I Want What She's Having, Now! is a no-nonsense, relatable call to action for people wanting to lose weight and become the healthiest version of themselves, both inside and out. Tora Cullip and Donna Richards offer practical, realistic and long-lasting solutions to help you reach your confident weight and never go back. The book is focused on three central ideas for getting fast and lasting results:
- How your MINDSET might have spoiled your weight loss attempts in the past but could be your biggest asset in the future
- How to rev up your METABOLISM by following the Ten Commandments for looking hot and feeling healthy - plain-speaking rules for eating, exercising, and sleeping to get the body you want
- How MOTIVATION isn't a question of willpower but of WhyPower - and exactly where to find the weight loss incentives that actually work for you
Liberally sprinkled with inspirational stories about people who've achieved their goals, I Want What She's Having, Now! is the perfect guide for finding the weight you want and a life you'll love. Apply the principles in this book to be comfortable in your own skin and love what's looking back at you!
"This book is like The Four Agreements for weight control."
Tess Masters, aka The Blender Girl
"I really DO want what she's having! What woman doesn't want to feel good in her own skin, clear in her mind and empowered in her body?"
Lashaun Dale, senior national creative manager, Equinox Fitness
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.48(d)|
Read an Excerpt
I WANT What She's Having, NOW!
Exactly How You Can Be So Hot & Healthy You'll Barely Recognize Yourself
By Tora Cullip, Donna Richards
Balboa PressCopyright © 2013 Donna & Tora Ltd
All rights reserved.
What's That Voice Inside My Head?
Getting to Know your Thoughts
"When I came here, I thought it was just about weight loss. I didn't realize I had to get my mind in the right place."
~ Craig Westren, Biggest Loser contestant 2011 (Australia)
Jeffrey wasn't an overweight kid and his family ate a reasonably healthy diet. Sure, there's the fact that his father owned a deli, and Jeffrey was sometimes tempted to overeat a little because he was surrounded by food all the time. But Jeffrey never really had a weight problem when he was growing up. He was just your regular kid.
But at the age of 23, his weight began to escalate. He ate continuously; it didn't really matter what time of day it was because if Jeffrey wanted to eat, he'd just go right ahead and eat. Over a fairly short period of time, he got so heavy that he remembers being breathless just walking around the supermarket, and he could only tie up his shoelaces if he balanced his foot on a chair. As his pant size increased from 34 inches to a 36" to a 38" and continued to go up, he'd just put the pants that no longer fitted him at the back of his closet and start wearing a new pant size instead.
Eventually Jeffrey became so big that he could no longer shop at regular stores and had to transition to those "Big and Tall" stores for people who are super tall or super heavy. But still, despite all the evidence that Jeffrey's weight was getting out of hand, he wasn't able to admit to himself that he'd put on so much extra weight.
So what exactly was Jeffrey thinking as he moved towards his heaviest weight of 425 pounds (192 kg)? Surely he must have been constantly thinking and worrying about all of that extra weight? According to Jeffrey, he wasn't thinking about anything. In his own words, "If you don't think about it, it's not happening."
Do you remember playing hide-and-seek as a child, and thinking that if you buried your face in your hands and didn't look then nobody could see you either? Jeffrey was doing something similar: he avoided thinking about the situation at all costs and then, he believed, the situation wouldn't actually be there.
Like Jeffrey, you may have avoided thinking about your own weight problems, or perhaps you're incredulous that someone who had become so big was not thinking obsessively about weight. Either way, what's most important is that you realize thoughts are one of the most powerful forces in your life. How you think impacts how you behave, which affects the results you get. At that time in his life, Jeffrey was only thinking about the next thing he could eat, not the consequences of putting on more and more weight.
