| Fish Whistle | |
| Acknowledgments | 13 |
| Introduction | 15 |
| Part 1 |
| Add Cold Water and Read | 21 |
| Where Is the Grease of Yesteryear? | 23 |
| Crack the Whip and Pass the Chips | 26 |
| A Wing and a Prayer | 28 |
| Fold on Line "B" and Ingest | 31 |
| Psychopathia Snacksualis | 33 |
| Something There Is That Does Not Love a Mall | 36 |
| Who Only Stand and Snarl | |
| Part 2 |
| A Hot Time in Nairobi | 43 |
| The Schmo of Kilimanjaro | 46 |
| Direct from a Triumphant Engagement in Karachi | 49 |
| Sharper Than a Steel-belted Radial | 52 |
| In the Land of the Rising Pickle | 54 |
| Arrigato dozai mas, Why Does Everybody Laugh at Us? | 57 |
| Jambo, Paisan! | 60 |
| Henny Oldman | 63 |
| If Milk Duds Be the Food of Love | 66 |
| Lights! Action! Wingtips! | 69 |
| Part 3 |
| My Zaydeh Nicotine | 73 |
| On First Looking into Kurtzman's Mad | 76 |
| Rhapsody in Glue | 78 |
| Fischvhistle | 85 |
| There Are Strange Things Done 'neath the Midnight Sun | 87 |
| You Can Lead a Cow to Quarters | 90 |
| Hoopla! | 93 |
| Pyrotechnudnik | 96 |
| Knits the Ravell'd Pastrami of Care | 98 |
| Like Mama Never Made | 100 |
| Honorable Foxy Grandma | 103 |
| And I Got This One for Clapping Erasers | 105 |
| Hey Kids, What Time Is It? | 108 |
| Polly Wants a Broad-Spectrum Antibiotic | 111 |
| Part 4 |
| Bootsie | 115 |
| Man Meets Dog | 117 |
| The Coming of Juno | 120 |
| Life with Juno | 123 |
| Arnold! | 126 |
| The Soul of a Dog | 129 |
| Arnold Comes Home | 132 |
| Jacques | 135 |
| Train Your Dog, Dammit! | 138 |
| Do You Hear Anything from Krazy Kat? | 141 |
| Part 5 |
| And Zen I Wrote | 145 |
| What Has Two Legs and Chases Katz? | 147 |
| Nigra Sum sed Formosa | 149 |
| Iguana Be Alone | 152 |
| Nerds of a Feather | 155 |
| Mmmm! That's Prose! | 157 |
| Gaudeamus Agita | 159 |
| Meet Me Under the Cezanne, Poopsie | 162 |
| Talking to Kids | 164 |
| Guy Talk | 170 |
| Ideas and How to Fix Them | 173 |
| Chiaroscuro | 175 |
| And the Voice of the Snerd'll Be Heard in the Land | 177 |
| Skivvies Make the Man | 180 |
| Who's Little Jackson Pollock Are You? | 182 |
| I Worketh 9 to 5 | 185 |
| Part 6 |
| Give the People Cartoons They Can Whistle | 189 |
| It Hurts Here. And Here. And Here | 192 |
| Jolie Voiture | 194 |
| Three Years Ago I Couldn't Spell Engineer | 196 |
| Polychromics | 198 |
| All Bash and No Brains | 200 |
| I Am Not a Schnook | 202 |
| Why I Don't Fly | 204 |
| Play It Again, Wolfgang | 209 |
| Vintage Whines | 212 |
| Whiteouch | 214 |
| Because It's There | 216 |
| Vox Populi | 218 |
| Just the Fundamentals | 220 |
| Talis | 222 |
| Chicago Days, Hoboken Nights | |
| Acknowledgements | 229 |
| Preface | 231 |
| Chicago Days | 233 |
| Hoboken Nights | 289 |
| High Noon at the Typewriter | 341 |
