King of the Mild Frontier: An Ill-Advised Autobiography

King of the Mild Frontier: An Ill-Advised Autobiography

by Chris Crutcher


View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for guaranteed delivery by Wednesday, December 18


Do you know:

  • A good reason to be phobic about oysters and olives?
  • How shutting your mouth can help you avoid brain surgery?
  • How to survive in the winter wilderness with only a fishing pole and a sausage?

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060502515
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 10/05/2004
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 370,387
Product dimensions: 5.31(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.61(d)
Age Range: 14 Years

About the Author

Chris Crutcher has written nine critically acclaimed novels, an autobiography, and two collections of short stories. Drawing on his experience as a family therapist and child protection specialist, Crutcher writes honestly about real issues facing teenagers today: making it through school, competing in sports, handling rejection and failure, and dealing with parents. He has won three lifetime achievement awards for the body of his work: the Margaret A. Edwards Award, the ALAN Award, and the NCTE National Intellectual Freedom Award. Chris Crutcher lives in Spokane, Washington.

Read an Excerpt

King of the Mild Frontier

An Ill-Advised Autobiography
By Chris Crutcher


ISBN: 0060502495

Chapter One


I grew up riding a rocket. If legendary rocket man Wernher von Braun could have harnessed the power of my meteoric temper, we'd have beaten the Russians into space by a good six months. The bits of evidence lay in the wake of my explosive impulsivity like trailer-house pieces behind Hurricane Andrew: broken toys, holes in walls, a crack from top to bottom in a full-length mirror on the bathroom door of "the little house" where I lived until just after my seventh birthday. My dad purposely didn't replace that mirror as a reminder, a monument to me. Subsequently, when he'd see me heating up, he'd point to it and ask one of those questions to which adults never really want an answer: "Are you proud of that?"

"No," I lied, my bottom lip stuck out so far he could have pulled it over my forehead. Of course I was proud of it; I'd had to slam it three times to get it to break.

There was a famous family story about how my temper had been "cured" right around the age of two. It was told by my mother at bridge club, Christmas get-togethers, and you-think-your-kids-are-a-pain-in-the-butt afternoon coffee sessions at the Chief Café. It went something like this: "Chris was very difficult to deal with, even at an early age. When things didn't go his way, he would throw himself into the air, kick his legs out from under him, and land hard on the floor. I was afraid he'd hurt himself, so I called Dr. Patterson for advice. Dr. Patterson said, 'Just roll one of those wooden alphabet blocks under him when he goes up. That should take care of it.' So the next time he launched himself, I rolled the block under him, and sure enough he never did it again." I knew how to keep this story going; I'd done it for years.

"But ...," I'd say, pointing toward the sky.

"But," my mother went on, "then he began storming into the bathroom and hitting his head against the bathtub when he got mad."

"So you called the ever-compassionate Dr. Patterson...." I said.

"And he told me to 'help' him. Just push his head a little harder than he intended."

"And lo and behold ..."

"He stopped hitting his head against the bathtub."

I'd heard that story all my life, and had been convinced it was a good one, probably because it was about me. On the thousandth telling, however, I sat in a circle in my parents' living room with a group of their friends on Christmas Eve. I was in my mid-thirties, and a thought that should have crossed my mind eons ago pried its way into my consciousness. I said, "Jewell"-the Crutcher kids always called our parents by their first names, which probably deserves closer scrutiny somewhere in this confessional-"do you remember the long crack in the full-length mirror in the bathroom at the little house?"

She frowned. "Of course. Your father wouldn't get it fixed. He left it as a reminder to you."

"Of my temper," I said. "I did that when I was five. Do you remember the hole I kicked in the plasterboard in my bedroom when Paula Whitson asked Frankie Bilbao instead of me to the Sadie Hawkins dance?"

Jewell released a long sigh. "Your father didn't have that fixed, either."

"As a reminder of my temper," I said. "I did that when I was a junior in high school. Do you remember the Volkswagen Bug I had up until about six months ago? With the top that looked as if it had been stung by bees from my punching it from the inside when the electrical system died on a busy street?"

"Yes, dear."

"Crutch wouldn't have had that fixed, either," I said, smiling at my dad. "I did that when I was thirty-three, a little over a year ago. Your story isn't about curing a kid's temper. It's about pissing him off for the rest of his life by rolling blocks under him and whacking his head against the bathtub instead of letting him have his two-year-old rage. Stop telling it."

What my mother didn't say then-and something she and I often talked about years later in the long-term care wing of Valley County Hospital where she had gone to die slowly of emphysema resulting from forty years of a two-and-a-half-pack-a-day habit-was that her fear for me in those days wasn't really that I'd hurt myself bouncing off the floor or banging my head, but that I would grow up with the same temper that stalked and embarrassed and humbled her throughout her own life. Though I couldn't have known it in those early years, it was one of my first experiences with a phenomenon I discovered years later as a child abuse and neglect therapist at the Spokane (Washington) Mental Health Center: Shit rolls downhill.