Everyone who achieves long-term weight loss results says it's the change in their thinking that really makes the difference. However, because you can't "see" your thoughts like you can see your weight on the bathroom scale and size of the clothes in your wardrobe, it can be all too easy to bypass your thoughts and not spend any time working out if those thoughts are sabotaging your weight loss goals. Yet when you have a better understanding of what you think, you'll increase your awareness of how you've been holding yourself back from eating better, exercising for results, and reaching your weight loss goals.
Delving into the inner world of your thoughts doesn't mean you're crazy, and it doesn't mean you've got something wrong with you. Going to the gym for a workout doesn't mean there's something wrong with your arms and legs, it just means you want a fit physical body. By spending more time doing a workout with your thoughts, it simply means you're doing a different type of exercise to get a better mindset.
What are you thinking right now? Can you pinpoint just one single thought? Chances are, just as you try to capture one thought, another one comes in its place. The first thing to understand about your mindset is that you are always thinking thoughts. You are a 24/7 thought-making machine; it never stops. You are always processing new information, or trying to remember something, or ruminating on one stream of thoughts. Your thoughts help you to get things done, work things out, and contribute new ideas. There are a lot of good things going for your thoughts.
But your mind also thinks thoughts that aren't so useful. In fact, you probably tend to think a lot of useless, even destructive thoughts. You can make mountains out of molehills, turn inconveniences into catastrophes, and create conflicts out of a simple conversation—just by the power of your thoughts. Your mind also seems to know the most intimate details about you and exactly what you worry about, react to, and fear the most. It's even very good at fooling, tricking, and deceiving you. That's how Jeffrey could put on over 250 pounds (113kg) and convince himself that he didn't have a weight problem.
Just as often as you can deny your weight issues by trying not to think about them, they can also become your only focus. Through all her years of dieting, Fiona remembers this vividly: "That obsession with food was unbelievable. I'd just be thinking about it all the time. When I first got up in the morning I'd be thinking about what I was going to have for breakfast, and while I was eating breakfast I'd be thinking about what I was going to have for lunch. It was a never-ending obsession with what I was going to be eating, and trying to figure out in my head how I could get away with eating things that were not terribly good for me."
Thoughts are both your greatest blessing and your biggest curse. If you're the victim of your own thoughts, it feels like you're forever taking one step forward and two steps back. It's as if you're a prisoner of your own thoughts. But once you take control of your thinking you'll realize that you have the power to think whatever thoughts you choose. The first step in that process is to start understanding your thoughts.
Understanding your Thoughts
In Sarah Edelman's book Change Your Thinking, she describes some of the faulty thinking patterns that cause people unnecessary distress. It's not always easy to spot your own "faulty thinking" because we all have a tendency to think in certain ways, and to us it just feels like our natural way of thinking. However, by understanding some of the common faulty thinking patterns, you'll start to realize how often you could be sabotaging your weight loss with your own thoughts.
1. "All or nothing" thinking
If I had a dollar for the number of times I've heard someone tell me they can't stick to a diet for very long because "I'm an all or nothing type of person," I'd be almost as rich as Mark Zuckerberg. When people say they're an "all or nothing person," they say it as if it's a personality trait that's set in stone. However, what's more accurate is that they have a faulty thinking pattern—that means they see everything as good or bad, fantastic or a disaster, healthy or bad for you.
If you have a tendency to be an "all or nothing" thinker, it means you struggle to see that most things are neither one extreme nor the other, but somewhere in-between. Fiona used to be a classic all or nothing thinker: she would embark on a diet and be really good at sticking to the rules for a week and doing exactly what she was told she had to do to lose weight. But then, if she did her weekly weigh-in and she hadn't lost any weight or, worse, put on a pound or two, she'd use a loud expletive, tell herself it's just not worth it anyway, and find her way to the nearest store that sold chocolate bars.
Some of the things you're likely to say if you're an "all or nothing" thinker trying to lose weight are:
"I've been good all day today" (meaning you are justified in being "bad" at some point later).
"Carbohydrates are bad for you" (meaning you may try to deprive yourself of carbohydrates until you cave in to sugar cravings).
