Getting Over Mr. Right: A Novel

Getting Over Mr. Right: A Novel

by Chrissie Manby


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Have you ever had your heart broken? How did you get over it?
If a pint of ice cream cheered you up and you were able to delete his number and start again then . . .
You’re a weirdo and this book is not for you.
But if you reacted with denial, begging, or a spot of casual witchcraft, then you’ve come to the right place. This is one woman’s journey from love to lunacy and back again. If you ever recall past heartbreaks with acute embarrassment and an urge to go into hiding, this will make you feel better. Sure, you may have sent his new girlfriend a bunch of dead roses, but did you spend a grand on psychic hot-lines and a voodoo curse?
Praise for the novels of Chrissie Manby
“Unputdownable.”—Heat (U.K.), on Getting Over Mr. Right
“I’ve always liked Manby’s books and this is my favourite so far . . . deeply cringe-making . . . often hilarious . . . I loved it. Six stars, hurrah!”—Daily Mail, on Getting Over Mr. Right
“If it’s not a man keeping you up until 3 a.m., it’ll be this book. . . . It’s a diamond-encrusted, guiltily pleasurable romp.”—Cosmopolitan, on Marrying for Money

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780345529022
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Publication date: 07/10/2012
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 1,191,498
Product dimensions: 5.12(w) x 8.02(h) x 0.63(d)

About the Author

Chrissie Manby is the author of several romantic comedy novels. She lives in London with her Mr. Right.

Read an Excerpt

Getting Over Mr. Right

A Novel
By Chrissie Manby


Copyright © 2012 Chrissie Manby
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780345529022


My love life was and always had been a disaster. It started badly and it went downhill from there.

I had my first kiss at age eight, during a game of “kiss chase” in my primary-­school playground. When it was my turn to do the chasing, I knew exactly which hapless lad I was going for and poor Justin Ashford didn’t stand a chance. When someone shouted “Go,” Justin was in the middle of tying a shoelace (he was eleven before he cracked bows), but I showed no mercy. While he was still on the ground, I pounced on him like a vampire bat on a squirrel and my passionate lips squashed the words “not fair” right back into his gorgeous pouting mouth. Later that day he pinned me against a wall by the school gym and stuck chewing gum in my hair. I had to have both my pigtails cut off.

The next three years flew by in a haze of similarly rebuffed advances and Chinese burns. When I was nine, Justin Ashford sent me a Valentine’s card with the charming message “Drop dead” written rather neatly inside. For my eleventh birthday he gave me three de-­winged bluebottles in a matchbox. You have to admit that shows imagination, but it’s not exactly Tiffany . . . Things didn’t pick up when I went to secondary school. It was an all-­girls school and the only opportunity for mixing with the opposite sex during term time came via doing handstands at the far edge of the playing field to incite the local flasher.

At the age of fourteen I did manage to get my second kiss from a boy named Malcolm who lived at the top of my street, and that blossomed into my first “relationship.” We spent every moment we could together. But while our parents assumed we were up to no good and I received lectures on the perils of teenage motherhood at least twice a week, our romance was much more chaste than that. It was largely based on a mutual appreciation of horror comics. And when I say “mutual appreciation,” what I actually mean is that Malcolm was obsessed with horror comics and I pretended to be interested so that I could tell Lucy Jones, the hardest girl in my class, that I had a boyfriend and therefore she had no need to scratch lezzer on the lid of my brand-­new metal pencil case.

Alas, Malcolm and I parted ways as soon as hormones reared their ugly heads. One Saturday afternoon, when my parents were at Sainsbury’s and we had the house to ourselves, I asked him if he’d like to take my virginity. We were both seventeen, after all. He went quite pale and said, “No.” He wouldn’t. And he didn’t. Our romance had reached its end.

Instead I lost the virginity that seemed to weigh so heavily to the first chap I dated at college. His name was Steve. He was a chemistry student. We shared almost three years of baked potatoes and the missionary position. Steve was a big fan of Depeche Mode. I still can’t hear “Just Can’t Get Enough” without remembering those lost afternoons when Steve ground away like the Duracell bunny and I worried he might be wearing a hole in the condom.

My relationship with Steve was fairly unremarkable, but it was the first real indication of the more serious trouble I would have with love later in my life. Looking back, I can’t honestly say I even liked him that much. Steve had the looks of Shrek without the personality. When he broke up with me, though, I dedicated my entire life to getting back together. I spent hours and hours, when I should have been studying for my finals, writing poems and letters in an attempt to convince him that ours was a star-­crossed love. Steve was not swayed and I had to resit my final exams, while he took first class honors, found a top consulting job, and married a model less than a year after graduating. “Sorted” was one of Steve’s favorite words. When it came to love and relationships, “hopeless” was rapidly becoming mine.

