Her heart may be in the right place...but her soul belongs to Satan.Being Satan's most infamous minion is the only life Becca Gibbs has ever known. But now she's restless, sick and tired of stealing souls, and ready to break free on her own. Unfortunately, this gig isn't like any other job. Its first rule: Walk out on the Devil-and kiss your life good-bye.Nick Rawlings is the last of the Markku, a race of fighters that broke from Hell to pull for the good. When his sister goes missing, and her ransom is the death of Satan, Nick's more than willing to take on the fight. The first step? Getting the devil's sexy right-hand helper on his side. The second? Well, if he can take his eyes-and hands-off of her, he's sure he'll think of it...
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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Hot
By Stephanie Rowe
ForeverCopyright © 2007 Stephanie Rowe
All right reserved.
Chapter OneNick Rawlings hoped he got attacked today. He was bored, itchy for action, and fast coming to the conclusion that even the undying gratitude of his best pal, Jerome Doumani (and the large stack of gold bullion that Jerome was forking over), wasn't worth three weeks of sitting in a small room with nothing but a frozen sociopath to keep him company.
Nick peered hopefully at the platinum deadbolt on the inside of the steel door to see if someone was trying to jimmy it off from the other side. No luck.
He sighed and wandered across the polished oak floor, his heavy steel-toed boots thudding on the perfect varnish. He glanced back over his shoulder, taking mild satisfaction in the fact that the floors were getting scuffed from his pacing. The Council (the morally questionable, self-appointed governing body of all beings nonhuman) would have to pry open their wallets to ante up for refinishing by the time Nick was sprung from guard duty. Not exactly a fair trade for the Council getting Nick's pa and grandpa offed and for wiping out Nick's race, but hey, a guy who'd promised his dying pa that he wouldn't take revenge had to accept the small paybacks life offered him.
Nick's friend Jerome was one-third of the Council triad, an ex-pirate who still lived by the code of the high seas, and Nick's best friend since they were kids. Nothing bondsa couple of boys like practicing swordplay with real blades and no safety masks. Jerome had been recruited to join the Council because of his moral flexibility and consequent willingness to do the tough-guy enforcing that the Council pretended not to support. In reality, the Council was way more bloodthirsty than any pirate, and they were a little too hung up on their power for the good of those they ruled. Their punishments were so brutal that some beings didn't survive them, especially the Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors.
Nick surveyed the stacks of food and beverages in the corner, which were supposed to sustain him for the next few weeks while he was on guard duty. No beer. No pizza. He was a man's man, and he liked beer and pizza.
He pulled a plate of crudités out of the fridge and started munching on a carrot. Or not.
He sauntered over to the white horizontal SubZero freezer (nothing but the best for the Council), stuck the carrot between his teeth, then grabbed the industrial-size padlock with both hands. Two tugs, and it broke off with a loud crack. He leveraged the heavy lid up, letting it slam against the wall with a crash that left a nice dent.
More maintenance costs for the Council.
Such a pity.
He peered into the cooler, and a three-by-five-foot block of ice stared back up at him. The ice chunk was swirled with a mixture of blurred colors-pink, blue, and a large amount of gold-as if someone had tie-dyed it. He took a bite of carrot while he surveyed his charge. "So, you're the oh-so-evil disinherited son of the leader of hell, huh?"
The ice cube trembled, and Nick smiled. "Jerome tells me you were stupid enough to get yourself melted and then frozen before you could reform. Bested by an ex-pirate, a no-carb-eating dragon, and a mathematician. True?"
The frozen block vibrated even more fiercely, and Nick heard the faint whisper of a particularly creative epithet he hadn't heard since he'd lived in hell. "Yeah, I hear you. Life can be a bitch sometimes."
The cube had no response, and Nick let the lid drop shut. So much for entertainment.
Jerome was sure the other members of the Council were corrupt, and he didn't enjoy being set up as a scapegoat for all the Council's crimes against the Otherworld, a classification which included all beings nonhuman. Mortal world was the physical place where humans hung out on earth, totally clueless that beings from the Otherworld rode the trains with them, babysat their kids, and laughed at their ignorance.
So, when Jerome heard rumors in the Council men's room that someone was going to try to spring Satan Jr., he did what any smart guy would do: hired the baddest badass in the Otherworld to keep Satan Jr. safe, which was Nick, of course.
