Table of Contents
Introduction 1
Part 1 Change Your Mental Defaults 9
1 Four Seconds: Pause. Breathe. Course Correct 13
2 Why the Pinto Blew Up: Rethink Goal Setting 17
3 Byron's Real Problem: Commit to Following Through 22
4 My First TEDx Talk: Ditch the Urge to Be Perfect 25
5 It Finally Felt Like Mine: Trust Yourself First 29
6 Nothing Helped My Tennis Elbow: Stand Back and Do Nothing 33
7 Everything Is Amazing and No One Is Happy: Accept Reality Change Expectations 37
8 The Value of Drinking Tea: Make Time for Rituals 41
9 Before Slipping the Kayak into the Water: Prepare Every Day 44
10 A Lesson from My Wireless Router: Reset Yourself 47
11 This Is What It Feels Like to …: Stop Performing. Start Experiencing 50
12 "I Have No Time to Think": Invest in Unfocused Focus 54
13 Why I Returned My iPad: Embrace Boredom 58
14 Dorit's First-Grade Classroom: Ignore the Inner Critic 62
15 Carlos's Double Whammy: Reclaim Your Sweet Spot 67
16 House Rock Rapid: Imagine the Worst 71
17 Turn the Boat Toward the Wind: Be Prepared with a Process, Not a Solution 75
Part 2 Strengthen Your Relationships 79
18 A Lesson from My Mother-in-Law: Prioritize Relationships 85
19 The Hardest Part Is After the Speech: Show People Who You Truly Are 89
20 He Broke Up with Her in a Text: Don't Let the Package Distract You from the Message 93
21 I Want to Be Like You When I'm Seventy-Seven: Choose to Be Inspired by People 97
22 A Lesson from My Mother: Refuse to Write Someone Off 101
23 The Inescapable Parking Ticket: Walk Away from an Argument 106
24 Don't Blame the Dog: Take the Blame Instead 110
25 Hardware Stores Don't Sell Milk: Learn Other People's Rules of Engagement 114
26 Sophia's First Powder Day: Meet People Where They Are 119
27 It Was a Long Shot: Become a Great Receiver 123
28 A False Start Gets You Disqualified: Empathize First. Help Them Feel Better Later 127
29 It's Not About the Shampoo: Listen for the Unspoken 131
30 My Best Birthday Ever: Give the Gift of Appreciation 135
31 Getting a Free Upgrade to First Class: Appeal to People's Generosity 140
32 Why Tim Didn't Get the Promotion: Don't Skip Your Thank-Yous 144
33 No: Establish Boundaries with Others 148
34 Towing Our Neighbor's Son's Car: Ask Questions. Don't Attack Back 152
Part 3 Optimize Your Work Habits 157
35 Hair Salon Leadership: Keep Your Cool 162
36 George Washington vs. Super Bowl I: See Individuals Individually 166
37 Complaining with Complainers: Neutralize Negativity 170
38 The Training Wheels Had to Come Off: Let People Tail-or Almost Fail 175
39 Are You Ready to Be a Leader?: Support Others' Success 178
40 Who Deserves Credit for a Great Movie?: Share the Glory 181
41 The Chef Who Didn't Get It: Take Responsibility for Your Colleagues' Work 185
42 I've Got Too Much to Do …: Offer to Do Other People's Work 189
43 The Day the Distribution Centers Were Full: Focus on Outcome, Not Process 194
44 Don't Bet on Winning the Lottery: Zero In on What Matters to the Organization 199
45 Ron Drones On and On: Be Helpful Instead of Nice 204
46 "Actually, There Is Something …": Accept the Gift of Criticism 208
47 Crying About a Gift: Create a Safe Space for Yourself and Others 213
48 I Don't Miss a Thing: Stop Checking E-mail 217
49 The No-PowerPoint Rule: Embrace the Informal Meeting 221
50 The Pea Haters Who Ate Peas Like Pea Lovers: Tell Stories to Get Others to Change 225
51 How Jori Lost Eighty Pounds: Forget Willpower. Restructure Your Environment 229
Conclusion 235
Acknowledgments 241
Notes 245
Index 249
About the Author 255