03/11/2019
In this candid and intimate memoir, Mulgrew (Born with Teeth), an actress on Star Trek: Voyager, chronicles her father’s death at 83 from lung cancer, as well as her artist mother’s decline from Alzheimer’s disease. Mulgrew, one of eight children, was doing a live show in Florida when she learned of her father’s cancer diagnosis. She returned home to take on “a principal role in a real-life drama” and oversaw his final days, while also taking care of her mother. Back in Dubuque County, Iowa, on the 40-acre estate her father purchased to raise his large Irish Catholic family, Mulgrew delves into her past and her complicated relationship with the uncommunicative father she adores. She recalls how he drove her three hours to Milwaukee for her first audition even though—unlike her mother—he didn’t support her dream of acting. The book also has lighter moments (the author and her brother delight in watching their mother, even in the throes of Alzheimer’s, knock off eight whiskeys at a New York City bar). In an intensely intimate moment, Mulgrew bathes her comatose father; two years later, she holds vigil at her dying mother’s bedside. This is a detailed and searing portrait of a family facing the inevitability of death. (May)
Kate Mulgrew is a brilliant actor, which does not conceal her brilliance with the pen. This memoir, How to Forget, plunges you into familiar, familial depths of death, disease, and despair, only to pull you up again with a bawdy laugh. Death, disease, and despair are not walls for Mulgrew, but they are steps towards the sunlight of serenity. Read and cry, read and laugh, read and remember How to Forget.
Mulgrew has written a finely detailed memoir that brings [her parents], ever so briefly and only on its pages, back to life. . . . It’s the achingly unique particulars of the relationships between the author, her five brothers and sisters, and their parents that make this book stand out.
A darkly unsettling and unvarnished post-mortem of one fractured, complicated American family that will feel deeply, even painfully, familiar to some and shockingly, fascinatingly alien to others, but its emotional power is universally compelling. This is a masterfully crafted memoir, an elegant tour de force that firmly establishes Mulgrew as a writer of significant literary endowment. The soulmate to Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, How to Forget, despite the promise of its title, cannot be forgotten or ignored.
Mulgrew, an actress best known for Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black, plays her best role: as herself. This is no Hollywood tell-all, but a moving personal story about her family, in particular her aging parents, whom she cared for as they faced terminal illnesses.
Mulgrew, an actress best known for Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black, plays her best role: as herself. This is no Hollywood tell-all, but a moving personal story about her family, in particular her aging parents, whom she cared for as they faced terminal illnesses.
This is a passionate book by a passionate writer. Overflowing with the true terrors of family life, with the fight for love and connection and understanding, with an amazing American story of hope and disappointment, sorrow and roots, this memoir will electrify readers and become a part of what we know about who we are.
2019-02-28
An award-winning actor's account of returning to her hometown of Dubuque, Iowa, to care for parents diagnosed with devastating terminal illnesses.
Lonely, drained, and exhausted, Mulgrew (Born with Teeth, 2015), who has starred in Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black, was on a theater tour in Florida when she first received word that her father, Tom, had lung cancer. Years earlier, she and her siblings had learned that their mother was suffering from atypical Alzheimer's disease. Now, the girl she had left behind in Iowa "suddenly kicked, and swam hard for the surface," wanting nothing more than to return home and help her parents. In this powerful memoir, Mulgrew pays homage to her mother and father, their deep, at times troubled union, and the intense bonds she shared with each. She dedicates the first half of the book to her father, a charming alcoholic tormented by the fact that he "wasn't a loser but…wasn't a winner, either." The author's relationship with him simmered with tension over the years, and when his wife, Joan, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it was the author whom she named her health care guardian. In the second half of the book, Mulgrew tells the story of her mother. Though outwardly vibrant, Joan had been made inwardly fragile by the loss of her own mother at an early age. She married Tom, "who had wooed her with…tenacity" and promises of happiness, only to find mediocrity. His drinking drove her to take solo trips from home and temporary refuge in the arms of a handsome local priest. The author became her source of strength when death and disappointment marred her later life. Like Born with Teeth, this book is self-consciously literary and sometimes overwritten. Nonetheless, the narrative offers a rich, eloquent, and emotionally complex portrait of parent-child bonds and a colorful, unforgettable family.
