How to Be an American Housewife

How to Be an American Housewife

by Margaret Dilloway


$14.40 $16.00 Save 10% Current price is $14.4, Original price is $16. You Save 10%. View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for guaranteed delivery by Wednesday, June 26


A mother-daughter story about the strong pull of tradition, and the lure and cost of breaking free of it.

When Shoko decided to marry an American GI and leave Japan, she had her parents' blessing, her brother's scorn, and a gift from her husband-a book on how to be a proper American housewife.

As she crossed the ocean to America, Shoko also brought with her a secret she would need to keep her entire life...

Half a century later, Shoko's plans to finally return to Japan and reconcile with her brother are derailed by illness. In her place, she sends her grown American daughter, Sue, a divorced single mother whose own life isn't what she hoped for. As Sue takes in Japan, with all its beauty and contradictions, she discovers another side to her mother and returns to America unexpectedly changed and irrevocably touched.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780425241295
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date: 08/02/2011
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 352
Sales rank: 491,241
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 8.10(h) x 1.00(d)
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

Margaret Dilloway was inspired by her Japanese mother's experiences when she wrote this novel, and especially by a book her father had given to her mother called The American Way of Housekeeping. Dilloway lives in Hawaii with her husband and their three young children. Her blog, American Housewife, can be found on her website,

Read an Excerpt

Table of Contents



Title Page

Copyright Page



PART ONE - Jacaranda Street


















PART TWO - Butter-Kusai














PART THREE - Tokidoki






Author’s Note


An Exciting Preview of SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW

Publishers Since 1838
Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi-110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa


Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England


Copyright © 2010 by Margaret Dilloway

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.

Purchase only authorized editions. Published simultaneously in Canada


Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Dilloway, Margaret.
How to be an American housewife / Margaret Dilloway.
p. cm.

ISBN: 9781101189245

1. Mothers and daughters—Fiction. I. Title.




This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.


While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.



Jacaranda Street

Once you leave Japan, it is extremely unlikely that you will return, unless your husband is stationed there again or becomes wealthy.

Take a few reminders of Japan with you, if you have room. Or make arrangements to write to a caring relative who is willing to send you letters or items from your homeland. This can ease homesickness.

And be sure to tell your family, “Sayonara.”

—from the chapter “Turning American,”
in TAMIKO KELLY AND JUN TANAKA, How to Be an American Housewife (1955)


I had always been a disobedient girl.

When I was four, we lived in a grand house with a courtyard and a koi fishpond. My father worked as a lawyer and we were still rich, rich enough to have beautiful silk dresses and for me to have dolls with real hair and porcelain faces, not the corn-husk dolls I played with later.

We even had a nanny to help my mother. One day, Nanny told me she was taking my baby brother and me on a picnic. We walked for what seemed like miles, until my small feet were blistered. In those days, people expected more from a four-year-old than they do now.

“Where are we going?” I asked Nanny.

“To rest from the heat,” she said. “By a pond.”

I did not like Nanny. I didn’t trust how she eyed my brother, Taro, like he was the last bowl of rice. She always hugged him tight, so tight he wailed, like she wanted to absorb him into her body. She had never had a son of her own, only daughters. Sometimes she called Taro “my little peach,” like he was the peach boy out of the old fairy tale, granted as a wish to the old woman.

I told my mother that Nanny made me uncomfortable. She dismissed it as the whining of a spoiled child. “You don’t like Nanny because she makes you behave,” Mother said. “Now go with her. I have business in town, and your father is busy, too.”

Nanny was old and had a crippled leg; she moved slowly. We stopped by a tree-shaded pond to play and have lunch. Afterward, in the high-noon heat, she took us under a willow tree to nap. Day turned to night. I awoke with a start to see the moon rising above the fields. “Where are we?” I asked.

“Shush,” Nanny said soothingly, smoothing my bangs back. “We’re going on a trip to my hometown.” She looked down the road as though waiting for someone, or something. Her eyes glittered black onyx in the dim light. Taro began wailing and Nanny stuck a bottle into his mouth. “Go back to sleep, Shoko-chan.”

Something was not right. We had missed supper. Mother didn’t allow us to stay outside past dark. I stood. “You take us home right now!” I screamed.

“Sit down, sit down,” Nanny said, trying to push on my shoulders. “You bad girl, listen to Nanny.”

“No!” I kicked her in the shin as hard as I could, then pushed Taro’s pram back up the road. I knew the way home, even though it was far.

Nanny’s hand grabbed my arm and she lifted me up. Now she looked like a terrible witch, her wiry white hair free of her scarf, her jagged teeth bared like a wolf. “We’re going on a trip. You must listen to Nanny!”

I bit her hand, bearing down hard in desperation. She yowled and dropped me. I stood up and pushed Taro away again.

This time she didn’t follow. I looked back once and saw her standing in the middle of the road, holding her hand. Taro wailed.

Mother and Father were outside the wall of our house, looking left and right. They’d sent servants out looking for us. When they heard Taro, they ran to meet us. “Where have you been?” Mother cried, sweeping me up. Father cradled Taro to his face. Taro quieted.

“I told you she was no good!” I said, and recounted what had happened.

Some mothers would have not believed their child, but mine did. Mother said she had tried to steal us. Or, at the very least, steal my brother. Who knows what she would have done with me.“If it weren’t for Shoko,” Mother would retell visitors, shaking her head, “Ai!”

I was a hero. All because I wouldn’t listen.

WITHIN A YEAR OR SO AFTER THAT, Father tired of dealing with bad people in his business. “Too much cheating,” he told my mother. “All anyone cares about is money. Money is God.”

He was always so busy. Perhaps he felt guilty that a nanny had almost made off with his children. He decided to sell the house and his practice and become a priest in the Konkokyo, the Konko Church.

In 1859, there was a Japanese village where people feared a god called Konjin, who brought misfortune. One farmer named Kawate Bunji had a streak of bad luck. Once when Bunji fell very ill, he was visited by the god Konjin, who told him that people shouldn’t fear him, that he was good, and that his real name was Tenchi Kane no Kami, “One True God of Heaven and Earth.” When Bunji became well, word of his visit from Konjin spread. People came to the farmer Bunji for help, and Tenchi Kane no Kami would speak through him. Bunji’s name became Konkokyo Daijin, and he became a god, too. The Konko Church was born.

Mother never made a word of complaint when Father became a priest. Instead, she sold the house and all of our fine possessions, bargaining a more than fair price—“It goes to the church and brings you honor, what more could you wish?” she told the buyer. She let me keep one doll, my Shirley Temple with curly hair Father had bought in Tokyo, the one that melted later when I left it too close to the fireplace.

We moved to a tiny house with dirt floors covered by tatami mats. It was near the church in Ueki where my father would serve as priest. My sister, Suki, who was born that year, never knew a different life. I think that was why she was such a happy person. Or maybe it was because our parents never acted differently, rich or poor. Mother always made arrangements of flowers to brighten the room. We celebrated the festivals, with a little less feasting. Only I, with my memories of dolls and dresses, felt resentment.

Taro and I always played together. We were good friends until it began to bother Taro that I could hit a ball farther than he could, or climb a higher tree, or beat him in every race.

When Father decided I was too old to be a tomboy, around age thirteen, he made me take dance lessons, like all young ladies did. I did what my father told me to do. I was disobedient, not foolish. I learned how to flip open a fan with a flick of my wrist, peering over it at the audience. I also learned the shamisen, which was a little harp. The teacher said I was a beauty, and very talented. I didn’t quite believe her until I saw how the men watched me at our talent show.

I came onstage in my beautiful silk kimono and red lips as my teacher played her shamisen. The bulbs shone in my eyes, but I would not squint. I lowered my gaze and snapped open my fan as I launched into the dance.

I heard an intake of breath from the men. I looked up and saw their admiring gazes fixed on me. I blushed, and kept on, knowing that wherever I went onstage their stares would follow. The other girls became invisible. I had more power in dance than I did at baseball.

I understood then that my skills in school or in sports would not make my life come about in the way I wished. I took my bows at that recital, vowing I would learn what I needed and make the best marriage possible.



