The Grave Gourmet (Capucine Culinary Series #1)

The Grave Gourmet (Capucine Culinary Series #1)

by Alexander Campion

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780758272133
Publisher: Kensington
Publication date: 06/01/2011
Series: Capucine Culinary Series , #1
Sold by: Penguin Random House Publisher Services
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 704,839
File size: 557 KB

About the Author

Alexander Campion started out as a true New Yorker, graduating from Columbia and migrating downtown to Wall Street. Early on, someone, a little apologetically, proposed he spend six months maximum in Paris helping out with a new venture his firm had just acquired. He stayed thirty five years, eventually becoming a restaurant critic and progressing inevitably to gastronomic thrillers.

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The Grave Gourmet



Copyright © 2010 Alexander Campion
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-7582-4669-1

Chapter One

Capucine Le Tellier rushed into the restaurant. Late again. I hope he isn't fuming. She pulled up short at the end of the long zinc bar perpendicular to the front door and scanned the large tobacco-, wine-, and butter-sauce-pungent room for Alexandre. There he was, in the far corner, grinning contentedly as a corpulent waiter in a severe black coat erupted in laughter, shimmying his white floor-length apron as if it were swaying in a breeze.

The covert stares she drew as she walked across the floor sparked a buoyant rush. She preened, straightening, drawing in her tummy, rounding out her buttocks, lifting her breasts against her designer silk blouse. The Sig Sauer automatic holstered at the small of her back nipped into her spine. Her feeling of well-being popped like a soap bubble, drenching her in cold oily dampness.

When she reached Alexandre he rose and swept her in his arms with a stage-whispered whoop. "Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder," he said, planting an ostentatiously lubricious kiss on her lips.

At the next table-all of two feet away-a shrewish woman in her sixties with blue rinsed hair and a miniature poodle nervously piaffing on the banquette at her side scowled at her husband. "These hussies," she hissed loudly, well within earshot of Alexandre and Capucine. "They think when they cavort with a man twice their age nobody knows what they're after. And him, that bloated old fool, he's as bad as you are, drooling at everything that goes by in a skirt."

At precisely that instant the waiter, who had scuttled away at Capucine's approach, returned, bowed slightly, and handed her a flute of champagne. "Bonsoir, Madame l'Inspecteur. You've come just in the nick of time. Monsieur, your husband, his stories are just too good. I can't tear myself away to go to my other tables. They are all getting impatient."

After the waiter left Alexandre winked at his wife affectionately. "My dear, your self-control is admirable. I could see you itching to explain to the poor man that "inspecteurs" have been called "lieutenants" for over a decade and then give him a long lecture on the hierarchical structure of the Police Judiciaire."

Capucine laughed. "Au contraire. I'm sure he knows far more about the police than he would like. He hangs on to "inspecteur" because it sounds quaint and inoffensive and fits right in with the opera boulevard libretto restaurant people love so much. Also it sounds far more exalted and he's anxious to please such a revered restaurant critic as you." She crinkled her nose coquettishly.

The woman at the next table leaned toward them, openly eavesdropping.

"And by the way," Capucine said in a clear voice, darting a sideways glance at the woman, "you haven't been twice my age for all of eight years." She smiled sweetly at the woman whose brows had creased in her struggle with the arithmetic. The woman jerked away indignantly.

Alexandre hiked his eyebrows. "Are you harrying the hapless bourgeoisie as a result of insufficient job gratification?" he asked with the barest hint of hopefulness.

"Pas du tout. Actually, as it happens, we finally made an arrest on that insider trading case I'm in charge of. I was showered with kudos," Capucine said with an ironic smirk.

Alexandre looked at his wife levelly. "But something's wrong."

Capucine tapped her menu irritably on the glowing whiteness of the tablecloth. "We've been over this a thousand times. I loathe white-collar crime work. Look, I mortified my parents by joining the police so I could be on the streets with real people, dealing with real passions, real crimes. But all I got was endless hours in front of a computer screen. I'm in a trap. I might as well be an accountant with a green eyeshade and my sleeves hitched up with armbands. Believe it or not, most of the people in my department actually leave their guns in the boxes they came in, still wrapped in the original oily paper, and only take them out once every six months to do their mandatory fifteen minutes on the range."

"My love, what an enigma you are. You're on the cutting edge of the police force and all you want to do is pound the pavements like a flatfoot in search of vulgar wife beaters and muggers."

