Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids: 100 Practical Ideas

by Alan D Wolfelt PhD

Overview

With sensitivity and insight, this series offers suggestions for healing activities that can help survivors learn to express their grief and mourn naturally. Acknowledging that death is a painful, ongoing part of life, they explain how people need to slow down, turn inward, embrace their feelings of loss, and seek and accept support when a loved one dies. Each book, geared for mourning adults, teens, or children, provides ideas and action-oriented tips that teach the basic principles of grief and healing. These ideas and activities are aimed at reducing the confusion, anxiety, and huge personal void so that the living can begin their lives again. Included in the books for teens and kids are age-appropriate activities that teach younger people that their thoughts are not only normal but necessary.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781879651272
Publisher:	Companion Press
Publication date:	04/01/2001
Series:	Healing Your Grieving Heart series
Pages:	128
Sales rank:	666,866
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.40(d)
Age Range:	6 - 12 Years

About the Author

Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD , is an internationally known teacher, a grief counselor, and the author of The Journey Through Grief and The Understanding Your Grief Journal. He is director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and faculty member at the University of Colorado Medical School’s department of family medicine. He is the “Children and Grief” columnist for Bereavement magazine and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, and NBC’s Today. He lives in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Read an Excerpt

Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids

100 Practical Ideas

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By Alan D. Wolfelt

Center for Loss and Life Transition

Copyright © 2001 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-879651-27-2

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CHAPTER 1

Learn that grief and mourning are different.

Grief (rhymes with leaf) is what you think and feel inside when someone you love dies. When you're in grief, you're grieving (rhymes with leaving).

Mourning (pronounced the same as morning) means letting those thoughts and feelings come out somehow.

You need to mourn so you can start to feel better. If you keep everything inside you'll only feel worse.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

2.

Take it easy on yourself.

The death of someone you love is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to deal with. Go easy on yourself. This is going to take time.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

3.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 1. Accept the death.

Someone you love is dead and can never come back. That's a tough thing to accept, but it's true.

Some days you may not want to think about the death. You may even want to pretend it never happened. That's OK, especially at first.

But soon you need to accept that this person really has died. Accepting the death is the first step toward feeling better.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

4.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 2. Let yourself feel sad.

Feeling sad is no fun. But you need to feel sad right now. Something really sad has happened in your life.

You don't have to feel sad every minute, though. You still need to laugh and play and be a kid. Let yourself feel happy, too.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

5.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 3. Remember the person who died.

It's good to remember the person who died. Even though he or she can't be with you anymore, you'll always have your memories.

Talk about the person who died. Use his or her name. Look at pictures of him or her. Remember the fun times you had together.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

6.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 4. Accept that your life is different now.

Your life is different now, isn't it? Think about how it's different.

Maybe your family has changed. Have you changed, too?

Your life will never be exactly the same again. But that doesn't mean it won't be happy again — just different.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

7.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 5. Think about why this happened.

Why do people die? What happens to people after they die? You're probably asking yourself these kinds of questions.

It's good to think about the "whys" of life and death. Maybe you can talk about the "whys" with a parent or another adult you trust.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

8.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 6. Let others help you, now and always.

Grief is so hard. You need people to love and help you through it.

Let others help you, especially grown-ups. It's OK to ask for help, too. Try talking to your family, your teacher or your neighbor.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

9.

Let yourself feel numb.

You know how your foot feels when you sit on it too long and it falls asleep? At first it feels completely numb, then it starts to tingle and hurt.

Your grief might feel like that too. At first you might feel nothing. That's OK. Soon you'll start to tingle and hurt. Let your feelings come little by little.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

10.

Let yourself feel whatever you feel.

Your grief isn't exactly like anyone else's. Your thoughts and feelings will be different.

It's OK to feel whatever you feel: sad, mad, maybe scared, sometimes even happy. No feelings are wrong or bad.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

11.

Talk to a grown-up you trust.

It's important to talk to grown-ups about your grief. Don't be afraid to ask questions — lots of questions.

Some grown-ups will be better than others at helping you with your grief. Find one or two grown-ups who make you feel safe and loved — and who will answer your questions openly and honestly. Talk to them.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

12.

Talk to a friend.

Your friends probably don't know what to say or do about your grief. Not many kids have had someone they love die.

But maybe you have one friend who's a good listener. Talk to him or her about the death.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

13.

Talk about the person who died.

It's good to talk about the person who died. After all, this person was a big part of your life. And he or she will always be a part of your memories.

Talk about the death. Tell stories about him or her. Ask questions about the life of the person who died.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

14.

Cry.

Crying is not just for babies. Crying is for anyone — young or old — who feels sad. Crying helps your body let out its sadness.

