What's A Lemon Mom?
A Lemon Mom parents by shaming, blaming, humiliating, manipulating, guilting, and belittling. She cannot bond with or emotionally nurture her children. The children grow up feeling "not good enough," unloved, misunderstood, and like they don't matter. As adults, they struggle with low self-esteem, physical or mental illness, and unsatisfying or abusive relationships.
Did you grow up in an unpredictable or chaotic home? Were you preoccupied with your mother's behavior? Trying to figure out why she said or did certain things? Did you take her "emotional temperature" and adjust your behavior and choices accordingly? Inconsistency, lack of supervision and boundaries, and little to no parental involvement are the norm in dysfunctional homes.
For as long as I can remember, there was something "different" about my mother. She wasn't like other mothers I knew.
As a kid, I'd met a lot of moms and witnessed their interactions with their kids. My mom didn't relate to me like they did to their kids. She didn't hug or kiss, smile at, spend time with, or play with me. She never seemed happy to see me. She didn't ask about my school day and wasn't interested in knowing my friends. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did.
No boundaries, name-calling, invalidation, neglect
My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times, she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months. Having no bedtime, I stayed up as late as I wanted. I was expected to care for my younger siblings and was blamed or punished for their misbehavior.
I was not allowed to openly express feelings, ask questions, show initiative or curiosity. Instead, my feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. Asking questions or taking action meant I was challenging her, which was not tolerated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet, not question.
There's an unspoken rule in this type of family: don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there's manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you second-guess your memory, doubt your judgment or sanity, or continually seek your mother's withheld affection, attention, or approval, this book can explain why.
Her behavior isn't caused by any shortcomings within yourself. There is nothing—and there never was—anything wrong with you, as you may have believed. You are lovable, and you matter.
You can't change your mother, but you can change your thoughts, behavior, and, most importantly, how you interact with her. When you apply this understanding along with the tools in this book, your relationship can change.
This book helps you reconcile the past and move you forward even while your mother feels no accountability or responsibility for her hurtful actions. As you update your historical view of yourself, changes begin.
Until now, you had two choices: live on her terms (focusing on her, chasing after her withheld acceptance) or go "no contact." I suggest you have a third option: decode the hurtful behavior, take back your power, and move on:
- identify signs of complex trauma
- identify gaslighting
- understand the differences between PTSD and C-PTSD
- remove drama from interactions
- set enforceable boundaries
- identify and shut down manipulation
- strategize conversations to flow the way you want
- gain clarity by taking the end-of-chapter Action Steps, or use the Lemon Moms Companion Workbook.
What's stopping you? Scroll up and get this book now!
About the Author
As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane has developed strong coping skills and healing strategies. She happily shares those insights with others who want to learn and recover. Currently, she lives in Nevada with her husband Kim and her adorable pets Abby and Simba.
Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on domestic violence, abuse, and family dysfunction. Currently, she writes about toxic relationships and recovery tools on her blog, ‘The Toolbox” () Diane holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology and has worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse.