Holy Crap! The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth

Holy Crap! The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth

by Anna-Marie Abell

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Overview

Holy Crap! The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth by Anna-Marie Abell

End Times Are Here! Now you can eat whatever you want and not care if you gain weight.

Autumn, a food and wine obsessed ad executive (who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills), has just been handed the task of saving all of humanity.

Here’s the deal. The president has just announced that the Earth is going to collide with a rogue moon, and in the process, our entire planet is going to be smashed to bits. As one would expect, upon hearing this news, humans went ballistic. No car was left unrolled—but oddly enough, Taco Bell remained open and made unfathomable profits in the last days. Apparently, Doritos Locos® Tacos were a popular last meal.

After drinking a bottle of wine and inhaling a wheel of Brie cheese, Autumn hijacks a spaceship and races to save her fellow humans with the help of her unbelievably sexy alien boyfriend and her kleptomaniac friend with fire-retardant hair. The task is simple enough, just loot the Ark of the Covenant from a secret government bunker under a department store in Arkansas and use it to convince the entire human race to come together in one giant group hug. No problem, right? Along the way, Autumn will discover just how sheltered people are from the truth of extraterrestrials and their power to either protect us or destroy us.

Stupid government.

Grab a bottle of wine, a spaceship full of snacks, and prepare to take a ride on this humorous chick lit romantic sci-fi paranormal adventure. If you crave a little sexy time in your reading, are into Ancient Aliens, conspiracy theories, UFOs, are curious if we were genetically engineered (like the Sumerian cuneiform texts claim), and are dying to find out the meaning of life, then this book is for you.

Awards and Honors


  • Abell was Voted Top 40 of Your Favorite Contemporary Science Fiction Authors by Book Riot Readers
  • 30th Annual IBPA Benjamin Franklin Awards—Silver Winner for Best Science Fiction & Fantasy and The Bill Fisher Award for Best First Book (Fiction)
  • Named one of the top 100 Notable Indies of 2018 by Shelf Unbound Magazine
  • 2018 Next Generation Indie Book Awards – Best Chick Lit Novel – Finalist
  • 2017 William Faulkner–Wisdom Competition – Novel Category– Finalist
  • 2017 – The Southern California Book Festival – Wild Card Category – Honorable Mention

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781947119017
Publisher: Big Head Marketing
Publication date: 09/21/2017
Series: Anunnaki Chronicles , #1
Pages: 358
Sales rank: 1,023,774
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Anna-Marie Abell grew up in a trailer park. Well, several actually. Her trailer was on wheels so she got to experience the Pacific Northwest's vast array of mobile home parks as her parents moved her from one to the other. Somewhere along the way, she got totally into UFOs. Probably because she was hoping extraterrestrials would come and abduct her. But they never did. Luckily for her she was smart, because her only hope of escaping trailer life was college and a full scholarship. Moving to sunny California on her almost full ride to Chapman University, she was well on her way to her new life. Two bachelor degrees later (Film and Television Production and Media Performance), and several honors and awards for her accomplishments, she managed to start working in an almost completely unrelated industry from her majors: infomercials.

It was in college that she got bit by the "ancient alien" bug after listening to Zecharia Sitchin on Coast to Coast AM. In her pursuit to uncover the truth, she has spent the last twenty years researching the ancient Sumerian culture-in particular their "gods" called the Anunnaki-and their connection to the creation of the human race. What she found changed her life, her beliefs, and her understanding of the universe and everything beyond. Her humorous science fiction trilogy, The Anunnaki Chronicles, is a culmination of all her research, her borderline obsession for all things paranormal, and approximately 2,300 bottles of wine. Abell was named one of the Top 40 Contemporary Science Fiction Authors in a poll by Book Riot readers. Holy Crap! The World is Ending!, the award-winning first book in the series, is available now. You can learn more at: WrittenByAnna.com.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

SALTY STICKS OF HEAVEN, A HAIRY DIPSTICK, FLAMING CATS, AND ECSTASY-INDUCING ABS

It was Friday, and my vacation week had officially started. Woohoo! I'd just finished wrapping a shoot for the ad agency I worked for. The product was a rotisserie machine, and after twelve hours of smelling roasted chicken, I craved it so badly I nearly crashed my car when I passed by a KFC. I had to refrain from stopping for food, however, as I was en route to my monthly pig-out fest with my best friend, Emma. We both share the same passion for food. It borders on rehab-level obsession, especially for over-processed, sodium-rich, artery-clogging morsels. If it contains a natural ingredient, we usually pass. (The pinnacle of our eating career thus far was when Taco Bell first offered their tacos encased in a Doritos shell. I will never forget the day we saw the ad on TV. We almost wet our pants.)

