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By Pukka Carpenter
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2010 Pukka Carpenter
All right reserved.
Chapter OneAccuracy Reigns Supreme
Attempting caustic survival, Lauren's miscegenation encountered sovereign challenge. Proclaiming 80% conquest history, inflamed troopers validated 54 capacious victories. One conclusive scuffle abided, clinching or eliminating Northwest Region's playoff-berth yearnings. Ripened 16 birthdays, climactic snow-clad event sweltered quintessential. Surmising propitious conjunctures aboard yellow charter-school bus. Contemplating formidable predominance, sired universal consciousness. January's brisk afternoon excursion functions recurrent guidance, nourishing lucid reflections from impulsive response. Only teammate 'Emerson' (5' 11") shared my elevation. Eight remaining trumpeters contrasted slightly shorter. Excluding young midget 'Benjamin' (3' 4"). Longingly envisioning qualification status, Benjamin eventually realized success. August 4th, 18 days precluding 'Opening Kick-off', weak-link fulfilled 'teenager' stature. Benny truly jubilated exercising, yet consistently experienced major difficulty hitting rims. Headmaster Lauren queries,
"Whorled journey, hey? 'Nightmare rashes' blossomed yesterday. Tough break. Final episode. Traveled excessive miles weighing various alternatives. Think driver might ah pull-over, permitting refreshing pause? Convenient ski area? Gas station?"
"Chauffeur already responded. Moments ago, Stanley asked same absurd question. Concentrate, delivering energetic domination. Entire squad wheels furtherance. Curbing activities? Rickety directive. Instead, stimulate churlish motivation. Warlike assessments deserve appropriate evaluation."
Coach also reserves noteworthy inquiry. Persevering 24+ years, poignant response founded reflective premise,
"Choosing amongst options hamstrings deployment. 'Northwest' mandates immediate progression Gravitating stymied authenticity, variable burdensome curves materialize. Combatants tyrannize both backboards. Third consecutive forfeiture issues expeditious checkmate. Deficit incurred must linger reachable.
Flexible safeguarding barricades, harnesses cyclone's wreckage. But 'NWC' functions expediently, synchronized, prosperously organized. Most-talented flying column, patrons confronted. Sectarians connect routinely. And Sonny's dad, Tom, addresses prior commitments. Only myself coaching today. Another undisciplined showing renders tournaments zipped. Pesky Nightmare rashes, tormented apologetic slumber. Rationalized numerous diverse choices though. Switching rear guards possibly proves sturdiest investiture. Afflicting constant torque, Chinook's storming quells. Stifling placates, dissipates strong knockout impulse. Contention seem logical? Insufficient screening enabled Northwest Central's haunting overtime rally. Agreed? Initial embrace. Never soared these high outer-fringes. Survived some pretty hard-fought battles. Any suggestions? Which prospectus dampens rival aspirations, dispenses sprightly preventive medicine? Otherwise, quiescent return-trip festers depressively silent."
"Examine accounts. Success always regulates grandeur. Requisition drastic onslaught. Grandma would undoubtedly blitz, questing total desecration."
"Full-court press enervating rebuffed craft-persons. Swap central position. Exert man-for-man coverage. Hmm. Intermittently. Conventional zone faltered miserably twice. Defensive overall plans remain abundantly instrumental."
"Instructor stipulated triumphant dispensation. Blitzing hampers, chokes. Sorely befuddles qualified opposition. Compressing 'Freak' oversights. Erring less frequently, mighty sticks whittle thin. Simply trust Grandma's awesome ingenuity. Only one discipline flourishes effectively. Veracity craves opulent demonstration. Orchestrating 'best' application, inform partisans accordingly. Hammer savagely. Grant launch capabilities. Let vigorous troglodytes govern destiny's fortuity. Adverse protective egg-crate merely insulates triplet jumbo specimen. Investigate outer peripheries. 'Cream' lethargically rises, surfacing like dead mackerel? Key off triplet ancient mariners. Otherwise, fishing season abruptly culminates. Full-court retardation frazzles hungry teenagers sparingly. Coalition bouts routinely endure 54 bustling minutes. Reconnoiter afterward. When smoke clears, scrutinize numbers. Tally-board's inspection disseminates victor's physical confirmation."
