How to Gamble at the Casinos without Getting Plucked Like a Chicken

by James Harrison Ford

Overview

How To Gamble At The Casinos Without Getting Plucked Like A Chicken, gives expert advice on Casino Gambling in a light-hearted manner. It advises readers on which games give them the best possibilities and how to play them correctly.

It covers all major casino games: Blackjack, Video Poker, Craps, Baccarat, Pai Gow Poker, Slot Machines, Keno, Big Six Wheel, Roulette, Sports Book, Caribbean Stud Poker, Three Card Poker, Let it Ride, War and miscellaneous promotional games. It contains explanations of mathematical percentages, Gambler's Ruin, Money Management and Gambling Systems.

Not only does this book give clear, concise advice on the best games to play and how to play them, it unequivocally points out which games should be avoided so you don't get plucked like a chicken.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780976072607
Publisher:	Digital Pulse Publishing
Publication date:	08/09/2004
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.70(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.33(d)

About the Author

Dr. Ford retired from a career in commercializing emerging technologies and moved to Las Vegas, in his words: “to be close to my money.” With a Ph.D. in Thermodynamics and degrees in Engineering and Materials Science, he taught Computer Programming for Engineers and worked in research and development throughout the United States. During his professional career, he developed an avid interest in the mathematics of gambling. Applying his considerable skills to the subject of casino gambling made him a respected player in short order.

When his health deteriorated dramatically, he was admitted to the UCLA Medical Center, where he underwent a double lung transplant. While he was recuperating, he wrote How to Gamble at the Casinos Without Getting Plucked Like a Chicken. Although he continues to have a strong interest in casino gambling, out of respect for his new lease on life, he now tries to limit his exposure to crowds and smoky environments.

Read an Excerpt

The Bottom Line

 

Question: Why do people gamble?
1. For enjoyment
2. For profit
3. Both of the above

 

There are many more possible answers to the question: “Why do people gamble?”  All of them probably apply, at one time or another, to someone or another.  However, answer number 1 could probably be stretched to cover most of those other possible answers.  The fact is that people are inclined to do a lot of strange things for enjoyment.  Take skydiving, bungee jumping, mountain climbing… as examples.  Then there are the really bizarre hobbies: square dancing, playing bagpipes and golf.  People get enjoyment out of the darnedest things.  Sadists enjoy being cruel. Masochists enjoy being punished.  Some people even get turned on by making money.  As they say:  “Different strokes for different folks.” 

 

If, for yourself, you answered: “For enjoyment” to the question, then this book will, at best, be a waste of time for you and, at worst, just might diminish your enjoyment.  You might read things that you really don’t want to know, like: “It’s really not bright to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.”  If your intent is simple enjoyment, then there is nothing this book can teach you.  You and only you know what turns you on.

 

If you answered: “For profit” to the question, then also, this book probably will be of no benefit to you.  You undoubtedly already know the best games to play, how to play them correctly and the best places to play them.  You will have already read everything about casino gambling you can get your hands on and are checking out this book just to make sure you haven’t missed anything.  Either you own a casino, are negotiating to build or buy one, or you are some sort of expert.  This book is not going to make an expert more of an expert.  If you own a casino, you can afford to hire all the experts you need.

 

If you answered: “Both of the above” to the question, then we have something to work with, assuming you are reading this book to help you become more successful.  Gambling can be both enjoyable and profitable, if you do it right.

 

First, it helps if you know why you are doing what you are doing – going to the casinos and gambling in this case.  Examining your expectations and motivations may help you to understand and possibly modify some tendencies that might be keeping you from being a winner.

 

Several years ago when I was still working for a living, a friend of mine, George, and I decided we needed a small vacation.  We took Friday off and got to Atlantic City about midday.  Immediately we got onto the tables and luck was with us.  Within a few hours both of us had large stacks of chips in front of us.  It dawned on me that it might be a good time to quit, so I turned to George and said: “I think it is about time for me to find something to eat.”  George nodded and said: “Good idea.  I’ll join you.”  We cashed out and found a café.  Over dinner I asked George; “Do you think we ought to go home early; quit while we’re ahead?”  George grinned broadly and said: “Naw, let’s give it all back.”  We stayed the whole weekend, had a wonderful time and gave it all back.

 

That surely wasn’t the brightest thing I’ve ever done, as far as the money was concerned, but we were there to enjoy ourselves, and we did.  Few things are more enjoyable to me than gambling on house money.  The only thing that could have made it much better would have been for us to have gone home as big winners.  We didn’t.  But we stood a good chance.  The best you should ever expect is to stand a good chance. 

 

How many people do you know, or have you ever known, who stand a good chance to make a cash profit from their hobby?  No one I have ever known has made any money by skydiving, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, square dancing, or golfing (I have very studiously avoided knowing anyone who plays the bagpipes.) 