Maybe you can find a grown-up who will hold you whenever you feel like crying.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

15.

Watch the sunrise.

The sun gets up really early, especially in the warmer months. But watching the sun's first rays peek out in the east can be an awesome experience. Find out what time the sun will rise tomorrow and set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

16.

Get lots of sleep.

Grief can really tire you out. Your body might need extra sleep right now.

Go to bed early if you're feeling tired. Take a nap after school if you need to.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

17.

Eat foods that are good for you.

Grief is hard work. Your body will feel better if you give it good fuel right now.

Try to eat food from all the different food groups every day.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

18.

Drink lots of water.

One funny thing about grief is that it can make you feel like not eating or drinking very much. But your body actually needs more food and water right now.

Get in the habit of drinking from water fountains whenever you see one. Drink a glass of water after school every day.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

19.

Play outside.

Lots of times, just being outside will make you feel better. Especially if it's a really nice day.

Go outside and kick a ball around. Roll down a hill.

Climb a tree.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

20.

Find a "grief hide-out."

Maybe you can find a private spot to go when you want to be alone with your grief. It could be a fort in your backyard or a quiet place somewhere in your house.

When you're in your grief hide-out, you can cry, write, draw or just sit and think.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

21.

Don't be alone too much.

If you want to be alone with your grief sometimes, that's OK. Go to your room or your grief hide-out and cry or write in your journal or just think.

But don't cut off other people when they want to spend time with you or talk to you. It's important for you to let others help you right now.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

22.

Let yourself feel happy.

Just because something sad has happened in your life doesn't mean you should always feel sad. Do something every day that makes you feel happy. Smile, laugh and play. Be a kid.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

23.

Play with a pet.

Pets can be great friends. They're always there when you need them. They love you no matter what.

If you have a pet, spend some special time with it today. If you don't have a pet, visit a pet shop or play with a neighbor's pet. (Ask permission first.)

Write or draw your feelings about this:

24.

Go to church or your family's place of worship.

Does your family belong to a church or other place of worship? If so, going once a week or so will probably help you with your grief. Now might also be a good time to join a church youth group or church choir.

If your family doesn't attend church or other place of worship, maybe you could ask them to consider taking you sometime.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

25.

Keep a journal.

Writing down your grief thoughts and feelings is a great way to mourn. You can write as much or as little as you want. Write whenever you feel like it. When you're writing in your journal, you can also pretend you're writing to the person who died.

Write or draw your feelings about this

26.

Draw out your feelings.

Making art is another great way to mourn. You can draw, paint, mold clay, paste together a collage, assemble a sculpture — whatever you feel like. Try to put your grief feelings into your artwork.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

27.

Dance.

When you dance, you let your thoughts go and just let your body move to the music. Dancing is good to try when you need a break from your grief. Dancing can also be a way to let your body express your grief.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

28.

Play sports.

Sports do all kinds of good things for you. They keep your body in shape. They teach you how to win and how to lose. They get you involved with other kids. They make you feel better about yourself. Join a sports team this season.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

29.

Play games.

When you feel like doing something fun, play a game. Get a friend to play Monopoly or checkers with you. Play hopscotch or HORSE. Ask a grown-up to teach you how to play chess.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

30.

Write a letter to the person who died.

Maybe you wish you could say something to the person who died. Write it down in a letter. You can read the letter to a grown-up or bring the letter to the cemetery and read it to the person who died. Or you can just tuck it away and read it later to yourself.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

31.

Make a memory book.

A memory book is a photo album or scrapbook filled with memories of the person who died. You can include photos, drawings and souvenirs. When you're done you'll have a book you can look through whenever you're missing the person who died.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

32.

Pack a memory box.

A memory box is even easier than a memory book; you just put things that remind you of the person who died in box. The box can be as big or as small as you want. Fill it with pictures, souvenirs, things that belonged to the person who died, or videotapes.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

33.

Hold onto something that belonged to the person who died.

When you were smaller you might have had a special blanket or teddy bear that made you feel safe. Maybe now you can hold onto something special that belonged to the person who died, like a favorite shirt or a toy. Choose something that reminds you of happy times together.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

34.

Plant a garden.

Do you have a place where you can plant flowers or vegetables? Digging in the dirt is lots of fun. And it's amazing to watch a tiny seed grow into a tall sunflower or a super long zucchini.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

35.

Tell your friends and family that you love them.

Maybe this death has made you realize how special certain people are to you. Tell them you love them. Do something nice for them for no special reason.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

36.

Hug.

It's amazing how much better you can feel just by hugging someone you love. Hug your family today. Hug a friend.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

37.

Hold hands.

Do you ever hold hands with people in your family or with a friend? It feels good to be connected to someone else.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

38.

Clean your room.