THE WAR HAD CHANGED my life’s direction from East to West. I heard about Pearl Harbor from my father. I was in third grade. Father, a priest in a religion that believed in peace, was worried. “America is so big,” he fretted. “They will destroy us.”

Mother reassured him. “If the Emperor says we will win, it will be fine. Japan is mighty.”

Father seemed to be the only one around who questioned the Emperor. Everyone else thought we would triumph easily and show the West how strong we were. Even Father dared not bad-mouth the Emperor in public. The Emperor was supposed to be a god, and to say anything to the contrary could land you in prison.

At first, the war stayed far away, something we knew only from the radio. Then we began having blackouts and sirens. We built shelters in the hillsides to hide in when the planes came.

“Why would they bother with a countryside village, with no targets except chickens?” Father said.

But they did. One night, the alarms went off and we blacked out our windows so the planes wouldn’t have easy targets. “It’s just a drill,” Father told us. We didn’t bother to go out to the shelters.

But then we heard a great roar, the bombers overhead.

A blast rumbled the house. Something had been destroyed. At first light, I went outside. Our neighbor, Mrs. Miyama, and her little boy had been using their outhouse, and the light had been a beacon. Just like that, they were gone.

Another time, Taro, Suki, and I were walking to school. It was fall, the air just turning cold, the sky still gray. We had on our navy-blue-and-white school uniforms, our nice shoes that we could wear only to school. I remember that Taro’s hair was slicked down as flat as Mother could get it.

Our road went through farmland, a country road with country people, nothing of any significance. Nothing that the Americans should bother with. Suddenly we heard the roar again. It was deafening. Suki stopped and clapped her hands over her ears. Father had told me what to do.

“Drop!” I ordered, pulling my sister to the ground and falling on top of her. Taro fell, too.

There were popping noises and the brown dirt in front of us lifted. We were being shot at. Three little children. I put my head down and prayed that we would be all right. The plane flew past and I started to get up.

The noise returned as the plane turned around. “It’s coming back!” Taro yelled. He grabbed my arm, I grabbed Suki’s arm, and we jumped over an embankment into an irrigation ditch at the side of the road. I looked up and saw the pilot and the plane as it came low. It had a star on its side, a skull and crossbones on the tail, and a half-naked woman painted near the front. The pilot saw me and laughed. He had been playing with us, scaring us. If he had wanted to, he could have killed us. That was the first time I ever saw an American.

Suki’s face and body were muddy, and she was wailing. I took a chunk of mud out of her pigtails. Taro stood up and kicked at the dirt embankment, causing a slew of pebbles to fall down. He shook his fist toward the plane. “We will kill you all!” he shouted. “American fiends!”



I HAD NOT THOUGHT of this story for years.

I sat up on the couch in my San Diego living room, where I had been napping. Bright morning light made the room uncomfortably warm.

When I had told this story to my daughter, Sue, when she was still young enough to ask for stories, she had looked at me as if I were telling a grim fairy tale. “Why would they do that?” she had whispered, her eyes big.

“Those stories scare her,” my husband, Charlie, had said. “The past is past.”

He was right. And so I hardly talked about my past at all to my daughter. It was a lifetime ago. I had grown tired of my own stories, even of my old dreams. What good did dreams do me now? When you are young, dreams are the reason you pray for a new year and better luck.

Except for this. This one small dream of mine.

Taro and I together again.

I got a piece of tissue-thin airmail stationery and my husband’s fountain pen out of the desk drawer. Sitting down on the floor at the coffee table, I put the pen to my lips, thinking. From the garage, Charlie sang as he put laundry in the washer. One of my adult son Mike’s cats meowed at the screen door. I began my letter to Taro.

Many American husbands enjoy traditional aspects of Japanese culture, including the o-furo and the massage.

American husbands expect their Wives to be well-versed in massage as a Japanese tradition. Many men find that a small Japanese wife is an asset when she walks on his back after a long, tiring day.

Often when a Japanese person begins consuming Western foods, they become fat. Do not overindulge. It is important to keep oneself at a light enough weight so that the husband’s back is uninjured.

The o-furo may also be enjoyed by your husband. Offering to scrub his back as you would with a Japanese spouse is likely to be welcomed. It is a small piece of service you may offer to him.

—from the chapter “A Map to Husbands,”
How to Be an American Housewife


I carried the letter into my bedroom, pushing the door shut with my shoulder. We had lived here for over thirty years, and still this bedroom door was not fixed. I looked about for a place to hide the letter. Not that my husband, Charlie, was nosy, but he always thought of reasons to say no to me.

I stuck the note into my underwear drawer in the dresser. I met the eyes of the two Japanese samurai dolls in their glass case on top of the bureau. The man had a sword, and the girl had a tiny metal knife tucked into her kimono sleeve. A secret weapon no one saw. Underneath their case I had a secret of my own.

I opened the little glass door and lifted out the dolls, then lifted up a hidden compartment. Inside that was my hesokuri, my secret money. I’d been pinching pennies all these years. Stealing out of Charlie’s change jar, saving bits of our tax refunds and Charlie’s Navy retirement checks. Now I had a lot. Enough to go to Japan. I touched the cash and smiled.

Then I opened my closet to decide what to wear to see my cardiologist, Dr. Cunningham. Lately, I had been seeing him too much, getting tests and medications. My heart was giving out, and other things along with it. Last summer, I’d gotten Bell’s palsy, paralyzing my face’s right side for a week. I got a patch, like a pirate, so my eye wouldn’t dry out. People crossed the street when they saw me coming. Once, they would have crossed the street to look at me.

“I ugly now,” I said to Charlie more than once, just to hear him tell me I was beautiful.

He didn’t disappoint. “You’re beautiful still, Shoko.”

“Why this happen?” I asked.

“No one knows,” he said. “Only God.”

Only God. I prayed to kamisama, not God, as my parents had raised me. I sighed and took out a pair of slacks I had worn the previous week, wondering if Dr. Cunningham would recognize them.

Unlike many of the new doctors at Balboa Naval Medical Center, where the doctors who just graduated from medical school go for training, Dr. Cunningham seemed to know what was going on.

I liked Dr. Cunningham. He looked just like Tyrone Power, a movie star I had loved when I was young. And he was single! If I had been young and single, I could have gotten him for sure. When I was in my teens, I’d been the prettiest girl around. High defined cheekbones, Cupid’s bow of a full mouth, shiny blue-black hair, and pale white skin, like a baby’s. I had an hourglass shape even with no girdle—a full bust, tiny waist (twenty-two inches), and womanly bottom. Men chased me from the time I turned twelve. And I enjoyed it, though being a nice girl, I shouldn’t have.

My own daughter was as enchanting, if not more so. She didn’t have short Japanese legs like I did. Her limbs were long and lean, her neck and fingers graceful. Eurasians were exotic, and men liked that, too. Sue could have had anyone, if she’d only waited for college before finding a husband, instead of marrying the first boy who came along. Which did not last, as I knew it would not.

I said to Dr. Cunningham, “My daughter could marry anyone, you know. Rich businessman love her.”

And then Dr. Cunningham said, “If she’s half as lovely as you, Mrs. Morgan, I’m missing out.” He was so nice!

I picked up the phone by the bed now and dialed Sue’s cell phone, hoping she wouldn’t see my number and let it go to voice mail. I held my breath, waiting. She picked up. “What’s up, Mom?” She sounded artificially cheerful. I imagined her sitting at her desk, twirling her dark brown hair around one finger, her pale face greenish in the light from her computer screen.

“Suiko-chan. You wanna take me doctor today?” I asked. “Got appointment after lunchtime.”

I heard her carefully repressed sigh. “Is Dad busy?”

“Don’t know. Maybe so.” I couldn’t tell her that Charlie had taken me yesterday and the day before that. I didn’t want to worry her.

“I have a meeting, Mom.” Sue was a manager at a financial services firm. Her voice turned brisk. “Are you still trying to get me to meet your doctor?”

I was glad she couldn’t see the surprise on my face. If I could have, I would have chosen a husband for Sue. Sue needed someone already established, who had done all the hard work already. She needed someone to take care of her, so the dark circles under her eyes would go away.

Dr. Cunningham would be perfect. But in America, they find husbands themselves. I had found Charlie myself, almost American-style, and maybe I would have done things differently if I could go back.