 

Gambling tends to get a bad rap because it can cost money, a lot of money, especially if you aren’t good at it.  In that regard, it is not much different than other types of hobby activities.  Take golf for example.  Golf can be a very expensive hobby by the time you add it all up: equipment costs, country club dues and/or green fees, special clothing, lawyer fees, court costs and fines.  Hobbies can be really expensive and rarely ever turn a profit.

 

As hobbies go, casino gambling has another feature, in addition to the profit potential, that sets it apart from other hobby activities: comps.  The casinos actually give the players free stuff just for playing.  The free stuff ranges from free drinks, free meals, free hotel rooms, free merchandise, free limousine service… to just about anything you can think of.

 

Try to imagine a similar deal with other hobby activities.  It is a little like a golf resort having a promotion that offers free golf if you shoot par golf and then, regardless of your score, just for playing at their course they will give you a free lunch.  If you play two rounds, they will throw in dinner, a movie and a free night’s lodging. 

 

Suppose the deal is: your score determines the amount you get paid or have to pay for your green fee.  For every stroke your game is under par, they will give you money.  If you play scratch golf, you play for free.  However, for every stroke your game is over par you have to pay them and the higher your score, the higher your green fee.  I’ve never heard of a deal like that, but if there was and if I were a good golfer, you know where I’d play.

 

To carry the analogy out:  the games in the chapter titled The Good Games are the breakfast of champions; the games in the chapter titled The Bad Games are like the golfer with a low handicap who sometimes breaks par but mostly shoots a little over; the games in the chapter titled The Ugly Games are strictly duffer stuff.

 

At the casino, the games you choose to play and how well you play them will determine whether you have a profitable hobby or not.  All it takes is a bankroll, a little knowledge and the determination not to be taken advantage of.  If you have some money you can afford to gamble with and the ability to use your head for anything other than a hat rack, you have the qualifications to be a successful gambler.

 

Unlike golf or other physical sporting activities, it doesn’t take good hand to eye coordination to gamble well.  It hardly takes any physical skill at all.  In most casinos, you just have to be able to sit up.  Wheelchairs and oxygen bottles are OK.  I’ve never seen anyone play from a stretcher.  I have actually seen a blind guy play Blackjack.  He was pretty good at it too.

 

Gambling is one of the few hobbies, short of armed robbery, in which you can come home with more money than you started out with.  Of course, luck has a lot to do with it.  Absolute amateurs, idiots, drunks and even occasionally an expert can have a good session and come out ahead.  Think about it: you get to enjoy yourself, the casinos will give you free stuff and you can make money at it, all at the same time.  What a deal! 

 

Or, should we say: What an ideal.  It’s not always easy…

 

First and foremost, you must throw away some of your prejudices.  “What, me, prejudiced?” you ask, incredulous.  Yeah, you.  And me, but then that’s a different story. You can take it to the bank that there are some things that you believe, that you know to be absolutely true, that are not only wrong, but will keep you from being a successful gambler.  Giving them up can be an arduous journey.

 

My most important credentials for writing this book are the mistakes I have made over the years.  Gradually, I have learned how to avoid a lot of the mistakes.  I have had to learn most of the lessons the hard way. But, you don’t have to.  Repent!  And save a few of your hard-earned bucks.  If you are willing to learn, it’s actually pretty easy.

 

You don’t have to be smart enough, or industrious enough, to do a lot of complicated math.  You just have to be smart enough to listen to the folks who are.  Most of them are nice people.  They tend to enjoy fooling around with numbers so much that, if you show a little interest, they will usually share their knowledge with you.

 

I wish I had been smart enough to check with them earlier in my life.  Mostly what this book is about is sharing those borrowed smarts.  The lessons were learned, little by little, over a long period of time.  At one time or another I have done about every dumb thing you can think of: fallen for every come-on, made every sucker bet, lost the rent money… the list goes on and on. 

 

But, I have gotten better.  From years of exposure and experience, I have learned to adjust my unreasonable expectations to the practical realities of casino gambling.  It is not easy to trim exorbitant flights of fancy down to the realm of the possible, but that’s really where you have to start.

 

First, you need to find out what the situation really is, not in your dreams, but in real life.  Then, you have to be able to cope with what is really possible and what isn’t.  Most folks don’t have a clue.

 

Walk into any casino and look around at the people playing the slot machines.  Take the time to examine the folks at the corner convenience store who are standing in line to buy lottery tickets.  What do you see?  For the most part you see people who, somewhere in the bottom of their hearts, really believe that they are going to strike it rich.  We both know that virtually none of them will.

 

That doesn’t mean that gambling, casino gambling in particular, has nothing to offer.  On the contrary, it is quite possible to profit from casino gambling, apart from owning the casino.  The probability of getting rich doing it is so unlikely as to be laughable.  Also, the probability of making a decent living doing it is pretty small.  However, the expectation of enjoying yourself in a pleasant, attractive setting and occasionally coming home with more money than you left with is not unreasonable.