"Don't start. I know your theories about my need to liberate myself from the yoke of my parents' genteel upbringing in order to validate my existence, blah, blah, blah. It's all very nice and well put and all, but the truth of the matter is it makes no sense to pursue a career that bores you comatose."

"That's for dead sure. A job without fervor is like a meal without cheese. Like a kiss without a moustache," Alexandre exclaimed with a raised finger.

"Don't ever think of growing a moustache!" Capucine said with mock alarm.

Alexandre laughed. "Not likely, I was just sympathizing with you. But sooner or later they're bound to respond to all those applications you've made for another section. Wasn't your Oncle Etienne going to pull a string? Since he's Director of the Minister of the Interior's cabinet, his string is bound to be a hawser."

"It backfired. I got the call this afternoon. My request is permanently denied on the grounds that I'm allegedly just too good at what I do. So, my last resort is to take the commissaire's exam and get promoted to senior-grade officer-"

"I knew we wouldn't escape the lecture on the hierarchical structure of the Police Judiciaire," Alexandre said interrupting.

"Oh, you're impossible! What I mean is becoming a commissaire is much more than just a promotion. It means joining a whole new hierarchy. It would be like starting all over again. I'd have to do another internship and I'd get to pick the place. You can bet I'd choose a small precinct in a poor neighborhood as far away from the financial brigade as I could get."

"Sounds straightforward enough. Why didn't you think of that months ago?"

"I did, but, as that good woman so tactfully pointed out, I'm just a child. I'm twenty-eight and you have to be thirty to be a commissaire. Unless,"-she paused-"one of the top brass authorizes it." She pursed her lips slightly and pianoed the table with her fingertips. "I'm going to see Commissaire Principal Tallon in the Brigade Criminelle tomorrow morning and see if he'll do it."

"And if he won't?"

"Well, then I think I may just quit."

Alexandre beamed and beckoned the waiter over. It was not clear to Capucine if the smile was for the waiter or at the idea of her quitting the police.

Chapter Two

Capucine bit the inside of her lip until she could taste the salt of her blood and willed herself not to wither as Commissaire Principal Tallon shook his head in dismay. It was exactly her father's look when she was being taken to task for some adolescent peccadillo.

"Lieutenant, your request is entirely unreasonable," Tallon said, snapping over another page in Capucine's file. "According to this"-he tapped the bundle of papers-"your first year in the fiscal branch has been very successful. Your fitness evaluations are exemplary. I can understand your desire for promotion and I'm sure your divisonaire will be happy to endorse your application for the commissaire's exam when you reach the minimum age in-what is it?-two years. Be patient."

"Monsieur le Commissaire Principal, I have spent my entire year in fiscal trying to get out. When I graduated from the academy I requested the Brigade Criminelle but was dumped into the fiscal squad simply because my father is an investment banker. I didn't join the police force to do accounting work. It's not about becoming a commissaire. Every time I apply for a transfer I get turned down. It's clear that the only way I'm going to get into La Crim is as a commissaire. Sir, I'd do anything to get away from classroom problems and into real life."

"Real life?" Tallon pursed his lips in the ghost of a smirk, looking her up and down, clearly taking in the black Bill Blass suit she had picked out with such care that morning, convinced that it gave her a tough, street-smart look she was sure would go down well.

The demon of indignation gripped Capucine. She half rose, leaned far over the desk, her weight on the balls of her feet, palms flat on its scarred top. "Commissaire," she said, "I might as well be working at my father's bank. I have yet to arrest anyone who has ever held a gun in his life." She paused. "I've only drawn my own gun on the range. That's just not police work." She felt she was trembling slightly and sat back down with a thump.

Tallon smiled. "I take your point. I'm not very keen on accounting myself. I can't even balance my checkbook." His mood had changed perceptibly. Capucine was not sure if it was her gumption or the view of her breasts she had offered when she leaned over. Either would do. She thanked her lucky stars she had felt omitting a bra was essential to the tough-guy look. But instead of talking on Tallon had plunged back into her file, grunting and occasionally inexpertly poking at his computer keyboard. Capucine fidgeted. The meeting had slipped away from her again.

Just as the silence became unbearable, the phone rang. Tallon glanced at the caller ID screen. His face tightened. He held up his hand. "One moment. I have to take this." He grunted monosyllabically into the telephone in the liquid diphthongs of French virility, occasionally making notes on a scratch pad.

Capucine sneaked a look at Tallon's computer monitor. The screen was one she was all too familiar with, the Police Judiciare data bank on private citizens. She boggled. The file was headed, "d'Arbeaumont de Huguelet, Alexandre Edouard." Alexandre, her Alexandre.

