I Am America (And So Can You!)

I Am America (And So Can You!)

by Stephen Colbert


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An unrelenting fighter for the soul of America, Stephen Colbert offers up truthiness, untold insight, and the only correct opinions in America in his hilarious political satire book based on the hit series, The Colbert Report.

Congratulations — just by looking at this webpage, you became 25% more patriotic.

From Stephen Colbert, the former host of television's highest-rated punditry show The Colbert Report, comes a book to fill all twenty-four hours of your day. I Am America (And So Can You!) contains all of the opinions that Stephen didn't have time to shoehorn into his nightly broadcast.

Dictated directly into a microcassette recorder over a three-day weekend, this book contains Stephen's most deeply held knee-jerk beliefs on:

  • The American Family
  • Race
  • Religion
  • Sex
  • Sports
  • and many more topics, conveniently arranged in chapter form.

Always controversial and outspoken, Stephen addresses why Hollywood is destroying America by inches, why evolution is a fraud, and why the elderly should be harnessed to millstones.

You may not agree with everything Stephen says, but with this book, at the very least, you'll understand that your differing opinion is wrong.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780446582186
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Publication date: 10/20/2009
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 223
Sales rank: 299,388
Product dimensions: 7.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Stephen Colbert was The Daily Show's longest-running and most diverse correspondent. His personality, insight and overall rightness could only lead to The Colbert Report, a half-hour nightly platform for him to give his take on the issues of the day, and, more importantly, to tell you why everyone else's take is just plain wrong. The show has been hugely successful.

Read an Excerpt

I Am America (And So Can You!)

By Stephen Colbert

Grand Central Publishing

Copyright © 2007 Spartina Productions, Inc.
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-446-58050-2



How many American Flags can you find in this paragraph?

Now, you might ask yourself, if by yourself you mean me, "Stephen, if you don't like books, why did you write one?" You just asked yourself a trick question. I didn't write it. I dictated it. I shouted it into a tape recorder over the Columbus Day weekend, then handed it to my agent and said, "Sell this." He's the one who turned it into a book. It's his funeral.

But I get your "drift." Why even dictate?

Well, like a lot of other dictators, there is one man's opinion I value above all others. Mine. And folks, I have a lot of opinions. I'm like Lucy trying to keep up with the candy at the chocolate factory. I can barely put them in my mouth fast enough.

In fact, I have so many opinions, I have overwhelmed my ability to document myself. I thought my nightly broadcast, The Colbert Report (check your local listings), would pick up some of the slack. But here's the dirty little secret. When the cameras go off, I'm still talking. And right now all that opinion is going to waste, like seed on barren ground. Well no more. It's time to impregnate this country with my mind.

Sorry margin-huggers, but I've got some opinions over here, too. Deal with it.

See, at one time America was pure. Men were men, women were women, and gays were "confirmed bachelors." But somewhere around the late 60's, it became "groovy" to "let it all hang out" while you "kept on truckin'" stopping only to "give a hoot." And today, Lady Liberty is under attack from the cable channels, the internet blogs, and the Hollywood celebritocracy, out there spewing "facts" like so many locusts descending on America's crop of ripe, tender values. And as any farmer or biblical scholar will tell you, locusts are damn hard to get rid of.

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I said on the very first episode of The Colbert Report that, together, I was going to change the world, and I've kept up my end of the bargain. But it's not changing fast enough. Last time I checked my supermarket still sold yogurt. From France! See a pattern? Turns out, it takes more than thirty minutes a night to fix everything that's destroying America, and that's where this book comes in. It's not just some collection of reasoned arguments supported by facts. That's the coward's way out.

Half an hour not enough

This book is Truth. My Truth.

I deliver my Truth hot and hard. Fast and Furious. So either accept it without hesitation or get out of the way, because somebody might get hurt, and it's not going to be me.

It's going to be you

Think you can handle it?

I'm scared of Koreans.

Bam! That's me off the cuff. Blunt and in your face. No editing. I think it. I say it. You read it. Sometimes I don't even think it, I just say it.