"I'm going to exercise every day" (meaning you'll beat yourself up and stop exercising completely if you miss a day).
"This diet is fantastic" (meaning you'll give up on the diet as soon as you don't get the weight loss results you want within the first week).
A study in the International Journal of Obesity found that one of the factors which characterized people who regained weight versus those who were able to keep weight off was whether or not they were "all or nothing" thinkers. In other words, if you have a pattern of "all or nothing" thinking, you're more likely to put weight back on again after you've lost it.
2. Discounting the positive
It's very common for people to overlook positive experiences and behaviors and focus on negative ones. Often the first thing a client will do is start by telling us how badly they've done that week, and then start to reel off all the times when they didn't stick to their meal plan, drank too much wine, or didn't go the gym when they said they would. They fail to mention things like they kept their commitment of having four nights off alcohol, filled in their mindset journal every day, ate breakfast every morning, and went to the gym on two of the three days they had scheduled.
One of the crucial things we do as weight and health coaches is to teach people how to refocus on what they've done well rather than what they've done badly. In weight loss in particular, it's all too easy to keep beating yourself up for everything you think you failed at and devalue all the good things that you've achieved. When you have a tendency to discount the positive it makes it more and more difficult to see your successes, as your mind becomes accustomed to seeking out all the negative things instead.
Catastrophizing is a faulty thinking pattern that means you think something is far worse than it actually is. If you're a catastrophic thinker, you tend to see things as terrible and awful and, as a result, experience your own actions or situation as extremely distressing.
When I had an eating disorder, I was your classic catastrophic thinker. I was so disciplined and rigid in what I ate that when I did eat something that wasn't on my ever-diminishing list of allowed food, I felt absolutely awful. In particular, I can remember one time that highlights catastrophic thinking at its worst.
I was with a group of friends one day and, unbeknown to me, they were very concerned about how much weight I'd lost. I hadn't reached my lowest weight at that point, but still I was extremely skinny. With my best interests in mind, they all huddled around me at lunchtime and handed me a king size Mars bar. They wanted me to eat this bar of chocolate because they thought it would help me come to my senses and I would start putting on weight. I didn't want to eat this bar of chocolate, but I did want them to think I didn't have an issue with food. I decided to nonchalantly eat the whole bar, acting as if it was just a regular thing to eat a bar of chocolate that was probably two days worth of calories for me.
I still recall the catastrophic thinking that followed after I ate this entire king size Mars bar in front of all of my friends. It felt like I had ruined not just my strict dieting, but my entire life, by eating it. I felt terrible, totally hopeless, and like a complete and utter failure. It was made worse by the massive sugar rush I experienced: after so long with eating so little, my body could barely cope with all of that sugar in one hit, and this just served to exacerbate how distressed and devastated I felt.
You may not have experienced catastrophic thinking to this degree, but if you're susceptible to this type of faulty thinking then you can relate to how easy it can be to always be blowing things out of proportion, and getting incredibly upset by turning molehills into mountains. Catastrophizing plays havoc with weight loss because when you see yourself as a total failure, the chances of you giving up increase dramatically.
Overgeneralizing is when you take one small incident or event and make assumptions that it represents something that always happens. You take one piece of limited evidence and make it "the truth." When you overgeneralize, you tend to view it as a pattern of failure or defeat.
If you overgeneralize, you tend to use extreme words like always and never. Here are some examples of the things you're likely to say if you overgeneralize:
"Whenever I lose weight, I always put it back on again."
"Everyone looked good at the party apart from me."
"I'll never be able to get fit."
"I'll always be fat."
Until Georgie learned to manage her thoughts better, her overgeneralizing often led to her giving up on trying to lose weight. She had had weight problems ever since she was a child and, after a lifetime of struggling with her weight, she felt like everyone else apart from her could lose weight. She wanted to be normal like everyone else, and often this led her to give up and say, "Stuff it. I can't do this anymore."
