He's Not All That!: How to Attract the Good Guys

He's Not All That!: How to Attract the Good Guys

by Dr. Gilda Carle

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Overview

He's Not All That!: How to Attract the Good Guys by Dr. Gilda Carle

Dr. Gilda Carle has been telling teens the hard truth about boys, relationships, and growing up for more than twenty years. Teens have relied on her straight-shooting advice 'in her columns and television appearances. She's been called "TVs # 1 talk-show therapist, hotter than the Sahara, part philosopher and part stand-up comic" (Gannett).

Now, Dr Carle brings her effective, commonsense approach on romance to teenage girls. He's Not All That! shows girls how to protect themselves from the not-so-good guys. Her direct and honest writing demonstrates how to find stable, loving relationships-both with guys and girls-and prevent a lifetime of unhealthy and unhappy commitments. The book is jam-packed with quizzes, exercises, and, of course, her famous "Gilda-Grams," which are guaranteed to address girls' most pressing problems.

He's Not All That! includes unique empowerment tools that make girls independent thinkers who don't let boys or friends rule their lives. Girls will learn how to feel good about themselves-no matter who is trying to pull them down-and to confront people who don't have their best interests at heart. They will feel competent and confident wherever they go.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060199241
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 01/01/2001
Pages: 284
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.25(h) x 1.01(d)

About the Author

Doctor Gilda Carle holds a Ph.D in educational leadership from New York University. She was the Love Doc on MTV Online, has made frequent appearances on Sally Jessy Raphael, Howard Stern, Extra, Dateline, Montel Williams, and Ricki Lake, and was the Love Doctor for Teen magazine. She lives in New York City.

Read an Excerpt

Want #1

Loyal Girlfriends

Do you remember how Linda Tripp taped Monica Lewinsky's personal and private conversations with her, and then played them back for the whole world to hear? Females around the world were appalled that a so-called "friend" would do such an evil thing. Every female alive knows what a sacred bond it is to confide in a special friend.Most of us have had the painful experience of trusting someone we thought was a friend with a secret, and then hearing our private information blabbed about behind our back.

Interestingly, when a female bonobo chimpanzee gets unwanted sexual attention from one of the males, she sounds a distress call and her female buddies come running to her rescue. In this species, the females are the law enforcers. The strong bonds they maintain with other females defend them against troublemaking males.

The same kind of bonding exists with loyal girlfriends. Yet sometimes there is interference, and what was once a great friendship can fall apart at the seams — unless the parties aggressively take action. This is what happened with Gail and her friends, all of whom lived in a nice community in Maryland. One of their good guy friends, Greg, moved to South Carolina because his father had been transferred in his Job. Since they were all so close, whenever Greg had a school break, he returned to his old neighborhood to visit. Usually, he stayed at his best friend Cindy's house. On one Friday night, Cindy took Greg to a party. While he was there, he hooked up with Rosemarie. When he returned to Cindy's house, he noticed that she was decidedly cool. He asked her what was wrong, but she blanklysaid, "Nothing." Instead, the next day being Saturday and no school, she got on the phone with Rosemarie and confessed that she really liked Greg, but she had just never told him. She told Rosemarie that she was angry at her for hooking up with him under her nose. Rosemarie became angry herself, telling Cindy that if she had only known that she liked Greg, she would have considered him "off limits" and she would have stayed clear.

When Monday came, two other girls at the party, Andrea and Holly, were deep in conversation over Greg. Andrea told Holly that Greg was coming from South Carolina to visit her during the coming weekend. Rosemarie got wind of this and became furious, not with Andrea for snatching the guy she laid claim to, but with Holly! Getting angry at Holly instead of Andrea made sense to Rosemarie because she was afraid of getting into a dispute with Andrea, the school bigmouth. Rosemarie thought it was safer to lodge her anger against her friend, Holly. But when Holly got wind of Rosemarie's anger toward her, she, in turn, got angry with Rosemarie for being angry with her. Suddenly, everyone was fighting over one guy.

Rosemarie and Holly were good friends. They saw that things had gotten out of control. They decided to take a deep breath as each retold her side of the story. They both admitted that since Andrea is such a gossip, neither of them wanted to get in her face. Each one agreed that she could be a "really, really big bitch" and they didn't want her to turn other girls against them. They decided to do more digging only to find out that Andrea had told them a lie. Greg had no intention of coming to Maryland to see her. Besides, everyone knew that when he visited his old neighborhood, it was Cindy he always stayed with — and now that Cindy had a secret crush on Greg, who didn't return her feelings, it was doubtful that she would invite him for a while. After everything was over, both girls were relieved that they had not fallen into the trap of allowing another girl, and a liar as well, to alter their relationship. These girls were smart enough to end their grief before they allowed Andrea to create a rift between them.

While guys usually play sports or perform other physical activities in groups, and brag about their success to each other, girls relate differently. We cherish our friendships above most other things, and we'd like to believe we can count on our friends to protect our confidential information and reputations. Friends offer a special brand of emotional connection that guys never experience with their buddies. For girls, friends are the sounding boards who reflect what is right or wrong, good or bad, moral or immoral. From their friends' responses, they get a sense of who they are and who they will become. When an intruder — such as Andrea — tries to come between them, girls must bond even more closely.

Most girls feel better after discussing their parents, school, other girls, or guys with their fiends. Even before a girl notices that guys are on the planet, she invests her time and emotions in her friends, often setting aside regular phone time just to gab. Thirteen-year-old Laurie observed that before high school her focus was on family, friends, and school — in that order. But once she got to high school, her focus changed to friends as first in importance, school next, and family last. Yes, friends are very important as girls start to grow.

When a girl becomes boy-obsessed, it's her friends who enjoy every detail of each crush. During a romance, a girl's friends are there to help her figure out what the guy's actions really mean. (Unless, of course, a girl is so involved with her guy that she drops her friends altogether — which a lot of girls do, until they learn that boys can never replace the enduring friendships that girlfriends offer.) When a girl breaks up with a guy, it's her friends who make her feel better and shield her from the pain the fool caused her. ..

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii
Introduction ix
PART I WHAT GIRLS WANT: 2 Hits to Happiness 1(60)
Loyal Girlfriends
3(38)
A Cool Boyfriend
41(20)
PART II WHAT GIRLS NEED: 4 Secrets of Love 61(216)
Be an It Girl
69(50)
Understand Guys
119(88)
Create Your Own Excitement
207(48)
Make Him a Teammate Before a Soulmate
255(22)
Conclusion How to Attract the Good Guys 277

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