Around eight years sober and going to Alcoholics Anonymous on a daily basis I began to hear a message that I believe is not what our founders Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith wanted us to hear. That I have a disease and relapse is OK began to permeate the rooms of recovery. My wife did not care whether I had a disease or not, she told me to leave and never come back. I realized I had been in relapse from the time I was 18 till I was 44 and something had to change. When the obituary of my friend Brian was on the board, it told what a great father he was to his three kids and he was 44 years old. Brian had been to at least 14 treatment centers. A member of Alcoholics Anonymous who had 30 years sober told us he came because was sick, another with 35 years sober always told us he had a maniac in his head that wanted him sober. I ask you, is this what you want after 35 years of AA? If it is, then it is still all about you. It was about me for too long, now it is about what I can carry to the new guy, to give him hope that he can also live in the thrill of victory, one day at a time. Most of the treatment centers will tell you that you have a "DISEASE" and relapse is going to be part of your recovery, I ask you "when you go up to replenish your supply and kill a family of five, is that OK because you have a disease?" The life of the alcoholic is lived in seconds and inches and AA and treatment better stop playing the disease and relapse card. The alcoholic does not need another loophole. Consequences are very rarely talked about in meetings because don't you understand I have a disease. It was at this eight year period that I began to identify as a "RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC" and I askedmy home group if here were anymore recovered alcoholics in the meeting and no one raised their hand, then I asked if there were any who wanted to be recovered alcoholics and no one raise their hand. Count in the book how many times the word "RECOVERED" is used and you will come to realize that they wanted us to be recovered. It does not say cured.
The "GOD" part is not understood and many writer's think that we must find some power "OUTSIDE of OURSELVES" and this is not the case. It is an inside job and on page 55 of the Big Book it tells us where we find GOD. Deep within. God speed on your own journey.