Baby carrots are trying to turn me gay.

Don't put this book down

See? I'm not pulling any punches. I'm telling it like it is. Get used to it or put this book down. Because this book is for America's Heroes. And who are the Heroes? The people who bought this book. That bears repeating. People who borrow this book are not Heroes. They are no better then welfare queens mooching off the system like card-carrying library card-carriers. For the record, we're not offering this book to libraries. No free rides.

Rides cost money

Okay, now it's my turn to ask a question: What do I want from you? Good question.

Thank you

Just because I haven't put a lot of thought into this book doesn't mean you shouldn't. I want you to read this book carefully. Savor my ideas. Memorize pertinent passages. Eat with it, sleep with it, let nature take its course.

Because what I have dictated is nothing less than a Constitution for the Colbert Nation. And, like our Founding Fathers, I hold my Truths to be self-evident, which is why I did absolutely no research.

I didn't need to. The only research I needed was a long hard look in the mirror. For this book is My Story and, as such, it is the American Story.

Minus the Fruited Plains. (See Chapter 7-Homosexuals)

I am reminded of the words of Walt Whitman, the nineteenth-century poet, naturalist, and all around man's man, who, through his epic lyricism, defined the character of this new nation. He said,

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume, you shall assume."

That "I" he was talking about? It's me.

Bottom line: Read this book. Be me.

I Am America (And So Can You!)

by Stephen Colbert


Excerpted from I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert Copyright © 2007 by Spartina Productions, Inc.. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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I Am America (And So Can You!) 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 256 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Ok so I don't get it is he a liberal who pokes fun at conservatives or is he a conservative who knows how to laugh at himself? I'm not sure what he is but the book is hilarious. The entire book is pure genious. I laughed and cried and oddly enough lost fifteen pounds because i didnt eat or drink anything until I finished the book. A must read for anyone who enjoys political humour.
Lincoln37 More than 1 year ago
For the last, I am gonna say 400 years; every good American man has lived by 2 bibles; the constitution and the Bible Bible. Now every good American man has a third bible to live by I Am America and So Can You. This book of literature is without a doubt the single most significant piece of writing done since whenever the constitution was written. This book is simply the best piece of modern satire that has ever been published. It is written with very much the same structure as The Colbert Report; which is to say a satire. In the book Colbert acts as a conservative in every negative aspect of a conservative. I realize this is a hard concept to understand but he provides his own perfect explanation right at the beginning of the book. "I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word" (Colbert VII) This sort of ironic anti intelligence satire is the corner stone of this entire book and it holds together very well. My complaints of this are extremely limited and in fact limited to only one complaint. To me the humor that Colbert is best at is political humor and that was certainly not the focus of this book. Instead of such a sweeping satire of every aspect of pop culture I would have preferred him to stay centered around politics. Instead he covered The Family, Old people, Animals, Religion, Sports, Sex, Homosexuality, Higher Education, The Media, Class war, Race, Immigration, And at last science. If I was his editor I would have cut higher education and animals out entirely and used the extra room to expand science and add a separate political section. While my review has been obviously quite positive it is clear not everyone will immediately think they will enjoy this book, well I am sorry to say it but everyone is wrong. Regardless of any political feelings you may have the sections old people, science, and 'the family' are nothing short of comedic gold. In attempt to prove the periodic table of elements is evil he takes all the element names and forms a message with them. "Satan here: Congratulations! You broke the code. Here are instructions. Scientists: Assault faith, drain values. Gays: keep up sex. Yours, Satan." (Colbert 203). That simple joke should be enough to convince any reader with a sense of humor that this book is for them. If you enjoyed this Book I would also suggest America by John Stewart. I am proud to say this fantastic piece of literature has earned my first ever 11 flags out of 10.
McSnibblez More than 1 year ago
The one flaw with this book may come from the fact that not everyone is familiar with The Colbert Report and the fact that it is satire.

