Invisible Goddess: Step Out from the Shadow of Your Divorce and Shine!

by Desiree Marie Leedo

Overview

This book is dedicated to every woman going through divorce or separation, especially if her partner chose to walk out.

Are you ready to transform your breakup into your greatest opportunity to emerge a more meaningful life? Desiree Marie Leedo knows that divorce and separation can be some of the greatest gifts you will ever receive, from which you can create a new life aligned with your full potential. In this book she walks you through her process, step-by-step, showing you how to heal and transform every area of your life so as to emerge confidently with the life of your dreams. You can learn how to

- establish a daily essential self-care routine for healing and self-nurturing;
- take an empowerment audit in each area of your life;
- address the pain--your rollercoaster of emotions, fears and self-esteem challenges; and
- create an inspired new vision for your future and activate the tools for bringing it to fruition.

Using a holistic approach, you can expect real and lasting inner and outer transformation that can shift every area of your life--for life!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781452576435
Publisher:	Balboa Press
Publication date:	09/20/2013
Pages:	280
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.59(d)

Read an Excerpt

Invisible GODDESS

Step out from the shadow of your divorce and shine!

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By Desiree Marie Leedo

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2013 Desiree Marie Leedo
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-7643-5

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CHAPTER 1

Essential Self–Care

"No problem can be solved from the same level at which it was created."

– Albert Einstein –

In order to balance the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions that you're now experiencing, it is essential to introduce effective self-care steps that you can implement on a daily basis to bring your mind, emotions and, consequently, your hormonal reactions into a more balanced state. This is the most important commitment you will make towards your healing.

This chapter will guide you through setting up a self-care routine and provide you with tools that help ensure you stick to it. If you're reading this with doubts about how you will find the time to make this work, or you're thinking that you may be tempted to not follow through on this part of the book and just skip past it, then I invite you to consider how you can honestly connect with the inner power required to transform the rest of your life without these solid foundations. The better question to ask yourself is: what will happen if I don't make the time for these steps?

These Essential Self-Care steps are also highly transformative tools that can be applied again after any future traumatic event. They are a new way of approaching life that you can easily adapt in the years to come as you continue to grow.

Before we begin

People generally treat us the way we allow them to and the way we treat ourselves. The more you value and prioritise yourself, the more others will value, respect and prioritise you.

In a later chapter in this book we will talk more about personal boundaries but at this point, as you begin to put Essential Self-Care into practise, what is important is that you protect the new space you are creating for yourself. If your divorce or separation is not going particularly amicably and upsetting phone calls or communications are causing major distress, then you may need to put a little distance between yourself and your availability and/ or response times. This does not mean that you hold up important discussions, legal matters or any other urgent family matters, but it does mean that you deal with them at times of the day that are more suited to you and during which you feel more centred and in control. Your self-care is an absolute priority and you should not allow people or events to disrupt your new routine. You may find this difficult at first, as you begin the process of changing a lifetime of unhealthy habits towards yourself, but you must persevere because if there was ever a time in your life to put yourself first – this is it!

The 10 steps of Essential Self-Care

In a weird and bizarrely wonderful way, it is with thanks to my background in the field of natural therapies, combined with the intense anxiety and depression I experienced after the breakup of my own marriage, that I present these ten little gems to you. They were born of a powerful mix of knowledge and quiet desperation.

In my darkest hours, I quickly realised that nobody was coming to rescue me and that I had to become responsible for my own healing process. By responsible I mean response-able, that is "able to respond" to what was occurring. Nobody could give that to me or do that for me. I realised that when I made self-nurturing my priority and committed to ensuring that I followed these steps every day before I even attempted to take on anything else, then healing would begin to occur at a remarkable rate. I have since imparted these steps to others who have undergone depression resulting from crisis and those who made the same personal commitment enjoyed great results too.

I encourage you to put these Essential Self-Care steps in place, as soon as possible. In my practise I usually introduce a new step each day while ensuring that the preceding steps continue to be practised.

Let's get started.

Step 1: Clean up your diet

The number one priority for you right now is to take control of your diet and nutritional needs and introduce regular, healthy eating and hydration. I know that the temptation is to either stop eating or be over-indulging in comfort foods that offer temporary emotional relief. Both will ultimately wreak havoc on your internal chemistry and your emotional state.

Please make the commitment to starting a healthy eating routine immediately, even if you can't see how this is high on your list of priorities. I promise that it will give you new stores of energy to draw from and you will reap a multitude of benefits on many levels.

Eating foods that have zero nutritional value will exacerbate the effect of the cocktail of stress hormones already moving through your system. Caffeine, processed foods, sweets, pastries, crisps and fizzy drinks should all be avoided right now. They will only leave you feeling low in energy, unable to concentrate and induce headaches. They give you that "foggy" head or "hangover" feeling, and will also contribute to feelings of lethargy and insomnia.

