Here's Another

There was a man named Thomas. There generally is. His surname was
Thomas, and his Christian name was Thomas, so his full name was Thomas
Thomas.

This is very peculiar.

Thomas's family tree had been ringbarked at his father's death, for
Thomas was not married, and he was the last descendant of an honorable
family. It looked as if the family could not descend any further.

His father died in very romantic circumstances. He sprained his ankle
in Macquarie Street, and a young doctor, seeing him fall, ordered him
into hospital and operated on him for appendicitis, so successfully,
that he died a martyr to science.

On his father's death, Thomas became an orphan, because his mother had
died some months before he was born. He graduated as an orphan quite
easily.

Thanks to the commonsense laws of this country, all that was necessary
for him to become a qualified orphan was that both, or all, of his
parents should be dead.

Poor Thomas was cast out into the cruel world to earn his own living.
No one can realise the horrors of this unless they have had to earn
their own living themselves, so it is no use trying to explain.

It was a bit hot on him, being cast out into the world, though.

With tears in his eyes he watched the landlord kick the door in
and seize the furniture his poor old mother had made when she was a
girl. Sadly he locked the landlord in, and set fire to the house, and
then started out for the cold, hard city.

He had nothing, not even a cat. Not a solitary bell tolled him to come
back and be a Lord Mayor.

Going along the road, he struck a kindhearted motorist, who gave him a
lift. Or, rather, the motorist struck him. He was lifted about eight
feet.

He continued on his way, and at last, after many vicissitudes too
numerous to mention, entered the city on his hands and knees.

As he was crawling along in the gutter, a big man in a motor car sliced
his ear off with the mudguard, and then, pulling up, greeted him with a
hearty laugh.

"I can see by your attitude," he said, "that you are looking for work.
You look miserable enough to work for practically nothing.

"I might employ you.

"How long is it since you've had a meal?"

"Three weeks," said Thomas.

That was a lie, as he had only been without food for two weeks. Which
just shows you the low cunning of some people.

Here's Another