 

Having reasonable expectations; knowing that there isn’t a magic incantation, secret spell, silver bullet or proprietary winning system that will open the Horn of Plenty; is a pretty good place to start.   But, that’s only the beginning.

 

You also need to look at the downside; stare into the abyss; come to grips with the worst that can happen and ask yourself if you can afford it.  You flat-out have to have an appreciation that sometimes you will lose.  There’s a saying: “There ain’t a hoss that can’t be rode, or a cowboy that can’t be throwed.” 

 

Deal with it.  They don’t call it gambling for nothing.  If you can’t afford to lose, don’t gamble.  Set aside what you can afford to spend on your hobby and expect to spend it.  Play the best games, play them well, give yourself a chance to win, enjoy yourself and you will be a real winner whether you make any money at it or not.  You need to be careful about harboring expectations that might not be met.

 

In order to become a successful gambler you have to be willing to accept losses as part of the game.  No one can win all the time.  Thinking that you should win all the time will only lead to disappointment and possibly promote self-destructive behavior.  A reasonable approach to gambling requires some appreciation of the ebb and flow of fortune.

 

The bottom line is: you need to enjoy doing what it takes to really profit from the experience.  There is a Zen-like quality involved in getting down to the details of what it takes to do a thing, like gambling, well.  From time to time, you need to hear the music of the game.

 

The force has to be with you.  The force of self-will, that is, or more precisely: self-won’t, to not make dumb plays.  Turn it into a game.  Find a way to make it fun.  Perhaps you can think of yourself as a Jedi warrior, like Luke Skywalker, with whom the force is strong.  Maybe you can see yourself as the Jedi master, Obi-Wan Kanobi, or if you are feeling a little weird, Yoda.  Careful with the voice though you must be.

 

If you do it right, you will actually stand a good chance and, from time to time, you will make money at it.  If you are very good at it, you can win a little more than half the time and your wins will total up to more than your losses.  But, you will still have losing sessions some of the time.  When you do, don’t panic.  Learn to trust the percentages.

 

Self-discipline is essential to success.  This book, and many others, can give you the information about the best games and how to play them, but it is up to you to turn that information into action.  If you don’t enjoy the challenge of never ever giving in to the temptation of letting the casinos have the percentage on their side, at least until you are playing on their money, then you shouldn’t gamble – ever. 

 

If you acquire the essential knowledge and apply it without fail, winning consistently is actually pretty straightforward:  Play only when you have the percentage on your side, and then, turn your bankroll into a multitude of small wagers and let the percentage grind the opposition down.  When you do it right, it’s really not gambling.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – The Bottom Line

 

Chapter 2 – The Percentage
Gambler’s Ruin
Luck Versus Skill

 

Chapter 3 – The Good Games
Blackjack
How to Play Blackjack
Blackjack Etiquette
Insurance
General Blackjack Information
Basic Blackjack Strategy
Card Counting
Blackjack Bankroll and Bet Size
Avoiding Detection
High Payback Video Poker
Using the Strategy Tables
Joker Wild Video Poker
Deuces Wild Video Poker
Double Bonus Video Poker
Loose Deuces Video Poker
Other High Pay Video Poker Games

 

Chapter 4– The Bad Games
Comps Can Make Them Playable
Baccarat
Craps
Pai Gow Poker
High Payback Slots
Medium Payback Video Poker
Triple Bonus Video Poker
9-6 Jacks or Better Video Poker
Double Deuces Video Poker
Bonus Poker Video Poker
Deuces and Joker Wild Video Poker
Bonus Deluxe Video Poker
8-5 Progressive Jacks or Better Video Poker
Double Double Bonus Video Poker
Miscellaneous Promotional Games

 

Chapter 5 – The Ugly Games
Keno
Big Six Wheel
Roulette
Sports Book
Caribbean Stud Poker
Three Card Poker
Let it Ride
War
Regular Slot Machines
Low Payback Video Poker

 

Chapter 6 – Winning Systems
Martingale System
D’Alembert System
Fibonacci Series System (Two Win Variation)
Fibonacci Series System (Up and Down Variation)
Minimizing Your Losses - Maximizing Your Profits
Press To The Max Betting System
Linear Drag System
Press Then Drag System
Drag Then Press System
Fibonacci Series System (Up Only Variation)
Maturation Systems – It’s Overdue
Inertia Systems – When They’re Hot They’re Hot

 

Chapter 7 - Money Management
Bankroll Requirements
Optimum Bet Size
Quit While You Are Ahead
  
Chapter 8 – Facts, Fallacies, Misconceptions and Outright Lies
The Facts
Different Points of View
The Truth