“He’s not interested, Mom,” Sue said, her voice so flat it made my heart ache even more. “He’s being polite. What’s he supposed to say? Don’t bother the man.”

“But you need see this guy. If I you, I grab him up! Single doctor won’t last long.” I tried to keep my voice light, but my daughter didn’t understand. A single doctor really wouldn’t last long.

Sue snorted. “Mom, please. I can find my own man.”

But she couldn’t.

I heard what she was saying. Stay out of my life. I sat for a moment in silence. I am writing a letter to your uncle now, I wanted to tell her. I am going to Japan. Don’t you want to know? I wanted to tell her so much more.

Dr. Cunningham had told me my heart was getting flabby, which meant it wasn’t working well. He wanted me to have surgery with a specialist. They would cut a wedge out and make it smaller. “It’s risky, but not as risky as a transplant,” he had said.

“Fine,” I had said. It took them months to schedule anything. I’d be to Japan and back before the first pre-op appointment.

“Is there something else, Mom?” Sue was trying to sound patient but not succeeding.

I tried to think quickly of something that would make her want to come with me. My daughter was too sensitive, too fast to hear criticism. Perhaps it was partially my fault.

I did not have the knack of subtlety. When she was a college sophomore, Sue had come to me while I was in my bedroom one afternoon. She squeaked the door closed, her face so pale, even in the golden light coming in from the west, that I thought she was ill. She sat on my side of the bed, next to the photo of my parents. “What’s a matter you, Suiko-chan?” I asked her.

“Craig and I are going to move in together,” she whispered.

I was shocked. I shouted at her. “You do that,” I said, “and we no pay college no more! You bring shame on us.” In my town, my family would never have been able to show their faces again if I had done something so scandalous.

Sue had looked around. “Shame from whom? We don’t have any family here. The neighbors don’t care.” The afternoon sun made her hair glint red. “Besides, you’re hardly paying anything. I have a ton of loans.”

“I no can hold my head up.” I was really hoping this would make her ditch Craig.

She had sighed. Nineteen years old, she was at the peak of her beauty. She thought her beauty would go on forever. The way I thought mine would. She needed to find someone better while she still could. “Then it’s Plan B. We’re getting married.”

“Marry?” I closed my eyes and changed my tactics. My lovely daughter could not marry this person, the first boy she’d ever kissed. I had told her that you should only kiss if you were going to get married, but that was to keep her from being a slut. I never thought she’d take it so seriously. “Why you gonna marry same guy you drag around high school? That’s why we send college. Find good man marry.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Craig.” Sue’s voice rose in anger.

She was right. There was nothing wrong with him. Except he would make a lousy husband. Too flighty, too artistic. High-maintenance. Maybe in twenty years he’d be ready. “Sue,” I pleaded.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be out of your hair in a week,” she spat, leaving the house. “I won’t shame you anymore.” The next weekend, she was in Vegas. Too young to drink but old enough to get married. And to have a baby.

I never said a bad word about Craig again, no matter what he did or how he acted.

Sue thought differently than I did, and I didn’t understand her. Sometimes I thought I had chased her out of the house too soon, been too hard on her the way I had been too easy on her brother. It seemed both parenting methods had failed.

On the line with my daughter, I heard another beep. “Mom, my boss is calling me,” Sue said. “Is there anything else you needed?”

It wasn’t the right time to tell her everything. Not on the phone. “Go, then.” I hung up. I suspected her boss wasn’t on the phone, that she was simply tired of listening to her old mother. But she couldn’t keep the honcho waiting.

I got dressed. In my bedroom, I had crammed pieces of Japan everywhere, all covered up. There was a hand-painted folding screen by the closet, wrapped in black trash bags. Scrolls and fans were in boxes in the closet. I didn’t want anything to be ruined by the light, not until I could take them out again. When the kids took their junk out of the other bedrooms, I would make a Japanese room.

These things used to be displayed, treasured. When Charlie first brought me from Japan to Norfolk, I decorated our home to the best of my ability, with my Japanese furniture that Charlie and I had taken equal delight in picking out and that the Navy had shipped over: the Japanese screen painted with a waterfall and peacocks; ink-painted scrolls; statues of badgers and lions; and silk satin floor cushions I’d made. We had a sofa, too, but no one used it. With Mike a baby, the floor was more convenient.

Once a week, I’d go to the park and clip whatever foliage and flowers I could find, arranging them in the Japanese way on the sideboard. A tall piece, a medium-size piece, and a small, all designed to suggest nature.

We had lived in a small two-bedroom town house with floors so crooked, you could roll a Coke can from one end to the other. Charlie was getting ready to ship out for at least a year, and it would be just me and the baby.

Charlie’s relatives lived in Maryland, and they came to visit a few times. His mother, Millie, a stout woman who had borne eight children in ten years, was so encouraging that I thought all Americans would be like her. “Don’t you marry her and then get rid of her like everybody else,” she took Charlie aside and warned. Many Japanese women who married servicemen got abandoned when they got to the States and they found out how hard it was to live in a biracial marriage. Even more got left back in Japan, pregnant and unmarried.

“Don’t worry,” Charlie said.

“You call if you need anything, and I’ll get someone to take me here,” his mother said every time she left.

“Yes, Mother.” I knew I would never bother her.

When she visited, she would bring me practical things, like boxes of tissue or a frying pan. I was grateful, but not when she looked around our small apartment.

It was different from her house, where nobody took off their shoes and they would rather use bricks and boards for shelving than spend money on furniture, and the only decorations were pictures of Jesus. If she had flowers, she stuck them all in a vase so big you couldn’t see the other person at the table.

“This is all so fancy,” Millie said every time she visited, trying to understand but not succeeding.

This way of living was the only way I knew. I couldn’t live in a space without having something lovely to look at. Even when my parents were poor, they could still trim a pine bush outside into a bonsai. I imagined Millie went home and talked about how Charlie’s wife spent all his money on unimportant clutter.

Charlie enjoyed Japanese art, though. I tried to teach him sumi-e brush painting, but no matter how much he practiced, his paintings looked like rudimentary stick figures. “How you get a few strokes to look like a deer—you’re a genius,” he said to me.

I only knew what a “genius” was from his awed tone. “Try again.”

“There’s only room for one genius here.” He had three of my paintings matted and framed, and they hung in a trio on the wall.

Adjusting to the U.S. was difficult in other ways for me, especially in the beginning. If I borrowed an egg from a neighbor, I returned two, the Japanese way. They didn’t understand; why did I give them two? It made them angry, like I was insulting them. When you “borrowed” an egg or a cup of sugar in America, you never actually returned it. Charlie had to explain: “It’s her tradition.”

“Never heard of a tradition like that,” our neighbors said.

When Charlie wasn’t home to explain my odd ways to people, I went to the store alone, with Mike bundled up in a thousand layers in his stroller. I made sure to dress up. My favorite outfit was a pencil skirt, button-up black blouse with white pipe trim, and heels. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to take care of a child in, but I was young and didn’t care. I wanted to look presentable, not like a maid or a Jap with buckteeth and wild hair, but an American girl.

As I walked the two blocks from housing to the store, people stopped and stared, whispering, “There goes that Jap wife!” I smiled and waved, even when mothers held their children against them. A few of them stopped me, said hello, wanted to touch my hair, so much coarser than theirs. “Like horsehair!” they exclaimed.

I reminded myself that the Japanese had done the same thing with Charlie and his fire-red hair. “There goes the demon!” they had whispered. Certainly I could take it.

I kept my head high and said, “Hello!” I had practiced my l sounds in the mirror before I ever left Japan. It didn’t matter whether people said hello back or not. I was holding up my end. What they did was their own business.

I SWUNG MY LEGS up onto the bed and massaged my ankle, wishing I could run for miles, like Sue could. I remembered how it felt not to get winded. When I was a kid, I had been a real tomboy. “Stay inside, Shoko,” Father had said to me. “Your skin will get dark.”

But I loved to play baseball, and I hit the ball better than the boys. I still loved baseball today. I watched every game I could on television, making Charlie grumble. He hated sports. I hated being indoors, but now allergies and the sun bothered me too much to spend time outside.