Helping out his best friend had seemed like a good plan at the time, but now that Nick had been there for a week and no one had come through the ceiling with laser guns or Uzis, he was beginning to think his buddy needed counseling for paranoia.
Then Nick heard the key turn in the deadbolt, and his adrenaline spiked. He spun around to face the door, knowing Jerome wasn't due for poker for another two hours. Playtime.
He leaned against the freezer and rested his palms on the lid, on either side of his hips. He drummed his fingers on the metal, waiting.
The deadbolt turned and the steel door flew open like it was made of paper.
Ah, a challenge. Nice.
A man stepped inside, and Nick immediately rose to his feet as an intense sensation of belonging swept over him. There was no mistaking the wavering air around the man's body, like the heat rising off a sidewalk on a hot summer day. Was he Markku? Impossible. Markku were extinct.
Well, except Nick, but he was only half Markku, so he didn't count.
The man stopped suddenly and stared at the air above Nick's head, his eyes widening in surprise, which made Nick frown even deeper, since his mixed blood had pretty much spared him from the hot-air blur that was typical of the Markku. But this dude was inspecting Nick as if he could see it. And if he were Markku, he probably could. Damn. Was Nick really not one of a kind, after all?
The man was just over six feet and solid, but not nearly as big as Nick. His black pants, black turtleneck sweater, and black boots were overkill and made him look like he was trying too hard, as did the military buzz cut. The man's gaze flicked down to Nick's face. "Who are you?"
"Nick Rawlings. You?"
The man cocked his head. "You're not with us."
"Us being ...?" Were there more Markku?
But instead of answering, the man dropped his shoulder and charged.
Nick barely jumped out of the way in time, nearly paying for his failure to expect another being to be almost as fast as he was. The man slammed into the side of the cooler, his head smashing all the way through the metal. He roared and reared back, dragging the cooler as he tried to get his head free. The freezer screeched across the floor, and Nick grabbed his gun, leveling it at the base of the man's skull, where it was protruding from the freezer.
No. You must protect your men.
Nick hesitated at the command in his head. His men? He had no men.
This is your man. All the men are your men to protect.
He shook his head to clear it. His damned healer gene was always interfering with his ability to kick some ass. Trying to make him soft and mushy when he was all about violence and enjoying a good fight.
The visiting Markku bellowed and tried to yank himself free.
"Yeah, not so fast." Nick ground his boot into the back of the man's neck, pinning him to the side of the cooler. "So, let's chat. I've got loads of questions for you. Are you after Satan Jr.? Who sent you? Who's 'us?' Are you really Markku, or do you just do the hot-air thing to attract women?"
"I'm better than Markku," the man announced, his voice echoing inside the SubZero.
"Better? Given that the Markku are descended from Satan and are pretty much indestructible except for gold, that's some kind of claim. So, better in what way, exactly?" Nick dug the heel of his boot in as the man started to struggle more fiercely. "Better fashion sense? Maybe don't have to shave as often? Do tell."
"No battle weakness."
Nick's foot nearly slipped off the man's skull. Post-battle weakness was a terrible nuisance that required him to conk out for a day or so after every decent fight, not that he had gotten in many lately. But seeing as how that weakness had been the key to Satan's Rivka army wiping out the Markku race, it was something to note. "You're kidding."
"Nope." The man paused in his struggling. "Want in? I could hook you up. It's a sweet deal."
"Tempting." Nick cocked his head. "But no thanks. Sounds like one of those 'deals' where I end up chained to a wall, being tortured."
"You're sure?" the Markku asked.
"Then I'll have to kill you and steal the kid."
Nick grinned. "Be my guest."
He felt the Markku gathering strength, so he put his gun to the back of the man's head.
Don't shoot your man.
Great. His alter ego again. I'll shoot whoever I want. He gritted his teeth against the almost overwhelming urge not to fire, covered his right eye with his left hand to protect against ricochets, and forced himself to pull the trigger.
The bullets bounced off the man's skull, ricocheting all over the room, embedding themselves in the wall, the ceiling, shattering the water cooler that was supposed to keep Nick hydrated for the next three weeks, whizzing through the weapons closet in the corner, and setting off a cascade of fireworks. One bullet even bounced off Nick's shin. The man shouted in protest and twisted so his feet and palms were flat against the cooler. He shoved hard, trying to yank his head free as his body shuddered with the impact of so much repeated force.
