In Heaven There's No Money, No Stuff- and No Porta-Potties: Coping With Life's Aggravations By Finding the Funny

In Heaven There's No Money, No Stuff- and No Porta-Potties: Coping With Life's Aggravations By Finding the Funny

by Mary Ann Hoyt

Paperback

$12.95
View All Available Formats & Editions
Members save with free shipping everyday! 
See details

Overview

Mary Ann Hoyt's collection of humorous essays are tongue-in-cheek views of her everyday observations and quirky experiences. The pages are filled with anecdotes about her fear of hummingbirds, the burial of the family cat in a cardboard box decorated with her son's Grateful Dead pencil drawings, and her concern that, because of her unphotogenic smile, she won't have enough decent photos for the obligatory collage at her funeral. Surviving an interstate move after retirement,with all its challenges and four adult children weighing in, gave her fodder for much to write about.

Mary Ann finds humor in all of life's situations, both good and bad. With a mixture of satire and sentiment, this book will coax a smile (and maybe a tear or two) from even the most serious reader, who will identify with many, if not all of her stories.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781543951509
Publisher: BookBaby
Publication date: 01/07/2019
Pages: 198
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Mary Ann Hoyt grew up in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. After raising four children in New Jersey, she and her husband, Paul, moved to the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. Mary Ann, retired from hospital nursing, now lives in southern Delaware with her husband, 20 minutes from the ocean and closer to their 10 grandchildren. Having been published in nursing magazines years ago, she now devotes her time to writing humor. She's had essays published in the magazine, Delaware Beach Life, and belongs to the Rehoboth Beach Writers' Guild.

Table of Contents

1 Introduction xi

2 The Convent or the Lights on Broadway 1

3 Mourning Misty 3

4 My Evolution as a Minimalist 6

5 The Crumb 9

6 Pillsbury Bake-Off 11

7 Hocking the jewelry 13

8 The Sailor's Wife Comes Full Circle 15

9 Afraid of Hummingbirds 19

10 Public Restrooms 21

11 My Struggle with Mindfulness 23

12 Cranberries and Silver 26

13 Speeding Ticket-Because It "Felt Right" 28

14 Tweezers 30

15 Sailors and Clutter 32

16 Learning to Cook Without Butter (most of the time) 33

17 The Plastic Jungle 35

18 I Hate Cilantro 37

19 My Fashion Consultants 39

20 My Money Challenges 41

21 Beans and Bones 44

22 My Back Seat-Front Seat Driver 46

23 The Wannabe Activist 48

24 Getting in the Wrong Car 50

25 Compartmentalizing 52

26 Dolls and How My Christmas Shopping Has Evolved 54

27 Passwords 57

28 Hyperventilation in the Craft Store 59

29 A Marketer's Dream 61

30 Our Asymmetrical Time Clocks 64

31 Shoe Stores, Peep-toes, and Pedicures 66

32 Paper Towels 68

33 My Love Hate Relationship with Bleach 70

34 Minimalism and My Handbag 72

35 Sorry, Mom 75

36 My Unused Coupons 78

37 Voice Activation 80

38 Belated Cards 82

39 Speaking of Holiday Cards 84

40 My Plants 87

41 Adult Children-Grandchildren-Walking a Fine Line 89

42 My Guardian Angel 92

43 Marriage and Politics 94

44 Broken Glass, Marbles, a Shag Carpet, and a Kidney Stone 97

45 My Backup Plan 99

46 Our Opposite Thermostats 101

47 Blowing My Cover 103

48 The Lipstick Dilemma 105

49 Pick Your Poison 107

50 The New, the Old, and the Socks 109

51 The Peanut Butter Jar and Other Plastic Containers 112

52 Sunglasses 115

53 Surfing 117

54 Time to Relocate 119

55 Time to Downsize 121

56 We're Building a House! 123

57 Closing the Door to Another Chapter 125

58 Movin' On In! 128

59 Energy Efficient 131

60 First Impressions 133

61 Applying for Health Insurance 135

62 Parking 137

63 My Unphotogenic Smile 139

64 Facebook 142

65 The Final Check 144

66 Jeans 146

67 The GPS Lady 148

68 Stop "Clicking"! 150

69 The Accident 152

70 Ironing-What's That? 154

71 Sports-Pain-Weather 156

72 Grocery Cart Amnesia 158

73 Running into Glass Doors 160

74 Wraps 162

75 Who Will Blow Dry My Hair When I'm Old? 164

76 Home Away from Home 166

77 The Two Times I Almost Stopped Eating Chicken 168

78 How Did the Ants Find the Donuts? 171

79 Elevator at the Westin 173

80 The Audi 175

81 Turkey Vultures 177

82 Trivia Night and My Ego 179

83 I Want to Fix Everything 181

84 In Heaven There's No Money No Stuff-and No Porta-Potties 182

85 Acknowledgements 184

Customer Reviews