I Wouldn't Do That If I Were Me: Modern Blunders and Modest Triumphs (but Mostly Blunders)

by Jason Gay

Overview

The Wall Street Journal columnist and bestselling author of Little Victories takes a humorous and insightful look at life in the face of overwhelming societal change that we never anticipated—from the effects on parenthood, marriage, friendship, work, and play to all other aspects of the strange lives we find ourselves living.

Like many of us, Jason Gay didn’t see this coming: a reshaped world, on edge, often stuck at home, questioning everything, trying to navigate a digital landscape that changes how we think, parent, coach, and live. With a series of topical and interconnected personal pieces, Gay comically takes on this new state of being, looking for the optimism and joy in the face of discouragement. He embarks on a rowdy ride with his son to the Daytona 500, weeks before lockdown. He confides his hilariously banal texts with his wife. He allows his mom to kidnap the family cat. From the modest thrills of Little League parenting to reckoning with the impending death of a close friend, Gay's essays run the gamut of modern life and he approaches it all with humility, grace, and more than a few laughs.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780306828577
Publisher:	Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:	11/14/2023
Pages:	208
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Jason Gay is the sports and humor columnist at the Wall Street Journal, and he is very aware of how that sounds. In 2010, 2016, and 2019, Gay was named Sports Columnist of the Year by the Society of Professional Journalists. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller Little Victories and a finalist for the 2016 Thurber Prize in American Humor. He lives in Baltimore, Maryland with his family, and way too many in-laws.

Table of Contents

Vroom 1

Library, Museum, or Zoo? 11

"I Miss You Larry" 17

Surrender Dad 25

The Cat 31

WFH 39

Unpaid 47

This Not New House 53

Very Bad at Golf 61

Things that take Less Time than an Average Little League Game (Player Pitch, Not Coach Pitch) 69

Fish Story 71

Red 79

Peas and Taxes 85

Congratulations, Graduates 93

More Cat 99

My Shortcomings 105

EFF the Andersons 113

A Letter to My Running Shoes One Hour Before I Leave on this Trip 121

Adults on their Birthdays 125

Cave Man 133

Yeller 139

Sore Loser 147

Menagerie 155

Fighting While Flying 161

Happy Anniversary 169

Good Coach 173

Interview with a Man Who Lost his Phone on the First Day of Vacation 179

Sitting Still 189

Last Cat 195

Acknowledgments 199

Editorial Reviews

**UrbanDaddy's 2023 Style and Gear Gift Guide Selection**

“Gay is the Seinfeld of parenthood.”—Zibby Owens

“This delightful, eclectic collection of essays…offers something like a philosophy on modern life, dressed down with self-deprecating wit and a hearty dash of sarcasm. Gay rushes headlong into his mistakes, watches them compile, and extracts if not wisdom, a kind of wise resignation that such snafus are inevitable and better delighted in than mourned. The opening essay…manages to be both light on its feet and philosophical—an impressive juxtaposition considering it’s extracted from a trip to the Daytona 500 with his six-year-old son. Whether he’s dissecting the exquisite banality of texting…or illicit pet transfers in the early pandemic days…Gay is a delightfully personable guide to our strange times.”—Vogue

“Required reading….Gay ponders life with humor and grace.”—The New York Post

“This is a likable writer who’s very good at wry commentary on modern life…. The joy of a collection like this has… everything to do with its narrative energy—which Mr. Gay provides by the truckload. He dives right into telling funny stories about everything from taxes to golf to fishing…. He writes with the kind of lovable self-deprecation he uses throughout the book…. Bright, thoroughly readable.”—Vineyard Gazette

“An insightful look at life in the face of huge societal change… discusses a range of topics from parenthood, to marriage, to friendship all with humility, grace, and a good laugh.”—The Denizen

"Really funny."—"Midday" with Tom Hall (WYPR)

“Witty Wall Street Journal sports columnist Gay shares self-deprecating vignettes and observations…. Each of the 32 chapters, including musings on work from home and Mars travel, could stand alone, while together they form a family man's memoir. Capturing the minutiae of everyday life, Gay laughs at it all and tries to make sense of it during the pandemic era. Gay's self-deprecating linked essays are thought-provoking and funny, which is a winning combination.”—Booklist

“[A] winning set of essays…right next to Dave Barry on the guy-humor shelf…. Goofy dad humor lives, and it’s still good for what ails you.”

—Kirkus Reviews

“[An] entertaining collection…. Gay’s winningly self-deprecating voice will keep readers hooked. This is just the ticket for fans of Jim Gaffigan–style dad humor.”—Library Journal

"A hilarious, heartwarming set of essays covering such mundane topics as parenthood, exercise, office life, travel, and the holidays. . . . Readers will alternately feel the urge to laugh and cry at Gay's irreverent, witty writing. His insights on each topic are spot-on yet gentle. Any readers who pick up this book will finish it convinced that . . . [it] will make their lives more enjoyable, and perhaps even make them better people."—Publishers Weekly

-—Praise for Jason Gay and Little Victories

“Jason Gay’s rules for living will make you laugh out loud, and also make a whole lot of sense.  This is an advice book that doesn’t take itself too seriously and is all the more valuable for it.”—Charles Duhigg, bestselling author of The Power of Habit

“I loved this book. Jason Gay's Little Victories is funny, wise, direct, deceptively straight-forward and incredibly moving. As soon as I was finished reading it, I put it in the mail to my father, along with a reminder of my love. Such reminders, after all, are what we are here for, as this story—well—reminds us."—Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

“Little Victories manages to be hilarious, helpful, and profound, in one unpredictable mix. It made me happy.”—Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project

“The thought of leaning in makes my neck ache, and taking seven steps to accomplish things only makes me want to lie down. Thankfully, Jason Gay has written a life guide for people like me—and you. He can't get the hang of grilling corn—and he's okay with that. He's faced cancer, unemployment, the death of a loved one, and fathered two kids after many setbacks—I think pretty much all at the same time—and has written a unique, heartfelt book about what he's learned from it all. Thanks to Jason, I've crossed trekking to the South Pole off my to-do list.  Instead I'll focus on something that'll really make me happy: eating brownies while listening to some pre-1978 Stevie Wonder. See? You can do this! We all can!”—Diane Muldrow, bestselling author of Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Little Golden Book

"The perfect advice for people who never take any."—Deadspin

"Hilarious.... [A] tasty collection of advice."—People

“A fun read.”—Queens Chronicle

"[Gay] balances insights with a droll, self-deprecating outlook...no small feat given the difficulty in providing guidance that is at once relevant—neither too specific nor too vague—and also genuinely funny."—Kirkus Reviews

"A title for everyone, not just sports fans, and all will root for Gay and his "little victories" and feel inspired, too."—Booklist

“These vignettes are meant to run the gamut of modern life and how he approaches each of them with humility, grace, and some laughs. Those are three traits all people should have, and in this book, as in his Journal columns, that humanity shines through.”—Brooklyn Digest

From the Publisher