Once, when I was little, I sneaked out to the field where my brother played ball with his friends. “Go home and do the laundry, Shoko,” Taro yelled at me when he saw me. His friends laughed and Taro drew himself up taller than he was, which was still half a head shorter than me. His black hair poked out crazily from under his ball cap; Taro had an unfortunate double-helix cowlick on the crown of his head. “We don’t want girls messing up our game.”

I couldn’t let my little brother speak that way to me, especially in front of his older friend, Tetsuo, who always looked at me in a sly way and winked. I squared my shoulders. “I bet you your manju that I hit a home run.” Our mother was making the steamed sweet bean cakes. Treats were getting fewer these days, so this was a bet of the utmost seriousness.

Of course I did hit a homer. Tetsuo and the other boys hooted and hollered. And Taro ran home and told our father, who beat me with a willow stick. “For being better than a boy?” I had shouted at him as he did it.

“For disobedience,” Father had said, giving me an extra whack for talking back. Father, a tall and skinny scholar with glasses falling down his nose, hardly had the heart to give me a good beating. He did it only because it was the right thing for a father to do when a daughter ran wild.

Worst of all, he gave Taro my manju. But that night, after everyone had gone to sleep, I’d been awakened by a soft prodding on my cheek and the smell of sweet beans at my nose. “Here, Shoko-chan,” Taro had whispered. “I’m sorry.” He had given me two, his and mine.

“You better be sorry,” I had responded, stuffing both into my cheeks. “I’ll really fix you next time.” I punched his arm. Taro giggled, and we drifted to sleep, the manju beans making my lips sticky.

Was Taro even still alive?

If you are lucky enough to become a mother to a son, do not attempt to raise him in the American way. Raise him in the Japanese way and he will become a fine young man in the Japanese tradition.

This means treating him better than you treat your husband. Prepare all your son’s favorite meals, buy him toys when he desires them, try to accommodate all his desires before he can voice them. In this way, you will gain his respect and appreciation.

—from the chapter “American Family Habits,”
How to Be an American Housewife


Charlie interrupted my memories by coming in and patting my shin. “You want me to bring you Sanka in here?”

I sat up, then lay back down. How idiotic that the simple act of getting dressed had tired me out. Some days were better than others. “Please.”

“Okay.” He got up and left before I could mention my letter.

I stretched, thinking about how I would run after I got my heart fixed, then got up and applied my makeup. I only wore it to the store or to the doctor’s, really the only places we ever went anymore.

Loud TV came out of my son’s room, which was across from ours. I smelled cigarettes. My chest tightened. I went out and pounded on his door. “No smoke in house, Mike!”

He cracked the door open, his nearly black eyes rimmed with red. There were so many papers and trash and clothes on the floor you couldn’t see the carpet. At the foot of his bed was a big-screen TV, up too loud. “What?” he said, like when he was sixteen, me trying to get him to come out for dinner, when he’d rather eat in his room alone. This was Mike’s way.

Mike looked much more Japanese than Sue. He had sharp high cheekbones, eyes that turned up at the corners. His nose had a flat bridge like my brother’s, but was long like his father’s. Ever since he was little, wherever we went, people had stared at his Asian eyes, his sharp cheekbones, and his coarse black hair. He looked like the star of an old samurai movie, out of place in this time. I told him to stick his tongue out at them.

Maybe that was why he preferred the company of animals. Everywhere we moved, he had fish and a lizard. I wouldn’t let him have cats and dogs until after we were done with our overseas tours, so we wouldn’t have to give them up.

Moving so much for the Navy had been hard for Mike. It took him about two and a half years to make a good friend, and three years was how long each duty station lasted. When we left Washington state, Mike was six. He had sat down in the doorway of our old Craftsman bungalow and held on to the doorjamb, rocking himself back and forth while the movers hauled off our belongings, while his little friend Jimmy came to say good-bye, and his father and I packed the car. Five hours total. Nothing would budge him. “I’m staying. I like it.”

I tried to pick him up. “Come on. We miss plane.”

His fingernails left grooves in the wood, and he screeched. It sounded like a bald eagle getting shot down. He banged his head on the doorjamb.

“You hurt self! Stop!” I tried to block him and he gave me a tremendous slap on the arm. I backed off.

“Cut it out, Mike.” Charlie put the last piece of luggage in the car and turned around, his face reddening in anger. “Get over here right now.”

“I’ll run away.” Mike looked up at me. His face was sweaty and tear-stained. A bright red gash and a purple bruise were starting to appear. I bent to touch it and he jerked away.

I looked at my husband. Charlie wiped his brow, then sat down next to him and put his arm around him. “Mike, Daddy’s getting time off after we move. I’ll take you fishing in Guam. You won’t believe the fish they have there. And the water’s so warm. You can swim every day.” Charlie always made the most of his leave time, taking Mike camping and fishing and giving me a break to be alone.

“But Jimmy’s not there.”

“You can write.”

He glared at his father. “I don’t know how.”

Charlie ignored that. “Listen. This is how life is, Mike, and you have to adjust.” Charlie stood up. “Get in the car.”

He held on to the doorjamb. “No.”

Charlie looked at Mike, then at me. “Fine. Get in the car, Shoko.”

I did.

Charlie turned the ignition on and drove away quickly.

“What you doing?” I cried, looking back at my son. Mike’s mouth was open in a wail.

“Teaching him a lesson for throwing a tantrum.”

I turned, wondering if Mike would run to the neighbor’s, if he would run down the driveway after us. Mike was still holding on to the house.

We drove to the end of the block, then turned around. Mike was still on the doorstep, his hands now in his lap, his face covered by new tears.

“I thought you left me,” he said, hiccuping.

“We never leave you.” I tried to put my arms around him. He pushed me off.

He stared. I saw that he did not believe me.

“You ready now?” Charlie asked him.

He went silently to the car, his head hanging down. Mike was too easily broken. What other children shrugged off, Mike could not. I shook my head at Charlie and got in the backseat next to my son. Charlie drove us silently to the airport.

Mike never complained about moving again. Instead he would sit in a corner, a blanket pulled over his head, shutting out us and the rest of the world, until I took him by the hand and led him to the car.

I stared at him now, an adult leaning against his doorjamb, seeing the little boy. “The smoke hurt my heart.”

“What’s the problem? I’ve got the window open.” He cleared his throat. I hoped he wouldn’t get lung cancer.

A black cat ran into the hallway. “Shoot.” Mike had just gotten a notice to get out of his old place. Over the years, Mike had moved out and back more times than I could count. This time, he moved back in with four cats. They peed all over the living room. I put my foot down. Now he kept them in his room, taking out the window screen so they could come in and out as they liked. But we were near a mountain, and coyotes had eaten two in the last week.

Mike slammed his door shut, chasing the cat. I leaned against the wall. He caught it in the living room and brought it back, cradled in his arms like a baby.

I crossed my arms. “You pay Daddy first month rent?”

Mike shrugged, pushing back his long hair with one hand. He went in his room and returned with a hundred-dollar bill, handing it to me without a word.

“How work going?” Mike had begun a new job at a pet store.

He shrugged again, and his eyes flicked back toward his closed door like he was missing his favorite show. “Fine.”

“Maybe you go back school, be a vet? You like that. Never too late.” I would go back to school, if I could. Grossmont Community College was only a mile away.

“Maybe. Yeah.”

I knew he only said that to make me shut up. “No more smoke room. Outside only.”

“Fine.” He was barely listening, his head cocked toward the television dialogue.

I wanted to tell him more: that he needed to clean the filthy bathroom he used; that he should rinse out his dishes; that he should keep his room neat. It was no use. If he cleaned the bathroom, first I’d have to nag, and then he’d do a halfway bad job at it, so I would have to redo it anyway. It was easier for me or Charlie to do, even with our ailments.

“You have dinner with us?” I asked him.

He shrugged.

“What mean? Say yes, say no. No shrug.”

“No, then.” He shuffled his feet.

“Got work?”

“Yeah.” The cat in his arms purred. He put his nose to its nose.

“You not watch so much TV. Make brain Jell-O. Read book.” I scratched the cat’s neck. It licked my hand, sandpapery wet.

