I Owe You Nothing

by VIctoria Robinson

Overview

I want to take this opportunity to explain what this book is about. It is about sperm and egg donors, and real parents who may or may not take responsibility for their actions. I am not talking about the people who attend the sperm banks or surrogate mothers or women who let people use their eggs to bring life into this world. Those people are blessing others for shortcomings, that they may have. You will see the words donor and real parent, a lot but look at the explanation first.

A sperm and egg donor, to me are men and women who have children and do not take care of the blessings that God has presented them with in their lives.

A ‘‘real” parent is the parent that is there everyday in the daily activities of the child. The real parent is the parent who is the key factor in the child’s life. The real parent takes the responsible role for the child. The real parent is also the Child’s First Teacher and the positive guide in the child’s life, on all levels.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781524653477
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	04/27/2017
Pages:	108
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.26(d)

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

I want to take this opportunity to explain what this book is about. It is about sperm and egg donors, and real parents who may or may not take responsibility for their actions. I am not talking about the people who attend the sperm banks or surrogate mothers or women who let people use their eggs to bring life into this world. Those people are blessing others for shortcomings, that they may have. You will see the words donor and real parent, a lot but look at the explanation first.

A sperm and egg donor, to me are men and women who have children and do not take care of the blessings that God has presented them with in their lives.

I guess they do not want to be responsible. I think that it's so trifling! L don't want to come off as snapping or ghetto fabulous, but I am furious regarding donors not being responsible.

A "real" parent is the parent that is there everyday in the daily activities of the child. The real parent is the parent who is the key factor in the child's life. The real parent takes the responsible role for the child. The real parent is also the Child's First Teacher and the positive guide in the child's life, on all levels.

The sperm and egg donor usually only care about themselves. They want to be around or only sec the child(ren) when it is convenient for them. It must be nice to wake up and say: "Oh, today, I want to see my child". Real parents are blessed to see the child daily. Even when the sperm or egg donors come to see the child, they come empty handed or come when they need something from the child or real parent. They don't want to be there for the feedings, colds, illnesses immunizations, giving the child the things they need, love, support emotionally, socially, physically and spiritually); or attend events; making sure the child is taken care of; and just being there throughout the child's life. Sperm and Egg Donors tend to make empty promises(lies)to the child. Then the real parent has to pacify or accommodate the child when the donors lie.

Real parents try to do their best by not talking or saying bad things about the donors; especially when the child is in earshot. But, sometimes a real parent just ends up breaking down with anger and tears; and sometimes this does happen in front of the child; or the child will hear the parent while this breakdown is happening. The real parent wants the child to have that bond with the donor because it's something that Ute child usually wants and needs.

However, a real parent cannot make a donor do the things that a donor is suppose to do for the child nor, should have to. The real parent often wonders if the donor realizes that the child is a blessing; and that we are all God's children; that God takes care of us, as His children; and why can't the donors get it through their heads. Donors arc there for the conception of the child but, don't want to be part of taking care and sharing the love of the child. "Guess What?" It's Their Loss!! Donors only, get to miss first steps, first words, coos, laughs, ahhs and oohs, everyday hugs, and miss the upbringing of their child because they cannot get over self first.

Sometimes, people might become a donor, later on in life. The child(ren) end up with the absent parent because the real parent who had them before may do something out of character (drugs) or whatever. I think even as a junkie you should still do for the child(ren). Maybe, then, the junkie wouldn't have the money for the drugs; and junkies with kids wouldn't exist. They need to put that energy, time and money into your child(ren). Be A Parent!

Some Sperm and Egg donors feel that if they are not with the real parent, that making the child suffer by not doing for the child is okay. "Guess What?"— Big Lie." If the real parent doesn't want the donor they should get over it and realize a child needs love and support, everyday from both parents. It doesn't stop, it's a constant cycle! Even if children don't receive what they want, the need is definitely there. But here's the way to think of that: donors, you arc an adult! You can provide for yourself. The child is a minor and cannot provide for him/herself.

Donors should realize that someone took care of them, why can't donors take care of their own child or children? Donors, don't know who will have to pick out their nursing home or take care of them, later. That, in itself should make donors want to do right by their child(ren). To all my real parents: Kudos!

Thumbs Up! Good job! As someone told me: "It Hurts Now; But, It Will Get Greater Later!"

There are so many topics or aspects that could be talked about on donors not being responsible and real parents being responsible for a child. I will try and touch on some of these, and give some options/opinions on the subjects. Maybe, this will be an eye opener to some of the sperm/egg donors. It might also be an eye opener to real parents.