Our love for all things edible started twenty years ago, at the age of six, when we discovered my mom's secret "PMS Emergency Junk Food Trunk." (That was not a name we gave it, as we had no idea what PMS was at the time. The trunk literally had a metal plaque etched with that name.) Assuming PMS meant "PreMeal Snacks," we dug in and ate it all — then puked. In the subsequent two decades, we developed the ability to pack in more grub than a seven-hundred-pound man at a Las Vegas buffet. Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here — we're both quite slim. You see, we have mastered the art of eating large quantities of food without losing our girly figures by fasting forty-eight hours prior to our gorge-fests.

Balance is key.

While driving to Emma's apartment, I was listening to my usual podcast: Coast to Coast AM with George Noory. If you haven't heard of the show, it's a late-night radio program on paranormal and conspiracy topics. It covers all the unexplained phenomena: from UFOs, to cryptology, to secret government projects. The topic for this particular podcast was Light Beings, with guest William Henry. To be honest, I usually bypass topics like this one — it's a bit too far-fetched even for me. But it was the only podcast I had left on my iPod, so I gave it a go.

William Henry presented quite the case for Light Beings in his interview — citing ancient texts, pointing out depictions of light bodies in popular classical paintings, and briefly discussing symbolic artwork in the White House. Based on this and other podcasts I'd listened to about Light Beings, the consensus seems to be that they aren't ghosts or apparitions, but are believed to be another type of entity made of pure light, and able to shift from their luminous form into a physical one. Some people are convinced they're demonic, and others feel they are spirits sent directly from God — the "divine light," if you will. William Henry believes that our ultimate purpose as humans is to morph into this "divine light." Maybe there's some validity to that idea. After all, countless people swear they "see the light" when having a near death experience. What if they're evolving into the very light he's speaking of?

As I was pondering this theory, my phone dinged. It was a text from Emma, saying she was running late. Having extra time to play with, I decided to take a quick side trip to Barnes & Noble to search for books on Light Beings. I had to admit, William Henry had piqued my interest.

After I pulled into a parking spot, I stretched outside my car for a minute before heading in. It was a fairly warm night, a typical summer evening in Southern California. A silvery full moon shone above a palm tree. It was one of those nights where the moon appears close enough to reach out and touch. Many people claim to see a face there — the fabled "man in the moon" — but even with the assistance of alcohol, all I see is a bunch of pockmarks.

While I was attempting to identify a face among the contrasting craters, an unnerving chill sent prickles down my spine. It was that feeling you get when you're playing hide-and-seek and you know someone's about to find you. Shivering, despite the warm night, I rubbed my arms to get rid of the goose bumps. I could've sworn there were eyes on me.

But the parking lot was empty, except for a smattering of cars and an abandoned McDonalds' bag (which made me crave fries). Because it had been two days since I last ate — in preparation for my day of gluttony — I was tempted to open the bag and inspect the scraps. My stomach growled its approval at that idea, so I made a hasty retreat to the entrance of the store before it could convince me to join the ants in devouring the leftover salty sticks of heaven.

As the automatic doors slid open, I felt something brush my shoulder, and when I spun to see what it was, a jolt of electricity fired up my leg. I jumped sky high, expelled an involuntary squeak, and then pranced around, afraid to touch the floor until I was a safe distance from the door. Heart thudding in my chest, I studied the ground, expecting to see an exposed wire, but saw only a black rubber mat, a trampled receipt, and a petrified wad of gum.

Looking around to make sure no one had seen my moment of insanity, I composed myself, drew in a calming breath, and continued through the entrance, doing my best to walk like a normal, sober person.

