I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

by Joan Rivers

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780425255896
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date: 04/02/2013
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 391,790
Product dimensions: 5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.20(d)
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

Comedienne, Emmy Award–winning TV host, Tony-nominated actress and CEO, Joan Rivers was an icon of American culture, a bestselling author, Celebrity Apprentice winner, writer, producer, director, and savvy businesswoman who overcame great odds to reinvent herself time and time again. She hosted E! Network’s popular series Fashion Police, and starred with her daughter, Melissa, in their own weekly reality show, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best? on WEtv Network. Her critically acclaimed documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work premiered in theaters nationwide and is available on DVD. Amongst all of her success, Joan’s most joyous triumph was being a mother and grandmother. She died in 2014.

Read an Excerpt

Love may be a many-splendored thing, but hate makes the world go round. If you think I’m kidding, just watch the six o’clock news. The first twenty-nine minutes are all about dictators and murderers and terrorists and maniacs and, worst of all, real housewives. And then, at the very end of the show, there’s a thirty second human-interest story about some schmuck who married his cat. I rest my case.

Some things I’ve hated forever, some are new acquisitions, and some are just passing fancies. Today I hate happy TV weathermen, feminists who believe Gloria Steinem’s great looks hurt her, Gloria Steinem herself, people who mispronounce the word ask, studio apartments, guidance counselors, first ladies, old people. So if any of this offends you, or you happen to love puppies and kittens and the infirm . . . well . . . I’m impressed. I hate you, but I’m impressed . . .

I know what you’re thinking: “Joan, hate is a very strong word.” You’re right, it is, but I use it as an umbrella term, the way mental-health professionals use the word schizophrenia as a catchall for any particular brand of crazy they can’t identify. So when I say hate, I don’t necessarily mean hate. I could also mean loathe, detest, abhor, dislike, despise or resent. See, isn’t that kinder and gentler? If you think this makes you a better person than I am, good. You’re the idiot that actually paid for this book.

For those of you thinking, Geez, Joan seems a little angry, you’re half right. I am angry. I’m also fed up. I’m fed up with the morons and losers and cretins who are cluttering up the planet. Emma Lazarus wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” I didn’t know she meant on my block. But being fed up and angry is better than being depressed. Psychologists tell us that depression is just anger turned inward, but I say, why waste your time? It is what it is and quite frankly I’d rather be angry than depressed. Why? Because antidepressants like Prozac, Wellbutrin and Zoloft can cause bloating—and I hate bloating!!! (I need to go back and add bloating to the list of things I hate. Is there anything worse than not being able to fit into a size two Valentino? I think not. Talk about depressing.)

(Continues…)



Excerpted from "I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me"
by .
Copyright © 2012 Joan Rivers.
Excerpted by permission of Penguin Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“…more punch lines per paragraph than any book I’ve read in years.” —The New York Times

"She holds nothing back." —The Washington Post

“Often hilarious, often shocking, totally politically incorrect.”—Liz Smith

“An entertaining rant…The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon…A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at…Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all. ”—People

Customer Reviews

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I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me 3.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 133 reviews.
barbarariddle More than 1 year ago
Love Joan Rivers and loved the book. I seldom laugh out loud while reading but Joan's book had me laughing at almost every page. This world needs more laughter and I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me is a good start! Highly recommend it!
ToriM More than 1 year ago
So funny! Especially the part about babies and new mothers. Hilarious! She says all the awful thoughts we have but are too afraid to say!
willfritz97 More than 1 year ago
What's up with all of these reviewers criticizing the book for its 'hate' or the fact that Ms. Rivers 'put[s] down god's son'. THE TITLE SAYS SHE HATES EVERYONE!!!! I don't understand why people expect her to 'tone down the hate', or why they think her hatred would stop at the divine.
sand7s More than 1 year ago
Well done, Joan! really enjoyed it and would recommend!
LC112648LC More than 1 year ago
Usually I enjoy her books. This one was flat depressing!!! Don't recommend it to anyone ....
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Joan Rivers so I had to read this book. It is very funny and could be offensive to some readers. This book is filled with all the jokes she's ever used and then more. I watch her on Fashion Police and she is one spontaneously funny lady even off script.
RavenSoul More than 1 year ago
LOVE Joan, HATE this book! She tries WAY to hard to be funny here and the result is that she's not funny at all. Very unlike her usual standup routines that her true fans have grown to know and love. I totally regret my purchase of this book!
32aimehob More than 1 year ago
sarcasm, truism, a helluva lot of truth and very funny. i enjoyed it tremendously.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A must read for all Joan Rivers fans
bexmg More than 1 year ago
I am a Joan Rivers fanatic, so I love this book! She tells it like it is and is hilarious while doing so. I can never get enough of her!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love her crass an unsensored thoughts, just fabulous!
jaybird43 More than 1 year ago
not funny, too serious. not what I expected.
lorisfay More than 1 year ago
The most politically incorrect book I remember reading. I love it. Very funny.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Joan but this was a horrible book.
maxJF More than 1 year ago
I love Joan! she tells the truth, thats why people dont like her
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I didn't expect the cheap shots for shock value. She doesn't say what everyone is thinking, she says what goes against the grain of common decency and respect. It's just a barrage of hot topics with a negative spin. I didn't finish it, I wouldn't waste my time.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hilarious!!! the woman is just brilliant!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If u dont know she dead
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Joan!! This book was hysterical
--TypePenNameHere-- More than 1 year ago
Classic Joan... If you don't know and love her comedy (explicit language f'n included), you might not get it. She's f'n hilarious!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Irreverent and very funny, precisely Joan Rivers! Glad I read, made me laugh alot!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book is very funny, I laughed out loud several times. If you don't have a sense of humor or don't like Joan Rivers - do not buy this book, you will not get it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a great book,very much reccomended.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
was a quick fun read I just love her she tells it like it is
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Joan, stick to QVC and Fashion Police. This book is just like an Old Don Rickles routine.