Grief can make your life feel pretty mixed up. One way to feel more in control is to clean your room. You might be surprised how much better you feel when you have a clean, orderly room to come home to everyday.

Start with one shelf or drawer and see if it works for you.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

39.

Pray.

Have you been taught to pray? If so, now's a good time to practice. Try saying a prayer at bedtime every night. If you don't know how to pray, just close your eyes and silently ask God for help. Tell God about the person who died. Explain your thoughts and feelings.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

40.

Be silly.

Sometimes it's good to be silly when your grief is making you feel too serious.

Go totally crazy. Wear underwear on your head. Dance like a chicken.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids by Alan D. Wolfelt. Copyright © 2001 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.. Excerpted by permission of Center for Loss and Life Transition.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Also by Alan Wolfelt:,
Title Page,
Copyright Page,
Dedication,
A NOTE TO PARENTS AND OTHER LOVING GROWN-UPS,
Introduction,
1. - Learn that grief and mourning are different.,
2. - Take it easy on yourself.,
3. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 1. Accept the death.,
4. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 2. Let yourself feel sad.,
5. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 3. Remember the person who died.,
6. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 4. Accept that your life is different now.,
7. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 5. Think about why this happened.,
8. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 6. Let others help you, now and always.,
9. - Let yourself feel numb.,
10. - Let yourself feel whatever you feel.,
11. - Talk to a grown-up you trust.,
12. - Talk to a friend.,
13. - Talk about the person who died.,
14. - Cry.,
15. - Watch the sunrise.,
16. - Get lots of sleep.,
17. - Eat foods that are good for you.,
18. - Drink lots of water.,
19. - Play outside.,
20. - Find a "grief hide-out.",
21. - Don't be alone too much.,
22. - Let yourself feel happy.,
23. - Play with a pet.,
24. - Go to church or your familys place of worship.,
25. - Keep a journal.,
26. - Draw out your feelings.,
27. - Dance.,
28. - Play sports.,
29. - Play games.,
30. - Write a letter to the person who died.,
31. - Make a memory book.,
32. - Pack a memory box.,
33. - Hold onto something that belonged to the person who died.,
34. - Plant a garden.,
35. - Tell your friends and family that you love them.,
36. - Hug.,
37. - Hold hands.,
38. - Clean your room.,
39. - Pray.,
40. - Be silly.,
41. - Laugh.,
42. - Put up pictures of the person who died.,
43. - If you're having trouble with your schoolwork, talk to a grown-up about it.,
44. - Join a grief support group for kids.,
45. - Talk to other kids who are grieving.,
46. - Talk to a counselor.,
47. - Do something youre good at.,
48. - Do something you're not so good at.,
49. - Eat something weird.,
50. - Don't be scared by "grief bursts.",
51. - Look for your grief on special days.,
52. - Do something that the person who died would have liked.,
53. - Listen to music.,
54. - Visit the cemetery.,
55. - Don't think you have to be strong.,
56. - If you're feeling extra sad, talk to someone.,
57. - Never do something that might hurt you or others.,
58. - Write a poem.,
59. - List the things that are still good about your life.,
60. - Know that people love you.,
61. - Appreciate yourself.,
62. - Play out your grief.,
63. - Join a club.,
64. - Don't let anyone take away your grief.,
65. - If you are a boy, think about this:,
66. - If you are a girl, think about this:,
67. - Make a wish.,
68. - Do something nice for someone else.,
69. - Help your family mourn.,
70. - Make music.,
71. - Have a sleep-over.,
72. - Write a story.,
73. - Hang out with people who make you feel good and safe.,
74. - Don't let other kids get to you.,
75. - Learn something new.,
76. - If you're feeling mad, do this:,
77. - If you're feeling afraid, do this:,
78. - If you're feeling guilty, do this:,
79. - If you're feeling relieved, do this:,
80. - If you've been behaving badly, do this:,
81. - Be a big baby.,
82. - Read a book.,
83. - Don't watch too much TV.,
84. - Talk to your teacher.,
85. - Talk to your grandparents.,
86. - Talk to your brother or sister.,
87. - Think of all the people you love.,
88. - Dress up like someone else.,
89. - Know that your grief is special.,
90. - If your body hurts, tell a grown-up.,
91. - Sing.,
92. - Be you.,
93. - Start a business.,
94. - Give a gift.,
95. - Be a friend to someone else whos grieving this death.,
96. - Smile.,
97. - Look at the sky.,
98. - Understand that your grief will last a long time.,
99. - Believe that you will, one day, learn to "reconcile" your grief.,
100. - Dream about your future.,
My Grief Rights,
A Final Word,
Glossary of Terms,
ALSO BY ALAN D. WOLFELT,