“Okay.” Mike opened his door and disappeared inside.

I wondered if we should keep letting him move back in. After all, he was fifty. But he still hadn’t married. And who would ever marry him?

I raised him like my mother had raised my brother. By doing everything for him. I knew no better. I had hoped he would still grow up to be a hard worker. Japanese boys turn out fine raised like this, but apparently not Americans. Or not my son.

When Mike was a toddler and we lived in Virginia, I’d take him to the park and try to meet other children for playmates. For both of us.

Children that young—Mike was a year and a half—didn’t care what a child looked like. Their mothers did. “He doesn’t look the least bit American,” one mother remarked to me as our sons dug sand near each other. “He really takes after you.”

The mothers varied from polite to downright cold. I couldn’t blame them. Some had lost their fathers in the war with Japan. But I felt they could afford to be a little forgiving, seeing as how we lost in the end. Especially the manner in which we lost.

Time did not make our way smoother. When Mike was twelve and playing Little League in Oakland, all the mothers had to make treats for their end-of-season party. Mike had told me about it as I sat on the bleachers watching the game, by myself, on the top row. “It’s tomorrow,” he said, throwing the ball into his mitt and not looking at me.

The other mothers sat a few rows down or clumped in groups of two or three. They wore button-down shirts in pastel colors and capri pants, like a secret uniform. “Why they no tell me?” I asked.

He shrugged and asked for snack money. I gave him a quarter and moved two benches down to Jackie, the team mother. Jackie had dark hair and a flip just like Jackie O, whom she resembled. She wore a giant floppy straw hat.

Jackie smiled politely and I back at her. “Hi, Shoko, how are you?”

“Very well, thank you.” I used my softest, most pleasant voice. “Jackie. I bring popacor-nu barus to party.”

“What’s that?” Jackie said, not moving her lips from the smile.

“Popacor-nu barus.”

She blinked. “I’m sorry. One more time?”

“Popacor-nu. Barus.” I made the shape with my hands.

Jackie was silent, her head cocked to the side, the smile fading. The other mothers watched. Did they not understand, either?

Mike had come back and was standing in the dirt by the bleachers, watching. “It’s popcorn balls!” he shouted. “What the hell is so hard to understand? You people are stupid. This team is stupid.” He threw his hat down.

I never went to another game. But neither did I cry about it. Mike did not, either, or if he did, he did not let us know.

I sorrowed for Mike. He had not changed much from the little boy on the front stoop. Less fussy, yes. But still easily broken. No one had ever been able to understand him. Always, he was moody, a loner, smart as a whip but lazy. Often he was in his own world, amusing himself. Today, Charlie said Mike might have been called “mildly autistic,” but not when he was growing up. Back then, he was just different, and we had done the best we could.

I only hoped that Charlie would let Mike keep staying here after I was gone. He had nowhere else to go.



CHARLIE CAME DOWN THE HALL, a mug of Sanka in his hands.“You want to have spaghetti tonight?”

What People are Saying About This

Kerry Reichs

Dilloway is one of those remarkable writers who can completely transport you to a unique place and time. In How to Be an American Housewife I became both Shoko, the Japanese war bride, and Sue, the American daughter straddling two cultures. The richness of detail will have you reaching for your kimono before you realize it didn't happen to you. (Kerry Reichs, author of Leaving Unknown)

Jane Porter

How to Be an American Housewife is witty, rich, layered, and so very satisfying. Dilloway's talent shines through from the very first page, and I was terribly sorry when it ended. This is by far one of the best books I've read in ages. (Jane Porter, author of Easy on the Eyes)

Margot Livesey

In How to Be an American Housewife, Margaret Dilloway creates an irresistible heroine. Shoko is stubborn, contrary, proud, a wonderful housewife, and full of deeply conflicted feelings. I wanted to shake her, even as I was cheering her on, and this cunningly structured novel allowed me to do both. It also took me on two intricate journeys, from postwar Japan and the shadow of Nagasaki to contemporary California, and from motherhood to daughterhood and back again. A profound and suspenseful debut. (Margot Livesey, author of The House on Fortune Street)

Jamie Ford

A tender and captivating novel of family secrets and redemption, and a compelling look at the complex love languages spoken within three generations of a family. (Jamie Ford, author of Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet)

Ann Hood

Charming, poignant and life-affirming. Dilloway reminds us of the triumph of love over geography, silence, and misunderstanding. She makes us glad to be alive. (Ann Hood, author of The Knitting Circle)

Luanne Rice

How to Be an American Housewife is filled with dreams and love—the kinds that come true and those that don't. Margaret Dilloway is wise and ironic. She has created wonderful characters who never, in spite of hardships, stop finding ways to love each other. (Luanne Rice, author of The Deep Blue Sea for Beginners)

From the Publisher

"A tender and captivating novel of family secrets and redemption, and a compelling look at the complex love languages spoken within three generations of a family."
-Jamie Ford, author of Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet

"In How to Be an American Housewife, Margaret Dilloway creates an irresistible heroine. Shoko is stubborn, contrary, proud, a wonderful housewife, and full of deeply conflicted feelings. I wanted to shake her, even as I was cheering her on, and this cunningly structured novel allowed me to do both. It also took me on two intricate journeys, from postwar Japan and the shadow of Nagasaki to contemporary California, and from motherhood to daughterhood and back again. A profound and suspenseful debut."
-Margot Livesey, author of The House on Fortune Street

"A triumphant debut novel. Margaret Dilloway gives us the most original, endearing, courageous and enduring narrator I've read in a long time. Shoko's voice is one of a kind, yet as familiar as advice from your own mother. Her unforgettable story of triumph, tragedy, disappointment and joy will stay with me."
-Susan Wiggs, author of Just Breathe

"How to Be an American Housewife is filled with dreams and love—the kinds that come true and those that don't. Margaret Dilloway is wise and ironic. She has created wonderful characters who never, in spite of hardships, stop finding ways to love each other."
-Luanne Rice, author of The Deep Blue Sea for Beginners

"Margaret Dilloway has written a compulsively readable novel about the timeless, fraught, and ultimately powerful relationships between mothers and daughters, and brothers and sisters. How to Be an American Housewife confirms that redemption and happy endings are always possible."
-Patricia Wood, author of Lottery

"How to Be an American Housewife is witty, rich, layered, and so very satisfying. Dilloway's talent shines through from the very first page, and I was terribly sorry when it ended. This is by far one of the best books I've read in ages."
-Jane Porter, author of Easy on the Eyes

"How to Be an American Housewife is equal parts multilayered and beautifully nuanced - an enthralling debut told in an utterly original voice."
- Holly Kennedy, author of The Penny Tree

"Charming, poignant and life affirming. Dilloway reminds us of the triumph of love over geography, silence and misunderstanding. She makes us glad to be alive."
-Ann Hood, author of The Knitting Circle

"Dilloway is one of those remarkable writers that can completely transport you to a unique place in time. In How to Be an American Housewife I became both Shoko, the Japanese war bride, and Sue, the American daughter straddling two cultures. The richness of detail will have you reaching for your kimono before you realize it didn't happen to you."
-Kerry Reichs, author of Leaving Unknown

Patricia Wood

Margaret Dilloway has written a compulsively readable novel about the timeless, fraught, and ultimately powerful relationships between mothers and daughters, and brothers and sisters. How to Be an American Housewife confirms that redemption and happy endings are always possible. (Patricia Wood, author of Lottery)

Holly Kennedy

How to Be an American Housewife is equal parts multilayered and beautifully nuanced - an enthralling debut told in an utterly original voice. (Holly Kennedy, author of The Penny Tree)

Susan Wiggs

A triumphant debut novel. Margaret Dilloway gives us the most original, endearing, courageous and enduring narrator I've read in a long time. Shoko's voice is one of a kind, yet as familiar as advice from your own mother. Her unforgettable story of triumph, tragedy, disappointment and joy will stay with me. (Susan Wiggs, author of Just Breathe)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