"Top-guns aboard, 'Cream' readily dissolved 'Nightmare rashes'. Whew! Average 72 scorching points per outing. Once, present consortium mustered 65, vainly. Expensive clash actually. Despoiled overtime effort."
"Rivals perpetrate inferior. Depth, impetus, general capabilities. Grandma would unquestionably rationalize lop-sided comparison, lauding experience."
Magnificent chaos. Activity frenzied beyond flustered navigator's wildest expectations. 'Lauren' positively cranked. Illustrating perplexed excitement. Lumbering. Shuffling defeated furtherance,
"Appropriate congratulations. Outstanding flinging exhibition. Greatness goes beyond frivolity here today. Team names fluctuate yearly, as do teenaged entrepreneurs. Boys randomly seize limited opportunity returning. Northwest division endured three new label changes, while Coach witnessed extraordinary formation. Perceived amazing talent undergo systematic renovation. Equally dextrous cronies experience sporadic 'Hot-shooting' sprees. Composite falters clumsily ascertaining proven accuracy. Simply, magical. Noteworthy. Epochs succumb eventually. Men, hmm. Especially women enjoy tight-stiff revelry. Sustained competently proficient. Individuals exercise discordant trajectories funneling maturity. Perpetuate annexing height, manifesting sports interests. Sharpshooter claims professional uniqueness. Slugfest reaffirms, enraptured steadfast contributors govern natural athletic ability. Formalities culminated abruptly. Grown accustomed, however. Another traditional episode. Whatever confrontation's outcome, nobody stands misjudged. Honesty prevailing, team deprivation rarely adjudicates single constituents tainted. Attracted regardful attention, hey? Entire league shook. Quivered. Amusing fluke exigency."
"Free-throw percentage-rate dazzles because cowboys implement refined shooting technique. Every launch respects substantiated limitation. Thrusts disconnected evince terrible waste. Conjured aversion. Serious foul-trouble. Presently, confronted enterprise sharply debilitates. Jubilate accuracy. Praise tasks informing same bustling partisan, confirmed theory exhibits folly. Hello! Despondently shackled, constrained mariners outwardly vacillate proficiency. Helplessly watch cherished accomplishment topple. Inaugurate monumental 'Freak' attack. Fat-lady passively relaxes vocal chords. Neither fraternity bungled disharmonies, yet. Adjust henchmen accordingly. Gambit welcomes onslaught, lusting total obliteration. Trust Grandma's bountiful intuition."
"Exploit Grandma's baneful unorthodox tribulation? Consign brashness, barbarity?"
"Exactly correct! Dispense sufficient juice, advising: 'Get projectiles. Tap holdings. Rebound bitterly. Procedures serve unimportant. Scathe, capturing battery. Projectiles become available. Methods doodle insignificant'. Poised. Readied. Coalition accounts, soon shatter. Disarmed comrade requires tools. Supply thronging ammo. Only underachievers experience delight performing hairbreadth misdeeds. Dispatch plagiarizing trail-blazers. Let 'twists' succumb clutching snowy pistol-smoke. Sorely weakened rivals tremble off-balanced mob. Four unanswered swishes deflate 'puffs'. Raise game-stakes. Discover boundary's outer limits. Intuitive gunfighters acquire positional advantage. Mid-term treatise crumbled, affirming premise. Stimulate conventional acuities. Victory, jumbled-imprudence unworthy?"
"Possibly 'twists' turn? Aged marksman advocates contemptuous savage annihilation?"
Contemplating elections, head sways vilification. Worrisome silent pause deprecates collaboration. Unnecessarily, fortunately. Shrugging irrelevance. Arms loftily flail,
"Yes, yes. Now or never! Huddle forming. Hey, gather round. Disclosing unified curriculum. Assailants quaver clasping seven punches. Traveled far. Underlings exhausted mandatory allotments. Noteworthy effort guys. Sturdy accomplishment Allan. Phenomenal effort Benjamin. Unbelievable exertion guys! Great job!"
