He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters

by Schuyler Bailar

Overview

From a trans rights activist and athlete, an urgent guide that changes the conversation about gender identity.

Anti-transgender legislation is being introduced in state governments around the United States in record-breaking numbers. Trans people are under attack in sports, healthcare, school curriculum, bathrooms, bars, and nearly every walk of life. He/She/They compassionately addresses fundamental topics, from why being transgender is not a choice and why pronouns are important, to more complex issues including how gender-affirming healthcare can be lifesaving.

With a relatable narrative rooted in science, and history, Schuyler helps restore common sense and humanity to a discussion that continues to be divisively coopted and deceptively politicized. He/She/They is more than a book on allyship; it also speaks to trans folks directly, celebrating radical trans joy.   

National Bestseller 

Winner, 2023 Porchlight Business Book Awards

Longlisted, 2024 Carnegie Medals for Excellence in Nonfiction 

Forbes 30 Under 30

 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780306831867
Publisher:	Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:	11/12/2024
Pages:	400
Sales rank:	106,245
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Schuyler Bailar (he/him) is an educator, author, and advocate. He is also the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team. Schuyler’s exemplary work has earned him numerous honors including NYC Pride Grand Marshall, the Out 100, LGBTQ Nation’s Instagram Advocate of the year, and the Harvard Varsity Director’s Award. In addition to being one of the top LGBTQ+ educators and advocates, Schuyler is a leading DEI speaker and advisor who has been featured in countless media outlets. Schuyler also hosts the hit podcast “Dear Schuyler” on gender and culture and is the creator of the groundbreaking LaneChanger.com gender literacy online learning series. He holds a degree in Cognitive Neuroscience and Evolutionary Psychology from Harvard, and works in four research labs focusing in clinical psychology and public health.

Editorial Reviews

"He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar is an incredible book and resource for all who want to understand gender & transness based off of someone who has lived it. Schuyler is an activist, athlete, educator, and now writer! This book is informative, fabulous to read, and leaves the reader with information, joy and proactive ways to get involved in what is one of the most important human rights conversations of our time. I love this book & Schuyler, you will too!"—Jonathan Van Ness, New York Times bestselling author, podcaster, comedian, and television personality

"Schuyler was the first trans person I ever followed on social media. He/She/They reminded me of why I hit that follow button years ago- because of Schuyler's ability to speak on gender in non-intimidating ways. I wish I had this book to guide my own journey years ago, but I am so glad it exists now. We need it!"—Dylan Mulvaney, actress, comedian, TikTok personality

"A wonderfully clear and convincing guide to comprehending and defending gender diversity."—Kirkus, Starred Review

"A smart and accessible discussion of gender and sexuality."—Publisher's Weekly

"This book is both a wonderful resource for readers who want to know more on these topics but aren’t sure where to start and for trans folks looking how to navigate coming out, dating, mental health, and more…Trans and gender-fluid teens will see themselves in Bailar's meaningful work, and cis teens will find essential information on being a good ally."—Booklist, Starred Review

"Courageous and heartwarming, He/She/They sheds light on the journey of gender discovery and acceptance. As a fellow advocate for transgender rights, I am inspired by Schuyler's unwavering honesty and resilience. His powerful narrative challenges societal norms, encouraging readers to embrace their authentic selves fearlessly. A must-read for anyone seeking understanding, compassion, and hope on the path to self-discovery."

