I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See: My Misadventures in Dating, Waiting, and Stumbling into Love

I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See: My Misadventures in Dating, Waiting, and Stumbling into Love

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Overview

I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See: My Misadventures in Dating, Waiting, and Stumbling into Love by Stephanie Rische

Eight setups. Eight awkward dates. Eight things God tried to teach her along the way. (Some of which she’s still trying to figure out.)
Stephanie Rische was starting to feel invisible. All around her, her friends were getting married, and she found herself decidedly alone. Stephanie couldn’t help but wonder if there was something broken in her—was she not pretty enough? Not fun enough? Not dateable enough (whatever that meant)? So she started praying in earnest for God to bring the right man into her life. And instead, He brought her matchmakers. Eight of them, to be precise.

Beloved blogger Stephanie Rische debuts with this charming, vulnerable, and (who are we kidding?) often mortifying true story of a girl who tried really hard to find someone to fall in love with—even when she mostly just ended up falling flat on her face. But amid the most cringeworthy setups and awkward encounters, Stephanie found God’s grace and love meeting her there in ways she never could have imagined—once she opened her eyes to see.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781496404817
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers
Publication date: 01/01/2016
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 1,239,051
Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.90(d)

Read an Excerpt

I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See

My Misadventures in Dating, Waiting, and Stumbling into Love


By Stephanie Rische

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2016 Stephanie Rische
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4964-0481-7



CHAPTER 1

Blond Date


"Have fun on your blond date," Nhu told me as she headed out the door.

Clearly there had been a communication breakdown somewhere along the way.

Nhu had been an even giddier version of her usual eighth-grade self when she found out about my date scheduled for the next day. I'd met Nhu at the church youth group, where I mentored her and a handful of other junior high girls. That day she'd come over to work on an essay for her English class since she and her mom didn't have a computer and she was still catching on to the nuances of the English language.

But once she got wind of my "blond date" — and when she discovered it was my first one, at that — all thoughts of homework quickly vaporized. She started peppering me with questions and offering advice about everything dating related — where we should go, what I should wear, and what she predicted this guy would look like (beyond the obvious blond hair).

We eventually got the definition worked out — that this guy was not necessarily blond, nor blind, for that matter. And then, to my surprise, Nhu blurted out, "What do you hope he's like?" She said it like it was the first time it had occurred to her that I might get some say in the matter. I suppose that's how you roll when you're thirteen.

I seized the teachable moment, telling her what was important to me when it came to someone I'd want to date. I was looking for a man with integrity, I said. Someone who loved God and did the right thing, even when it hurt. Someone who was serious enough to work hard but could also laugh himself silly. A man who would honor me and love me at my best and my worst.

At some point I looked over at Nhu and realized her eyes were glazing over. Sure enough, I'd surpassed the thirty-second teenager- accessibility window.

"One more thing," I added. "I guess I always pictured myself with a brown-haired guy."


* * *

As it turned out, Blond Date did, indeed, have blond streaks in his hair. Unfortunately, that was where the highlights ended. So to speak.

I arrived at Jamba Juice a few minutes early, so I wasn't surprised Blond Date hadn't arrived yet. Truth be told, I was a bit relieved, as it would buy me time to dry my sweaty palms and figure out what drink I should order to convey that I was neither a glutton nor a calorie counter. Perfectly natural, of course.

Five minutes ticked by. I had my order down by now. Ten minutes. I was eyeing every male who approached the door, alternately hoping it would be him and praying it wouldn't, based on whether his car looked like a candidate for the scrap metal yard, whether his shoes clashed with his pants, and other such deep inner qualities.

Fifteen minutes. The girl behind the counter was now giving me pitying looks. Twenty minutes. I wished I'd done more research on blind-date etiquette. How long do you wait before conceding you've been stood up?

And another thing: What role did the matchmaker play once the ball had gotten rolling? I'd feel like the worst kind of snitch to call her with a report about my date's AWOL status, and I couldn't think of a way to pull off a casual check-in, where I'd nonchalantly fish for hints as to whether he'd lost interest somewhere between Tuesday and the nearest Jamba Juice.