How to Be an American Housewife 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 119 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved this book. Besides being a brilliant story, I now see how important it is to notice women who are "invisible," the ones who are different, yet part of the landscape, and to remember that acceptance is one of the best gifts one woman can offer to another.
Twink More than 1 year ago
How to be an American Housewife is the debut novel of author Margaret Dilloway. We meet Shoko and her American husband Charlie in their retirement years. Shoko is Japanese born, but married Charlie at the end of the war. She survived the bombing of Nagasaki, but her heart has been affected. As her future is not certain, she decides it is time to deal with the past at last. In the first part of the book, through flashbacks and memories, we learn of Shoko's childhood, her dreams, her secrets and what reality, her parents and society dictated she must do. She is estranged from her brother Taro, having neither seen nor spoken to him for the 50 years she has lived in the States. Unable to make the trip, she asks her daughter Sue to make the trip for her. Sue agrees and takes along her teenage daughter Helena. Their trip is the focus of the second part of the book. Every chapter in the book is prefaced by an excerpt from a fictional book called 'How to Be an American Housewife'. Some of the excerpts are downright funny, but some are heartbreaking. An early one reads - "When you marry and integrate with Americans, it is only natural not to have friends. Most American women will dislike you. Perhaps looking for other Japanese women will be possible, but probably not. Expect to be alone much of the time. Children help relieve this melancholy." Shoko's life in America is very much different - the food, the language, the customs and so much more. With political sentiment running high, she is never really accepted. Shoko stays true to herself though, coming up with some truly memorable lines... "I kept my head high and said Hello! It didn't matter whether peple said hello back or not. I was holding up my end. What they did was their own business." Shoko's son Mike and daughter Sue also find acceptance difficult as they are 'mixed.' Charlie is truly a 'good guy' though. I wish more of his feelings and thoughts had been explored as well as those of Mike. But the true focus of the book is the relationship between mothers and daughters - Shoko and her mother, Shoko and Sue, Sue and Helena. Shoko did not agree with the path laid out for her but acquiesced to her parent's wishes. Sue finally has the opportunity to discover and explore her heritage. As the youngest generation, Helena shines with her acceptance of everyone and everything. Dilloway's personal story is what made this debut novel such a poignant read. Dilloway's own mother was a Japanese war bride who did pass away from heart related illness. The fictionalized how to manual is based upon a book her father gave her mother to help her with her new life. I wonder how much of Sue is from Margaret's own life. An impressive debut from a new voice - I look forward to her next novel.
SDBRR More than 1 year ago
Great book! Charming and rich characters and an interesting story. This book kept me engaged the whole way through. I couldn't wait to pick up the book each night to see hos things were going to unfold. I would recommend! This would make an excellent choice for a book club.
Sweet-n-Sassy1 More than 1 year ago
I Throughly Enjoyed Reading This Book! It Was Hard To Put It Down. Written By A Gifted Writer! Ms. Dilloway Was Gracious Enough To Do An Interview (via Skype) With Our Book Club! Thank You Ms. Dilloway .... And We Look Forward To Reading Your Upcoming Novel. Sure To Be A Bestseller!
jessie2 More than 1 year ago
Crosses generations and goes back and forth between the US and Japan during these generations. the characters are all likeable, the story is great, the writing is excellent and I really enjoyed this book. One of the best I have read this year.
khager on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Shoko is Japanese and marries an American GI, something her brother swears he will never forgive her for doing. Years later, Shoko's very sick (an ailment that may or may not have something to do with the bombs dropped on Japan during World War II) and she wants to go home to Japan for a visit and see her brother again. When her doctor says she can't go, she assk her daughter, Sue, to go in her place.This is such an amazing book--while I don't know what it's like to move to an entirely different culture with a different language (and alphabet!), I do know about the mother/daughter relationship and how hard that can be.I loved this book. Highly recommended.
Florinda on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Margaret Dilloway¿s debut novel is a mother-daughter story, an immigrant story, and an inspired-by-a-true-story story. The true story is her own mother¿s. Suiko O¿Brien left Japan after World War II as the bride of an American soldier, gave birth to a daughter relatively late in life, and suffered from an enlarged heart; Dilloway makes all of these facts part of Shoko Morgan¿s biography as well. Suiko brought a book with her from Japan--titled The American Way of Housekeeping, written in both English and Japanese by the ¿Women of the Occupation¿ in Japan--it was meant to help eliminate the communication barrier between American housewives and their Japanese maids; not realizing this and thinking it was meant for housewives themselves, Suiko¿s new husband gave the book to her. Fictionalizing and reshaping the book according to her father¿s misunderstanding--turning it into an instruction book called How to Be an American Housewife--Dilloway gives this to Shoko as well, using it as a framing device for the novel.¿Excerpts¿ from this ¿manual¿ open each chapter of the novel, and they were my favorite parts of the book. Some foreshadow the portion of the story that¿s about to follow and others are less clearly related to the action, but they were all fascinating little bits of cultural insight. While they often made comparisons between Japanese and American ways in an effort to be instructive, the overall feel of those pieces portrays idealized mid-century, middle-class American domesticity. ¿How to be an AMERICAN housewife,¿ indeed--no matter where you¿re from. Even America.Shoko tells her own story for the first two-thirds of the book, sometimes-shaky English and all, and I was immediately drawn into it. When her declining health imperils her long-held secret plan to return to Japan and make peace with her brother after decades of not contacting each other, Shoko is forced to enlist her daughter Sue (Suiko) to go in her place. Sue has never been to Japan and knows little of her extended family, but is swayed to accept the errand by her own daughter Helena¿s enthusiasm for the idea. Sue takes over the telling once she and Helena begin preparing for their trip. Dilloway makes the transition between her two first-person narrators smoothly, while establishing each with a distinctive voice.The fact that I was caught up in the story so quickly is a compliment to Dilloway¿s writing, because it took me a while to warm up to Shoko on her own, and I didn¿t really feel that I liked the book until past the halfway point. I found myself more interested in the mother-daughter story between Sue and Helena than that of Shoko and Sue, so I might have preferred a different balance. Having said that, I think this is a strong first novel and a solid piece of women¿s fiction; the male characters aren¿t developed as well as the female ones, but even if they were, the subject¿s not likely to attract male readers anyway. I¿m interested in seeing what Dilloway might do with a less autobiographical story, though...and I think there¿s some real potential for social commentary in this whole ¿how to be an American housewife¿ thing.
dawnlovesbooks on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
really enjoyed this book!
DonnerLibrary on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
How to Be an American Housewife was one of the final books that I read in 2011 and also one of my favorites. It is the story of Shoko, a Japanese woman who marries an American soldier after World War II, and her daughter, Sue, who is raising her daughter as a single mom. The book explores their memories, their relationship, and the bonds of family as Shoko's heart condition prevents her from traveling to Japan to reconcile with her brother.Books involving memories, traveling between the present and the past, are delicate things to write. If not done well, they can be very confusing or jarring for the reader as the transition takes place. Dilloway handled this potential pitfall wonderfully in How to Be an American Housewife, capturing just how something from the present can catapult one into memories of the past or another instance can bring one out of those memories. Shoko's memories of Japan are powerful as she experienced so much during World War II and in the aftermath. Her experiences are those of an individual but also of a proud nation trying to find its way in a new world order. The traditional roles that define men and women and the rigid structure of society are examined in the way that they provide a solid framework for expectation and action but also prevent individuals and society from moving forward and transitioning into a more global society. Shoko brings these expectations with her to America, although she attempts to convert them from the Japanese expectations to the American ones. Her life remains ordered and structured even though she has entered a new society with different rules.Sue grows up learning little about her Japanese heritage but fully understanding that her mother is very different than American mothers. The house runs on routines and rules even if they are American rules in her mother's eyes. With parents who have high expectations and strict rules, Sue naturally rebels and relationships are strained further as she marries young, has a daughter, and gets a divorce. Without a solid family foundation to ground her, Sue floats through life barely making ends meet and giving up on the dreams she once had.Shoko's illness brings together her memories of Japan with her desire to reconnect with her brother. She is not strong enough to travel to Japan herself so she asks Sue to go in her place. While she fears her brother's reaction to the unexpected visit by relatives he has never met, she desires that Sue see where she comes from and learn about her family heritage. Sue and her daughter undertake the journey and come home with a larger sense of self and family. Shoko's brother, Taro, does not tell the story that Shoko fears he will but instead leaves that for her to share if she wishes. While the reunion is rocky, Taro does eventually come to terms with his rejection of Shoko when she married an American and develops a relationship with his American family.How to Be an American Housewife captured me from the very first sentence and I just wanted to keep reading. The language used by Dilloway in Shoko's memories and to describe Japan is beautiful. She has a keen understanding of the culture through her mother and this shines through in the essential elements of the story. All of the characters have depth and each memory is constructed for a specific purpose in the story. There is no extra padding here but only words to fill the soul with an understanding of the importance of family.It is very rare that I give a book a 5 star rating but How to Be an American Housewife definitely deserves one.
