I Only Roast the Ones I Love: How to Bust Balls Without Burning Bridges

I Only Roast the Ones I Love: How to Bust Balls Without Burning Bridges

by Jeffrey Ross


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I Only Roast the Ones I Love: How to Bust Balls Without Burning Bridges by Jeffrey Ross

One of the world’s foremost practitioners of insult comedy, Jeffrey Ross has memorably and uproariously roasted some of our favorite celebrities. Part memoir and part how-to guide, I Only Roast the Ones I Love unveils the irreverent secrets every successful roastmaster should know, such as how to:

• Write roast jokes

• Turn any event into a roast your friends will never forget

• Rip your honoree a new one without hurting their feelings

• Save yourself if you bomb

• Prepare yourself to take a punch

• Give toasts at family gatherings

• Save lives through roasting

Jeff’s hilarious and poignant stories feature everyone from Dave Chappelle and Courtney Love to Tom Cruise and Bea Arthur and take readers backstage for unforgettable roasts of stars like Pamela Anderson, Flavor Flav, William Shatner, Shaquille O’Neal, Larry the Cable Guy, Bob Saget, and even the finalists of Dancing with the Stars. Most of all, Jeff’s teachings will inspire you to channel your own inner roastmaster.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781439102794
Publisher: Gallery Books
Publication date: 06/01/2010
Pages: 290
Sales rank: 1,289,905
Product dimensions: 8.28(w) x 5.60(h) x 0.79(d)

About the Author

Jeffrey Ross is the current New York Friars’ Club Roastmaster General and was a roaster for Comedy Central’s Roast of Pamela Anderson in 2005. Ross has appeared on television shows, such as The Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and many others. He’s also a regular on The Opie and Anthony Show and has also appeared on HBO’s Six Feet Under and Showtime’s Weeds. In film, he has appeared in Stuck on You and The Aristocrats. His first hour-long Comedy Central special No Offense: Life from New Jersey aired August 2008. Jeffrey Ross, the meanest man in comedy and “one man verbal assault unit” (MTV), offers anecdotes and deconstructs the makings of a great roast—based on his own career as the Friars’ Club Roastmaster General. 21

Read an Excerpt

I Only Roast the Ones I Love INSULTRODUCTION
MY NAME IS JEFFREY ROSS, but I am commonly known as the Roastmaster General. I’m not entirely sure how I got this title, but it has stuck and I am proud of it. Most stand-up comics are self-deprecating. I’m all-deprecating. Sure, I occasionally make fun of myself—but I specialize in making fun of others. I’m what is commonly known as an insult comic. Diss is my life.

I never planned on making fun of people for a living. It happened by accident. In fact, my whole life has been a series of happy and not-so-happy accidents that have transformed me into the black belt in busting balls that I am today. I am very fond of my reputation, but I must admit that it’s a blessing and a curse. I may make a nice living—but every now and then somebody wants to kill me.

With this book I offer you my philosophies of roasting, which are also my principles for a better life. If you adapt these principles to your own experiences, they will surely help guide your journey through an increasingly harsh world.

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I Only Roast the Ones I Love: How to Bust Balls Without Burning Bridges 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Jeff Ross,but I wasn't sure how his book would be. It was so honest ,funny and sincere . The book is about Jeff's life and how to roast people without hurting them. He shows compassion ,wit and his ability to be hilarious. I laughed out loud many times while reading this.
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