A brilliant, hilarious, and honest essay collection from #1 New York Times bestselling author and YouTube sensation Shane Dawson about how messy life can get when you’re growing up but how rewarding it can feel when the clean-up is (pretty much) done.
From his first vlog back in 2008 to his full-length film directorial debut Not Cool, Shane Dawson has been an open book when it comes to documenting his life. But behind the music video spoofs, TMI love life details, and outrageous commentary on everything the celebrity and Internet world has the nerve to dish out is a guy who grew up in a financially challenged but loving home in Long Beach, California, and who suffered all the teasing and social limitations that arise when you’re a morbidly obese kid with a pretty face, your mom is your best friend, and you can't get a date to save your life.
In I Hate Myselfie, Shane steps away from his larger-than-life Internet persona and takes us deep into the experiences of an eccentric and introverted kid, who by observing the strange world around him developed a talent that would inspire millions of fans. Intelligent, hilarious, heartbreaking, and raw, I Hate Myselfie is a collection of eighteen personal essays about how messy life can get when you’re growing up and how rewarding it can feel when the clean-up is (pretty much) done.
|Product dimensions:||5.56(w) x 8.36(h) x 0.70(d)|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
I Hate Myselfie
Hi. I’m Shane Dawson. Some of you might know me from my videos on the internet. Some of you might know me from the movie I directed entitled Not Cool. And some of you might know me as the guy you saw on the cover of this book who has an incredibly punchable face. I’m all of those things and more! I also have an incredibly punchable body, but none of you will ever get to see that.
For the record, I don’t really hate myself, but I do hate the way I portray myself online. Hence, “myselfie.” See what I did there? Online I’m this loud, outrageous, confident guy who acts like nothing bothers him and he has the whole world at his fingertips. In reality, I’m a shy, quiet guy who would rather spend his nights lying in bed watching Netflix than being a valuable member of society. If I could spend my entire life underneath a heating blanket with a handful of my own balls I would happily do so.
I’m not saying that I don’t like the stuff I put out into the world, because I genuinely enjoy my videos and think they are funny. What I’m saying is that I embrace the fact that I have a punchable face, and that if I could punch myself without feeling it I would. Sometimes I scroll through my Instagram page and audibly groan. What is the point of posting four pictures a day of yourself doing the same duck face in four different locations? If you go through my Instagram feed it’s like a flip book of me thinking I’m WAY more attractive than I am. It’s nauseating. But feel free to follow me at @SHANEDAWSON! You can also follow me on Twitter, where I post important tweets like: “I think I just pooped blood. Should I go to the doctor? Nvmd, just gonna google it,” and “Ugh. Is Emma Stone still a thing? Can that be over yet?” It gets really deep. I’m a social warrior, clearly.
In this book, you’ll get to see the real me, not the “me” you see on YouTube. You will get to know what’s really in my head, and I’m warning you it’s not pretty. It’s a twisted land of self-hatred, sadness, and lots of repressed anger toward every person who’s ever hurt me. ENJOY! Don’t worry, I threw in some dick and fart jokes to make the stories a little easier to handle. Kind of like mixing in some peanut butter with your medicine, which by the way my mom used to do. You haven’t lived till you’ve had a Vicodin peanut butter marshmallow fluff sandwich. I can still taste the numbing of my emotions. Delicious.
I urge you to sit back, enjoy, and know that in the end things have gotten better for me. And they will for you too, if that’s anything you’re worried about. Feel free to laugh at my misfortune and get that feeling of “Wow, my life is SO much better than THAT guy’s.”
Obviously joking but semi-serious,
Table of Contents
About the Art ix
I Hate Myselfie: An Introduction 1
My Destinee 5
My High School Musical 15
Two First Kisses 29
The Original Catfish 41
Between Hollywood and an Abortion Clinic 55
Denny's and Death 71
My Birthday Suit 83
Internet Famous 93
How to Survive a Horror Movie 107
The Mean Girl Got Fat 121
My Girl (Space) Friends 133
My Strange Addictions 143
YouTube Got Me Fired 155
Astral Projection 169
Just a Pretty Face 179
My Leg Twin 189