Degree belatedly in hand, I set course for London and a shared house with a bunch of the college friends who had been so patient during the Steve years. While they worked diligently on finding a place for themselves in the world of work, I was like a girl straight out of Jane Austen, hell-­bent on finding my place as somebody’s missus. My first five years in London were a blur of bad dates and brief, nasty relationships, but somehow I kept my sense of optimism. After each frog I kissed that turned out to be a toad, I managed to convince myself that the very next one would be the prince. Or the next. Or the next. Or the next.

My optimism remained high as my friends started to pair off in a serious way. The year I turned twenty-­six was the summer of eight weddings. I was almost bankrupted by the hen weekends and the extravagant wedding lists at Peter Jones, but I was grateful and excited to attend each and every one of those ceremonies because I’d read in the Evening Standard that 27 percent of people meet their future spouse at a wedding reception. Eight weddings! Surely I had to get lucky that year.

I didn’t, needless to say. At one wedding I actually found myself at the children’s table. But my dance card was rarely blank. Five out of seven nights I would be on a date of some description. I believed in making an effort—­turning every stone—­so I went out with anyone who asked me, from the brother of a girl I’d sat next to in a lecture on Italian futurism to the chap who worked at the dry cleaner’s next to the Tube station. (After two dates at Pizza Hut he refused to pick up the phone and I had to take my cleaning elsewhere.)

If you were making a movie montage of years six to eight in London, you would definitely have to include the man who brought his own sandwiches to our lunch date in a pub garden (and didn’t offer to share), and the man who asked me to wear his ex-­girlfriend’s T-­shirt while we were in bed together, since he could only be aroused by her smell, and the man who came with me to a former coworker’s party at the Pitcher and Piano and went home with the birthday girl while I sobbed into my shandy. Then there was the corporate lawyer who told me he couldn’t wait to settle down and start a family. The only problem with him was that he already had a wife and three children in Dulwich. After him came the bodybuilding champion who decided he was in love with his best friend. (Another champion bodybuilder. Male.) And then there was the guy who stood me up after I had dropped everything (including the best part of a grand) to meet him for dinner. In New York.

Yep, stick me in the corner of any party in any town and I would seek out and start falling for the biggest loser in the room within seconds. I attracted jerks like iron filings to a magnet. I went through pigs faster than swine flu.

“I just don’t understand why you keep picking such awful men!” my mother exclaimed in despair when I called her from a phone box in Manhattan at the bitter end of my brief NY-­Lon romance.

Back then I didn’t understand it, either. It wasn’t as though I was always going for the same type. I dated actuaries and actors, bakers and bankers. I dated Christian Scientists and cruise-­liner captains. There were no obvious similarities in the worlds they inhabited or in the way that they looked. But in the way things turned out? That was a different story. No matter how promisingly things started, after two to three months I was planning a wedding and they were planning a speedy escape. Scratch any one of my princely ex-­boyfriends and you would find an amphibian beneath.

So you probably won’t be surprised to hear that after the Manhattan incident, in which I blew three days’ holiday allowance and nearly a month’s wages on a flight to the mini-­break that became a mini-­breakup, my confidence suffered a bit of a knock.

“That’s it,” I said to my best friend, Becky. “I am giving up on men.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Becky said.

“Believe it, Becks. This time I’m serious.”

The following day I went to a thirtieth birthday party at a flat over a nail bar in Balham and met my Mr. Right.


