Kickstart Your Relationship Now!: Move on or Move out

Kickstart Your Relationship Now!: Move on or Move out

by MargotEllen Brown




This easy-to-use book provides step-by-step exercises to help couples improved their relationship by communicating more effectively. Covering a wide range of topics, this book examines: verbal abuse, sexual issues, addiction issues, domestic violence, mental illness, divorce, family dynamics, and affairs, to mention a few. This practical guide helps you find your way through a disconnected marriage or a volatile partnership. This book is a breakthrough for the millions of couples who need to go to couples therapy and won't, or for those who have been to counseling and did not see results.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780984646944
Publisher: Brown & Brown Enterprises
Publication date: 02/02/2015
Pages: 339
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Margot Brown has counseld thousands of people about their relationships in her private practice of 20 years. She has a Doctorate in Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. She lives with her husband and family in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Table of Contents

Introduction xv

Why Am I Writing This Book? xv

You Are the Key in All Relationships xvi

Are You Waiting for Someone Else to Chang First? xvii

Fear vs. Avoidance xvii

You Hold The Power Within You for Chang xviii

Recommendations xx

My Style? xxi

Collaborative vs. Medical Model xxii

How To Use This Book xxiii

Disclaimer xxiii

So What Is My Gift to You? xxiv

Part I 1

It All Begins With You: Thoughts, Beliefs, Behaviors 3

The Window Blind 3

We Are What We Think 4

How Do You Begin to Change? 4

Values 5

Money 9

Common Complaints for Couples 15

"You Don't Make Me a Priority!" Make Yourself a Priority! 15

Please Don't Settle 16

Loss of Sexual Desire 18

Jealousy 19

What Happens When One of You Outgrows the Other or Moves in a Different Direction? 20

How Important Is Spirituality to You as a Couple? 26

Poor Coping Leads to Poor Outcomes 28

What If You've Just Met? Do Your Homework! 30

Don't Marty Him to Change Him (or Her) 31

Hello and Goodbye 33

Everything Is a Connection Point! 34

Part II 37

Your Thoughts Are Important! 39

Pause for Thought 39

Want to Change Your Behaviors? 41

Example of Step 1, 2, 3 43

Example of Step 4 Behavioral Distractions 45

Example of Step 5: Visualization 45

Example of Step 5: Breathing 47

Irrational Words 48

Can't 48

Never/Always 48

Should 49

Should vs. Positive Self-Talk 50

You Are in Control of the Remote (Change Channels) 54

"Check-In" 54

Because-But-And 55

Core Negative Beliefs 56

Positive Concept vs. Negative Belief 59

Part III 61

Pay Attention to You! 63

Language is Important: Communication with Self 63

Emotions 65

The Anger Continuum-The Rope of Anger 65

How Do You Know When You Are Angry-Scared-Anxious? 66

Egg Metaphor 68

A Man Who Changed 70

Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety 71

Functional Healthy Ways to Cope with Anxiety 72

Gender-Biased Anxiety 74

Guilt 75

Shame 77

Name a Negative Feeling That Is a Theme in Your Life 80

Steps to Heal from a Toxic Relationship 82

Grief 85

What Have You Learned? 88

Grief and Intimacy 91

Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder 92

Normal Grief vs. Depression 93

Part IV 95

Family 97

Triangulation 97

Couple 100

Locked in a Cycle…So What Is Life Like When There Is No 72-Hour Rule? 100

Communication Blocks 101

Mind Reading 103

Game Playing-The Negative Dance/Power Struggle/ Hidden Agendas 104

Are You Both Playing Games? 106

Do Not Compete With Your Partner! 108

Game Names 109

The Silent Treatment 116

Identify Your Dance 118

The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner A 122

The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner B 122

Secrets, Sex, Money 124

Affairs…What You Need to Know 126

Verbal Abuse 130

Gender Roles 133

Conflict Over Religious Beliefs 136

Projection and Finger-Pointing 138

Part V 141

Danger Signs 143

Addiction to Substances and Other Things 144

Prescription Drugs 147

Stimulants (Speed, Cocaine, Crack) 148

Depressants (Heroin, Sedatives/Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines) 149

Alcohol 150

Marijuana 150

Physical Health 151

Get Help Now! 156

Look in the Mirror 156

Substance Use/Abuse 157

Codependency 158

Enabling Behaviors 161

You Decide 164

Are You the Codependent? 165

The Subconscious Dance 166

What About the Kids? 167

Other Things 167

Shopping, Shopping, Shopping 168

FYI-Now Do You Know What Healthy Looks Like When You Are in Recovery? 171

Behavioral Health 172

Anxiety, Mood, Trauma, Personality Mood Disorders 176

Physical Abuse/Domestic Violence 187

Pushing, Choking, Hitting, Knife, Gun 187

Statistics for Domestic Violence 191

Violent Acts 193

Did I Tell You About Young Boys Exposed to Chronic Domestic Violence? 195

Domestic Violence in Summary 195

The Power and Control Wheel 197

Divorce Attorney? Collaborative Mediation? Litigation? 200

Part VI 205

You! 207

Love Yourself First 207

Put Balance Back into Your Life 209

Personal Appearance 210

What Effect Does Your Appearance Have on Your Partner's Attraction to You? 214

Body Image and Sexual Relations; Body Image and Self-Esteem 214

Personal Goals and Couple Goals 216

Managing Change Beginning-Middle-Ending 217

What Is Your Goal? To Have a Happy Relationship? To Feel Good About Yourself? 222

Take the Risk 223

Medications 223

Family 227

Children 227

Parental Control, Reclaim Your Power Back Now! 228

Blended Families 228

Communication with Children 230

Solid Topics for Discussion with Your Child 230

Parental Challenges 231

Family Relationships 232

Single Parent Dating 233

Summary 235

Part VII 237

Couple 239

Be Friends First 239

Balance for Partner/Spouse 239

Communication 101 240

Sender and Receiver 244

What Have You Learned? 247

After You Tell Me, I'll Respect You More 248

Disconnect Between What You Hear and What You Feel 248

What Have You Learned? 251

Acknowledgment Does Not Mean Agreement 253

Non-Verbal Cues to Communicate Effectively 254

Positive Communication 255

Intimacy with Sexual Attraction 259

Intention 262

Forgiveness 263

Unforgiveness 265

Forgiveness Formula 266

Fighting Time-Outs During Times of Conflict 269

Name That Tune-Observation 270

How Do You Begin? 271

Needs and Wants-Missed Expectations 271

Rebuilding Trust After the Affair 273

No Trust Before the Affair 273

Healthy Trust Before the Affair 274

Do Each of You Honestly Want to Rebuild Trust Now? Think About It 274

Steps Toward Rebuilding Trust: Perpetrator 275

Victim 280

What Can You Look Forward to Post-Affair? 283

Resistance to Change 285

How Do You Begin Talking to Each other if You Haven't Talked To Each Other in Years? 286

The Victim/Empowerment Cycle of Behavior 291

The Victim Cycle 291

The Empowerment Cycle of Behavior 295

What is the 72-Hour Rule? 301

Here and Now 301

Date Night 307

Boundaries 309

No Outside Influences 310

Intimacy 311

Sexual Intimacy 314

Healthy Communication 315

A Non-Violent Relationship 316

The Equality Wheel 318

Making Adjustments in Life 319

The 72-Hour Rule Completed 329

The Basics-just Like in the NFL 330

Leave Your Bag of Burdens in the Past 331

References 333

Image Credits 340

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