I'm sure I could audit my early life and find times when my temper was my friend, when it got me through situations where my fear stopped me cold. It certainly helped me survive my early years on the Cascade High School football team where I started out as a 123-pound offensive lineman, when in practice I'd get so angry at the grass stains on my back and the cleat marks on my chest that I'd finally hit someone hard enough to satisfy the coach sufficiently to let me out of the drill. And it got me through my one and only full-tilt fight in junior high school when my embarrassment turned to rage the moment I saw the aforementioned Paula Whitson witness Mike Alkyre cracking my jaw. It took three guys to pull me off, and though I was still the odds-on kid most likely to have my butt kicked by someone from a lower grade, some of them would think twice after watching me cross over into the land of I Don't Care. But far more often than not, my temper brought out behavior that made me embarrassed to show my face around our lumber town of fewer than a thousand citizens for a couple of weeks.


Excerpted from King of the Mild Frontier by Chris Crutcher
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

King of the Mild Frontier: An Ill-Advised Autobiography 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 16 reviews.
Fallen17 More than 1 year ago
It is about a stupid kid that is afraid of everything a complete waist of time. If i could rait it zero i would.
ewyatt on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Got to read some more of Crutcher's fiction after listening to this book! Funny, irreverent, and sometimes a pain in the butt, Crutcher's anecdotes about his formative years are engaging. It was his take on himself as an author (particularly an author of books which have been frequently challenged) and his commitment to valuing the voices of the unheard and those that have been through hardships that moved me.
kdibelka on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This book is an interesting look at the life of young adult author Chris Crutcher. It was a quick read. I think the book gives much insight to many of Crutcher's fiction novels. I liked the book, but wouldn't recommend it to someone that hasn't read at least a couple of Crutcher's books.The strengths included an honest look at Crutcher's life, though he does acknowledge both at the beginning and end of the book that it is the story of his life as he remembers it and memories aren't always accurate. I also think that many of the stories Crutcher tells about sibling rivalry and the desire to fit in are ones that many readers can relate to.The weaknesses would include many references to Crutcher's books that it really helps to have read.
laurenryates on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Chris Crutcher has written a hilarious book about his life. The book is essentially short episodes of his life growing up in the small town of Cascade, Idaho. He writes about how he was a cry baby when he was a little boy and which later attributes to an anger management problem. He tells tales of how his brother used to trick him into doing things, like urinating in a heating vent in their house. He also talks about his crush on a young girl and his troubles with love. The book is very comical and tells mostly of mishaps from his childhood. Its a wonderful coming of age story for anyone to read. It will help younger audiences to see that what is serious and stressful as a child, ends up being funny as an adult. I really enjoyed this novel and would recommend it to anyone.
Rigfield on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This book was a class requirement. I've never heard of Chris Crutcher, and wondered why his memoir was considered "Young Adult" at my local library. Now I know - he's a YA author. The stories he tells are entertaining, if not quaint in that "grandpa remembering the good ol' days sort of way". Some of the things he discusses can relate to any generation, such as the death of a young friend, others can only exist in a by-gone day (such as the antics discussed in Chapter 5). It was a humorous, light read - reminded me a lot of Jean Shepherd's In God We Trust (aka A Christmas Story) - but I can't help but feel I'd enjoy it more if I was either a) over the age of 50 or b) a Chris Crutcher fan.
knitwit2 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Very funny book . I think Chris Crutcher would be a great guy to have a beer with. His brother not so much. I so loved the stories of his childhood. Especially peeing into the furnace. Can't recommend this book enough!
chibimajo on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Autobiography of Chris Crutcher. It made me laugh, it made me cry. His writing is always powerful and evokes emotions.
tiamatq on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Ever wonder what childhood was like for your favorite author? Not just the ¿born in the country, raised in a log cabin,¿ sort of thing, but the embarrassing, mind-boggling moments in high school or church or on the summer job? Well here¿s your answer. Chris Crutcher writes his own ill-advised biography that will answer a lot of your questions about how he started writing and where his stories come from. Did you ever ask yourself how the term Stotan came into existence? Or how the author got the inspiration for Angus? Or maybe you just wanted to be let in on the secret of Esus, Jesus¿s older brother. This hilarious biography tells the story of how the crybaby of the Crutcher family became one of the best writers for young adults.Crutcher¿s autobiography is funny and touching. While he brings up some difficult issues (particularly his relationship with his parents), he mostly keeps the story lighthearted. After reading about Crutcher¿s life, you begin to understand some of the trends in his characters. He skillfully connects his childhood stories with deeper meanings that make the reader stop and think.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book, The King of the Mild Frontier, follows Chris Crutcher through his unlucky life of school and early adulthood. He had  unfortunate events happen like getting shot with a BB and having his front teeth knocked out. I enjoyed how it shows that life is not all happy and rainbows, but fair. Life gives you equal amounts of bad and good. Also just the way it is written all over the place and in different parts of his life is a nice part of the book that is interesting. I would encourage anybody to read this book, as this is a very real look on life. It is saying that life can be harsh.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a really good book for a autobiogrophy
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
eyeheartear More than 1 year ago
Chris Crutcher is my favorite author in the world. Every book he has written resonates deep within the hearts of readers. They make you look inside yourself and evaluate what you see. You immediately connect with the book and each time you read it you learn something you never realized.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read Deadline a little while ago and really liked it. So it was no. surprise that I enjoyed this one. Its cleverly written and just a really funny book all in all. He dies go out of chronilogical order sometimes but once you get used to it, it reads just fine. If youlike hus other books you'll love Mikd Frontier
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was forced to read this book for summer reading and it was the worst book i ever read. We have no choice either. I feel like this is a book for adults or older people who actually know whathalf the objects are without having to google it. So if u were born 1960 or later you will have no clue what the author is talking about.