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Live and Love LifePoems of Healing
By Latrice Tillman
iUniverse, Inc.Copyright © 2012 Latrice Tillman
All right reserved.
Bigger and Better
I am small.
Yes, you are bigger.
But, bigger is not better.
Hello bigger; I'm better.
Better is more than bigger.
Complete and whole—I am ...
Not made to feel complete, only if I have a man.
Yes, God has created a man that is perfect for me.
But, he's an addition to the woman I already exist to be.
Sometimes, desolate but lonesome is something that I never am.
Distance from all is a reserve and essential to God's plan.
Strength is developed out of weakness; especially during the
absence of man.
I can't always be present for all and neglect myself, only to drain
me of all that I am.
But, even in distance and being apart, together—we stand.
Solitude helps to refresh and thus far rejuvenates being human.
Sporadic distance from everyone and everything can be wholesome
Consistent company and companionship are additions but not
required to live.
People, places, and things are only additions and catalysts, as I am
I am primitive and fundamental, so there is nothing missing.
I'm the majority and God is my all and the primary. We are the
All kinship after that are merely secondary relations.
I have no need to put others down to help me to step up.
Being negative or decreasing in others does not give favorable
And no one on this earth has to speak or hold me still.
I am made whole and healed by a power that is ecstatically real.
No longer broken. Now, I'm resilient; therefore, allergic to
Made perfectly as I am, I am whole and complete.
Hey world, this is me
Acceptance, approval, willing to accept.
Acceptance of who I am—God didn't make a mistake: He made
Thick hair. Nice when long. Cut it short and it quickly grows
I am the final, perfect copy of me. He didn't even need to make
My small, short frame with beautiful brown eyes.
Although never 20/20, enough to thank Him as I look up at the
Doctor said, "she will be blind" and yet I came out with at least
Sensitiveness to illness but glad that I am living.
Used to have seizures but now check out the brain and mind.
People calling me genius, wise beyond my years and one of a
Beautiful white teeth and I've learned to accept their size.
After all, they must be perfect, as people always compliment my
Small ears but I can hear; better small than big.
But even if big, who cares—if to sound, they are receptive.
No huge breasts, no big butt, no big thighs, no big legs, no big
Nose small and big simultaneously and the same with the lips.
Sounds crazy I know but I refuse to take medicine, surgery, reduce,
enlarge, or try to gain;
Then age more and have to undo and return to the doctor to fix
again and again.
Body—attractive, as is my mind and spirit, which are most
important and above all.
I love and accept myself and I stand with confidence—5 ft 3
inches physically—but mentally, I am very tall!
Searching and searching but yet never to find,
As if only to discover and obtain in the mind.
Traveling and traveling—the distance is extremely expansive and
so exceedingly far.
But to search far, not knowing it's near, is more than bizarre.
And yet so easily or just seemingly causing a loss to some ...
Unfortunate only to discover when it's too late and long gone.
But not to worry because if it occurs once—can't it occur twice
and many more?
Realization is vital to conquer and discover exactly what is being
reached and striven for.
Whatever the desire—when exposed—stretch and reach, until it
But then upon conquer—is a realization that—already in
Judged and Stereotyped
Too small, too colorful, not enough. Too big, too dull, too much.
Too black, too white, lacking color. The wrong texture, not enough
Too short, too soft, too tough. Too hot, too cold, too rough.
Toot all, too light, too dark. Not enough knowledge and experience,
Too wise, too open, too closed. Too many yes's, too many no's.
Too little faith, too many rich, too many poor. Too many choices,
too many closed doors.
Too mean, too nice, too confused. Too much winning, too much
Too old, too young, too unforgiving. Too much of too—this and
Hard to live, impossible to see with no eyes. Judgmental vision
creates blindness and causes a substantial lively vision to die.
When you settle for the sideline, you miss the champion in the
All because you allow yourself to be easily intimidated, but only
you are to blame.
Why settle for losing—instead of taking a chance to win?
When given a 2nd chance, play hard from start to end.