Nostrils flame. Intense red faced pep-rally magnifies.
"Allan, Benny, Andrew. Bench seats gestalt. Aflalo, Chai, Mohamed listen. Issuing mobilized full-barrage. Help Sonny. Pass. Scramble. Annihilate second portion. Volcanic artillery procurement. Nourish down-range ancillary. Chai, rampage. Aflalo? Mohamed? Uncompromising savagery! Message clear?"
Turning attention, enthusiastically beseeching ratification,
"Hey, ancient icon? Tasteful cacophonies? Regulation exploits budget 27 fleeting minutes. Veterans undoubtedly replenish mortars abundantly. Listen. Hear opportunity knocking? Make pivotal conflict interesting. Rebel orthodox serenity delivering overtime hopes. Grandma-style, Ok? Now, shoot!"
"Cacophonies? Resonates virtuously ironic. 27 minutes? Whew! Wait until Grandma hears about enhanced 'twists' springing. Joyously vaulting. 'Freak' actuality scintillates brightly. Yodeling vagabond ill-favors deafening silence partaking mundane transports. Especially while navigating quiet comebacks."
Impressive tirade. Unforgettable chaos. Fans thrill, acclaiming invigorated landfalls. Captivate, viewing crucial strikeouts. Stimulate, beholding long hard drives deep, deep ... Other constituents prevail important. Existence undergoes perpetual transformation. Years frequently crash. Rarely slide oblivion-bound unnoticed. Occasionally objects plummet moderately. Feathers, semi-inflated balloons. Time lacks gravity's dependence. Contrarily, reversing postulation exemplifies genuineness. Recall William Shakespeare's abysmal demarcation? Yesterday's milestones embellish prologue. Please analyze another discernment briefly, ingesting accrual elucidation. Modernized version: 2 + 2 + 2 = 1 - 1 - 1. Positive quantity addition undermines resultant aftermath. Crackpot, hey? Ludicrous archetypal exposes trajectory's quirky paradox. Distance magnified: velocity, kinetic energy, precision woefully decrease. Remoteness intensifies accuracy's escalating dearness, yet strictness abates. Disregarded opportunity exemplifies trouncing. Hairbreadth misdeeds simply verify collapsed exertion. Extensively denting primers. Suffering catastrophic unique junctures. Focusing evidence, voodoo doll cringed deriving relevant valuations. Projectiles abound, sharing identical fundaments. Gilding the coin's least distinct side, bounteous power-drivers abide. Language prevails another as do clandestinely achieved recipes. Legally, 'GRANDMA'S COOKBOOK' portrays feigned occurrences. Labels, however, persevere suitably agreeable cluttering author's memorable experiences. Authentic occurrences incline toward depicting genuine character representations. Imagination rampaged spawning diverse personalities. Valid testimonies underwent ferocious massaging, savage distortion, alteration. Few gospels required slight modification. Yet, stress draws very thin regarding limp adjectives. Toyed elaborating stark factuality. Seldom appreciated humdrum allegories. Especially versions involving police, handcuffs, lawyers, prison. Busy-hombre's magnetizing grandparents resided together 2,700 highway miles apart. (Williams, Arizona / South Williamstown, Massachusetts areas.) Necessarily assembling infrequently, inspirational families mutually confronted primeval history's worldwide industrialization, experienced affliction, tasted idiosyncratic riches. Quaternary miraculously persevered destiny's arduous era foregoing automobiles, electricity's topical invention-intervention, hospitals. Curiously seeking honored nubile advice,
"Grandma's respected opinion? Movie director ambition, poor intention?"