I was not successful. Right as I entered, a dizzy spell had me stumbling into the front book display. I had to grip it with both hands to keep myself upright, knocking several books off in the process. The pistons that kept my wits operating stuttered and hissed — my internal check-engine light flickered on. Embarrassed, I avoided contact with anyone while I picked up the books. One of them had a large tear on the cover, so I hastily shoved it under the rest of the stack, placed them back on the shelf, and casually walked away.

What was wrong with me? I shook my head hoping that whatever had come loose would rattle back into place, but it only made me dizzier, and I staggered into a rack of ATV Bikini Babes calendars. At that point, several people had turned to watch the crazy drunk lady in the calendar section. I gave a big thumbs-up to let them know I was okay. I wasn't though. It took a full five minutes of pretending to examine the calendar entitled America's Best Barns and Feed–Deep South Edition before I regained my composure.

Given the way my mind was functioning, I decided it wise to ask a friendly sales associate for help in finding a book on Light Beings. If left to my own devices, I was afraid I would end up in the bathroom trying to read the toilet paper roll.

After straightening my shirt (which had apparently twisted up and got snagged under my bra at some point), I made my way to the customer service kiosk, where a shortish lanky dude, I'm guessing in his mid-twenties, scanned a stack of books into the computer with a yawn. His appearance was average until you took a gander at his hair. When I first saw it, I thought the cold front overtaking my mental faculties was making me hallucinate, and I had to pinch my forearm to double-check that what I witnessed was, in fact, real. This anomaly of human nature standing in front of me must have used an entire can of hairspray to create the strangest mountain of brown hair I'd ever seen in my life, complete with twin peaks at the top. It almost defied the laws of physics, towering well over a foot high. I was surprised snow didn't crest the peaks with such an elevation. He had clearly used his hair to make up for his deficiency in the height department. Adding to his overcompensation disorder, he had supplemented his mound-o-hair with that deliberately trimmed haven't-shaved-for-a-few-days-so-I-seem-like-I-don't-care look.

He creased his forehead with an air of irritation as I approached. I waited patiently for him to finish what he was doing, which he sure took his sweet time on. He slapped the enter key a ridiculous number of times before asking me, without even sparing a glance in my direction, "Can I help you?"

What an ass. Despite his major 'tude, my mom did teach me manners, so I put on my best fake "nice" voice and responded with a polite, "Yes, please. Do you have any books on Light Beings?" As soon as the words escaped my lips, I regretted saying them. When you broach paranormal subjects such as Light Beings or aliens, you tend to get the same look you'd get if you'd just dealt a huge fart.

He peered at me with one raised eyebrow. It didn't help matters that I couldn't keep my eyes off his hair. Its sheer presence commanded my attention. And when he caught me staring, he hoisted the other eyebrow to join the first. I hastily pretended to be stretching my neck, rubbing and tilting it up and down, exaggerating extra pain in the direction in which I'd been caught staring.

He didn't fall for it.

"Did you say 'Light Beings'?" he asked.

I nodded and swallowed hard.

At least he refrained from rolling his eyes as he entered it into the computer. Several pounds of the keyboard later, he gave a cheesed-off sigh and swung the monitor toward me. "Light Beings as in near-death, aliens, or ancient civilizations?"

Deciding I needed to appear educated in order to redeem myself, I replied, "Ancient civilizations. I'm doing a paper for my sociology class." My cheek twitched from the lie. Lying was not a skill in my repertoire — it typically backfired nine times out of ten.

He sized me up, obviously unconvinced by my fib, and clicked on "Ancient Civilizations." In punishment for my lie, what results do you think manifested on the monitor? New Age books, of course. A ton of books on crystals, astrology, astral projection, and the end of the world. He lifted one corner of his mouth in a sardonic smile. I flushed, unable to repress my embarrassment.

Pointing behind me, he said, "You see that super tall dude over there? That's the New Age section."

I zeroed in on the area he'd indicated. On the other side of the store stood an extremely tall guy wearing a gray knit beanie. And when I say tall, I do mean tall. The shelves in Barnes & Noble were about six feet high, and this man surpassed that by at least a foot, probably more. I couldn't make out his features because the book he was reading, which had a mystical glowing eye on the cover, concealed most of his face.