Some topics/aspects are:

1. Child Support

2. Dating

3. Sacrifices

4. Whose Really Losing Out

5. Are You A Donor or A Real Parent

6. Donor Families

7. Welfare Recipients

8. How To Become an Effective Parent If You Are A Donor

9. How Not To Become A Donor

Okay, here we go:

CHILD SUPPORT:

Child Support is a great thing for children, when it works. There are real parents that pay child support, as well as give daily or whenever a child is in need. They know that they are responsible and they take responsibility for meeting the child's wants, needs and desires. They further know that sometimes the child support check isn't enough to cover the needs. Real parents see their child(ren) often and/or interact with the child(ren). Sometimes child support does not work for these parents. They might have a child with someone who might not let them see the child, at all. I personally feel like a child should see the donor whether the donor pays support or not. Let me explain my point on this. It will help you determine if you are a real parent or a donor. Donors, make choices, whatever choice you make for the relationship to be with their child(ren), is on them. If you want your child to know you will never do anything for them then, "Guess What, "That's On You." When your child grows up hating you or not respecting you, don't get mad. "You reap what you sow." "You get back what you instill (plant) in your child(ren). It's not fair to the child. "God knows and sees all." Then as donors, most of you wonder why things are not so well in your life.

Donors tend to avoid child support, at all cost. They will work "under the table" for cash, and the child never see any of the money. You, donors are dressed fresh to death and your child doesn't have underwear, pampers, food or clothes. You want to come around dressed, riding in your car and may even call from your job, but won't pay support. Donors may go to court because they cannot get to see the child or so they won't have to pay so much. The child support check is never enough. Yes, you are absolutely correct. It is never enough.

Sometimes, we can't just blame the donors, for not being responsible. Sometimes, the system or government help contribute to the donors' irresponsibility. They let real parents sign up for support. They tell the real parent when they sign up for child support that the donor in the situation can never get help from them financially. In Minnesota, donors are not suppose to get assistance, have driver license (they are suppose to be revoked), get food stamps or get financial loans for school. It's aU a lie.

Donors sometimes take this route and the counties let them do it. Donors go into some type of rehab program (drugs, alcohol or other addictions). Then, the county will give donors assistance: cash, food stamps, clothing vouchers, medical and dental care; and the child gets nothing. But, if the child has a real parent that gets up and goes to work everyday and make money, the county tells them, "Oh, you make too much money to qualify for anything! But, the real parent is the one caring for the child, everyday: making sacrifices, prioritizing and making sure that the child(ren) has what they need.

Donors get mad and want to know where the money is going; or if the real parent is dating someone. They feel like their money is spent on that person and not the child. Let me say this:" If you are a real parent, I truly believe that if you arc dating someone, that person that you arc dating is contributing to you and your child in a positive way at least, I hope. The child support is not going to, or for the person whom you are dating. Donors should think: "that person is there with my child doing the things that I am not doing. That should make me want to also contribute to my child(ren) life and happiness in a positive way." What will eventually happen, if that other person is the positive one, guess where the respect is going, not to the donor! We will get to that a little later.

To the ones who are parents and are using the child support for other people, Guess What, "That's your child's money."! I'm not saying, don't use it to pay your bills and your financial obligations. Just make sure that you are providing for your child; that includes: rent, food, clothes, utilities, field trips, uniforms, etc. Child First! Then you can play. And yes, I know real parents that all your money goes to that, too. It's kind of a win — lose situation, sometimes. But, you never lose, if your child comes first. So, donors pay your child support and take extra care of your child. Think like this: Hopefully, I have chosen a reliable person to have a child with and that they are doing what they are suppose to do. States and counties please don't let donors get away with being irresponsible. Real parents don' get a break; why should the donor?

Don't just look at it as another case or situation; look for what is best for the child at the present time and the future.

DATING:

True enough, some things are repetitive, so you might see things in more than one topic, however, the bottom line is the child.

Every "real parent" situation is different. You could be: single and looking, you could be married or remarried, but somehow dating is or was involved. If you are a real parent, who is single, you are sometimes caught between a rock and a hard place. Your child always wants the donor(absent parent). If you are an absent parent, but doing what you are obligated to do, "Guess What?" this is not directed toward you. (Keep being positive in your child's life). The single real parents have to deal with what is best for the child and themselves. The parent has to find that right person or can opt out and just deal with self and the child.

