In Real Life: Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age

by Nev Schulman

Overview

From the host of MTV's #1 show Catfish comes the definitive guide about how to connect with people authentically in today's increasingly digital world.


In Real Life:Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age

As the host of the wildly popular TV series Catfish which investigates online relationships to determine whether they are based on truth or fiction (spoiler: it's almost always fiction).

Nev has become the Dr. Drew of online relationships. His clout in this area springs from his own experience with a deceptive online romance, about which he made a critically acclaimed 2010 documentary (also called Catfish). In that film Nev coined the term "catfish" to refer to someone who creates a false online persona to reel someone into a romantic relationship. The meme spread rapidly.

Now Nev brings his expertise to the page, sharing insider secrets about:

-what motivates catfish
-why people fall for catfish
-how you can avoid being deceived
-rules for dating -- both online and off
-how to connect authentically with others over the internet
-how to turn an online relationship into a real-life relationship

...and much, much more.

Peppered throughout with Nev's personal stories, this book delves deeply into the complexities of online identity. Nev shows us how our digital lives are affecting our real lives, and provides essential advice about how we should all be living and loving in the era of social media.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781455584284
Publisher:	Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:	09/02/2014
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Nev Schulman is the host of MTV's #1 series, Catfish, which 2.6 million people watch in the U.S., plus millions more worldwide in 25 other countries.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part 1 Catfishing: A Primer

Chapter 1 My Catfish Story, Part One 9

Chapter 2 What Is a Catfish? 24

Chapter 3 Fishing for Compliments: What Motivates Catfish? 33

Chapter 4 Hook, Line, and Sinker: Why People Fall for Catfish 43

Chapter 5 How to Identify a Catfish 52

Chapter 6 Catfish: The TV Show 60

Part 2 How to Live and Love Online

Chapter 7 My Catfish Story, Part Two 73

Chapter 8 A Brave New World Wide Web 87

Chapter 9 The Myth of the Little White Lie 95

Chapter 10 Avat-Are You Kidding Me? 100

Chapter 11 You Are What You Tweet 107

Chapter 12 Less Is More (Except When It Comes to Chest Hair) 113

Chapter 13 Love at First Skype; Or, Nev's Rules for Online Dating 126

Part 3 How to Live and Love Offline, Too

Chapter 14 My Catfish Story, Part Three 137

Chapter 15 Repeat After Me… 150

Chapter 16 Friends versus "Friends" 159

Chapter 17 How to Apologize 178

Chapter 18 You/Me/Us 188

Chapter 19 Relationships and Self-Esteem 199

Chapter 20 You Only Regret the Things You Don't Do 207

Chapter 21 Digital Detox 213

Chapter 22 Fame Fail 225

Chapter 23 Put On a Smiley Face 231

Conclusion 237

Acknowledgments 241

Notes 243

Editorial Reviews

09/15/2014
Schulman, host of MTV's Catfish: The TV Show and star of the documentary that spawned it, knows a thing or two about "catfish"—people who create one or more false identities online and enter into deceptive relationships. Here he provides an examination and guide to Internet communication that also serves as a Catfish companion piece and even a self-help memoir. The author blends his own story of being catfished into the narrative and uses examples from the show to explore what motivates such duping (revenge, insecurity, and financial gain, to name a few) and what makes people vulnerable to it. He acknowledges that simply not talking to strangers online isn't realistic for many and offers ways to stay safe. For people who may become catfish, Schulman, without judgment, suggests making positive changes in one's real life ("Your prospects are only as good as you make them"), rather than creating a false online ideal, which will be ultimately unsatisfying. He concludes by advocating for face-to-face communication and the advantages of enjoying a situation, instead of simply documenting it for the sake of social media. VERDICT This exciting title will be popular among Catfish fans and contains real advice for teens and twentysomethings who will likely relate to the issues he discusses. [See "Editors' Fall Picks," LJ 9/1/14, p. 24; Prepub Alert, 3/17/14.]—Amanda Mastrull, Library Journal