"Thanks," I said to my not so friendly sales rep — whom I mentally nicknamed Mr. Hairy Dipstick. Before I left, I dared to take one last peek at the petrified mop on his head — in case it had been only a trick of the light that had made it appear so utterly ridiculous.

Nope, it's just ridiculous.

As I made my way over to the New Age section, my eyes darted from one side of the store to the other, hoping no one was watching me. Why do I get embarrassed when it comes to aliens and UFOs? Probably because the media has an unspoken rule that anyone they interview about the phenomenon must:

1. Have been on a minimum of one episode of Jerry Springer;

2. Speak with such a thick southern dialect they require subtitles on screen;

3. Have a maximum of three teeth.

Even a casual mention of the word "aliens" among friends or family had them leering at me as if I'd joined a cult and was about to drink the Kool-Aid. Or at least, it did, until I got the idea to pretend I was doing research for a science fiction novel I was writing. Plus, as an added bonus, I could tell people I was an author and sound way cooler than I actually was.

Deliberately ambling, I took the long route to give the tall male beacon in the New Age aisle time to finish and vacate so I could have the section to myself. However, he didn't show any signs of budging, apparently too absorbed in his book. Intuition told me that tucked away behind that paperback was a hot guy, but I couldn't confirm that, because as I walked, he subtly moved the book to prevent me from glimpsing his features. Weird. That brought another one of my what if fantasies to the forefront: What if he puts his book down, and upon making eye contact, fireworks ignite and we fall madly in love?

That was way too normal of a what if for me. Mr. Hairy Dipstick had put me off my game. I had a better one. What if he puts his book down, and upon making eye contact, he shoots flaming cats from his eyes, burning down the store?

Yeah, that was more like it. Even though I'm an animal lover, cats rank the lowest on my list. I'd rather have a pet tick than a cat.

While enjoying the funny visual of cats shooting out of someone's eyeballs, another chill ran down my spine. What the hell was going on? To make matters worse, with each step that brought me closer to the New Age section, the tingles grew exponentially. By the time I got a couple rows away, my palms were sweating so bad that I had to wipe them on my pants, which left a visible wet mark behind. My god, I was a mess.

And that's when I got lightheaded. Great. I escaped to the next row over from Mr. New Age Dude, plunking my butt on a bench with my back to him. Perhaps I was getting sick. That must be the reason for these sudden symptoms.

In an attempt to distract myself from the threatening fainting spell, I picked up the magazine lying next to me — a deluxe issue of Cat Fancy. Karma for dreaming up cats on fire, no doubt. On the cover, one of those hairless feline atrocities glared at me, and the headline next to him read: "The Scoop on Poop." Yes, a pet tick would definitely be a superior companion. Flipping my what if scenario, I pictured flaming humans shooting from the cat's eyeballs. That made me giggle.

I tossed the feline periodical aside. It hit the bench and slid off. Of course. As I bent to pick it up, this overwhelming sensation that I was about to be attacked had me leaping up, doing a one-eighty, and then swinging my fists like some old-timey boxer, ready for a fight.

No one was there.

This is absurd.

I was in a bookstore — a very public bookstore.

Yet I still felt eyes on me.

Holding my breath, I listened for approaching footsteps. At first I only heard Muzak playing through the store's loudspeakers. But then a shrill mechanical hum clicked on in my head, drowning out the music. Soon it was so loud that I had to clap my hands over my ears.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm losing my freaking mind.

Between the buzzing in my ears and the pounding of my heart, I thought I might go crazy from all the noise. All I could do was pray that my mental breakdown could wait — at least until I exited Barnes & Noble.

Before I could move, a new sensation struck. Butterflies fluttered to life in my stomach — the kind you get when you're falling in love and you kiss your new boyfriend for the first time. Butterflies at Barnes & Noble? Maybe I was having a brain aneurysm. Then again, I doubted I would be capable of conceiving of lame what ifs if an artery had ballooned inside my cranium.

Finally, the loud buzzing faded — only to be replaced by an overmodulated metallic voice. "You must leave now," it screeched in my ear as if someone had shoved a megaphone directly on it.