That aside, I thought this book was clever, funny and an all-around good read. Great for anyone who sees comedy in conservatism.
Broseph More than 1 year ago
For faithful of the Colbert Nation this book may pack few surprises, but then again if you're truly of the Nation you need little incentive to buy merchandise bearing Stephen Colbert's visage. For the rest of us it's a delightful trip into the alarmingly absurd.

Mr. Colbert's character might not approve of the online discount, but a strong purchase nonetheless
Guest More than 1 year ago
haha. Colbert is a genius. This is a great read whether or not you love his show. The guy never breaks character. Vote Colbert for President. He is the only guy who actually speaks his mind through the power of 'truthiness.'
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is amazing in every way! If one truly understands his sarcasm they will see just how brilliant and logical of a man The Great Stephan Colbert is.
Kyu915 More than 1 year ago
Even though he doesn't trust them, Stephen Colbert has written a book. It's written in fairly short chapters that are both hilarious and entertainingly satirical. If you are a fan of the show, the best way to describe the book is a 226 page version of "The Word" segment from his program in text format. This is by no means a bad thing. In fact, the style lends itself to the fun of actually reading the book. This book is a must for a fan, and highly recommended for anyone else. Make sure they are aware of Stephen Colbert and understand satire though or there might some misunderstandings to be had.
Michelle-Jasey More than 1 year ago
I laughed throughout this book! I usually can't stand anything too political so I don't buy these types of books. I do enjoy his show though so I thought I would give this book a try. I am so glad that I did! His sarcastic wit is seeping through the pages, so the book was never boring.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Stephen Colbert and his writers created a FANTASTIC book!
I couldn't put it down, OR stop laughing.
JohnMunsch on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Fun book. Note: I listened to the audiobook version. It is read, more like performed, by Stephen Colbert and he relies on a cast of others for parts of the book.
dmarinha on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I really expected much more from Mr. Colbert. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but after watching his shows and some of his interviews I felt there were reasons for it. For the moment I'll just say that he's a lot better as a fake news host than as a narrator. Still it's a wonderful ebook and it made me laugh, which is always good :)
ctmsjava on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I Am America (And So Can You!) was creatively written by the great comedian Stephen Colbert. This nonfiction book is comically focused on a few topics- such as his family, religion, the media, science, and much more- throughout different chapters of the book. His entertaining humor is basically what makes this a very awesome book. From the first page to the last, I Am America (And So Can You!) had me laughing nonstop because of all the sarcasm and truly funny jokes. This book was just as hilarious as his television show. What really intrigued me most about this book (besides the comedy) was how Stephen Colbert divided up ONE specific topic/idea for ONE single chapter and wrote at least ten very well written pages for each great chapter. I believe the thesis- or the ¿message¿- Stephen tries to get across in his book is that he is America!!! He writes about a variety of different topics, from old people and sports, to animals and Hollywood, which are written with the same comical ¿atmosphere¿ as his humorous TV show. Mr. Colbert most certainly fulfilled his purpose of getting across that he is America (!!!) many times, in fact. His writing was comical, powerful¿ and American. There are definitely some strong pieces to I Am America (And So Can You!), but not many ¿weak¿ parts to it. Like I have said a million times, comedy plays a big role in Stephen¿s writing. This book grabbed my attention from the first page all the way to the index. I would recommend I Am America (And So Can You!), to any young adult or adult who really likes to have an extremely funny read that will make your day whenever you read it.
delatte on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Suck it, Colbert --- I checked this out @ the library!
veranaz22 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I'd rather stick with watching his show.
dpappas on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This was a book that I came into reading thinking that I wouldn't like it. I was definitely wrong. It was hilarious, and I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys political humor.