Overgeneralizing is a very demotivating way of thinking because it can make you feel trapped and powerless. There's no arguing with thoughts that are so definitive like this, and that can lead you to make lots of negative conclusions about yourself.
When things go wrong in your life or someone doesn't behave how you thought they should, do you accept it and move on, or blame others, hold secret grudges and wallow in a bit of self-pity?
Although we can all fall into the trap of blaming at times, it can become a consistent faulty thinking pattern and then we stop taking accountability for our actions. A tell-tale sign of this faulty thinking pattern in weight loss is when you find yourself making excuses. It's not unusual for us to hear a long list of excuses from clients who are adamant they've tried their best to lose weight but can't. We might hear at least a dozen excuses why someone can't possibly eat breakfast in the morning; things like:
"I'm not hungry when I wake up."
"I don't have time to make breakfast."
"My work colleagues use up all the milk and don't replace it."
"My phone starts ringing as soon as I get to the office."
"I don't know what to eat that's healthy."
"I'm too busy to go and buy breakfast. I'll eat later."
All of these types of excuses, when added together, are indicative of blaming everything but yourself for not being able to take just one step towards reaching your target weight. In fact, the act of blaming can be very disempowering as it prevents you from taking positive action. As Robert Anthony famously said, "When you blame others, you give up your power to change."
Each of these faulty thinking patterns is a way in which you can sabotage your ability to get results, not only in weight loss, but in all areas of your life. To understand your thinking in even more detail, it's time to meet your Inner Critic.
The Inner Critic
Your Inner Critic is that little voice inside of your head that whispers, talks, or screams at you, sometimes twenty-four hours a day. It's the one that nags, cajoles, and beats you up for anything you do that doesn't come close to perfect. You're probably so used to having it there that maybe you just thought it was you. But your Inner Critic is actually the critical part of your mindset, the part that always seems to find things wrong with what you do. It's important to get to know your Inner Critic better because it's one of the biggest obstacles to your weight loss success, and your happiness.
The Inner Critic gets its power through internalizing what your parents, grandparents, teachers, and other authority figures repeatedly told you as you grew up, and along the way it picked up the views of your friends and peers on how you should think, feel, look, and behave. While this is very necessary and useful when you're growing up—after all, we all need guidance at times—it can become destructive and damaging when it continues to run a critical commentary on your life.
Everyone has an Inner Critic, and each Inner Critic has its own unique characteristics. However, the great similarity among all Inner Critics is that they have the ability to make you feel unhappy, ineffective, and like a failure. No matter how much you try, you cannot please your Inner Critic. Your Inner Critic plays on your biggest fears, worries, and vulnerabilities and always seems to be one step ahead of you.
Excerpted from I WANT What She's Having, NOW! by Tora Cullip, Donna Richards. Copyright © 2013 Donna & Tora Ltd. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
A Whole New Framework.................... xix
Section I: Master Your Mindset.................... 1
Chapter 1: What's That Voice Inside My Head?.................... 3
Chapter 2: "Clearing Your Plate" Syndrome.................... 20
Chapter 3: How To Feel Comfortable In Your Own Skin.................... 34
Section II: Rev Up Your Metabolism.................... 51
Chapter 4: Ditch The Diet To Start Losing Weight.................... 53
Chapter 5: The Ten Commandments For Looking Hot & Feeling Healthy.......... 61
Chapter 6: Pumping Iron, Or Doing Zumba?.................... 83
Chapter 7: The Sleeping Cure.................... 95
Chapter 8: Emotional Eating Uncovered.................... 106
Section III: Supercharge Your Motivation.................... 119
Chapter 9: Motivation Is "Just Do It," Right?.................... 121
Chapter 10: Why Power Trumps Willpower Every Time.................... 137
Chapter 11: Seven Success Factors for Weight Loss Motivation............... 145
Conclusion: You CAN Have What She's Having.................... 167
About the Authors.................... 171