"Oh my fucking god." I stumbled, lost my balance, and slammed into an end aisle display, which happened to hold an assortment of bobbleheads. Bobble Batman, Bobble Thor, and Bobble Trump all tumbled to the floor, wobbling their oversized noggins at me through their plastic boxes.

"Ignore the mess and exit the building," the tinny voice said, and this time I recognized it as a male voice. "Get in your car and drive away. Don't make eye contact with anyone."

(Continues…)



Excerpted from "Holy Crap! The World is Ending!"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Anna-Marie Abell.
Excerpted by permission of Alien Abduction Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Chapter 0: Hamburger Booby Traps, Rampaging Giraffes, and Toilet Wizards

Chapter 1: Salty Sticks of Heaven, a Hairy Dipstick, Flaming Cats, and Ecstasy-Inducing Abs

Chapter 2: Endorsing Obesity, Foot Fetishes, and Oddly Shaped Moles

Chapter 3: A Cow in a Swimsuit, Chugging Merlot, Suicidal Moths, and Wet Dreams

Chapter 4: Assless Chaps, Alaskan Yetis, Sexy Roadkill, and Exotic Mating Dances

Chapter 5: Glass-Eyed Gurus, a Genetically Engineered Slave Race, and Frankly, My Dear, I Do Give a Damn

Chapter 6: Alien Turn Signals, Darwin’s Facelift, Sexy Toes, and The Grilled Cheese Commandments

Chapter 7: Severed Arms, Birthday Suit Fridays, Tiny Wee-Wees, and a Burning Wheel of Lust

Chapter 8: Tweezers of Death and Levitating Kleenex

Chapter 9: Unicorn Kingdom, Foot-Sniffing Witches, and Exploding Souls

Chapter 10: S’mores of Death, Dolphin Shorts, and a Color-Blind Time-Traveling Retro-Trailer-Park Friend

Chapter 11: Ding Dong Survival Rafts, Beer Hats, and Pork Fests

Chapter 12: Alien Death Ray, Assholery, Gushing Glands, and Spewing Vomit Kisses

Chapter 13: A Thousand Packets of Gravy, Hairnets, Rabid Sample Hoarders, and The Lamest End-of-the-World Speech Ever

Chapter 14: Evil Crater Faces, Looting Samsungs, and Second Dates

Chapter 15: Knife-Throwing Thugs, Lawn Mower Mishap, the Worst Side Ache Ever, Followed by the Worst Heartburn Ever

Chapter 16: Sh**balls and Vortices of Death

Chapter 17: Returning from the Dead, Turkey Leg Undergarments, and Public Displays of Affection

Chapter 18: Lame Spaceship Design, Alien Boyfriends, and Teenybopper Magazines

Chapter 19: Resurrecting The Hair, Cheese Pizza Trees, Divine Sponges, and Telepathic Wet T-shirt Contests

Chapter 20: Torturous Bowling Balls, Electrical Fro, Erectile Dysfunction, and F**kface F**kers

Chapter 21: A Six-Pack Shocker, Homicidal Hairspray, and Boxer Whiplash

Chapter 22: Human Cockroaches, ’70s Porn Music, and Cussing Door Openers

Chapter 23: Poop-Inducing Wine, Million-Mile-High Club, and a Makeshift Toga

Chapter 24: Prophecy Nonsense, Hula-Dancing Trolls, and the Almighty Vessel of Love

Chapter 25: Floating Fortresses, Slinging Poo, Nefarious Nazi Aliens, and a Chippendales’ Convention

Chapter 26: Walk of Shame, Levitating Cows, Flying Under the Influence, and an Octopus Stowaway

Chapter 27: Blowup Monopod Elvis, Explosive Space Modulators, and an Acid-Filled Cactus

Chapter 28: Horrible Accents, Even Worse Accents, Superpower-Wielding Soulmates for Sale at Target, and More Terrible Accents

Chapter 29: Spaceship Drive-Through, Decapitated Gorillas, Alligator Snorting, and Ding Dong Domination

Chapter 30: Artificial Pastry Killers, Hot Russian Girls, Drunken Woes, and President Lincoln’s Butt Wedgie

Chapter 31: Granny Ninja Warriors, the Portal to Hell, and a Lewd Act in a Public Toilet