The truth was, I didn't even know Debbie, the matchmaker, all that well. My brother and sister had played sports with her kids in high school, so we often found ourselves cheering together on the bleachers at basketball and softball games. Several years had passed since then, but Debbie thought of me one day when she was talking to her friend (Blond Date's mom), who was fretting over her son's bachelordom. As they were lamenting over how "all he needed was to meet a nice girl," my name popped into Debbie's mind.

I'm not entirely sure why I agreed to the setup, since for me, even answering a call from an unknown number felt like an act of daredevilesque courage. I'd always assumed blind dates fell into the category of Things I Just Don't Do, right up there with cliff diving and juggling knives. I wasn't sure I could sit and make small talk with a stranger for an hour, let alone do said scary activity with a date. As I tried to figure out how to respond to her voice mail, I thought through the booby traps of saying yes: (1) I'd have to navigate the tricky, alien world of dating, with its unwritten codes and expectations; (2) in a short window of time, I'd have to try to represent myself accurately yet winsomely enough that this person would go out of his way to see me again; and (3) I'd have to try to eat something while looking cute and preferably not getting anything stuck between my teeth.

All the tallies seemed to be lining up in the "con" column, but there was one potential pro that had the power to outweigh them all: the what-if. This probably wouldn't go anywhere ... but what if it did? This guy probably wasn't my soul mate ... but what if he was?

There was something else I had going for me: I never bumped into Debbie in the course of normal life. So if things blew up or fizzled out, I'd be able to wallow in anonymity.

Of course, I hadn't counted on Blond Date not showing up at all. Twenty-five minutes. By now I was moving from twinges of disappointment to bouts of indignation. But each time I got angry, I'd picture him in a fiery crash somewhere between his house and Jamba Juice and cut him some slack. I decided to give him thirty minutes, and after that I was out of there.

As my eyes flicked compulsively between the parking lot and my watch, I heard a voice behind me. "Excuse me," the girl behind the counter said. "Are you waiting for someone?" So much for my play-it-cool strategy.

I nodded lamely.

"Well, he just called and said to tell you he's running late."

Forty-three minutes after the prearranged time, Blond Date showed up.

"Did you get the message I'd be late?" he asked. "I was in the middle of a really intense game of soccer."

Soccer? Not a fiery car crash?I took a breath, determined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Oh," I said. "Do you play on a team?"

"No, it's just a bunch of guys who play pickup in the park near my house."

At least I was getting a Banana Berry Smoothie with a boost of vitamin C for my efforts. And he had showered, so that showed some effort, if not time-management skills.

As soon as we ordered (to his credit, he paid), it was time to face the dilemma I'd had plenty of time to ponder since arriving. The thing is, this particular Jamba Juice had no seating. And it was a brisk November day in blustery Chicagoland.

I'd scoped out our options and figured our best bet was to sit on a bench just outside the building. I pitched the idea to Blond Date as we walked out of the place, but he countered with the suggestion that we chat in my car instead.

"In my car?" Something about having this person I'd never met (and someone I'd spent the past forty-three minutes being peeved at) in my vehicle felt awkward at best. Maybe even a little creepy.

But he was persistent. "It's too cold out here."

I resisted the urge to say something about it not being too cold for pickup soccer.

And so it was that we ended up sitting in my car and making awkward small talk while drinking our smoothies.

"So, tell me about yourself," he said.

I swallowed, willing myself not to feel like I was at a job interview.

But it was a fair question. We had covered the subjects we knew we had in common (i.e., our matchmaker) in the span of about thirty seconds. When you go on a normal date, you theoretically already have some common ground to start from. But we were starting from scratch. How could it not feel like an interview?

Please don't ask what three adjectives I'd use to describe myself!

I lobbed some questions to Blond Date about soccer, but my knowledge of the game was limited to fourth-grade gym class and how I thought Mia Hamm had a cool name, so that didn't go very far.

Our humor styles were in different orbits too. Despite my best attempts to make him laugh, he remained stoic. Does it only make things worse if I explain that was a joke? Or should I just move on?

I decided it was better to abort and reroute the conversation.

"I'm hosting a birthday party for my friend next weekend," I said. "I'm thinking of having fondue."

And that's when he laughed.

Wait — that wasn't the joke! We passed the joke exit several mile markers ago!I hoped my face didn't betray my indignation.

"I didn't know anyone did that anymore," he said by way of explanation.