icedream on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I enjoyed this story of Shoko, a Japanese woman who becomes a military bride and must learn to live in the American culture. The best parts of the books were the interactions with her daughter Sue. Reminiscent of Amy Tan, How To Be An American Housewife gives a great glimpse into the differences in cultural views.
jcmontgomery on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Not what I was expecting, however it remains a good story about familial relationships, especially when caught within generational changes as well as cultueral ones.The detractions are minor and my own. It is a good read, but one not one that I was unable to put down from time to time. I still recommend it to anyone who loves to read about the dynamics of relationships, especially within a family.
jo-jo on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Well it isn't a secret that I love books that give a glimpse into another culture and since this book had a way of blending the Japanese and American culture together, I think I loved it that much more. We are introduced to Shoko in the beginning of the book, who is a Japanese woman that lived her adult life in the United States. Now Shoko is elderly and has a bad heart but we learn about her life journey from Japan to America through her memories and her daughter Sue's adventure.One of Shoko's first childhood memories that she recalls is being shot at by an American fighter plane while walking home from school with her brother and sister. I can't imagine what it would have been like to run for the woods for protection from the fighter planes. As Shoko grows up and finishes high school, the war comes to an end but there are Americans everywhere because of the military bases that are spread all over Japan. Knowing that Japan would not offer much for Shoko as a woman, her father suggests that she becomes friendly with these American G.I.'s so she can marry one and head over to the United States for a life full of abundance and happiness. How was Shoko to know that marrying a GI would cause a rift between her and her brother Taro for her entire adult life?As an old woman, after Shoko realizes that her sister has just passed away she decides that it is time to confront her brother Taro by making ammends. With her heart failing it is obvious she cannot make a trip to Japan to confront Taro, so she enlists her daughter Sue to take the journey for her. When Sue travels to Japan and meets her Japanese family members for the first time, she finds herself revelling in everything about the country. She not only finds a deeper appreciation for her heritage, but also for the life that her mother has led. Although this trip was a favor for her mother to mend her family relationships, Sue stumbles upon a new path for her life.I really enjoyed this novel as it plunged into the mother/daughter relationships that are not comprised of the average people. It also contained historical elements that were new to me, such as the bombing of Nakasaki, which is one of the final acts of WWII in Japan. With themes of ancestry, family bonds, love, and forgiveness this book would make a great book club selection and I am definitely planning on suggesting this one to the ladies in my group.
nnjmom on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Shoko was a young Japanese girl when the atomic bomb was dropped on nearby Nagasaki. She grew into her teen years and young adulthood in a Japan occupied by the United States military. Her father encouraged her to marry an American, knowing that a future in America would hold more promise and opportunity for her. She followed her head rather than her heart, and married Charlie Morgan, emigrating to the United States. In her new country, she is an outsider, never fitting in with the other military wives or the PTA. She tries to pass on her values to her daughter, Suiko, but the cultural divide between them is vast. When Shoko¿s heart condition ¿ a condition acquired because of her proximity to the atomic bomb ¿ becomes worse, she is determined to reconcile with her brother, Taro, before she dies. Unable to travel to Japan, she convinces Suiko to take her daughter Helena to the land of her forefathers and make amends on her behalf.This is the second book I¿ve read this year dealing with Asian emigration to the United States; Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok was the first. While Ms. Kwok¿s wonderful novel deals with the experience from that of a young girl from Hong Kong, How to Be an American Housewife vividly illustrates the challenges facing the Japanese women who accompanied American G.I.s home from Japan in the years following World War II. Ms. Dilloway accompanies each chapter of Shoko¿s story with a quote from the fictional guide How to Be an American Housewife, a book which encourages the Japanese women to give up the traditions, customs, and habits of their homeland and adapt to their new home.The book has shifts in perspective and in time, as Shoko¿s story of growing up and meeting Charlie ¿ and leaving her true love behind in Japan ¿ is slowly revealed, along with her efforts to be a good wife to Charlie and a good mother to Mike and Suiko. The mother-daughter dynamic is a complicated one in the best of circumstances, and Shoko and Suiko¿s relationship difficulties are compounded by the cultural divide between Japan and America. As Suiko travels to her mother¿s homeland, she begins to understand Shoko ¿ and herself ¿ in a new way.The two women¿s perspectives are drawn extremely well, with Shoko¿s halting voice and stilted grammar demonstrating not only her lack of English skills, but the practical, stoic nature which allowed her to make a new life for herself. Suiko is unable to see herself accurately amid the constant struggle between wanting her mother¿s approval and yet resisting her traditional ways. I enjoyed exploring the contrast between Japan and the US, between mother and daughter, with these characters, and look forward to Ms. Dilloway¿s next book.
bookaholicmom on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is a wonderful debut novel from Margaret Dilloway. The first half of the book is told through Shoko's eyes as she grows up in Japan and eventually becomes a war bride. Shoko moves to America with her husband where they raise a family. There is much conflict in the lives of Shoko and her children due to the differences in cultures. Eventually as she grows older she wants to go home to make amends with her brother. Due to an illness she can no longer travel, so in her place she sends her daughter, Sue and granddaughter, Helena. The second part of the book is told through Sue's eyes as she travels to Japan with her daughter, Helena in search of Taro, Shoko's estranged brother. The descriptions of Japan are beautiful. The characters in the book are well developed and intriguing. This is a great story of family and the secrets they can sometimes hold, of the bonds between mother and daughter, and also a story of forgiveness. In the beginning of each chapter is a little blurb from a fictional book called How To Be An American Housewife. Dilloway based this on a book she found that her father had given to her mother entitled The American Way of Housekeeping. I found these little blurbs quite amusing and a great introduction to each chapter. Margaret Dilloway is great story teller and I hope she will be writing more stories like this. This is a beautiful story and I highly recommend it!
TooBusyReading on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
A young Japanese girl living not far from Nagasaki during the bombing at the end of WWII later marries an Irish-American stationed in Japan. Not out of love but because this is her best choice, the person her father chose for her from a stack of photos.This novel includes wonderful quotes, advice from the fictitious book How to be an American Housewife. But it is really a story about family, secrets, assimilation and alienation, about forgiveness.I love reading about cultures other than my own and about my culture seen from another's viewpoint. This book has both. It also has foibles common to all humans, people doing the wrong thing when they think it is the right thing. And people doing the right thing when the wrong would have been acceptable. All in all, this is a lovely story, beautifully descriptive, and well worth reading. Thank you to Tara for recommending it.
RachelPenso on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is the story of a Japanese woman who married an American GI. It is partly told from her point of view and partly told from the point of view of her daughter. About halfway through reading this book I read the back flap about the author and discovered that she was inspired to write this book by a book her American father gave her Japanese mother entitled The American Way of Housekeeping. Just that knowledge made this book so much more enjoyable.
