Ignore It!: How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction

by Catherine Pearlman PhD, LCSW

Overview

This book teaches frustrated, stressed-out parents that selectively ignoring certain behaviors can actually inspire positive changes in their kids.

With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America’s leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It!
 
Dr. Pearlman’s four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to:

- Avoid engaging in a power struggle
- Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior
- Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors
 
Overflowing with wisdom, tips, scenarios, frequently asked questions, and a lot of encouragement, Ignore It! is the parenting program that promises to return bliss to the lives of exasperated parents.
 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780143130338
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/08/2017
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	456,551
Product dimensions:	5.48(w) x 8.19(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Dr. Catherine Pearlman is the founder of The Family Coach, a private practice specializing in helping families resolve everyday problems related to discipline, sleep, and sibling rivalry, among other issues. She is the proud parent of a son in elementary school and a daughter in middle school. Her syndicated Dear Family Coach column has appeared in The Wall Street Journal and many regional parenting magazines. She has appeared on Today and her advice has been featured in Parenting, Men's Health, CNN.com, and The Huffington Post. Dr. Pearlman is a licensed clinical social worker who has been working with children and families for more than twenty years. She is an assistant professor of social work at Brandman University and received a PhD in social welfare from Yeshiva University and a masters of social work from New York University.

Read an Excerpt

IGNORE MY KIDS? ARE YOU CRAZY?
(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Ignore It!"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Catherine Pearlman.
Excerpted by permission of Penguin Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Part I Introduction 3

Chapter 1 Ignore My Kids? Are You Crazy? 9

Chapter 2 Positive and Negative Reinforcement: The Basics 24

Chapter 3 Ignore What? 41

Part II

Chapter 4 How Do I Get Started? 55

Chapter 5 Sample Scenarios 74

Chapter 6 Time-Out 91

Chapter 7 Ignore It! In Public 103

Chapter 8 This Isn't Working. Everything Is Getting Worse 117

Part III

Chapter 9 Encouraging Good Behavior and the Opposite of Ignoring 133

Chapter 10 Consequences 152

Chapter 11 Prevention 171

Chapter 12 The Impediments to Success-and How to Fix Them 187

Chapter 13 Evaluation 197

Chapter 14 Frequently Asked Questions 209

Chapter 15 The Pep Talk and Final Tips 219

Acknowledgments 227

Appendixes

Appendix A Glossary of Terms 233

Appendix B Age-Appropriate Rewards 235

Appendix C Sample Charts 239

Appendix D Recommended Resources 243

Notes 247

About the Author 255

Editorial Reviews

…Catherine Pearlman is not suggesting we la-la-la our way through all behavioral issues: If your child is engaging in unsafe or injurious behaviors, it's time to act. But she believes that some of the most annoying kid problems can be snuffed out once a parent acknowledges one of the unwritten rules of parenting: To a child, there is no such thing as "bad" attention…Pearlman suggests parents look at their children the way B. F. Skinner looked at pigeons, using his theory that "what happened immediately following an action would determine if that action would be repeated." The less you react to whining and tantrums, the more quickly kids will figure out another tactic that works—say, niceness.

The New York Times Book Review - Judith Newman

★ 07/17/2017
Pearlman, a parenting columnist and licensed social worker, shows moms and dads how strategically refusing to react to disruptive behavior can lead to a cooperative family dynamic. Pearlman advocates “selective ignoring,” a strategy based on recognized behavior-modification research. Above all, she writes, kids want parents’ full attention—good or bad—and will go to “extreme lengths” to get it, whether through crying, tantrums, unreasonable demands, or even making themselves throw up, until the parent gives up and gives in, reinforcing the child’s belief that such behavior is an effective way of getting what they want.” Instead of being a pushover or escalating an acrimonious situation, a parent can step away and make the incident a teachable moment. “Behavior that is not reinforced (or is ignored) wanes,” and good behavior that is praised or rewarded becomes habit, Pearlman states. To that end, she provides step-by-step methods for practicing selective ignoring in the short and long term, plus useful charts and progress reports, entertaining true stories, tips and tricks, and FAQs, all directed toward identifying and acknowledging children’s positive behavior or imposing consequences (not punishment) for inappropriate behavior. Fun to read and written in a parent-to-parent voice, this is a welcome reintroduction of well-tested child-raising methods and should be required reading for all parents. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Dr. Pearlman's book offers parenting advice that is effective in every situation. Chock-full of practical applications, this book will help you ease out of those challenging situations every parent faces."

—Dr. Shefali Tsabary, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family

"I ask three things of the books I read. I want to learn something, I want to laugh, and, when a book is really special, I get to forge a personal connection with a writer for as long as I turn the pages. Catherine Pearlman has given me all three in this book, and much more. She’s given me a resource I will refer back to over and over again, both as a writer and a parent."

—Jessica Lahey, Author, New York Times bestseller The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed 

"Fun, insightful, straightforward advice that can really make your family life happier." 
 —KJ Dell'Antonia, New York Times Well Family Columnist

From the Publisher

06/15/2017
From tantrums and food strikes to sibling bickering and random refusals, children often seem to create drama and incite arguments intentionally. Family counselor Pearlman (social work, Brandman Univ.) advises mom and dad to turn a blind eye and step away in order to effectively decrease power struggles and avoid blistering disagreements. Demonstrating how debate and engagement with a child only encourages whining and negotiating, Pearlman presents a four-step process designed to increase both a child's self-esteem and parenting satisfaction. The author stands firm in the belief that parents will always lose something in a negotiation, even if they "win," reminding us that "any attention—even negative—still motivates a child." Ignoring bad behavior is known to be a preferable and more effective tool than over-correcting. And as always, parents will need a lot of inner strength and consistency to get the desired results. VERDICT For public library collections.

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