Eventually Blond Date looked at his watch. "Well, it's been an hour," he said, "which is my rule for first dates." He reached out his hand for an inelegant side-by-side handshake.

"It was nice meeting you," he said. And that was that.

Well. I'd always pictured myself with a brown-haired guy anyway.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See by Stephanie Rische. Copyright © 2016 Stephanie Rische. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Author's Note xiii

Foreword Melanie Shankle xv

Introduction: Stumbling Blindly toward Grace xvii

Part 1 Waiting

Blond Date 1

In the Waiting Room 7

Tokens of His Love 13

Spiritual Breath Holding 17

Part 2 Faithfulness

The Professor 29

Ebenezer 35

My Own "Dear Abby" 39

The Summer of Weddings 41

The Manna Principle 47

Thrice a Bridesmaid 53

For Sale by Owner 61

The Anti-Loneliness Campaign 67

Part 3 Community

Uber-Fundamentalist Boy 73

A Scattered Shower 77

Are You My Neighbor? 81

The Theology of Huckleberry Pie 87

Mole Checkups and Other Forms of Accountability 93

Where Would God Put His Tattoo? 101

Part 4 Hope

Mr. Very 109

God and the Odds 113

The Red Couch 119

Un Valentine's Day 123

Baby-Step Prayers 127

Feathers and Axes 131

Part 5 Prayer

The Linebacker 141

Breaking Up with Church 145

Fighting My Dragons Alone 151

The Sacred Scar 157

The Promise I Thought God Broke 161

My Quest to Become Annoying 165

Part 6 Gratitude

The Connecticut Yankee 175

Confessions of an Ungrateful Heart 181

Why God Loves a Good Story 187

Forty Days of Uncloistered Life 191

Red-Light Redemption 197

Contentment, Like It or Not 203

Part 7 Joy

Mr. Paper-Perfect 209

A Divine Canvas 215

A Family of One 219

Full of Grace 225

When Joy Comes in Camo 229

Bone-Crushing Happiness 237

Part 8 Journey

Limo Dude 243

Sucking Out the Marrow 247

The Time Dad Pulled a Laban 253

Parachute Prayers 261

In the Desert 267

The Big 3-0 273

Epilogue: Last Blind Dace 277

Acknowledgments 281

Discussion Guide 283

Notes 289

About the Author 293

What People are Saying About This

Sophie Hudson

I have known for several years that Stephanie Rische is a gem of an editor, and I’ve known that because she painstakingly and lovingly edited my first two books (which are all the better for her work, by the way). Given that, you can imagine my delight when I found out that she is also a gem of a writer. In I Was Blind (Dating), but Now I See, Stephanie’s funny, tender, and insightful words take the reader on a journey that points to God’s faithfulness and kindness at every stop along the road. You’ll have a blast reading this book—you’ll laugh, you’ll nod your head, and you may even cringe at some pretty spectacular awkward moments. More than anything, though, you’ll be encouraged by the compassion and the care of our very good God. Well done, sweet Stephanie!

Lisa-Jo Baker

If you’ve ever been brave enough to outright ask God for the desire of your heart only to be met with what feels like stony silence, this book is for you. Whether you’ve prayed for a husband or kids or dream job or healing or hope or home and haven’t heard back, this book is for you. Stephanie asked and God did not answer in any of the ways he could have. Through eight blind dates, God did not change his answer. Instead he changed Stephanie. And if you read her book, I’m pretty certain he’s going to change you, too.

Kasey Van Norman

This book has a piece of my heart, and Stephanie now feels like a dear friend who knows my Starbucks order and shows up at my front door in her pajama-pants just to talk because she knows I’ve had a rough day. I laugh-cried through every inch of this book and felt every feeling right along with Stephanie. She has such a gift of bringing each “date” off the page and into full, living color for me to hold and learn from. I adore her vulnerability. And as I leaned into every story, I was once again reminded of the beauty found in life when we allow our relationships to teach us something deeper about ourselves and how we love.

Ann Spangler

Wise, warm, funny, and deep—Stephanie Rische writes in a way that will draw you in and keep you reading. Honest about the ache of being single when you long to be married, she has written a story that will deepen your hope and delight your heart. I loved traveling with Stephanie on her journey from one harrowing blind date to another, with loads of surprising experiences along the way.