Chapter 32: Solid Diamond Grillz, Hairy Hiding Places, Poisonous Penis Darts, and a Gaseous Fire-Belching Bunny

Chapter 33: Raw Meat, a Rockin’ Chest, and Flipping on the Pain Switch

Chapter 32: A Scaly Sidekick, Alien Apps, and Stress-Releasing Squeegees

Part Two: A Little Sexy Time Before the End Time

Author’s Note

Who’s Who

About the Author

Customer Reviews

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Holy Crap! The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I give this a solid 4.5. I was looking for something fun to read to brighten my spirits and I got it in Holy Crap! The World is Ending! Fun but deeply researched, this fun novel also makes you think about ancient history. Autumn has an interested in sci-fi and new agey topics. After listening to a pod cast that discusses aliens, Autumn is after a book on Light Beings. She doesn't realize that her life is about to change. Not only does she meet her soulmate, she finds out that the world will end in a week and she is the key to survival. What's a girl to do? Lots of wine and Twinkies of course! Anna-Marie Abell has researched the ancient Sumerian culture and the ideas that Earth life started from aliens. Being into sci-fi, I was aware of this theory but I was very interested in what the ancient texts and theories. Abbell discusses in her acknowledgements that what she is written is not written to persuade or be indicative or her beliefs; she was creating a fun way to learn about these idea. And she accomplished it that very well. I learned and laughed a lot. I deducted half a star for two reasons. The first is that, though Autumn loves food, she still skinny and gorgeous. But I can over look it because of the summary that includes "who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills." I mean who is to argue with how she wants to be seen? lol The other reason is that this is meant as a trilogy so it leaves story left to be told. But very few authors can walk the line of finishing one full story and still set up for the sequel. I was left feeling I hadn't had an emotionally satisfying conclusion. But I do look forward to reading the next one. Reminiscent of Sookie Stackhouse but more realistic (Autumn thinks she should run over the weird alien which is exactly my first thought). Autumn will take your blues away! I received an ARC from NetGalley; all opinions are my own
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I give this a solid 4.5. I was looking for something fun to read to brighten my spirits and I got it in Holy Crap! The World is Ending! Fun but deeply researched, this fun novel also makes you think about ancient history. Autumn has an interested in sci-fi and new agey topics. After listening to a pod cast that discusses aliens, Autumn is after a book on Light Beings. She doesn't realize that her life is about to change. Not only does she meet her soulmate, she finds out that the world will end in a week and she is the key to survival. What's a girl to do? Lots of wine and Twinkies of course! Anna-Marie Abell has researched the ancient Sumerian culture and the ideas that Earth life started from aliens. Being into sci-fi, I was aware of this theory but I was very interested in what the ancient texts and theories. Abbell discusses in her acknowledgements that what she is written is not written to persuade or be indicative or her beliefs; she was creating a fun way to learn about these idea. And she accomplished it that very well. I learned and laughed a lot. I deducted half a star for two reasons. The first is that, though Autumn loves food, she still skinny and gorgeous. But I can over look it because of the summary that includes "who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills." I mean who is to argue with how she wants to be seen? lol The other reason is that this is meant as a trilogy so it leaves story left to be told. But very few authors can walk the line of finishing one full story and still set up for the sequel. I was left feeling I hadn't had an emotionally satisfying conclusion. But I do look forward to reading the next one. Reminiscent of Sookie Stackhouse but more realistic (Autumn thinks she should run over the weird alien which is exactly my first thought). Autumn will take your blues away! I received an ARC from NetGalley; all opinions are my own
Megan Collins More than 1 year ago
Holy Crap!  The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth by Anna-Marie Abell **I received this book in exchange for an honest review** ""Well, slap me upside the head and color me zebra," Devon exclaimed. "I'm not even going to ask what that means," Rigel said "It means hot damn, we're going to Wally World!" Okay, first off, this is totally not the kind of book I would pick up.  But as soon as Anna emailed me and I read the title AND saw the cover?  I was sold.  How could you not want to read a book with that kind of title that also has a cow being beamed up to a spaceship?!? This book was phenomenal.  The writing was incredible and the story completely consumed me.  This story revolves around a girl named Autumn who meets a guy named Rigel in a Barnes & Noble.  He's perfect and gorgeous, but also kind of an alien.  Now, personally, that would be a deal breaker for me haha.  