"You sure you don't want to chat instead?" Nick yelled over the gunfire. "Just tell me who wants Satan Jr., admit you can't beat me, and then we can kick back and play some poker when Jerome gets here. It'll be fun. What do you say?"
The Markku used the same epithet that Satan Jr. had used. An old-school swear descended straight from hell's origins. Coincidence? Probably not so much. The rescuer likely had late-night sleepovers with Junior when the kid wasn't frozen. Apparently, Satan Jr. was hooking up with his dad's former servants. Interesting.
"Okay, then. Don't say I didn't offer." Nick emptied his clip, grabbed his second gun, and kept firing, slamming bullet after bullet against the Markku's skull as the Poland Spring water sloshed around his feet, ruining the floor.
The Markku yanked his head free and pieces of the steel cooler went flying. Nick ducked as one piece whizzed past his shoulder and sliced through the wall, disappearing from sight with the power of the Markku's thrust.
The Markku whirled around and slammed his foot into the side of Nick's knee with enough force to split a redwood in half.
"Son of a bitch." Nick's knee gave out and he fell to the floor, gritting his teeth against the pain. He rolled to his left, dodging the Markku as he tried to jump on Nick. "You say you're better than a Markku, huh? Slower, maybe."
"Better." The Markku pulled out a knife with a golden blade, and Nick swore under his breath. What the hell was he doing with that kind of weapon?
The Markku drove the blade down toward Nick's right eye, and Nick jerked his head hard to the side. The blade scraped Nick's cheek and slammed into the wooden floor, barely missing its target.
Hot pain flashed through Nick at the touch of gold. Holy mother of pearl. He'd felt pain before, but this was something else.
The Markku yanked the blade out of the floor as Nick grabbed him and flung him into the wall, denting the plaster with a satisfying thud.
Nick was on his feet before the man had stopped sliding down the wall.
The man hurled the knife, and the blade plunged into the front of Nick's right shoulder. Nick cursed as the poisonous fire raked through his body, and he dropped to his knees, clutching his shoulder.
Then he heard his pa's voice, whispering the instructions he'd repeated to Nick so many times when training him as a kid. Use the heat, Nick. Channel it.
Nick gritted his teeth, then pulled the golden fire into his body, recharging himself with the flames, using the pain to fuel his body even as that same heat drained him, sucked away his life force.
The Markku jumped to his feet and lunged for the knife, but Nick grabbed it first. He whipped it out of his shoulder with a roar of anguish, then slammed it in the Markku's right eye. The man exploded in a cascade of gold dust, his death scream his only legacy as it bounced off the steel door and echoed in Nick's ears.
Nick clutched the blade and shook the gold dust off his eyelashes, watching it float down, mixing with the Poland Spring water to create a river of sparkling mud. "Better, my ass."
The door flew open, and Nick reared back to throw the knife, diverting his aim at the last second when he realized who it was.
Jerome yelped and ducked as the blade sung past his ear and embedded itself in the wall behind him. "It's me!"
"No kidding." Nick pressed his left hand to his stab wound, trying to stem the flow of blood. The more he could mitigate the damage now, the less trouble he'd be in later.
"Right. Because you'd have killed me if I'd been anyone else." Jerome straightened up, his scabbard swinging by his side. In honor of his mortal life pillaging on the high seas, he was sporting full pirate regalia today, including an eye patch, even though both his eyes were fine.
Nick kicked a piece of the water cooler out of his way, then stumbled with sudden weakness. Shit. He had to get out of there. He had less than a half hour before he was dead to the world for at least a couple of days. Jerome was the only one besides Nick's ma who knew Nick was half Markku, so they'd have a hell of a time explaining it away if Nick went unconscious in the middle of Council headquarters.
"You look like hell," Jerome said. "What happened?"
Jerome paled, and he tugged the eye patch up so he could look at Nick with both light blue eyes. "No kidding?"
Nick waved at the gold dust, and Jerome scanned the room, his gaze coming to a stop on the ice chest. A big hole gaped in the side, and the sound of dripping water was coming from the inside of the SubZero. "You couldn't keep him from breaking the freezer while you killed him? Getting soft in your old age, are you?"
"Shut up." Nick turned his back on Jerome to hide a shudder of fatigue. Then he grabbed his stash of weapons and turned to head out, only to find Jerome blocking his exit. "What now?"
"You can't leave. What if they send another Markku?"
Nick shrugged his injured shoulder. "Gold blade. Gotta run."