Lisa Velthouse

Bad dates, confusion in faith, real sin, fumbling around for grace: It takes guts to lay bare stories like these. It takes wit and charm to do it in a way that reads so endearingly. This book is a delightful telling of how God, in his kindness, allows himself to be seen.

Perry Noble

If you’re struggling to hope that you will ever find “Mr. Right,” Stephanie’s story is proof that God is a good Father who gives good gifts to his children. In her book, Stephanie tells honest and humorous dating stories from her single days and the lessons she learned. An encouraging and thought-provoking read for anyone navigating singleness and dating.

Nancy Ortberg

Finally! An honest look at the journey we call dating. With the winsomeness of a “pit bull in a tutu” (her words), Stephanie opens her heart and soul to the twists and turns, the anticipation and disappointment of this daunting endeavor. She has the courage to let us in to the parts of her world that most of us work hard to keep hidden, and that is the best gift of all.

Randy Alcorn

I’ve known Stephanie Rische primarily as a fine editor, but it was fun getting to know her as a skilled and entertaining writer! Not only singles but marrieds will readily identify with this engaging book. Stephanie is refreshingly honest as she addresses, with good humor, life’s awkward moments and unwelcome emotions. Her transparency, charm, and faith in Christ are magnetic. I really enjoyed this book, and highly recommend it!

Sarah Arthur

This is not just a book about dating: It’s about living, about not putting your life on hold. But more important, it’s about surrounding yourself with a spiritual posse—mentors, friends, prayer partners, family—who will walk with you through the valleys and around the blind corners. Stephanie Rische is one of those people: honest, hilarious, and wise. Her book is a treasure!