mhleigh on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This novel recounts events in the lives of several generations of women in one family. It begins with the grandmother, Shoko, who marries an American soldier after World War II. She moves to the United States with him and begins the process of trying to learn to be a proper American housewife, including all the new habits she most adopt and some that she must leave behind for being too Japanese. She and her husband, Charlie, have a daughter, Sue, who in turn has a child of her own, Helena. Two complimentary stories are contained in this novel, one describing Shoko's life as a young woman, before and immediately following her marriage to Charlie, and the second revolving around the decision of Shoko that Sue and Helena should travel to Japan in order to reconnect with their heritage and her brother, and bond that was destroyed when Shoko decided to marry an American.Quote: "Adjusting to the U.S. was difficult in other ways for me, especially in the beginning. If I borrowed an egg from a neighbor, I returned two, the Japanese way. They didn't understand; why did I give them two? It made them angry, like I was insulting them. When you "borrowed" an egg or a cup of sugar in America, you never actually returned it."Although the stories recounted in both time periods depicted in this book are good, the first, that of Shoko as a girl and young woman, was particularly engaging. The author describes a life that was shaped by World War II and Americans, first in the dangers Shoko encountered in simple acts - walking to school or going to sleep at night included as examples of activities that could at any moment be thrown into chaos by the arrival of American planes. One the war is over, its affects continue to define Shoko, including by opening doors for young, educated women to leave their rural homes and take jobs in the city, many catering to the GIs stationed there. Once her father has decided that her marriage to an American GI is the best decision for Shoko's family, she and Charlie have a rapid courtship, culminating in marriage and eventually the move to the U.S. This portion of the story is both gripping and entertaining, especially since it is interspersed with quotations from a fictitious self-help book (which shares this book's title) that gives Japanese women advice on how to deal with the strange habits of their American husbands, neighbors, and children, including on topics such as "turning American," "American housekeeping," and "cooking Western-style." The second half, focusing on Shoko's daughter and granddaughter, is not as engaging, but still a fine read.
verka6811 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Raised in a small village in Japan during WWII, Shoko was encouraged by her parents to travel to the nearby city and work for the Americans. She needed to pay for her brother¿s education they said, and of course, find an American husband for herself. Young and beautiful, Shoko had no lack of suitors, and with her father¿s input, she settled on Charlie, a military medic, and set off in pursuit of becoming the perfect American housewife.Years later, Shoko and Charlie are living a quite life in a San Diego suburb with two grown children. Life hasn¿t turned out quite as Shoko imagined, but she has made do. Unfortunately, their daughter Sue, a divorced single mother, has had to make do with her less than perfect lot in life as well.As Shoko¿s health declines, she fears that she will never have the chance to travel back to Japan and reunite with her brother Taro. Marrying Charlie meant dishonoring Taro, who hated Americans, and Shoko has not spoken to her brother since leaving Japan. She entreats Sue to go in her place before it¿s too late. Once reluctant, Sue finds the trip unexpectedly meaningful; the revelations that come about and the people she meets surprise Sue in more ways than one.How to Be an American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway is about learning to survive in a foreign culture, about striving for a better life for your children, and about hoping that it is not too late to address the choices you¿ve made in the past.The book is split into alternating viewpoints, the first half told by Shoko and the remainder continued by Sue. It was very interesting to see the same situation through two pairs of eyes, and to note that Sue¿s attitude towards her mother was at times completely different than the way Shoko perceived it.While I felt that the book overall was too quiet and was missing some oomph factor that would really make me want to keep reading, it was heartfelt and gave me some insight into the lives of Japanese wives of American GIs post WWII. At times, How to Be an American Housewife was even humorous; the tidbits added from the fictional How to be an American Housewife handbook prior to each chapter definitely gave me a lot to laugh at.
Rachissy on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed this book. It was easy to read and the language of the book made me feel as if I was there. I adored the relationship between Sue and her mother Shoko. Except for the accent, Shoko sounded just like my own mother. I swear I've heard the same type of comments or advice from my mom and I bet a lot of women would recognize a bit of their relationship to their mother in Shoko and Sue. I loved that as Sue and her daughter go to Japan and start understanding more of their Japanese roots that they seem to understand and find a bit of themselves there as well. It's a beautiful story and I totally recommend it.
jovilla on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Shoko is a Japanese woman who marries an American soldier just after WWII, moves to the US and has two children. Years later as she faces health adversities and impending death, she reflects on unresolved family issues in Japan and implores her daughter Sue to help her. Sue and her daughter (Shoko's granddaughter) Helena make the journey to Japan and reconnect with the family while Shoko undergoes risky surgery to repair her heart. This is a well written first novel of international families, a favorite topic of mine.
Tinasbookreviews on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
During the American occupation of Japan, Shoko marries an American solider. As she journeys to America to learn the culture and become an "American Househouse". During the course of being basically abandoned by her only family and dealing with new American life Shoko shares with the reader in each chapter a different subject to tackle in her transformation.A fun and lovely written novel. Although it was hard for me to resonate with Shoko because of the cultural difference, I did enjoy learning about her culture and how it felt for her to become a part of a culture I so love. This would make a wonderful book club or group review choice for great discussions.
motivatedmomma on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Wow-- as a Japanese American I was blown away by this book! Dilloway tells the tale of a young Japanese woman, Shoko, who ends up marrying an American soldier during the American Occupation of Japan and her life as an american housewife. Told towards the end of Shoko's life, she has loose ends to tie up with her family in Japan, and asks her daughter Sue. a single mom, to take the trip in her behalf. This books is about the mother/daughter relationship, secrets kept, and the way of life of this Japanese-American family. Many pages of the book, resonated with me as memories of my own childhood. I would love to have my own book discussion with Dilloway and my sisters. I think we would laugh and cry relating stories to and fro.
punxsygal on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
During the American occupation of Japan, young Shoko marries an American GI. This work of fiction is the story of her struggles to become a "proper American housewife". Through the years, Shoko longs to return to Japan to reunite with her brother, who cut her off when she married. When an illness prevents Shoko from going, she sends her daughter and granddaughter in her stead.Each chapter of the book is prefaced by advice from the handbook, How to Be an American Housewife that Shoko was given when she married. I particularly enjoyed the following as the subject came up in my family the night before I read it:"Americans have several odd manners your should be aware of. When you eat with others, it is considered impolite to slurp your soup or noodles, though this improves the flavor. If you each noodles in company of an American, twirl them on your fork and eat as silently as you can."Personally, I have found it impossible to eat long noodles with chopsticks without slurping.
jcelrod on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
How to Be an American Housewife is beautifully written but also a very quick read - it took me just over a day to read the whole book! It tells the story of Shoko, a Japanese girl who married an American G.I. with the blessing of her father but to the disgust of her brother, with whom she already had a somewhat turbulent relationship. Falling ill later in life, she yearns to return to Japan to reconcile with her brother but her health issues force her to send her adult daughter and grand-daughter instead. The format of the book is split evenly between Shoko and her daughter Sue, with half the book written from each's perspective. I felt that this enhanced the story as it was ultimately about both women. The biggest complaint I have with the novel is that it felt a little rushed. It could have been a bit longer and more rounded, particularly when it came to Sue's trip to Japan. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it!
momgee on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
After fifty years of marriage, Shoko Morgan, strongly feels the pangs of homesickness for her native country of Japan. Her heart is not only diseased but heavy with the secrets she has kept from her children and the estrangement from her brother, Taro, all these many years. When her doctor tells her she cannot travel to Japan, she convinces her daughter, Sue, and granddaughter, Helena, to go in her stead. Shoko wants them to seek out her brother and try to heal the rift between them. Not an easy task since Taro has hated Americans since his childhood during WWII. He blames every American for the bombing of Nagasaki. While making plans for the trip, Shoko reminisces about her childhood, her marriage to the American G.I. Charlie and her difficulties assimilating into the US lifestyle. It was as if Shoko was a dear friend and she was telling me her story. I could sense her wistful sadness and at times an intense loneliness as a young wife and mother, struggling to understand her new culture. The second half of the story is told from Sue and Helena's perspectives and wraps the tale up very neatly. I wasn't as enthralled with Sue as Shoko, but I could empathize with her apathy at her dead end job, the difficulties of being a single parent and her longing to do something more meaningful with her life. Helena was a delightful character and I would love to see her story set in Japan continued in a sequel. This is probably the best debut novel I have read this year. The story of Shoko and her family, particularly Shoko, captured my heart completely and kept me glued to the pages until the end. Dilloway has mastered the fine art of storytelling; exploring themes of family, duty and forgiveness, while giving the reader endearing characters that vividly came to life. I certainly hope to see more from this talented writer. Dilloway's influence for the story was her own Japanese mother's experience and the book her father gave to her mother titled, The American Way of Housekeeping. 5***** Disclosure: A review copy of the book was received from Putnam through LT early review program.