Tallon was still engrossed in his conversation. Finally he nodded. "Yes, sir.... Of course.... If you insist.... I'll take charge myself.... Right.... I'll have a team there in half an hour.... Yes.... Yes.... Of course, sir."

He put the phone down and stared contemplatively at Capucine for a few beats. "You know, Lieutenant, the gods just might be smiling at you. That was my boss's boss, the contrôleur general. He dumped something in my lap that could get you seconded to the Brigade Criminelle for a week, if you want it. Enough to give you a taste of how things work here and see if you have the stomach for it."

Capucine beamed. "Of course I want it, Commissaire."

"Let me ask you a question, Lieutenant. Do you by any chance happen to know anything about the owner of that fancy restaurant, Diapason, Chef somebody or other?"

"Jean-Basile Labrousse. He's very famous. My husband knows him. Actually my husband knows almost everyone in the restaurant business. He's the restaurant critic for the Monde."

"I know," Tallon said, tapping his screen with a fingernail. "I was just reading up on him. Anyway, it seems the président-directeur général of Renault has been found dead in the refrigerator of this good Chef Labrousse."

"Good Lord. Poor Jean-Basile. He must be distraught."

"It might make some sense to assign you to this case temporarily. I don't doubt that through your husband you'll have some useful insights into the restaurant business. Anyway I'm over a barrel. I need someone right away and the only lieutenant not up to his eyeballs in work, Lieutenant Rivière, is away on a training course all this week. If you want you can start up the investigation. Examine the crime scene, take the initial depositions, make sure the forensic people are set up, just like they taught you at the academy. You can hand it over to Rivière when he gets back on Monday. The experience might dissuade you from wanting to do this sort of work. You'd have to start right away. If you agree, I'll square it with your boss."

"Commissaire, of course I'll do it. But what happened? People don't just get murdered in three-star restaurants. It's unthinkable."

"Lieutenant, don't get ahead of yourself. It's probably not a murder. So far it's just a dead guy in a refrigerator. If it wasn't for who the dead guy is, the local commissariat would be handling it. But since it's who it is, it came to me. And since you happened to be sitting in my office, and since through your husband you probably know more about the restaurant business than anyone else in this building, and since you're certainly qualified to launch a homicide case, it makes some sense for you to lend a hand."

"Did the inspecteur général supply any details? Do we know what he died of?"

"The guys from the local commissariat are already convinced it's just a case of bad food. It doesn't look all that good for Labrousse. He discovered the body. The local guys seem to think Labrousse panicked and stuffed the body in the refrigerator and took all weekend to find the courage to call us."

"Labrousse would never do anything like that."

"We'll find out, don't worry. You're in charge of the team for the week and you'll report to me. But get two things through your head. This doesn't go beyond one week and you can't fuck up. I want results and I want them fast. Clear?"

"Of course, sir."

"I mean it. Don't think for an instant that this is a permanent reassignment or that it has any bearing on your application for the commissaire's exam whatsoever."

"Oh, yes sir," Capucine said, releasing an insuppressible smile to flutter across the room like a butterfly.

"Go collect Rivière's brigadiers and get out there. Here's the address of the restaurant," he said, needlessly handing her a page from his scratch pad. "The forensic guys are already informed. Make sure you kick the guys from the local commissariat out right away. Don't let them hang around. They get their fingers into everything. Make it clear that you're in charge and check everything out carefully. Report back to me in the afternoon so we can decide what to do next."

Capucine started out the door. "Oh, one last thing, Lieutenant, Rivière's squad has a bit of an-ahh-a reputation. They're good enough, but they need a heavy hand. A very heavy hand. Don't forget that. Now get out there." Tallon smiled at her with a smile that was, just maybe, a bit warmer than one could expect from a commissaire principal. Capucine thanked the guardian angel who had talked her out of the bra when she was choosing her outfit that morning.

Chapter Three

Capucine's little rosy cloud of bubbly anticipation had gradually grown into a huge dark thundercloud of frustration and self-recrimination. After a fruitless half hour of striding up and down the labyrinthine corridors of the legendary Escalier A, Troisième étage-hallowed home of La Crim-trying to locate A-36, the office of Rivière's brigadiers, she was close to tears of frustration. Just as she was about to give up and go back to the ground floor receptionist and ask for directions a third time she heard a deep, throaty female voice. "Sometimes Rivière is just too much. I can see him taking a week off for a real training course, but computers! Give me a fucking break. He has trouble even turning his on. I'll bet he just saw it was in Nice and signed up without bothering to read what it was about. He'll be back with one hell of a tan and we'll have gone stir crazy staring at four walls for a whole fucking week."

