Pub. Date:
I'll Seize the Day Tomorrow

I'll Seize the Day Tomorrow

by Jonathan Goldstein

NOOK Book(eBook)

View All Available Formats & Editions

Available on Compatible NOOK Devices and the free NOOK Apps.
WANT A NOOK?  Explore Now


I’ll Seize the Day Tomorrow is the story of Jonathan Goldstein’s journey to find some great truth on his road to forty.

In a series of wonderfully funny stories, the host of CBC’s WireTap recounts the highs and lows of his last year in his thirties. Throughout the year, Goldstein asks weighty questions that would stump a person less seasoned. For example: What is it about a McRib that drives people crazy? Can we replace extending an olive leaf with extending an olive jar? How much wisdom can we glean from episodes of Welcome Back, Kotter? His friends and family, many of them known through their appearances on WireTap, weigh in with hilarious results as Goldstein eats, sleeps, and watches bad TV all the way to his date with destiny.

Related collections and offers

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780143194903
Publisher: Penguin Canada
Publication date: 02/03/2015
Sold by: Penguin Group
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 256
File size: 412 KB

About the Author

JONATHAN GOLDSTEIN’s writing has appeared in The Walrus, The New York Times, GQ, and in the National Post. He is a frequent contributor to PRI’s This American Life and The New York Times Magazine , and he is the author of the novels Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! and Lenny Bruce Is Dead.

Table of Contents

Foreword Gregor Ehrlich xiii

Youth 1

The Things Left Undone 5

Popeye Loves His Olives 9

Why a Duck? 12

Survival of the Fittest 16

Seizing the Day 21

Atonement 25

What if Henry Heimlich Were Choking? 28

"I am. I am. I am." 32

Friends Who Do No Kill You Make You Stronger 35

Guys' Night Out 39

bed 44

The Great Gazoo 47

Loss of Memory 50

The Tears You Cry in Dreams 55

Two Yarmulkes 59

Knights of the Roundtable 62

Unpredictable 66

Space and Mass 70

Real Tears, Finally 74

New Year's 79

Judgment 83

A Mission 87

A Thousand Monkeys and Darwin 92

Beginnings, Middles, and Ends 95

Padding the Dream 98

Baby Steps 101

A Covenant 105

Two for One 108

Soulmates 112

Honeymoon for One 116

The Power of the Written Word 124

Irreversible 128

It Can't Be That Bad 131

The Weight of Worry 135

The Writer's Life 139

Picasso Goldstein 143

A Still Shark Is Still a Shark 150

A Place to Hang One's Cape 154

Medium Is the Message 157

As Elusive as a Peach Slice 159

Timing 162

Stuff 166

Inbetweenness 169

Perfect Imperfection 173

Beating God to the Punch 177

To the Bottom! 180

On Being the Fastest Runner: The Hare Retorts 183

Sing the Tune Without the Words 187

Down the Aisle 189

The Levy Equation 193

The Great Rabbi 197

City Folk 199

A Final Toast 202

Musical Chairs 205

Social Studies 207

Another Lap Around 210

Face to Face 214

Late Bloomers 217

Afterword by Gregor Ehrlich 227

Acknowledgments 231

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Jonathan Goldstein is one of the funniest and most original writers I can think of. Anything by him is better than anything by just about anyone else."
—David Sedaris

“Jonathan Goldstein’s existential misery makes for good reading. As long as he keeps writing such funny and original pieces about it, I hope he continues to suffer.”
—Shalom Auslander, author of Foreskin’s Lament

“I want to write like Jonathan Goldstein someday... Jonathan is like a mix of Louis CK, Jean Paul Sartre, and Sholem Aleichem. I guess what I’m trying to say is that he’s hilarious, philosophical, and Jewish. I want to be Jonathan Goldstein when I turn 40. (Note: I’m 44, but you know what I mean).”
—A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically

“I’ll Seize the Day Tomorrow is packed with Goldstein’s trademark combo of sharp-edged wit and tender wisdom. It’s his funniest book yet!”
—Miriam Toews, author of A Complicated Kindness

“Jonathan Goldstein has one of the most unique and compelling comic voices around. Surrounded by his cast of family and friends, this chronicle of his 39th year is a portrait of a life that is striving towards hope and beauty—even wisdom—against the relentless pull of the gravity that is one’s own character, and the entropy that is age. How can he make forgetting, and then remembering, that he has melba toast in his office drawer so goddamn funny? I smiled or laughed at every page.”
—Sheila Heti, author of How Should a Person Be?

“Jonathan Goldstein has created something uniquely funny, smart, and touching. I love this book.”
—Neil Pasricha, author of The New York Times bestseller The Book of Awesome

“Jonathan Goldstein is one of today’s most original and intelligent comic voices. He has done for radio what Larry David has done for television. And in his new book he proves, once again, that his wry, self-deprecating observations work just as well on the page.”
—David Bezmozgis, author of Natasha and Other Stories and The Free World

“With his brilliant deadpan and his all-seeing eye, the hilarious Jonathan Goldstein trafficks in what he calls ‘moderate hopefulness.’ It fills me with wild optimism.”
—Henry Alford, author of Would It Kill You To Stop Doing That?

Praise for Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible:
"It's the Greatest Story Ever Told only better. Who knew monotheism could be such fun."
—Sarah Vowell, author of Assassination Vacation and The Wordy Shipmates

"Funny... Goldstein's biblical characters evoke the kind of touching truths only found at the bottom of deep barrel laughs."
—Publishers Weekly

"Often-raucous reimaginings of Old Testament tales."

Customer Reviews