He informs Autumn that one of his planets moons is on a collision course for Earth and the only way the human race can survive is if they stop being such an awful race.  We all know humans kinda suck sometimes, so they kinda have to get their crap together or they're done for. Needless to say, once the news breaks to the rest of the planet, all hell breaks loose.  Riots.  Looting.  Murders.  It's complete chaos and Autumn has to find a way to get through the everyone.  I cannot spoil anything for anyone wishing to read this because it is just too good to get into details.  You must read this book. The writing was just absolutely amazing.  I'm not saying that other books that have been sent to me have been poorly written, but this book just had the perfect flow.  The only issues I had with it was some of the background.  There were a bit too many religious references for my taste, but the author made it all work.  There was a lot of information on some of the theories that people have on aliens and where we came from, which is usually not my thing, but I enjoyed it.  I did find myself somewhat lost at times, especially trying to keep the names and places straight.  This is a book that I just had to get to the end and see how it all turned out, but it's definitely a book I would go back and read again and really understand all of the background better.  At the end of the book, well the ebook version at least, Anna included a lot of links that provide more information and background that I need to check out more. I cannot recommend this book enough.  It was so witty and fun to read.  It had such quick humor and sarcasm that doesn't deter from the actual story. The chapter names were outrageously awesome and there are these great little pictures throughout the story that add so much to the story.  Some authors focus so much on trying to be funny that the plot is lost.  Absolutely not the case here.  Thank you so much Anna for sending me this book and please keep me in mind when you finish the sequel!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was one of the funniest that I have ever read. I was not sure of what to expect from this book and I am happy with what we got from it. When I had first heard of it, I thought it sounded a bit like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (one of my all time favorite books) and I became very interested in reading this book. I'm not someone who really loves books about aliens unless they are really good. This book was great. The humor was balanced throughout the book with heartwarming scenes. The references to pop culture were a joy to read and the friendships/ relationships that our main character Autumn has throughout are great. There were times that I was pulled out of the story by something going on but then there would be a humorous scene that brought me back. I am glad that this was so much more than I expected but it all had the humor that I wanted. It's not a perfect book but it is one that I really enjoyed and I cannot wait for the others in this series. * I was given this book for an honest review.
Carla King More than 1 year ago
This book was so entertaining and fast-paced that I considered it pure escapist. Then I figured out that the backstory was based on the Anunnaki Aliens Theory (which you know about if you are into aliens) so it became more fascinating as well. I love reading multi-layered cross-genre books like this. Actually, I can't think of any book like this, so I take it back! Lots of giggles and LOL moments. I read it late into two nights and I can't wait for the sequel(s).
Cherie Kephart More than 1 year ago
Debut author Abell comes out swinging with this hilarious, well-written and extensively researched cross-genre adventure of how aliens, romance, lots of junk food, and barrels of wine all intertwine to create a reading experience unlike any other. I’m hooked and ready for book number two!
Boundlessbookreviews More than 1 year ago
I voluntarily received a copy of this novel via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.   This book is hard for me to rate because I did find it interesting, amusing and entertaining a lot of the time; but It also just drug on and on.   I always enjoy anytime authors can put their own spin on current theology and how the world came to be.  It is abundantly clear that Abell put loads of time and effort into researching every aspect of this novel.  Yet it felt like she also wanted to cram every bit of that research into the novel.  What kept coming to mind was that much of this story needed to be edited down. There were just so much that was superfluous I almost gave the book a DNF at 50%.  But like I stated, it is very well thought out and can be amusing and entertaining.  I think if Abell worked with a great content editor she could make this book something great.  The only other complaint I had was towards the end, she had both Autumn and Devon acting like immature children.  It got really annoying.  Overall I really wanted to love this book, I did, it has all the usual aspects that make me fall in love with a story.  It just went on and on and on and I wound up skimming those superfluous paragraphs and just getting to the meat of the story.   With that, I am rating Holy Crap! The World is Ending!: How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth, 2.5 Boundless stars, it really could have been better but I did enjoy it at times.