... and then capitalizing on her mistake.
Top Tips for Ditzes
* Embrace your Ditzy self. If you were born a Ditz, don't fight Mother Nature. You are what you are, so don't try to be anybody else. Your natural ditziness is like an intoxicating aroma that can't fail to attract men. Use what you have to your advantage, and you can't go wrong.
* Go Blond. Unless you are a very dark brunette (like Sandra Bullock), color your locks blond. Blond, as everyone knows, is the natural hair color of Ditzes! However, if coloring your tresses is too drastic for you, check out these great tips for Ditzes of the nonblond variety: * Wear cat's-eye-shaped glasses.
* Wear a lot of eye makeup.
* Say "Whoops!" a lot.
* Misplace things in public so you have to make a big production of finding your ... glasses.
* Cultivate some physically funny habits, like twirling your fingers ostentatiously when you are bored or yawning.
* When a man is talking to you, open your eyes extra wide and then at the end of his statement of a joke's punchline ... blink!
* Don't tell jokes. Ditzes should just not tell jokes, unless for planned effect. Ditzy girls are just incapable of telling a joke. They never get the punchline right or they leave out something essential. The only reason a Ditzy girl should tell a joke is because she knows in advance that she's going to muff it up and get a good laugh.
* Cultivate a multitude of male friends. Program them into your cell phone. You never know when they'll come in handy to get you out of jams!
* Laugh at yourself. After all, you are funny!
Guys fall for Ditzy girls because they are so charming and seemingly helpless (but we all know this isn't always the case!). Because Ditzy girls often appear to be damsels in distress, appearing weak makes the men around them feel strong. For this reason, men who are drawn to the Ditz subconsciously envision themselves as knights in shining armor arriving on horseback to the rescue.
Despite her many foibles, the Ditz is surprisingly self-confident, and while she knows how to use her Ditziness to its fullest flirt potential, that doesn't mean that she'll easily fall for a cheesy line or a less-than-stellar guy. She's a certified flirtation expert, and she chooses her flirt quarries carefully. So, despite her rather flaky first impression-never feel sorry for a Ditzy girl. Though, at first glance, she may appear to be helpless, she's quite capable of taking care of herself.
The universe has a way of looking out for Ditzy girls. No matter how lost and confused a Ditz truly is, somehow she always manages to come out on top! The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for a really clever Ditzy girl is that she usually get the guy she wants-and he really wants to take care of her. As long as she remains true to her Ditzy self, he'll always feel like a hero in her presence.
By definition, the Interrogator is nosy-she's a cross between a private detective, a prosecutor, and a concerned girlfriend/wife. She's not embarrassed to ask questions. She thinks no more of prying into a guy's life than she would about opening his closet or pulling a long hair off a total stranger's sweater. Boundaries-intellectual and physical-often mean nothing to her, and very few of her intimates would ever call her "shy." The great thing about the Interrogator is that she's utterly fearless. She says what's on her mind and, if she's got a question about something, she doesn't hesitate to ask.
Girls who ask a lot of questions often get a bad rap. Remember the old cliché "Curiosity killed the cat?" Well, the other side of that cliché is "Knowledge is power." Girls who never ask questions rarely find out anything useful.
Interrogators come in many shapes and sizes. She might be light and perky, like Jane Pauley, or more like Mariska Hargitay on Law & Order or Marg Helgenberger on CSI. Her mode of questioning can be straightforward and direct, or it can be lowkey, casual, and thoroughly disarming. The Interrogator isn't afraid to quiz a guy she just met on where he lives, his age, if he's still living with his mother. She will definitely ask him what kind of car he drives.
The Interrogator also tends to notice important details other girls are slower to pick up on, like if the guy has a crate of kid's games stashed way in the back of his SUV, or that he has cat hair on his pants even though he just said he didn't own any pets. The Interrogator zooms in on a guy's accent, the condition of his shoes-anything she can to find out more about him.
As helpful as the Interrogator's tactics may be, she must tread very carefully. Asking a lot of questions can make a girl look suspicious. (Big hint: Most guys are put off by girls who don't appear to trust them. Some guys also just have a natural tendency to buck and rear at any questions directed at them from the mouth of a female.)
Excerpted from FlirtSpeak by Eve Marx Copyright © 2006 by Eve Marx. Excerpted by permission.
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