A delicate but clearly male voice answered, "Isabelle, your own proclivities should be a better conduit to the understanding of our officer's mind. Those courses are ideal for picking up girls. You should know perfectly well that's Rivière's main interest in life."

"Listen, you creepy little faggot ..." the reply began, but Capucine had caught sight of a miniscule black plastic tag high up on the door frame-"A-36"-and she peeked cautiously around the doorway. The female voice emanated from a young woman in her middle twenties whose muscular body, straight as the trunk of a small tree, supported a head that would have been handsome had the mousy brown hair not been roughly hacked off, apparently by the owner without benefit of a mirror. Her antagonist was a diametric opposite, lithe and fluid as a ballet dancer, with flowing golden locks of a splendor not equaled in shampoo commercials. There was also a third person in the room, a gargantuan North African who glowered silently at his companions.

"Is this A-36?" Capucine asked. The North African mimed "not a clue" by shrugging, hiking his eyebrows, and puffing out his cheeks. The female looked at him and shook her head in scorn-"It's the office number, you idiot"-and, turning to Capucine, "Yes, madame, it is. Can we help you?"

"So, you must be Brenarouch, Martineau, and Lemercier. I'm Lieutenant Le Tellier. You've been assigned to me for a week. Well, actually, I'm filling in for Lieutenant Rivière for a week and we've all been put on a case and really have to get going right away, but it might be nice to spend a few minutes getting to know each other first," Capucine said in a rush.

The North African, eyeing Capucine's suit, was visibly nonplussed. "Look, uh, Lieutenant, 'scuse me. This is a Crim squad. There must be some sort of mix-up. What is it you do, social work or something like that? You can't be filling in for our lieutenant."

"I'm sorry, m'dam, my partners have no manners," the woman said with exaggerated politeness. "The big one is Brigadier Benarouche, Momo, and the cutie over there is Brigadier Marineau, David, and I'm Brigadier Lemercier, Isabelle." She stood rigidly at attention. Capucine ignored the cynicism.