But, if you choose to date, make sure your date is mature, nurturing, honest, kind, and available. Make sure your date has patience and can love you and your children(whether giving or receiving love). You are a package deal! Don't allow a person to come into your life who wants only you or wants only your children. Be aware of predators, abusers, and neglectors. Parents should want someone that will love their child(ren) the way, or as the parent loves them. Someone, that would at least put them on that same pedestal that you the parent put them on, or even higher. Parents shouldn't want anyone that will put them or their child(ren) in harm's way or in a negative position. Repetition: Kids First!

Donors will worry or try to make the parent feel bad because the parent is looking for companionship or dating. Tell the donor to get off your back, to give you a break and babysit (lol).

Let's see how fast that happens. Donors have no say in the parent's dating, unless there are signs of abuse. The single parent must make smart and healthy choices. The donor should not get mad, if the single parent is dating and the person they are dating is doing more for the child than the (donor) is doing. "Don't get mad, get even". I bet your child will like the attention. Don't argue in front of your child. Try to get along. This does not mean the parent has to let the donor come in or try to run the house, just because the parent is single. The donor can still come and visit the child. Just show respect. "God's watching". Let the donor know your rules: No spending the night; no, you are not eating me and my child's food, especially, when the donor doesn't care if your child eats, on a daily basis. Tell the donor to eat where they spend their money and time (Sorry, I got off track for a minute). To the real parents who are dating, married or remarried: don't let the donors mess up what you have accomplished. When the donors had the opportunity to act right and be there for the child, they did not take the opportunity or were not willing to be there for the child. Take that positive person that you are dating (I'm assuming that person is positive) and love them and your child, unconditionally. Gain all the things you want and show the children that they are in a family. As always, anything that is built on a solid foundation (God, Love, Truth and Understanding), will prosper. No weapon formed against you shall prosper and what God has blessed you with, let no Donor put asunder(paraphrased).

SACRIFICES:

Now, this topic is a hard one for me; the reason being, a real parent always puts the child's needs, first. The real parent is going to do what has to be done for the purpose and goal to take care of the child. A donor would say stupid things like: "I told you about getting the child everything he/ she needs, when obviously, they haven't made a contribution for a need, want or a desire.

And if the real parent calls or contact the donor, there is always something more important going on. As real parents, one might skip or pay half of a bill that's due, and go without clothing, food, shoes, socks, underwear, gas or necessities for years. (I know a mother who went without her insulin for three weeks because of her child's needs). The parent will basically live by "robbing Peter to pay Paul," so to speak. Although, there are real single parents that have all they may need (Guess What)? Fortunately, this topic is not for you and you are an inspiration to all.

A donor will see or know that the child needs shoes, pampers, socks, food or whatever and wouldn't even care. The donor will have on the latest name brand gear, and the child will have only what the real parent can afford, whether it's a "hand-me-down" or "not name" brand gear. And then, the donor won't offer to take the child(ren) shopping or contribute to it; And lo and behold, if donors arc paying child support, they feel like it should be enough. Well, it's not! Repetition: Kids Come First! They are constantly growing, needing and wanting.

There are even more things for which parents may have to sacrifice. Parents cannot say no or don't have money for every want or need either. Sometimes, there are things like: field trips, learning tools, educational needs that the child may need; or even to attend church, after school activities or other social events, that the child may be obligated to attend. It may be a last minute notice. But, I forgot, if you are a donor, this means nothing to you!

Then, as a real parent, we hear the donor get "balls" and try to tell the parent what should have been done, instead of just saying "yes", "sure", "I got this". Donors don't even want to babysit or give the real parent a break. In addition, the donors may want to get paid for babysitting their own child. A real parent, probably pays for day care, medical, and dental bills as well and the donor doesn't see that. The real parent never gets a "thank you" or "you are doing a great job" compliment from the donor. But, let one thing happen out of the "norm," and you are called "the worst parent in the world. When "guess what," the donor wasn't there, either. Donors go around town, talking about what the real parent is not doing, instead of saying: "the real parent is doing a great job; and that the real parent took control and initiative to be a real parent, God Bless the real parent and that the donors are willing to help."

WHOSE REALLY LOSING OUT!?

Now, do I really have to ask this? Okay, for the elephant in the room, lt's The Child!

Children, especially during this day and age, are so smart. They pick up on everything; whether it's good, bad, positive or negative. Then, they try to figure things out. However, they are innocent victims, through it all.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "I Owe You Nothing"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Victoria Robinson.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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