Jerome frowned, his forehead furrowing with concern as he took in Nick's bloodstained shoulder. "Shit, man. Have you ever been hit with gold before? Are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine, but I'm going to crash. I need to-" He stopped talking as an old, bearded man in a white robe strode into the room, followed by a businessman in an Armani suit. Paul and Otis, the other two members of the Council.
Paul and Otis were the Council members who'd worked with Satan to wipe out the Markku, and they'd killed Nick's dad, all before Jerome came on board. The Markku had gotten tired of being Satan's slaves, so when Nick's grandpa had figured out how to escape hell, he'd made a deal with the Council: if they'd help him lead the rest of the Markku to safety, he'd make the Markku available to help the Council any time they needed some muscle.
But once the Markku had gotten free and the Council realized how powerful they really were, they decided it was bad to have the Markku be a free people, and they made another deal, this time with Satan. The Council traded an entire race of beings in exchange for Satan's Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors.
Satan had been irate that his whole Markku army had bailed on him, and he'd ordered his Rivkas to destroy all Markku they found. With the help of the Council, who were happy to point out the safe houses they'd created for the Markku to recover after battle, the Rivka had decimated the race with their gold fireballs while they'd slept, except for one or two Markku who'd crashed elsewhere.
Like Nick's grandpa, which is why Nick's pa and Nick himself existed.
But they were all who had survived, and the Council had killed Nick's pa when they'd found him. It was damned annoying Nick had promised his pa he wouldn't stalk, torture, and maim the Council in retribution. Paul and Otis had no idea who Nick was, and Nick had to keep it that way, or else they'd be so threatened by his existence that they'd find a way to kill him, leaving Nick's ma and sister alone.
He'd promised his pa, and he'd stand by it, which meant walking away, no matter how hard it was. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try to find out what was up with that Markku who'd tried to kill him. Were there really others out there, hiding like he was?
Excerpted from He Loves Me, He Loves Me Hot by Stephanie Rowe Copyright © 2007 by Stephanie Rowe. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
People rave about Stephanie Rowe, but I just don't find her funny, and not finding her funny means her books don't work at all for me. I'm going to control myself and stop taking them out of the library so people who want to read her can get their hands on her books!
Becca is the right hand rivka of Satan desperate to get free of him. Nick is a half Markku, a race that once managed to free itself from Satan. When's Nick's sister is kidnapped and held hostage until he murders Satan, Becca is the one he knows he must turn to. Becca and Nick possess information that each wishes to get from the other. However, what starts off as a simple exchange of assistance and knowledge quickly becomes much more complicated as plots come to light and they are forced to rely more on each other than they ever anticipated.Another sweet, funny romance with many familiar figures from Rowe's earlier books, including Theresa the dragon and, of course, Satan himself. It is a perfect warm and gooey mind candy for getting away from it all.
This is book 3 in Ms. Rowe's urban paranormal world. The details and delights are wild and really great! Do you want to enter a world that is so real its scary and sexy? Do you want to laugh out loud and wonder what's coming next?
Nick Rawlings is the last known surviving Markku, a race of fighters that fled Satan for freedom only to be destroyed. In fact Nick is actually a half-breed who currently is watching over a frozen part of Satan Jr. When his half-sister Dani calls saying they will kill her unless he kills Satan, he ignores her until he realizes something is wrong. When he goes to her place, he finds her unconscious inside of some sort of bubble that he cannot penetrate. He knows his only hope to save his sibling is to find a Rivka servant of Hell to assist his assassinating Satan. --- At a club, Nick meets Becca Gibbs, the most infamous of the Rivka and her apprentice Rivka Paige. He offers her a deal that if she helps him on his quest to save his sister he will help her get free of Satan. Becca accepts as she wants to live eternity away from Satan¿s control though she knows that her life-force comes from his being so the king of Hell must live. As they work together neither can resist the lure of the other. --- The third devilish paranormal romance (see MUST LOVE DRAGONS and DATE ME BABY, ONE MORE TIME) is a lighthearted romp that adds much to the Rowe mythos with two major Hellish races revealed. The story line is lighthearted frolic yet filled with plenty of action while the lead couple goes from one adventure to another while they fall in love an unheard of emotion for residents or offspring of Satan. Fantasy romance fans will enjoy the latest amusing battle of the souls (soulless?) on hell and earth. --- Harriet Klausner