If He Had Been with Me

If He Had Been with Me

by Laura Nowlin


$12.59 $13.99 Save 10% Current price is $12.59, Original price is $13.99. You Save 10%.
View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for guaranteed delivery by Wednesday, November 20


A heartrending tale of missed chances and what might have been

"If he had been with me, everything would be different." For one thing, Finn wouldn't have been in that car, on that road, on that night. As children, Finn and Autumn were inseparable, but an incident in middle school puts them on separate paths going into high school. Yet no matter how distant they become, or who they're dating, Autumn continues to be haunted by the past and what might have been. While their paths continue to cross, and opportunities continue to be missed, little do they know that a terrible car accident looms in the future and might separate them forever.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781402277825
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Publication date: 04/02/2013
Pages: 336
Sales rank: 192,538
Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.90(d)
Lexile: HL680L (what's this?)
Age Range: 13 - 17 Years

About the Author

Laura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Missouri University. When she isn't at home agonizing over her own novels, Laura works at the public library, where the patrons give her plenty of inspiration for her writing. She lives in St. Louis with her musician husband, neurotic dog, and psychotic cat.

Read an Excerpt


I wasn't with Finny on that August night, but my imagination has burned the scene in my mind so that it feels like a memory.

It was raining, of course, and with his girlfriend, Sylvie Whitehouse, he glided through the rain in the red car his father had given him on his sixteenth birthday. In a few weeks, Finny would be turning nineteen.

They were arguing. No one ever says what they were arguing about. It is, in other people's opinions, not important to the story. What they do not know is that there is another story. The story lurking underneath and in between the facts of the one they can see. What they do not know, the cause of the argument, is crucial to the story of me.

I can see it-the rain-slicked road and the flashing lights of ambulance and police cars cutting through the darkness of night, warning those passing by: catastrophe has struck here, please drive slowly. I see Sylvie sitting sideways out of the back of the policeman's car, her feet drumming on the wet pavement as she talks. I cannot hear her, but I see Sylvie tell them the cause of the argument, and I know, I know, I know, I know. If he had been with me, everything would have been different.

I can see them in the car before the accident-the heavy rain, the world and the pavement as wet and slick as if it had been oiled down for their arrival. They glide through the night, regrettably together, and they argue. Finny is frowning. He is distracted. He is not thinking of the rain or the car or the wet road beneath it. He is thinking of this argument with Sylvie. He is thinking of the cause of the argument, and the car swerves suddenly to the right, startling him out of his thoughts. I imagine that Sylvie screams, and then he overcompensates by turning the wheel too far.

Finny is wearing his seat belt. He is blameless. It is Sylvie who is not. When the impact occurs, she sails through the windshield and out into the night, improbably, miraculously, only suffering minor cuts on her arms and face. Though true, it is hard to imagine, so hard that even I cannot achieve the image. All I can see is the moment afterward, the moment of her weightless suspension in the air, her arms flailing in slow motion, her hair, a bit bloody and now wet with rain, streaming behind her like a mermaid's, her mouth a round O in a scream of panic, the dark wet night surrounding her in perfect silhouette.

Sylvie is suddenly on Earth again. She hits the pavement with a loud smack and is knocked unconscious.

She lies on the pavement, crumpled. Finny is untouched. He breathes heavily, and in shock and wonder, he stares out into the night. This is his moment of weightless suspension. His mind is blank. He feels nothing, he thinks nothing; he exists, perfect and unscathed. He does not even hear the rain.

Stay. I whisper to him. Stay in the car. Stay in this moment.

But of course he never does.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

If He Had Been with Me 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 116 reviews.
majibookshelf More than 1 year ago
I've been dreading writing the review for this book. As soon as I finished it, my biggest fear was HOW am I going to write my review for this? It's definitely difficult, but here I go. The main protagonist of this book, Autumn, is the awkward child. Autumn lives with her mom, and her dad visits for holiday's and weekly dinners from time to time. Autumn's mother is best friends with their neighbor, and the two are mentioned as "The Mothers" throughout the book. Being neighbors all their lives, Autumn and Finn (Who Autumn calls Finny) were inseparable. They were born the same month and same year. Their mothers were best friends since childhood. They completely did everything together, and couldn't imagine being separated when they were kids. In middle school, they somehow started drifting apart. Finny became more of the chill, popular guy, while Autumn stayed as the awkward child. They each that their own "clique". What's funny is that Finny and Autumn families still celebrate every christmas, thanksgiving, and any other family event together. Talk about awwwkward... The Mothers definitely found it weird that Autumn and Finny wouldn't speak to each other at those events, but decided not to say anything about it. The thing is Finny was never mean to Autumn, and vice versa. It was SO hard for me to read about a friendship like theirs drifting away. As we read through the book, we're taken about 4 years back, before the accident.  As I read on and on, my heart was LITERALLY breaking into pieces. The way Laura Nowlin was able to grasp a perfect reality such as this, was breathtaking. The simple yet important things friends did was what she spotlighted. I loved it. Despite the book being throughout high school, there were many flashbacks in order to explain to us how precious and important their friendship was. Reading on, I started to think of the fictional characters, as NON fictional. I just couldn't believe how real they felt to me, like they were a part of my personal life. Just thinking about them now makes me feel like I've lost two of my best friends. I think the thing that got to me was how sad it was to see such a friendship as theirs drift apart. I was crazy with questions like why, and who was the one at fault, and WHYYYY? I was seriously depressed at that point. I remember on page 264, I read that page about five times, bawling my eyes out. Not because it was sad, but no, it was such a simple yet beautiful page. I mean yes, it's still sad that they aren't good friends, but oh God, I don't even know how to explain it.  The annoying thing is that while I was reading, I had his death at the back of my head. No, I didn't spoil anything, it's in the synopsis. Whenever I read something about Finny, I loved him more, and thinking that he was going to die just shattered my heart into pieces. I didn't even want to finish the book because of that reason. I start crying every time I remember that he dies, and I would keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, Laura Nowlin just wanted to trick us. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I'm still glad I finished the book, because in someways, it was happy. Like Autumn would say, death can be happy sometimes. I know, it might sound weird, but she's right. This book, in my opinion, is a masterpiece. It will always be a part of my heart, because to me it's not just a book, but more like a memory I want to treasure forever. I thank Laura Nowlin SO much for letting me find a treasure as great as this. The writing style for this book was just exquisite. I will definitely treasure it forever. There's also a quote that Autumn said, that just literally described my feelings for this book: “This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up, but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever. I want to savour this wonder, this happening of a loving book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time again” - If He Had Been With Me, Laura Nowlin
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I absolutely loved this book!!!!!! And I totally cried at the end. It broke my heart and I will never forget this book. Ones like these don't come around very often.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
What a stroy. I cant explain it- This book made me have anxiety because I knew the ending, but I could not put it down. I wanted to know there story. This is one of those books that will stay with you; just like Fall Into You By Jasinda Wilder and Hopeless by Collen Hoover.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
When you're aware of how it ends and still read the book anyway, you know it's amazing. This book was definitely amazing! Beautiful and tragic. I'm dying to see what else Laura Nowlin is capable of!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved it and i suggest it to any and every one. I read this book in 4 hours.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Autumn and Finn are affable, intelligent, and witty friends since babyhood . Now in high school, they navigate cliques and dating, but not each other. The reader and most characters know they belong together, and yet Nowlin has let us know at the start that it is not to be, so tension and love for the characters build as I read. I didn't want the book to end. This is billed as YA fiction but I'm in my 50's and loved it!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Talk about tears! This book was so sad at the end nearly cried for an hour! If you want more tears and thrills, try "silver wolf." that story is truly amazing. The thrills, romance, ad suspense will have you at the end of your seat. I recomend it for 10 and up. TRULY AMAZING!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Amazing. This book is truely amazing. The author went so in depth with the main character and i just loved her personality. My heart was breaking at the end. Other reviews spoiled it for me before i even started the book but that doesnt matter because once i started reading i forgot all about those reviews and just focused on the book. Im not super emotional with books and i will say i didnt cry because i was simply in awe of the book. My heart breaks for the characters, i havent ever had that happen to me. BEAUTIFUL BOOK. 6 stars.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Started out slow and i wasnt very interested but loved it in the end
Ziggle More than 1 year ago
I enjoyed reading this book.  It was a page turner.  I didn't read beforehand the age group this was intended for, but it was a good reminder of my high school years and all the stumbling blocks everyone faces.  I recommend this book for a quick weekend read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I just read “If He Had Been With Me” by Laura Nowlin….All I can say is wow. Though written from the perspective of a young high school girl, it takes you on a journey into the invisible lines that we all draw in this world, and how those lines shape and define all of us, no matter our age. She tells a fantastic “story behind the story”…full of insight into the human condition, delving way beyond the black and white words on the paper. Nowlin writes very intelligently, and it is so well crafted that it feels almost artful in its composition (foreshadowing, etc). I lost myself in this book – laughed out loud and cried real tears….Highly recommend!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It is a very good book i recommend this book you need to read it!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is the best book I have read in a while. I loved the characters and genuinely cared what happened to them. Unlike a lot of teen novels these days, this one felt so realistic. These characters could very well have been me and my friends.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so amazing. I re-read 3 times and each time hit me harder than the one before it. Ve never expirienced a book this sad. Laura Nowlin Is an amazing Author. I hope to become an Amazing Author Just Like Her.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I absolutely loved this book until the ending. I felt like the author was trying to end the book too quickly and so everything felt rushed. Also, there was some "events" towards the end that I personally didn't agree with and that I felt were dealt with too lightly. The romance was cute in the beginning and middle of the book and I loved Autumn's voice, but this book was just NOT for me.   
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very good story, definitely had me crying at the end....
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great story. Be prepared to cry from joy and sadness all in one. Loved from start to finish.
Lucy Torres More than 1 year ago
this is a very good book. I am very picky when it comes to picking out books but this one really stood out and I was not disappointed. I enjoyed the writing style and found it to be different from anything else I have ever read. I did find the female protagonist to be a tad annoying but that is my own personal opinion. the male protagonist I thought was far more mature and likeable which may have been done on purpose. overall would recommend to people looking for a good read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
When I read this book, I fell in love with the charcters and the story kept me wanting more
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Really enjoyed this book. Kept me interested and looked forward to getting back to it. Great for adults as well, reminds you of "back in the day"!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book over and over again in the summer .I litterally finished it and went right back to the beginning and re read it four times. I love it so much that its my ipod background. AMAZING book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is one of the best books I have ever read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had been in tears multiple times throughout this novel! I am seriously happy that this book wasn't about how boy meets girl, but the story had been based on how two best friends grew up since childhood and had practically been considered family. Finny and Autumn are two characters I had been able to relate to vastly; I do believe the author Laura Nowlin had done such an incredible job with what these characters went through together not only as friends, but family. Therefore, I had been able to create these two book characters in my mind as if this is a non-fiction story! Even though the narrator had been Autumn's point of view, by the few instances of Finny and Autumn together I had been able to view how much in love Finny had for Autumn. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone of a younger teen to my age group of early 20's. The moral of the story is so beautiful not just for girls, but for the boys as well!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was a bit slow in the beginning and then I got sucked in and couldn't put it down. A beautiful and heartbreaking story of  change in friendships, family, and relationships.  "Just because something seems impossible doesn't mean that you shouldn't try."