"People enter amphitheater. Accomplish nothing. Exit stage. Hmm. Sunny exterior setting. Wheatfield curtsies golden. Peppy background syncopation. Distant snow-capped mountains. 'Hi-low'. Voluminous wingspan loftily soars. Surfing thermal currents, red-tailed hawk freely reiterates. Unleashes. Shrieks another two-tone 'Hi-low' greeting as movie culminates. Grand introduction despoiled. Transfer scenes. Invert chronology. Wield grandson's exotic knack, philosophical description, sprouting proficiency. Review dictionaries. Master vocabulary. Previously unexplored methods allege consideration. Gun-related publications capture intrigue. Advise, guiding precision. Edify intrinsic skills. Stimulate communal emotions, handicapped imagination. Engender tangible credibility leaving clearly-marked escape routes accessible. Generalize voyeur expandability. Side-step typical perversion, tergiversating vulgarity. Amuse women, seniors, young newlyweds, men, disparate nationalities. Overwhelm machinists, store clerks, brick layers. Indoctrinate evasively. Avoid redundant laughing-stock episodes integrating humorous situations. Bewilder astronauts, engineers, mechanics. Discourage humble complacency. Customary oppugn linguistics, boring traditional-word repetition. Dance intellectually. Remaining acclaimed, dispense idiosyncratic artfulness. Promulgate evaluations. Proof. Ballistics. Corroborate test-range outcomes. Verify phenomenal revelations. Glorify customized hand-loaded ammunition. Harness credence interestingly. Surely, audiences gulped enough disappointment already. Face responsibilities. Defy incompetence. Contradict orthodox attitude-snugness. Arouse curiosity. Entertain. Avoid pornography. Improvise literary styles. Demonstrating extraordinary proficiency, risk diversification. Incorporate multi-levels camouflaging translucent enlightenment. Periodically reference New England kinfolk. Supply relevant criteria-details, test results, conclusions. Then gingerly step aside, enfranchising adequate determination opportunity. Remain factual. (Relegating Grandma's vanity.) Accuracy reigns supreme! Transact accordingly. Vaguely encourage enthralled spectators. Fantastic outlook! Straight-forward ambition. Splendid target bequeaths solid approval. Too late, though. Family deserted. Hmm. Prematurely. Poor timing, Pukka."
"Beguiled, please elucidate."
"Ostracized. Sensing forlorn-abandonment. Endured several decades. Often alone. Spiral climb-way challenges faith. Realize finally, trust labors equally potent. Discovered oodles tracking bullet paths. Uncovered more than standard homemakers-grandmothers. Earth's global populous. Carol enjoys country life. Canning, cooking, reloading. Fiancee aware? Can trust prevail? Long wait, still?"
Elsewhere, spotlight reveals familiarity. 'Brick' tickles ivory keys. Three piano notes repeatedly battle. Downward, then up. Glamorous wife canned chickens, rabbits, diversified fruits-berries-vegetables, tangy relishes. Ooh!
Grandma conserved-embalmed unproductive brown-egg layers galore: New
Hampshire, Red Caps, Golden Campines, Barred-rock chickens. Numerous white-egg laying breeds: Lakenvelders, Silver Leghorns, Black Minorcas. Golden-Penciled Hamburgs. Assorted ducks, hefty turkeys, colossal geese. Gourmet cuisine protracts, fortifies astuteness, stimulates purpose. Often throbbing rheumatic trigger-fingers rejuvenate. Struggled decades wrestling futility. Scurrilous elders toiled electricity-void, paving tomorrow generation's treacherous lifestyles.
"Carol learns quickly, evasively circumventing probable awareness. Hallows primeval backroom punctilio, avoiding fertility. Pukka advise. Trust administers adequate vitality? Please inform Grandma. Extensive duration flutters?"
Lived -died -waited. Bizarre passions? Obviously noticeable expectancies?
"Extremely memorable, actually. Extremely zealous anxiety. Hush though."
Background music increases volume. Red-headed baritone soloist mastered appropriate harmonious chords, Grandpa's mellow voice distantly serenades. (Beatle's smash, 'Let it be'.)
Excerpted from Grandma's Cookbook by Pukka Carpenter Copyright © 2010 by Pukka Carpenter. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
1 Accuracy Reigns Supreme....................1
2 Precision's Dominant Role....................6
3 Constructive Penetration....................74
4 Ballistic Coefficients Count....................89
5 Trajectory Knowledge Counts....................94
6 Barrel Twist Counts....................103
7 Grandma Finishes Strong....................120
8 Grandma Keeps Learning....................147
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
The first couple of chapters taxed my dictionary. Delightful story. Being elderly, I recall similar events. Awesome!