How to be an Alien in England: A Guide to the English

How to be an Alien in England: A Guide to the English

by Angela Kiss

Paperback

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Overview

Ten years ago, Angela Kiss arrived in the UK without a word of English. All she brought with her was a small bag, a sense of adventure, a desire to work and a copy of George Mikes's classic 1940s humour book about the peculiarities of the British, How to be an Alien.

'In England everything is typical. If your train is late, it is typical. If there are no seats on the upper deck of a bus, it is typical. If it starts to rain at five o'clock just before you leave work, it is typical.'

Through every dodgy flat share, low-paid waitressing job, awkward date and office mishap, Angela held tight to George's wit and wisdom. With his help she began to understand how to live amongst the English - with their eccentricity, spirit and singing train drivers - and fell in love with a land rich in green spaces, pubs and puddings.

'The English do not like to be wished "Have a nice day", because to them it sounds like a command. They think, Who the hell do you think you are to order me to have a nice day?'

A wry, often affectionate view on the English, and how to navigate our national personality.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781910463215
Publisher: Global Book Sales
Publication date: 09/04/2018
Pages: 208
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 7.80(h) x (d)

About the Author

Angela Kiss was born in Hungary, she has lived and worked in London for ten years. She has had three books published in Hungary, one of which was her memoir, "One Way Ticket to London", which has been translated in English and self-published as an ebook. Her latest book "How to be an Alien in England" is a wry, often affectionate view on the English, and how to navigate their national personality. Angela Kiss lives in Italy now, working on her new book.

Read an Excerpt

‘The English do not like to be wished “Have a nice day”,

because to them it sounds like a command. They think,

Who the hell do you think you are to order me to have a

nice day?’

‘One of my English friends said that the American

Revolution was so typical of the bloody Americans.

When I asked how it could be typical if it was the first

and last and only War of American independence he

looked at me as puzzled as if I were an alien from a

faraway unknown planet.’

‘English people are master of avoiding eye contact as

much as avoiding explicit talks.’

‘All job seeker aliens must know that the English people

use understatement all the time except in their CV

which is total overstatement.’

‘Shorter holidays in England always have unexpected

surprises. You have a certain plan but transport

companies have other plans.’

‘The English don’t have worry genes in their DNA at all.

Instead, they have the Keep Calm gene.’

‘On my first week in England a homeless beggar asked

me if I was alright. (I wasn’t alright at all. I didn’t speak

English, I didn’t have a job and I wasn’t even sure what

I was doing in England.) The last time I exchanged

words with a homeless person was back in Hungary, he

said to me: ‘Hey honey, can I have a shag instead of

your money?’

‘Never contradict The English during weather talk. If

they say that 15 degrees is “quite unbearably hot” then

either you just say “indeed, it is quite unbearably hot” or

you shut up and nod.’

‘If your English colleague never flirts with you, there is a

big possibility that he or she is in love with you secretly.’

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