—Jazz Jennings, [she/her], activist, television personality, and author

“Tragically, it’s transgender people who find themselves most targeted and scapegoated by both evangelicals and right-wingers — especially when elections roll around. Trans activist and athlete Schuyler Bailar cuts through the smears in He/She/They, explaining why gender-affirming medical care is life-saving and how trans youth playing sports benefits all kids. Bailar’s book isn’t just for the ignorant; it also serves as a bible of trans joy.”
 —The Advocate

“Wherever you are on the journey to understanding trans identities, issues, and advocacy, He/She/They will support you in having better, deeper conversations and connections.”—Book Riot

From the Publisher

08/21/2023

Transgender activist and former Harvard University swimmer Bailar (Obie Is Man Enough) offers a smart and accessible discussion of gender and sexuality, adapted from hundreds of speeches on trans inclusion he has given across the country over the past four years. Bailar, the first openly transgender athlete to compete in any NCAA Division I men’s college sport, writes that he did not intend to become a transgender educator, but when his high school asked him to give a speech about transgender inclusion, the experience helped him realize that what young transgender people really need are public figures who empathize with them and inspire hope. Combining memoir and reportage, Bailar addresses fundamental issues such as why pronouns are important, why being transgender is not a choice, and how transgender healthcare can save trans people’s lives. He also touches on more complex topics such as how trans men navigate toxic masculinity and how race affects one’s experience of being transgender. Explaining that state governments have introduced record-breaking numbers of anti-transgender legislation in the past three years, he encourages readers to speak out about transgender rights and educate people about what it means to be trans. Written for both a trans and a general readership, Bailar’s account is lucid and accessible. It’s a solid introduction to why trans rights matter. (Oct.)Correction: An earlier version of this review mistakenly used a term that some in the trans community find offensive.

Publishers Weekly

★ 12/02/2023

Activist and educator Bailar, the first openly transgender athlete to compete in an NCAA Division I sport, makes his adult debut (following his middle-grade coming-of-age story, Obie Is Man Enough) with a vulnerable, incisive discussion of gender and sexuality. The book is divided into four parts, with each section addressing different gender-related issues, from finding the right words (and understanding why some language is harmful or helpful) to considering one's biases and learning how to fully engage in allyship. Standout sections include discussions of difficulties faced by trans athletes, from anti-trans legislation to increased drug testing; confronting toxic masculinity as a trans man; and the ways that race, disability, and mental health affect transgender individuals and communities. He combines well-researched statistics with his own story and reflections from other transgender individuals. He carefully lays bare the complexities and nuances of gender while making it clear that these issues have the power to change, destroy, and even save lives. VERDICT A vital and wide-ranging discussion of gender and sexuality. This thoughtful, galvanizing book is an essential purchase for all nonfiction collections.—Sarah Hashimoto

Library Journal

★ 2023-07-18
Understanding the realities of gender identities.

In this remarkable book, Bailar, the first trans athlete to play a sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team and now a prominent advocate for trans rights, reflects on his experiences as a trans man and explains how we might best comprehend and discuss gender identity. In four sections, the author provides definitions of critical concepts related to gender, recommendations about ways to discuss complex and sensitive issues, scientifically informed debunking of common misconceptions, and guidance about how trans individuals and their allies can successfully navigate the challenges of an often transphobic society. Along the way, Bailar astutely unpacks the assumptions informing key debates that have become flashpoints in the nation’s culture wars: the appropriateness of surgery and hormone treatments for young people; the participation of trans individuals in sports; the politics of bathrooms; the significance of pronoun use; and the relationship between trans identities and mental illness. Among the many strengths of this book is the author’s patient, informed unfolding of his arguments. Though his claims are obviously deeply held and passionately rendered, Bailar refrains from polemics and remains generous toward those who might disagree. Another key point is the author’s linking of transphobia to other forms of prejudice and indictment of deep-seated cultural anxieties about gender and sexual orientation. Trans individuals, he writes, “are a threat because our very identities disrupt the most basic conventions of Western society: cis white patriarchal power—the system of oppression that has built and controlled this country since its inception…we know ourselves even when those in power say it is impossible for us to exist.” Bailar’s appeals for understanding could not be timelier, given the recent rise of anti-trans legislation as well as anti-trans violence. For those seeking such understanding, this is an invaluable resource.

A wonderfully clear and convincing guide to comprehending and defending gender diversity.

Kirkus Reviews