Excerpted from Getting Over Mr. Right by Chrissie Manby Copyright © 2012 by Chrissie Manby. Excerpted by permission of Bantam, a division of Random House, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Getting Over Mr. Right 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
SharonRedfern More than 1 year ago
There isn’t a woman who hasn’t been dumped by her boyfriend that wouldn’t like to do some of the things Ashleigh does in this book. Fortunately, for most of us common sense prevails and we settle for wine or chocolate. Ashleigh has no such scruples. After a two and a half year relationship with Michael, she discovers that her Mr. Right has other ideas and finds out the relationship is over via a Facebook status change. When she finally corners Michael and he drops the bad news on her, Ashleigh turns into the crazy ex-girlfriend and embarks on a campaign to win him back that would make Lucy Riccardo look like a sedate person. Ashleigh pretty much ruins her life in her pursuit of reclaiming Michael and ends up temporarily at home with her parents and annoying younger brother. Said younger brother does something to Ashleigh that ultimately is her redemption but starts off as utter humiliation. Ashleigh learns to survive and aside from one incredibly stupid lapse, moves on with her life. I enjoyed this book even though parts of it made me want to cringe with embarrassment for the heroine. I would like to believe that a modern woman would never behave like Ashleigh does but I know it happens. Although she is sympathetic for the most part, there are a couple of times when she crosses a line and it’s hard to feel empathy with the character. I feel like Ashleigh really doesn’t learn to live her life without Michael because she matures, but rather that she has one last stupid moment and gets hit in the face with the truth. All in all it is a cute book about dealing or not dealing with heartache and the creative ways to try and get over the loss.
24girl on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Even though Ashleigh is not supposed to use Facebook at work, she logs on one afternoon and finds that her boyfriend just changed his status to single. Hurt and confused Ashleigh tries desperately to get ahold of Michael but when he ignores her calls, texts and emails she sneaks into his secure building and goes crazy on him. He¿s adamant that they don¿t belong together and sticks to his decision. What follows next is a horrible downward spiral that just keeps getting worse and worse. From dressing up and stalking Michael¿s new girlfriend to making a voodoo doll that she viciously abuses Ashleigh¿s life turns upside down. Will she get it together before being arrested or doing harm to herself or someone else?Okay first of all I have to say that yes in Getting Over Mr. Right Ashleigh goes way over the top with her antics but this is fiction. Plus I¿m sure there really are people out there that have done the same if not more for a man and you can¿t help but laugh because it¿s so tragic. I took it with a grain of salt and was able to enjoy reading this book. Like most chick lit books you read this one does have a happily ever after but it¿s not the one you would assume. I recommend this one for any who loves chick lit or anyone who¿s gone just a little psycho over a man.
sleahey on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
At times hilarious, at times over-the-top, this comedy of errors describes Ashleigh's reaction following her boyfriend's breakup with her on Facebook. It's probably beside the point that the extent of her falling apart seems beyond the pale for someone of her spunk and social network. The fact is that she completely falls apart, and in the course of this novel she manages to lose her longtime best friend, her job, and even her home--all clearly her fault and because of her own outrageous actions. But it is funny in a slapstick kind of way, and readers who stick with it will assume and hope that everything turns out all right in the end. Could be cathartic for all of those/us who have ever been devastated by a romantic betrayal. But really!
HildebrandFamily on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Are you looking for a light read this summer? Not much time and need a quick-moving, fun-loving book? Then this is it! Such a fun story line and really great characters. The main character finds out she has been dumped...on Facebook. This is the tale of getting over it. Yes, the main character is a little obsessive but I have been too at times so I could really relate. She sometimes bordered on the obsessed/crazy but in an entertaining way. I would definitely recommend this book to a woman who just needs a bit of light, summer fun. If you are a fan of Sophia Kinsella, this definitely fits in that vein. This is Brit chick-lit at it's best.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Story is pretty much about a woman having a brake down after her brake up. It had really funny moments but at the end of the day the actions of the protagonist are very unrealistic and downright insane, no sane person would act this way in real life. 3 stare because it made me laugh but i can't get over how crazy the character acted in my opinion, it should have ended with her in a psych ward.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Why is the single woman always expected to bear the expense of being a bridesmaid/maid of honor? Why do engaged/married women feel like it is okay to treat the single one like a threat or a disease? Why is the single woman always relegated to the kids table or with the elderly??? Why do coupled women always feel the need to make smarmy comments to single girlfriends? And why does it always seem like married/engaged women ditch their single girlfriends as soon as they have that ring??? The main point of this book was to show how not to handle a breakup. However, it also exposed the ugly and awful truth about how women treat other women and how single women, especially those 30+, are devalued and humiliated in society: In the workplace, socially, even within their own families! As a single woman myself, I'm glad the author had the guts to put everything out there. Perhaps a few bridezillas will be taken back and realize how truly deplorable their conduct is in this regard. Hopefully a few single women who have acted exactly as Ash did will learn something and the rest of us will have a good laugh, cry a bit, and get angry. I'm pleased the ending was not an HEA. Would be angry if it were. Not all single women want a toyboy and it would have been easy for Ash to fall into that trap with her brother's friend. If there is a sequel, hopefully the complications and realities of May September flings will be a huge part.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
PB ARC/Chicklit: I loved this book because I make fun of women like this. The writing is in first person of a delusional and drama-filled young woman, Ashleigh, who gets dumped by her boyfriend, on Facebook. After two and a half years of dating Michael, she believes him to be Mr. Right and he thinks she is Miss Right Now. She loses everything in the breakup and the fun ensues: super stalking. We’re not talking phony phone numbers; we’re talking hiding in the bushes, cyber-stalking, voodoo, arson, etc. Well, fun for us to read, for Ashleigh is miserable. The underlying problem with Ashleigh is that she is bored with her life outside of Michael. So when Michael breaks up with her she has nothing going on in her life. Her friends try to tell her to move on. Self-help books tell her to move on, but she just can’t. This is a cute book and a quick read and I recommend it. Ashleigh is a lovable character and you want to see her though this tough time in her life.