It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right?
I wake up, bleary-eyed.
It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days.
We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back.
Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’
All hope of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again.
Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family…
Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us.
An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky. Fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Unmumsy Mum, and rom-coms by Sophie Ranald and Sophie Kinsella, will ugly laugh at this gloriously funny and relatable read.
Readers totally love Kristen Bailey:
‘Laugh-out-loud funny!!!!... I found myself snorting with giggles on the train. Easy to read and topical... With loveable and realistic characters.’ Goodreads Reviewer
‘Not many books have the ability to make me belly-laugh and have teary eyes in the same proportions… A hilarious analysis of the daily grind of family life that every parent can identify with. Kristen Bailey perfectly captures the chaos, mess, emotions, tearing-your-hair-out moments and love that surround the demands of a modern family.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars
‘I can't honestly remember when I had this much fun with a book. This story is awesome.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars
‘An insightful and endlessly witty take on parenthood with bags of drama to keep the pages turning. I would recommend to parents and non-parents alike!’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Meg and Danny have been together ten years, with three little girls under 7, a dog named Mr. T, a postman named Pat (truly) and a rather ‘bleh’ sex life. Between kids, work, the daily sameness and more than a bit of “comfortableness’ with one another – things have hit a rut. Until the postman delivers a large package containing a sparkly, blue, very large dildo, and the reporter in Meg goes investigating. Starting off a bit slow where the “southern girl” Meg meets Danny and his brother, and the ensuing relationship and marriage. What wasn’t in the cards as she loved her job as an editor of a fashion magazine and the stories she did – was to move to the Lakes District where Danny takes over the family paper business and reconnects with literally (it feels) everyone he knew, dated, shagged or even wronged growing up in the area. And he and his younger brother were boys into everything. Aside from the double-take that Meg does repeatedly with the Northern slang and peculiar verb tenses, and her questions (or questioning ) nature. And having worries that Danny is ‘playing away’ for excitement, that she’s not enough – things take several twists. There were reasons that she married Danny: his charm or ability to share were not among them – but slowly, and together, after a few missteps and a giant stuffed animal wearing a strap on, the story twists and turns to bring them ever closer together, even as she sees (and understands) just how unhappy Danny is running the Paper Factory – but he’s the type to do what is right for everyone else first. With a sketchbook full of drawings, a bounty offered for the identity of an artist with a half-million followers on social media, letters with offers of money, contracts and fame – the two must find a way to come together and balance the ‘secret’ that Meg, the world’s worst secret keeper, and Danny now share – oh and did I mention younger brother stepping up to help with childcare – and using his very brilliant brain - before he dashed off on yet another ‘adventure’ sans job to provide another person to bounce ideas off, as well as keeping them both protected. There were parts where tears were running down my face, I was laughing so hard: the Captain Mintcake secret, the very honest portrayal of Meg’s worries, her often slapstick sort of family and being bailed out of the local by Dan’s mother (who was NOT pleased, mind) brought their struggles and their bond to the forefront of the story- and you felt and believed every moment. If only every marriage or relationship in a bit of trouble had the ability to stop and regroup, with plenty of laughter, support and a few missteps – to move on. Beware – those of you who don’t appreciate sex – talking about it, referring to it, swearing, discussion of bits and bobs – this should be a miss for you – understand that Meg knows that her husband and brother-in-law are like 12 year old boys chatting about girls – with no adults about. I received an eArc copy of the title from the publisher via NetGalley for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
A surprise delivery changes the context of their everyday lives: warm and witty 4.5stars I loved the down-home, realistic picture of family life in this Kristen Bailey work. Meg, the Londoner come to the North heroine, is a good mom to her three girls but worries that the years of married domesticity have dulled the shine on her relationship with Northerner Dan. A surprise postal delivery suddenly provokes a re-examination of the quality and direction of her marriage. Bailey does a great job covering the bases of the range of emotions and fears Meg cycles through with Dan and his close family. Meg, by moving north, has had to abandon a lifestyle she enjoyed in the trade-off with a growing, well-loved family and her husband's needs. Dan's career dilemma as he stoically stands up and takes the burden of running his family's business when he really hankers after a totally different vocation is portrayed very adroitly. She even makes the humdrum routine of walking the children to school or attending a school holiday gathering both comical and fraught with jealousy and back-biting gossip. Some standout characters besides Meg and Dan: five year old daughter Eve and Dan's carefree, globetrotting brother Stu. Eve is VERY vocal and demanding from the first chapter when she unequivocally rejects her breakfast choices; Stu brings excitement and added fun to their existence when he returns from his extended travels and reconnects to a small community where he's had a fling with most of their womenfolk. For a non-British reader there is a lot of jargon that may not compute, but it's sort of fun to guess at the meaning in the context of this innuendo-charged and frequently explicit human comedy. Thanks to publisher Bookouture and NetGalley for providing a complimentary advance copy of the book; this is my voluntary and honest review.
I've read books which have made me laugh before - but this time I couldn't stop! Meg and Danny are happily married with three daughters, one a baby. So, yes, their sex life has taken a hit - that's normal, right? So Meg isn't overly worried, until she opens the box delivered to their addressed to her husband and delivered to their home . . . I have giggled hysterically at this book; it's so very, very funny! Kristen Bailey has a fabulous style of writing which just pulls you in and entertains you til the very end. Anyone in a long term relationship - and especially with kids - will nod along as this story has more than a ring of truth in it for the normal family. My long suffering other-half is used to me giggling maniacally when I'm reading, but this took things to a whole new level. I shall certainly be very suspicious of anyone with a sprained ankle from now on! If you really need a right good laugh, then this is the book for you. The laughs are all built into a very realistic story line, and the varying characters who pop up have a feeling of familiarity about them; they pop up everywhere! Absolutely hilarious, and not a book I will forget easily. I suspect I may well be giving it as gifts this year - yes, it's THAT funny! Without a doubt, worth a full house of stars.