Excerpted from The Grave Gourmet by ALEXANDER CAMPION Copyright © 2010 by Alexander Campion. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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The Grave Gourmet 2.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 262 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I wanted to like this story, really I did, but I just can't get into this one. I thought there would be a strong female detective and a foodie murder mystery I could bite my teeth into. Yeah, not so much. So much time is spent on what the detective is wearing (like weather or not she sould have worn a bra to an interview) or eating or on what some male around her thinks that she should be doing I found it difficult to read or even to finish.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Please don't rate books if you have not read them. Anyone who likes cozy mysteries will love this book! I will take a cozy mystery over any other book as my free Friday book! Thank you BN this will be a joy to read again!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I understand that crude language can be appropriately used but this book uses it, especially the F### bomb, so much it destroys any story here.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You have to add a star to post. I give this less than a star. As a firmer professional cook, and a great lover of all things french, I was hughly dissappointed in this book and very glad it was a friday freebie and I can delete it. The characters are badly drawn, the men misogynistic, the women insipid, and the premise is horrible. I know French oeople get a bad rap in the press. But this book simply oeroetuates the myth, and that's too bad.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Read a bunch of pages and was not overly impressed. Like other reviewers, I also find the main character offensive and egotistical. The swearing is very uncalled for, there are better words and don't do anything for the book. It makes me mad why so many books that have a good potential, are spoiled and ruined by inappropiate language.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
So far this is incredibly trite and cliched and horrifically sexist. Not sure i can keep reading.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The author used so many "big" words that a thesaurs must have been a constant companion while writing. A bit distracting and slowed the story down. Who talks like that in real life? Plot was fine but overly descriptive.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Like many others I found Capucine to be a very offensive female lead. I was looking forward to maybe finding another strong female lead in this genre only to be exposed to a character that relied more on her looks to get her what she wanted than ability. Her in ability to conduct an efficient and productive investigation became apparent by the end of the first day of the investigation and continued as she bumbled her way through the investigation. I couldn't even finish the book. I am so glad this was a free Friday book and that I did not pay for this one.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
True, it has a few F bombs, but not many, and it has a lot of French references and big words, but the beauty of the nook tablet is that they are so easy to look up and if the dictionary does not have them, the internet usually does. It is my favorite way to learn new words or more about other cultures.
Amaranthae More than 1 year ago
First, let me add here that although there are no recipes included in the book itself they can be found on the Author’s website under recipes. Now, onto the book itself.  If you are looking for serious crime novel set in Paris, this may not be the one for you.  Although it is a crime novel, and it is set in Paris it is more a light-hearted look at the Police Judicaire, and the homicide division. The main protagonist is a very chic, very French woman, married to a food critic.  She is moneyed, over-privileged, beautiful and a little bit lost in the soup when it comes to investigating murder.  For any reader that has spent more than a 2 week vacation in Paris, they will recognize her as one of the women that walks the Champs-Élysées; well dressed, elegant and knowing eyes will be upon her as she walks by.  For some readers this may be off putting, but in this character her self-assurance and feeling of privilege are what add humour to this story.  Having spent some time in Paris, I found her attitude and bearing to be more stereotypical than an accurate description of Parisian women, but it wasn’t this that made me feel no connection with her, it was more her constant preening and admiration of herself that kept me from fully liking her.  Her Husband, I felt, was almost as if had been written by a different hand; he was personable, funny and spent a great deal of time in the kitchen.  He had a total understanding of the way his wife thought and reacted to certain situations, and was always on hand to return her to their version of the real world. From the descriptions of the locales in and around Paris, it is apparent that the Author has spent a great deal of time living there, and partaking of all that French cuisine and vineyards have to offer as the book is filled with plenty of intriguing information about this aspect of French life.  Unfortunately all the great locales and haute cuisine covered it the book does not make this any more than a mediocre police procedural, even though it is woven skilfully into a basic plot. I didn’t dislike this novel, but then again I didn’t love it; it was fun and just OK and, based on this I find it highly unlikely that I would read anymore books by this Author.  I would recommend it to anyone that is looking for a light read with a twist.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Just too slow and awkward.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found the main character to actually be offensive. That might have been the intent of the author, although I found most of the swearing pretty tame.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Don't waste your money. Set in France and I couldn't get past page25.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Once I put it down, I could not pick it up again.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
There was not as much cross over between the gourmet and the storyline. I do enjoy reading Diane Mott Davidson.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am a great fan of free friday nook books and have enjoyed reading many books and genres that I might not have tried if I had to pay for them. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get into this book and put it away after a couple of chapters. But that is another reason to love free nook books; if you don't like the book you don't have to feel obligated to read it. It was free - no loss.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The author of this mystery presumes much of his readers. It is filled with acronyms for French law enforcement agencies without any explanations or notes. The plot is predictable but the characters are quite well developed. However it would have been much more interesting for the gourmet to be the one to solve the murder rather than a policewoman. I have no interest in any other entries in this series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I couldn't even get past the first few pages. This was the first book I've seriously hated. The thesaurus got a good work out with this one!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Skim read, too poorly executed.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Don't bother
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was a very good book and I enjoyed the story. The only problem was the language. Some phrases, words and passages were in french and it was difficult to understand without translation. Otherwise a great read with excellent storyline and plot.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I concur, I mean agree!
Joycepa on LibraryThing 10 months ago
Subtitled A Capucine Culinary Mystery, obviously this is the debut of a series which is set in Paris. The protagonist is 28 year old Lt Capucine Le Tellier, who works for the police, the Police Judiciare (PJ). Her husband Alexandre is a food/restaurant critic for an unspecified paper. When the book opens, Ca;pucine is fuming at her job in the fraud section of the PJ. She longs to be assigned to La Crim, the homicide division, but is doing such a good job in her current position that she can¿t get out, no matter how many strings she pulls (and as the daughter of a very well-off family, she has connections). But suddenly the body of the President of Renault is found in a walk-in freezer in Diapason, a Michelin 3-star restaurant, and while it does appear to be a case of food poisoning, there is no one available to take the case. Capucine gets her big chance.This is a light-weight, light-hearted, amusing yet satisfying entry into the police procedural genre. For those of us who love our food, there is plenty of intriguing information about French haute cuisine--and French wines. Campion is an American who spent 35 years in Paris, becoming a restaurant critic, so he speaks with an insider¿s knowledge. It¿s all woven well into a more or less standard plot, complete with a little international espionage thrown in, and it all works.This is a fun book, and I¿m looking forward to the next in the series.
Anonymous 10 months ago
Intriguing mystery weaving murder, Paris restaurants, and industrial espionage in one story. Excellent imagery writing that allows the reader to be able to “see and smell” the sights of Paris. A very good mystery reed.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago