If I'd Never Known Your Love

If I'd Never Known Your Love

by Georgia Bockoven
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If I'd Never Known Your Love by Georgia Bockoven

"I'm going to miss you. Every minute of every hour…"

With those words, Julia's husband stepped into his taxi and was gone. Evan McDonald. Julia's lifeline—and the doting father of her two beautiful children. From the moment she'd first spotted him in high school so many years before, Julia had known they'd always be together.

Now…Evan's business trip to Colombia becomes deadly when he's kidnapped, and Julia is thrown into a tailspin of horror…and waiting.

For five tortured years Julia does whatever it takes to bring Evan home. Despite her grief and rage at losing the man she loves, she vows to keep struggling. Until she receives a call that shatters her hopes of Evan's return. But then…

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780373654079
Publisher: Harlequin
Publication date: 04/28/2007
Series: Harlequin Everlasting Love Series
Pages: 288
Product dimensions: 4.10(w) x 6.60(h) x 1.20(d)

Read an Excerpt


hat are you so deep in thought about?, Evan came up behind Julia as she loaded a cup into the dishwasher.He slipped his arms around her waist, drew her against him and tucked his chin into the hollow of her shoulder.

Julia folded her arms over his and sighed content-edly. "I was just thinking that I should have tried harder to find a way to go with you."

For the past day and a half she'd been telling herself that the elephant sitting on her chest and the panic attack that had driven her from bed in the middle of the night were nothing more than frustration at not being able to accompany Evan on his last-minute business trip to Colombia.

"Should?, He chuckled. "Now, what's that all about?"

The queasiness she'd felt as she'd watched Evan pack his suitcase that afternoon—worse than anything she'd experienced during two pregnancies— she'd put off to the shrimp salad she'd had for lunch. She simply refused to acknowledge that the constant, nagging feeling of dread might be anything real, not after all the years of denying the possibility such things existed and that even sane, rational people might be wise to pay attention to them.

She couldn't bring herself to share the depth of her doubts with him. As a child, using maps he'd torn out of books, Evan had escaped the reality of life in a tenement in Detroit by papering the walls of the bedroom he'd shared with his baby brother, and put him to sleep at night with stories of the places they would go someday and the people they would meet.

"I guess I just don't like the idea of you having all that fun without me," she said.

"Hmm—what if I promise to be miserable?, She laughed. "You would do that for me?"


"What a guy."

"And what about you, Mrs. McDonald? Does this mean you're going to sacrifice all the good times I'll be missing while you paint the upstairs bathroom?"

They had been in their new-to-them, fixer-upper home for less than a month, only their second home since they'd moved to the Sacramento area from Kansas ten years earlier.Was it really all that unusual for her to be feeling a little out of sorts with the stress and excitement? Still."

"Can we be serious for a minute?, She turned to face him.

"I don't think I like the sound of this."

"I want you to promise that you won't leave the city." When he started to answer, she held up her hand to stop him. "Even if one of the people you're going there to meet has a villa somewhere in the country. I want you to promise you won't go."

"Be reasonable, Julia. How could I refuse an invitation to someone's home?"

"Tell the truth—that you weren't able to get the shots you needed before you left. You wouldn't even have had a passport if we hadn't gone to Mexico last year.They know you were a last-minute replacement for Harold.They'll understand."

Evan's boss was still in the hospital recovering from a fall into a hole at a construction site. In addition to three broken ribs,he was bruised all along his left side and sore over his entire body. He breathed like a man easing one last puff into a balloon already overfilled and about to pop. Evan taking Harold's place was not only a huge responsibility, it showed Harold's incredible confidence in Evan's abilities to represent the firm. If they got the contract for the state-of-the-art, five-story shopping center, it would be their first international engineering job and a door opening for future business in South America.

"And please remember not to drink or eat anything from a roadside stand." She added that because she knew Evan would be tempted and also knew just as surely that if only one bug lurked in a gallon of water, it would find him.From the day their daughter,Shelly, had started preschool,it was as if Evan's body had rolled out a welcome mat for every stray bacteria and virus. Neither of the kids had ever come down with something their dad didn't come down with a week later.

"Anything else?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I'd really like it if you stayed at the hotel and didn't go—"

"Whoa, slow down a minute.Who have you been talking to?"

"No one." He plainly didn't believe her. "Okay, I did a couple of searches on the Internet."

"I see." He nodded, fighting a grin and failing.

"You want to talk about it?"

She did,for herself,for her own peace of mind,but didn't,for him.If she persisted with her unreasonable fears she was going to ruin something he'd wanted all his life. And to what end? If long-distance paranoia worked, her mother would have a patent on it.

"No," she said. "I'm just—" She shrugged.

"Did you also happen to look up the hotel where I'll be staying?, he asked.

"I did," she said sheepishly.


"It looked very nice."

"No-bed-bugs nice?, His eyes sparkled with amusement. "Or four-star nice?"

"Actually, it was the description of the hotel that made me wish I'd worked a little harder to find a way to go with you." It was a lie, but just a small one, and told for the right reason.

He laughed. "And how would you have done that? Two days was hardly enough time to get me ready."

"I don't know," she admitted. "I just should have tried harder."

He planted a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Next time."

"Like that's going to happen. Look what it took to keep Harold from going this time. It's not as if he's suddenly going to learn to delegate just because this trip goes well for you."

"He's getting better,"Evan said mysteriously. "I can see all kinds of things opening up for us in the future."

"You did that on purpose."

"Yes, I did."

"You can't possibly think you're going to get away with saying something like that and just leave it hang."

"I'm saving the rest for when I get back."

She actually laughed at that. he'd never been able to keep a secret from her. It was one of the reasons he had to wait until the last minute to buy her birthday and Christmas presents. "Fat chance."

"I'm serious," he insisted despite the grin twitching the corner of his mouth.

Feigning disinterest was the one sure way she knew to get him to talk. "Okay. I guess it will have to wait."

Before he could say anything, there was a shriek and then a thud as something heavy hit the floor directly above them. "What the hell?, Evan said.

A second shriek followed, and thumping on the stairs. "Ee-ee-uu-uu-w-w-w—"Shelly screamed. "It touched me." Racing into the room,she threw herself into Evan's arms.

"This better not be about your brother," he said.

"There's a mouse in my room. It ran over my foot. It was so-o-o-o-o gross, Daddy. Do something. Get it. Kill it."

"Think about what you're saying, Shelly. Do you really want me to kill that poor mouse? Just because it scared you?"

She looked up at her father, her chin planted in the middle of his chest,her arms wrapped around his waist. "Yes?, "And do you honestly believe I'm going to do that?"

"Would you at least think about it? What if it gets in bed with me when I'm sleeping?"

"Okay, and then what should I do to you? You undoubtedly scared it as much as it scared you."

"Oh, Daddy, that's just dumb."

Evan shot Julia a grin. "It appears you'll have to finish grilling me later." He went to the hall closet and glanced inside. "I thought we were going to keep the broom in here."

For the three-and-a-half weeks they'd been in the house it seemed as if they always were looking for something they'd put away in what they were sure were perfect, logical places. "I'm sure I saw it in the garage. I'll check."

Julia finally fell into a restless, troubled sleep at two-thirty that night, an hour before the airport van would be there to pick up Evan and take him to San Francisco for his flight. Evan had insisted she should sleep in, that he could see himself off. She'd insisted just as strongly that she would get up with him.

The soft click of the front door opening woke her. She instantly knew what he'd done and was overcome with a sense of loss. She leaped out of bed and ran after him in her nightgown, flung open the door and shouted, "Wait."

Evan turned and gave her a look of such love and longing that she would only need to remember this moment for years to come to forgive him anything. He met her in the middle of the walkway, swept her into his arms and held her as if it were the end of their separation instead of the beginning.

"I'm going to miss you," he said. "Every minute of every hour."

She desperately didn't want him to go and couldn't say what he needed to hear, the words that would make leaving her okay.

"Harold is making me a partner," he said.

She gasped. Of all the things she might have guessed, this wasn't even on the distant horizon.

He smiled. "Just what I wanted—to leave you breathless."

"What does that mean?"

"Five percent now, Another one percent every year from now on."

"Oh, Evan, that's— That's so—so amazing. I'm stunned." Five percent of a privately owned company like Stephens Engineering was huge. She kissed him. "Congratulations. you're awesome. When did this happen?"

"The same day Harold asked me to take his place on this trip. He said he'd planned on waiting until he came back, but then thought what the hell, might as well give me something to think about while I was gone. I was going to tell you, but then thought it would be more fun when we could go out and celebrate together." He grinned. "And as usual, I couldn't keep a secret from you."

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If I'd Never Known Your Love 4.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 11 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I've read several of Georgia Bockoven's books and loved them all but this book blew me away. A terrific plot, strong emotion without a single overdone word, a love story beyond the usual. I will wait a year and read this one again. On a sudden business trip to Columbia, Julia's husband is kidnapped by groups who fund their activities with ransom money. Julia and the two children keep the faith and with support of family and friends Julia goes to Columbia to find and ransom her husband and bring him home. She gains friends in high places but nobody can find David. With hopes raised and dashed over and over, Julia eventually returns to her children and the home she remodels as they planned, over the weeks and months and finally years of waiting and watching her children grow up and change. Julia never waivers and keeps her focus by recalling their high school and college love story in a letter for David. At one point, when all hope is lost and the end of the story seems to be written, Julia tries to recover and go on with her life. She meets a man whose life she changes and together they rescue a dog and puppies from coyotes. He is so much like David... I'm going to stop there. You will thank me later when you can fully savor this beautifully written story of a love that will not die.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
Georgia Bockeven writes with such grace and feeling that her books transport the reader into the characters. This book was everything a love story should be and I feel privileged to have shared in this personal love story.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is such a poignant story. I read an excerpt in the back of another book and couldn't wait for this to come out. I started reading it at work and quickly realized I was going to have to wait until I got home. No one wants a teary eyed registration clerk. :-) As soon as I got home, I curled up and began reading again. A couple hours... and one full tissue box later... I sat convinced that true love does exist. A must read for all my fellow hopeful romantics out there!
Guest More than 1 year ago
If I'd Never Known Your Love is an innovative epic romance of reasonably short length told through letters and memories by a wife whose husband has been kidnapped. The images are beautiful, the emotions wide-ranged, the main character determined in action yet also perceptive in vision. Although there are moments of suspense throughout this romance, this is not so much the story of Evan's kidnapping as it is Julia's story of her lifetime love of Evan. If I'd Never Known Your Love is the story of an epic love which begins in childhood and continues for decades, even when the two are separated. This is also the story of romance within the everyday details of marriage. If I'd Never Known Your Love is a tender yet refreshingly deep romance rather than an adventure tale. Although absent throughout most of the novel, the structure of the novel makes Evan present in the heart of the heroine and the reader in new ways. Julia writes letters to Evan to help her remember their love and to tell him all the things she never told him. She creates the history of their relationship. Outside of the letters, passages of interior monologue create memories of love found in small moments sometimes lost in hectic everyday life.
harstan More than 1 year ago
Sacramento based designer Julia McDonald becomes concerned for no reason re her husband¿s sudden business trip to Columbia when he replaces a peer who cannot make it. She soon learns that paranoia can be real when Evan is abducted. Julia makes every effort to recover her spouse safely, but though she meets the demands of the kidnappers, he never comes home.-------------------- Five years later, Julia focuses on her two children, Shelley and Jason, still traumatized by what happened to their father. Though they have finally had his body returned to them and buried him they each pray everyday to turn back the hands of time before he left for South America. Julia¿s catharsis is a letter she writes of her life with her beloved before the serpents destroyed their personal Eden.----------------------- This is an interesting family drama that initially focuses on the impact of a lack of closure has on a spouse and offspring, but deftly moves into grief for a beloved one. Julia and her children cannot fully move on because they still have a fiber of hope that Evan is alive and will come home to them soon until his corpse is returned to them. The three surviving MacDonalds struggle with their loss as each grieves and copes differently wondering what they could have done differently to inform the patriarch how much they love him in the end that is the key message to tell your loved ones how much you love them.------------ Harriet Klausner
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
True love does exist cause I met my boyfriend last year at lunch he came to the table i sat with one of my friends. He asked if i had a piece of paper i said so I gave him a peice of paper.he wrote do you love me? Yes or no.I circle yes I do love more than anything. I will do anything happen to him I am going to keep him happy and safe:D