On the other hand, a nutritious and well-balanced eating plan will help reduce food cravings, increase energy levels, relieve insomnia, bring greater clarity to your thoughts and help stabilise your emotions. Superfoods, high in antioxidants, will also boost and protect your weakened immune system.

Healthful and nutritious foods to include in your diet are:

* At least six glasses of well filtered or bottled water each day. Hydration alone will help flush the toxins from your body and clear your thoughts.

* A variety of fruit and vegetables. These are high in antioxidants and will protect you by keeping your immune system strong.

* Green foods (like spinach, broccoli and kale) that also contain high levels of antioxidants but have the added benefits of helping to balance the metabolism.

* Healthy soups and salads (like vegetable, minestrone, carrot and broccoli).

* Lean protein (like fish, chicken and beef - organic where possible). These are good sources of protein and iron.

* Complex carbohydrates (like wholegrain bread and cereals, brown rice, lentils, potatoes and beans). These are slow release carbohydrates that keep you fuller for longer. They are nutritious and also initiate the release of seratonin (the "feel good" hormone) into your system.

Foods that contribute to emotional and physical chaos and should be eliminated from your diet for the moment are:

* All forms of refined sugar (like sweets, chocolates and biscuits). They cause your blood sugar levels to spike, giving you a false high which induces temporary emotional relief but causes you to crash a few hours later, leaving you feeling worse than you did before. This sets up a vicious cycle of cravings, emotional guilt and unhealthy eating patterns. Just say no!

* Junk food (like crisps, pastries and cakes) that are loaded with sugar, salt and saturated fat. They may be great "comfort foods" but they contain very little nutrition and exacerbate the emotional rollercoaster. Consuming these types of foods can very quickly pull you into an addictive cycle and contribute to feelings of self-loathing.

* Excessive caffeine (like coffee, Coca-Cola, Red Bull, chocolate). This exacerbates the already high levels of cortisol in your blood stream and will contribute to insomnia. Stick to one cup of coffee and tea a day if you must, preferably try to consume calming herbal teas that contain cinnamon, chamomile and fruit extracts, especially in the evenings.

Some women lose a lot of weight at this time, which, over a long period, can have a negative impact on their bone density and metabolism. Other women begin comfort eating and gain a lot of weight, often in an unconscious attempt to be unattractive to men so that they don't have to suffer hurt again.

If you have lost your appetite and are losing weight (like I did when my marriage was breaking up), then the key is to focus on giving your body as much nourishment as possible to keep your energy levels up and prevent your immune system from crashing. Focus on eating small portions of healthy food a couple of times throughout the day rather than eating nothing at all. Eat six to eight times a day, even if a portion only consists of a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts - don't skip any of your mini-meals. Make sure that you're eating enough protein and carbohydrates and drinking enough water and don't be tempted to replace a small meal with a bar of chocolate or packet of crisps – these are pointless choices that rob you of sustained energy in the long run. Also, it would be best to avoid caffeine altogether as it will further surpress your appetite.

If you are emotionally over-eating, the chances are you're throwing in a lot of excess carbohydrates, sugary, salty and fatty foods. Immediately start cutting down on all junk food and try to keep it out of the home altogether. If you've increased your normal daily intake of food then cut your food portions down into smaller portions and eat more frequently. Increase your intake of water (even if you have to drink it with some type of cordial until you get used to it!). Most importantly you need to begin to substitute the sugary and fatty emotional food fillers with seeds and nuts, plenty of fruit, salad and protein. Complex carbohydrates like whole grains, wild rice, brown rice, soup and vegetables and oats are excellent substitutes – they sustain blood sugar levels and help you feel fuller for longer. They will also help you feel more positive.

If you are finding it particularly challenging to eat well, I encourage you to get some support from a qualified nutritionist or think of someone in your social circle who is knowledgeable in this area - I cannot emphasize enough how important this is.

Resist the temptation to use alcohol or any type of recreational drug as a means of escape from the way you are feeling. Alcohol is a depressant and will combine with the stress hormones in your body to take you into an even deeper state of emotional chaos while recreational drugs will leave you feeling mentally paranoid, depleted and far less able to cope with your current circumstances.

Although I am not a doctor or fully trained nutritional therapist, I assure you that making these changes can make a big difference. I have many friends and associates in this field that I regularly confer with and they have helped many of my clients who made the commitment to follow through on them.

There are also supplements that can assist at a time like this. The following are merely guidelines - please consult your doctor, pharmacist or nutritional therapist to ensure that they are suited to your general state of health before taking them and ensure that you choose a reputable brand:

* A multi-vitamin and mineral supplement.

* An essential fatty acid supplement, combining omega 3, 6 and 9 in the right ratios, which can help keep your hormones balanced.

* High quality fish oils, as they can often assist in counteracting depression.

Remember that your health is your responsibility. If you feel you would like a more personalised approach to your health, I highly recommend you consult with a nutritionist. Additionally there are also many good books available on this topic.