On the whole, Mulgrew delivers another candid and moving memoir.
A darkly unsettling and unvarnished post-mortem of one fractured, complicated American family that will feel deeply, even painfully, familiar to some and shockingly, fascinatingly alien to others, but its emotional power is universally compelling. This is a masterfully crafted memoir, an elegant tour de force that firmly establishes Mulgrew as a writer of significant literary endowment. The soulmate to Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, How to Forget, despite the promise of its title, cannot be forgotten or ignored.” — Augusten Burroughs, author of Running with Scissors and Toil & Trouble
“This is a passionate book by a passionate writer. Overflowing with the true terrors of family life, with the fight for love and connection and understanding, with an amazing American story of hope and disappointment, sorrow and roots, this memoir will electrify readers and become a part of what we know about who we are.” — Anne Roiphe, journalist, novelist, and author of the memoir 1185 Park Avenue
“Kate Mulgrew is a brilliant actor, which does not conceal her brilliance with the pen. This memoir, How to Forget, plunges you into familiar, familial depths of death, disease, and despair, only to pull you up again with a bawdy laugh. Death, disease, and despair are not walls for Mulgrew, but they are steps towards the sunlight of serenity. Read and cry, read and laugh, read and remember How to Forget.” — Malachy McCourt, author of Death Need Not Be Fatal
“Mulgrew, an actress best known for Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black, plays her best role: as herself. This is no Hollywood tell-all, but a moving personal story about her family, in particular her aging parents, whom she cared for as they faced terminal illnesses.” — Washington Post
“A rich, eloquent, and emotionally complex portrait of parent-child bonds and a colorful, unforgettable family. . . . [A] candid and moving memoir.” — Kirkus Reviews
“Though both sections of Mulgrew’s memoir build to painful goodbyes, How to Forget is more than just a sad play-by-play of illness and decline. It’s a beautiful portrait of a daughter’s love for her parents, packed with sharp, amusing recollections, all told with love.” — New York Times
“Candid and intimate. . . . A detailed and searing portrait of a family facing the inevitability of death.” — Publishers Weekly
“[An] engrossing story of a daughter’s love, told with brutal honesty.” — Booklist
“Mulgrew has written a finely detailed memoir that brings [her parents], ever so briefly and only on its pages, back to life. . . . It’s the achingly unique particulars of the relationships between the author, her five brothers and sisters, and their parents that make this book stand out.” — Providence Journal
[An] engrossing story of a daughter’s love, told with brutal honesty.
Though both sections of Mulgrew’s memoir build to painful goodbyes, How to Forget is more than just a sad play-by-play of illness and decline. It’s a beautiful portrait of a daughter’s love for her parents, packed with sharp, amusing recollections, all told with love.
[An] engrossing story of a daughter’s love, told with brutal honesty.
Actress Kate Mulgrew delivers an emotive and finely tuned performance of her newest memoir, which centers on the period of time when she returned to her Iowa hometown to care for her dying parents. The book explores the often painful yet loving dynamics of their large Catholic family and examines how her parents’ dissimilar temperaments and complex relationship shaped the lives of Mulgrew and her seven brothers and sisters. Mulgrew’s writing, which tends toward the self-consciously literary, is nonetheless analytical, moving, and visually detailed. She reads with exquisite articulation and well-attuned pacing in her famously smoky voice, which makes one want to kick back and listen while sipping the Mulgrew family’s favorite scotch. A.C.S. © AudioFile 2019, Portland, Maine
Actress Kate Mulgrew delivers an emotive and finely tuned performance of her newest memoir, which centers on the period of time when she returned to her Iowa hometown to care for her dying parents. The book explores the often painful yet loving dynamics of their large Catholic family and examines how her parents’ dissimilar temperaments and complex relationship shaped the lives of Mulgrew and her seven brothers and sisters. Mulgrew’s writing, which tends toward the self-consciously literary, is nonetheless analytical, moving, and visually detailed. She reads with exquisite articulation and well-attuned pacing in her famously smoky voice, which makes one want to kick back and listen while sipping the Mulgrew family’s favorite scotch. A.C.S. © AudioFile 2019, Portland, Maine