Library Journal

07/28/2014
Schulman first entered the public eye as the main subject of his sleeper hit documentary Catfish (2010), in which he unwittingly gets involved romantically online with a lonely, midde-aged woman from rural Michigan. Currently the host of the MTV reality show of the same name and similar premise, the author zeroes in on his field of expertise—the so-called “catfish” (a term coined by the author)—which he defines as someone who pretends to be someone else on the internet, “particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.” According to the author, such a person, often the object of scorn once outed, is motivated by a desire for social acceptance and is far more relatable than one might expect, a fact which is illustrated with a pack of profiles from his show. The book is at once a memoir, a meditation on a truly unique phenomenon of the internet age, and a motivational address for anyone seeking virtual companionship. Schulman cautions his readers against lying on their social media profiles, and argues instead for improving “offline” life. “Embrace who you really are, both online and off” is the message at the heart of his book. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Nev is a great philosopher of the internet and thereby a critical voice for our generation. Whether or not you're a Catfish fan, In Real Life is a must-read and shows us the opportunities and pitfalls that are part of the digital era. Nev makes it plain and simple: the power of the keyboard is now mightier than the sword."—Matthew Segal, founder of OurTime.org

"IN REAL LIFE is so much more than a book about online dating. It's about self-acceptance and being true to yourself in a world where you're influenced by so many people over the internet."—Jonathan Bennett, host of MTV's Copycat

"What I find most exciting about IN REAL LIFE is how it explores the Internet's impact on our perception of gender and sexuality, and how we portray our digital selves to the world to that end. As a fellow millennial, I'm constantly trying to adapt to how the digital age is molding our ideas of love and relationships. In Real Life does not attempt to define these ever-changing terms but instead works to understand them."—Kim Stolz, author of Unfriending My Ex

"Finally someone has written a smart and funny guide that helps young people navigate social media without letting it take over their lives."—Maude Apatow, actress and twitter personality

"Nev's book begins as a fun journey into the world of lying on the internet, but it extrapolates into the larger phenomenon of avatars — everybody has one on social networks."—James Franco for Vice magazine

"The book is at once a memoir, a meditation on a truly unique phenomenon of the internet age, and a motivational address for anyone seeking virtual companionship. Schulman cautions his readers against lying on their social media profiles, and argues instead for improving "offline" life. "Embrace who you really are, both online and off" is the message at the heart of his book."—Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher

2014-08-13
Searching for the overlap of our online selves and our "real life" selves. It wasn't all that long ago that the words "Internet dating" were a badge of dishonor, considered the last-ditch effort for single men and women. Of course, with the Internet now entirely fluid in popular culture, it becomes easy to misrepresent yourself online. Catfish is the MTV series started by Schulman (itself an extension of his earlier documentary of the same name), someone who fell hook, line and sinker for online dating deception. With this book, the author aspires to create an extension of that show, to "dig into the deeper issues that motivate" such deception and that motivate anyone who spends significant time on their online relationships. Schulman makes inroads deep into armchair-quarterbacking territory with broad psychological generalizations that seem derived from his own experience and the carefully chosen examples his show has chosen to feature. A section titled "Fear" declares, "No duh, right? Hiding behind a fake profile is a pretty good sign that someone is terrified of being themselves." Catfish fans could take umbrage at a reviewer pulling a quote that makes Schulman an easy target, but every page is peppered with bromides that offer little in the way of useful insight, aimed more at establishing the author as, in his words, "a guru on digital love." There are islands of good advice, however—e.g., "invest in creating the content of your life" rather than a well-curated Facebook timeline—but more than half the book is more concerned with Schulman's positioning himself as a guru than attaining any depth. Another quote from the book, one more telling about "catfishing," comes from comedian Marc Maron, who said that every status update is essentially a plea: "Would someone please acknowledge me?"

Kirkus Reviews