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I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See: My Misadventures in Dating, Waiting, and Stumbling into Love 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
ToriPeterson More than 1 year ago
This is such a great book! It is also so much more than just stories of blind dating. This is a book that anyone can benefit from. Whether you are single or married there are great lessons within the pages of this book. I have always been intrigued by memoirs, and this book held my interest with no problem. I was pulled right in, and felt like I was right there beside Stephanie every step of the way! Stephanie not only is on a journey to find a true man whose beliefs match her own, but not settle for anything less than she deserves. Despite her times where she felt lonely, hopeless, or just wanted to give up she held fast to her faith and left it in God's hands. I highly commend her for holding onto her belief even through tough times, and not giving in even though she struggled with it. Stephanie knew what she wanted, and did not give up until she found it! This book is about community, friendship, faith, love, family, and so much more. This book has a bit of everything happiness, laughter, suspense, sadness, faith, gratitude, etc. There is just so much you will feel taking this journey through reading. The author holds nothing back which is amazing when you are reading a book. Every reader wants to know it all! It makes you feel as if you are close friends with the author. I definitely felt that way. I love that she even went so far as to talk about moles, personal insecurities, etc. As a married woman myself I believe I now understand my single friends a bit more. Not only that but I value my marriage even more than before. I also was able to see so much more of God's love, and learned some valuable lessons through this story. I believe for single women out there it can also shed hope and renew faith. I definitely recommend this book. Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale House in exchange for my unbiased review. All opinions expressed are solely my own.
Jenpcv More than 1 year ago
I don't think I can adequately explain how much I love Stephanie Rishe's I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See, but I will try my hardest to convey that point in this review. Short version: I LOVED this book. Go buy it for any single woman you know, or for yourself. Trust me! Long version: It's been a very long time since I've so thoroughly agreed with almost every single word in a book, but I Was Blind (Dating) is one of those books. When I wasn't saying silent (or not so silent) "amens", I was rolling in laughter. Rische has the incredible skill of combining comedy and gut-wrenching truth into her writing. For entertainment value alone, I would recommend this book to any woman. Do you hear me on that? Any woman, marital status aside. Because it's a hilarious book. But it's so much more than a funny, feel-good, disastrous-dating-stories book. Rische doesn't offer a method to get a man. She doesn't point to a tried-and-true equation of doing certain things to land the perfect husband. I've read those books, and perhaps you have too, and they've only left me feeling defeated. Rische instead deals with the heart of the matter, digging deep into topics many of us may hide from, but in reality need to find the courage to address. And while, yes, there are some great dating disaster stories in the book, Rische shares her long journey of dating from a point of complete vulnerability, sharing the depths of her heart. And this book is encouraging beyond belief. Because relationships aren't a set of instructions to follow, or equations to figure out. They happen in a messy world with messy people who often do silly things. Rische shares her struggles with remaining single longer than she ever imagined, and how she struggled to deal with expectations and questions from friends, family, and strangers. As a 27 year old, I get it. While I'm in happily in a dating relationship now, I haven't always been, and I totally get where she's coming from, and who she's writing to. Because she's writing to me, a year ago, and I wish I had this book back then. I highly encourage you to purchase I Was Blind (Dating), But Now I See. Maybe you're single, or not-yet-married. Maybe you've been married ten years but your best friend is wondering what she's doing wrong. Maybe you know a few single ladies in your church who need some affirmation that they are beautiful, wonderful, fantastic ladies who are cherished by an amazing God. But I firmly believe we all know someone who needs this book, so click on over to Amazon and grab your copy today! Trust me, it's incredible! I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher, Tyndale, in exchange for my honest review.
Becky6 More than 1 year ago
Have you ever felt alone while it seems as if all your friends are getting married and having babies wondering if you’ll ever have that chance? Stephanie Rische completely understands. In fact, she found herself wondering if there was something wrong with her – was she not pretty enough? Not fun enough? Not datable enough? So she turned to God as she began to pray earnestly for God to bring the man she was meant to marry into her life. Instead, she was given eight matchmakers. I Was Blind (Dating), but Now I See is a true story about a young woman who tried really hard to find someone she could fall in love with despite the fact that she kept falling flat on her face. Amid the most cringe-worthy and awkward situations, Stephanie’s journey shows how God’s grace and love can meet us in ways we never could have imagined. We just have to open our eyes in order to see it. I was skeptical of this book upon reading because I was thought it was going to be another guide for dating. While some of Stephanie’s stories relate to dating, it’s not about dating at all! She focuses mostly on life in general. It’s also more about learning to embrace God’s love and grace for us. She explains that it isn’t a bad thing to want to get married but until we can learn to fill that longing for somebody to love us, we will never be satisfied. Only God can satisfy us. I also loved how she explained that while others may make us feel as if we aren’t good enough, God thinks we’re good enough. In fact, He created us in our image. People may come and go and change, but God never will. God LOVES you and me! This is a book that holds a lot of, “What you too?!” moments. Stephanie is very real in sharing and many readers will relate. She makes the reader feel as if she is an older sister or a close personal friend as she shares her experiences. She shares both her highs and lows of her story. She also does not wallow or pity herself or try to make everything sound easy and cheerful. I felt as if she completely understood me. She also appreciates and finds humor in the evidence of God working in her life along the way. This book encouraged me and I hope it encourages you too! Note: I received a copy of this book from the publisher for my honest review, which I have given. I was not required to write a positive review and have not been compensated for it in any way. All opinions expressed are my own.
thedeena63 More than 1 year ago
Yes, I'm married, but I have children of marrying age, so I wanted to take a peek at Stephanie's book. I was very pleasantly surprised to find so much more than dating advice in these pages! I found humor, wit, faith, and sound advice for living life fully rather than waiting for that 'something' or 'someone' to come along. This young woman is a gifted writer, and has incredible insight. Stephanie shares about some disastrous blind dates, but more importantly she shares honestly about her life and lessons she's learned along the way. Did you know your couch can reveal if you are living life on hold or to the full? Are you waiting for that special someone? Or for your children to 'grow up'? For the grandchildren to learn to use a cup properly? For the dog to pass on? Why wait? Get that new couch, that new hairstyle, go for that job, be that friend. Jesus came to give us the ability to live life well and to the full, but we put artificial check points in our paths that don't need to be there at all. Stephanie also talks candidly about loneliness, being in the friend stage of life while those around you are moving into new stages, and how to not only live but to thrive regardless of your season. I really enjoyed her book, and I'm busy checking out her blog! Definitely high hopes she writes more in the future--she would rock a novel! My thanks to my friends at Tyndale Publishing for my copy via the Tyndale Blog Network in exchange for an honest review! Highly recommended to everyone who loves to read and who loves to live!