What is the ultimate goal of lovemaking?
A deep feeling of closeness and a heightened sense of sexual connection.
Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., has worked as a sex therapist for over fifteen years. The request she hears from female clients every day is "I want to feel more." Women want to feel more passionte, more playful, more sexyand most impoortant, they want to feel more connected with the partner. Dr. Keesling tells these clients that the secret toi connecting with their partner is to first get in touch with their own sensualitytheir sexual core.
In Getting Close, Dr. Keesling shows women how to develope "ESP"Extra-Senual Perceptionso that they may locate their sexual core and unleash their erotic potential. Through practical exercieese that enhance the senses of taste, smell, and touch, and encourage the skillful use of fantasy, Dr. Keesling teaches women that to stimulate the senses is to rekindle desire, and to prolong desire is to build passion.
Once a woman finds her erotic essence there is no limit to the possiblites for romance that will follow. To that end, Dr. Keesling has included wonderful exercises for couplesextraordinary, senusal, imagtive, erotic, and downright romancti exercises that can be savored as they serve as a stepping stone to allow
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Read an Excerpt
Change begins when you make a conscious decision to start doing things differently. The mind takes the first steps. The body follows. And soon you have arrived at a very different place. By seeking out a book such as this, and having the courage to begin reading it, you have already made the conscious decision to start getting closer to the man in your life. But how will it happen? How long will it take? What will it feel like? Will it be worth the work? You may be asking yourself some, if not all, of these questions right now.
Resist the temptation to flip through all of the pages. Resist the temptation to read the end. Sit, instead, for a moment with yourself and your thoughts. And let yourself get genuinely excited about the changes that are going to begin. Now try to do something you may not do very often: Try to think about just you.
The First Surprising Step
Most women are always anxious to discover new ways to please their partners; they are ready to try almost anything or do almost anything that will bring them closer. But few can imagine that building a closer sexual connection with a man starts on the inside, with you. And even fewer can imagine that the best thing you can "do" for him right now is to do everything you can for you right now.
It would be virtually impossible to create a close sexual connection with a partner without first creating one with yourself. This is a basic fact of our sexual lives. And as I am saying this you are probably nodding your head in agreement. Yet so many books and articles seem to miss this point completely; so often, we as women miss this point completely.Instead, we worry about "him." What turns him on? What turns him off? What does he need? What does he want? What will set him on fire?
Now don't get me wrong. All of this is very important. Ultimately, it is crucial. But it isn't the place to begin, because it isn't the place where you are going to find your power. You are going to find your power by looking in the mirror. And you've got a lot of power to find. You need to meet Venus, the goddess inside you, before you meet your man. What turns you on? What turns you off? What do you need? What do you want? What will set you on fire? These are the questions we need to answer first. These are the questions that should be foremost in your mind. And before you begin a single exercise in this book, I want you to begin formulating some answers. This is the very first step you need to take. Trust me when I tell you that everything you wish for yourself and your partner will develop naturally from there.
So, as your exercises begin in this first chapter, you will notice that I am keeping your partner out of the mix. He will be part of this soon enough, and you will both be glad that you waited. My guess is that many of you are breathing a big sigh of relief right now to learn that you will have ample time to experiment and explore on your own before you're asked to get your partner involved. In my private therapy sessions, I always focus on the individual first. Even when I am seeing a couple together, much of the "homework" that I give them involves exercises to do alone; these "solo flights," so to speak, are often crucial to the success of later "duets." In this book we will begin with some of these very same exercises. Then, when it is time, we will invite your partner in. Sometimes you need to take a few steps back before you can go forward, and this is clearly one of those times. A few steps back into you, into a private place where you can be immersed in your own sexuality, will soon have you racing forward with your partner.
Your Next Step Is Getting a Journal
I strongly suggest that you buy a divided, spiral notebook and keep a journal of your thoughts, experiences, and feelings as we progress up the path to an unforgettable sexual connection. Use your journal as the place to complete the written exercises you will come across in this book (instead of writing directly in the book). Use it also as a place to reflect on the many new and exciting sensations that you will be enjoying as you complete each exercise. A journal will allow you to mark your progress as you move toward a fuller and richer experience of your deepest sexual self. It will also help make each new experience linger. And it will help refresh and recharge your erotic memory many months, or even years, from now. (You may choose to keep your exercises in the front section and your thoughts and feelings in the back, or vice versa--whatever is most comfortable for you is the way to go.)
What People are Saying About This
"The unique contribution of Getting Close is the idea that sexual desire involves wanting--Dr. Keesling shows women how to prolong that exquisite state of excitement as long as possible before surrendering to the ultimate joys of intimate connection".