ALincolnNut on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Like so many of the conservative TV hosts that he emulates and satirizes, Stephen Colbert has now written a book for the masses: "I Am America (and So Can You!)" In it, he combines bits of biography with his prolific opinions on all manner of things, including chapters on hot-button issues like religion, sex, Hollywood, and science. The tone is akin to that of his half-hour show, conservatism and patriotism on steroids in the form of a likeable egomaniac.In some ways, it is a potent satire of the form of media-type "tell it like it is" books. Each chapter has a main text that is supplemented by photos and charts, first-person commentaries, pull-out facts, and even games, which is to say that it is a rather incoherent mess, more interested in landing punches than presenting a coherent argument.Beyond this, it incorporates many elements of "The Colbert Report," including some whimsical touches -- like the page of "Stephen T. Colbert Award" stickers that you can add to books in your library, and the cynical margin commentary on the commentary, a printed version of the show's popular "The Word" segment.If the book's actual humor is a little uneven, it is frequent. While not as good as the best episodes of the show, it is an enjoyable read, especially for those who appreciate Colbert's unique mix of humor.
glade1 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Read this one over the course of a weekend. It is a satirical look at the current state of affairs in U.S. government and culture. I have not seen Colbert's television show, but he says in his book that he is a conservative. Then he gives a lot of backhanded compliments to those very conservatives he claims to support. Not sure what his real politics are, but he has a keen wit and a fun style. I found this book to be quite entertaining.
TriciaDM on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
it is so much better to listen to it!!!!
jeff.maynes on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Stephen Colbert's book is a delight. Written in character throughout, this short (240ish pages) book is consistently funny. Right from the start, when he declares that all of the claims are "self-evidence" (thus explaining why he did absolutely no research), to the index with every entry listed under "Colbert, Stephen" the reader is treated to his brand of over the top, but still sophisticated, humor. For those unfamiliar with his show, the entire book is in character as a shameless self-promoting, ultra-conservative television pundit. Colbert's talent is to be able to use this character to provide biting and thoughtful satire without becoming too caught up in the absurdities of his character.If you like his show, then I think you will like the book (and if you do not like the show, avoid the book). I kept hearing his standard delivery in every line (it really reads like he is simply talking at you), and the book is modeled on his segment "The Word" where his discussion is annotated with cheeky remarks (in this case, in the margin). If you like Colbert, then this book promises some hearty laughs.
the1butterfly on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Just looking at this book makes your patriotism go up. Try it- look- ahhh America! This book is so important to America, that not reading it might make your patriotism go down. Stephen doesn't just speak for the random people he made up in this book, he speaks for all of us. Learn what you think: read this book.
aliastori on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Some really good laughs.
Abras on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
If you like The Colbert Report there's a good chance you will enjoy this book. If not, well you get the idea. Written word has never been the best medium for laugh-out-loud humor. This is because there is no way to transfer what is possibly the most important part of any joke: the delivery. Things like timing, facial expression, and tone play a much bigger role in creating laughs than most people realize. So any funny book that tries to emulate a TV show already has one strike against.Nevertheless, Stephen and his staff writers did manage to pound together a very funny book. And the style seemed so familiar that I often imagined Stephen talking as I was reading. That helped ease the handicap a bit. They also managed to take advantage of the new medium's unique attributes. For example, the routines tend to be longer than they could ever be on the show.Reading this book is sure to put a smile anyone's face -- as long they don't take things so seriously. This book, like the corresponding show, is one big joke. Everything in it, from the fake award medallion on the front to the fake review blurb on the back, is designed solely to bring a smile to your face. If you take anything in this book seriously, you're obviously reading it wrong.
LizPhoto on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I Love Colbert but watching him on television is so much better than reading his book. The book was funny but long, it took me a while to read it from start to finish.
mmillet on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Colbert is extremely funny. But I know why his program is only half-an-hour. Too much of the same type of joke became a bit much in his 200 page book. My favorite part was the parents' rules for kids. too funny, but I just counldn't get through the entire thing before it was due back, even after renewing it!
AnnaESayers on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I hadn't ever watched The Colbert Report on television before, but after reading this book, I am a regular viewer! The book, written from the perspective of Colbert's character from The Colbert Report, discusses what he sees to be the most pressing matters in America today. The book closely resembles Bill O'Reilly's book, as well as Sean Hannity's book; the best part about it, though, is it makes fun of them! With Colbert's biting wit, it's no wonder his book was on the New York Times Bestseller List for so long.