Reflections:

Which foods can you introduce into your diet today to help build strength and give you added energy? Which foods are robbing you of vitality and need to be eliminated? How will you ensure that you stay well hydrated?

Step 2: Ditch insomnia

It can feel absolutely torturous if you are losing sleep due to stress and anxiety over a long period of time. If you're suffering with severe insomnia, as many people going through a divorce or separation inevitably do, you may need to consult your doctor. A course of sleeping pills can be helpful but they can also be highly addictive so do discuss the best option with your doctor and opt for the milder forms that take you through more natural sleep cycles where possible. These will leave you feeling less groggy and more alert in general.

If you feel you would like to try a more natural approach, complementary therapies can also provide helpful solutions at a time like this. In my years spent working as a holistic health practitioner, I eased many people through times of crisis with therapies like reflexology and aromatherapy and it was fascinating to see how well the body responded to these.

Reflexology, massage, aromatherapy and homeopathy can all be very useful for calming the mind and emotions, thereby promoting restful sleep. Their effects are mostly immediate and they contain no adverse effects. However, if you are pregnant please check with a qualified practitioner as some of these remedies may not be safe.

Aromatherapy – lavender and geranium calm and balance the emotions while frankincense is excellent for relieving a sense of loss. You can also plug in an aromatherapy hot stone and safely burn lavender throughout the night to aid with restful sleep.

Homeopathy (including flower remedies like Bach Remedies) – Rescue Remedy is well known and available over the counter – its particularly useful for helping with shock. Walnut promotes emotional adaptability in times of change, while protecting from outside influences.

Massage and Reflexology – are both excellent therapies that aid in the healing process. They help soothe and balance mind, body and emotions. They are touch therapies and therefore have a nurturing effect. They help dissolve stress and tension and induce calming hormones. They also leave you with a continued awareness of relaxation and are helpful in alleviating insomnia, anxiety and hormonal imbalance. You may need to commit to weekly session for six to eight weeks but I honestly can't recommend this option enough.

If you are serious about counteracting emotional stress and nurturing yourself through the divorce process, I recommend you find a reputable accredited Reflexologist, Massage Therapist, Aromatherapist or Homeopath who you can trust and can visit on a regular basis as you transition through this phase of your journey.

Ultimately though, in order to alleviate insomnia altogether, you will need to resolve the contributing underlying psychological factors with a professional - someone who can counsel and coach you through unresolved issues.

Reflections:

What steps can you take today towards ensuring you get a better night's sleep?

Will you try the natural route or the allopathic route, or both? When will you take the first step and get help?

Step 3: Breathe for balance

So few people truly understand the powerful and calming effect that deep breathing has on the entire nervous system. When we are stressed or afraid, breathing becomes irregular and shallow and less oxygen is able to circulate and reach the cells of the body. Practising deep breathing at least twice a day can have a profound effect on calming the nervous system, delivering more oxygen to the cells and improving general circulation. This can be done anywhere and anytime of the day – in toilet breaks at work, in the car or even on the train. Ideally you should aim to do this exercise three to four times each day, preferably at three to four hour intervals:

* Close your eyes and breathe in slowly to the count of seven.

* Hold for a count of seven and then breathe out slowly to the count of seven (or beyond if required) until all the breath is expelled.

* Repeat the entire cycle five to seven times.

* Try to keep a rhythm going as you count.

Once you have completed this exercise you should feel more calm and centred. You will probably notice that mentally you feel a little clearer and less overwhelmed.

If something particularly stressful happens, like having a distressing phone conversation and you need an immediate and effective return to balance, the following exercise can very quickly ease distress by balancing the left and right sides of the brain:

* Close your eyes and focus on your heartbeat.

* Close your right nostril with your thumb and breathe in through your left nostril, slowly to the count of seven.

* Hold for a count of seven and breathe out for a count of seven.

* Now release your right nostril and close your left nostril.

* Repeat the exercise, breathing in through the right nostril slowly to the count of seven, holding for a count of seven and releasing for the count of seven.

* Continue alternating between nostrils until you feel calm and centred (usually at least three rounds with each nostril).
(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Invisible GODDESS by Desiree Marie Leedo. Copyright © 2013 Desiree Marie Leedo. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Welcome....................     1     

My Journey....................     3     

How to use this book....................     15     

Phase One: Foundations for healing....................          

Chapter 1: Essential self-care....................     29     

Phase Two: Rapid psychological transformation....................          

Chapter 2: Making peace with yourself....................     67     

Chapter 3: The truth of what's emerging....................     81     

Chapter 4: Balancing your mind and emotions....................     113     

Chapter 5: Facing your fears....................     145     

Phase Three: Building your strongest life....................          

Chapter 6: Activating core self-esteem....................     175     

Chapter 7: Re-defining your personal boundaries....................     209     

Chapter 8: The new emerging you....................     229     

Chapter 9: Finding love again....................     249     

Coming Full Circle....................     259