Play exceedingly hard, like never ever before.
Thank God for 2nd chances and closing dead end doors.
Now, I recognize how silly of me to settle for so long,
Thinking I'm valueless and not worth much, so I would just keep
accepting what was always wrong.
Of course, I didn't know any better but now I am set free.
Now I know who I am; yes, I have value and will never again
accept what is beneath me.
What an affective lesson: it taught the great significance of a
If you don't know what and who you are, your life is truly lived
like it is cursed.
So much misfortune and wondering why limitations and can only
get so far ahead.
Then, when you shake free, you realize you were living as if
Dead and empty inside, you were, and never could reach true
happiness and peace.
Keeping company with those whose purpose was to keep you in
Before returning to the dead phase, I'd rather be dead indeed.
But stepping back is never an option, as God always has better
It is vital to heal from life's pains or you'll seek fulfillment from
the wrong person when there's nothing they can give.
Eventually only added pains—unnecessarily—and more reasons
to die than live.
Young, lost, desperate, hurt, confused—was just trying to find my
No more time and energy of such a huge mistake!
I finally healed the holes and tied the gaps: no more dead
I am glad to announce—I am here! I have finally arrived today!
Ever since she went away, my life hasn't been the same.
And knowing God needed her more does not take away the
I miss her so much—she was my sister but also my best friend.
Her life ended and for me, a new painful life started to begin.
We would laugh, talk, and sing for hours, as if we were the same
She was 5 years older but she taught me so much; we were always
on the same page.
As long as she was around, we could always find a reason to
Despite our lives not being perfect and her having to grow up
Such warmth and protection—she was a mother by nature, even
prior to my nephew,
And now she would be a grandmother because nephew has a
Funny to picture her as a granny—now it has been so much
Since I last saw or even dreamed about, but you still stay on my
I know I'm in my 30s but I still yearn to once again have a big
It hurt so badly when time came and ages matched up: All I
could meditate on is how I missed her.
Attempted to come and join you but now I know to wait until
it's my time.
Why is the pain just as fresh as yesterday and constantly in my
I wish I knew more to say on that day.
We said we loved each other and I watched you walk away.
I continued to stare until you were out of sight and I felt something
I just couldn't figure the feeling was telling me that you wouldn't
Although I said I love you, it wasn't enough: I have so much more
But, me and you haven't ended: I love you big sis and see you on
Looking down, although she had plenty, she felt like it was never
Thinking, "a new pair of shoes, because these seem to have a small
Fresh, crisp air on such a warm, lovely spring day—good for
shopping so she trotted along her way;
With excess to spend and no limit to what she was willing to
First stop—store so enticing with so many beautiful but eccentric
2 pairs didn't fit comfortably but yet she purchased and on—she
2 pairs, 3 pairs, 4 pairs and sometimes she would only window
Adoring what was on the other side but just for the brief
When she saw shoes so beautifully worn and tried by other
customers inside ...
Only then was when she was sure to venture in and give the shoes
From the outside, looking in—the shoes appeared beautifully
Humorously enough, she arrived home to try a pair again and
how easily the shoe was torn.
Expensively paid for; eccentric and embellished with designs and
Such a huge price paid for shoes unfortunately not properly fitting
because for others—the shoes are only customized for.
If you say oppose but they say agree,
Stand your ground and let them know what you mean.
Life is not about acceptance beyond the acceptance of one's self.
It's about loving yourself even when there is nobody else . . .
Around or loving you but you must continue to do well without
Sometimes it's better to do without because when you lose, you
learn to win.
When winning, there are places many and much can not go.
As you develop and travel your path, only carry along what helps
you to grow.
When strong and hopeful within, the energy in transforms out
and begins to manifest.
Don't conform to the norm; just be you because that's what you
can be—the best.
A blue sky embodied by white clouds shaped like wings; but the
wings' outline is filled with gray.
Numerous closed eyes and deaf ears but the lips are immutable as
they part with much to say.
Emotionless and heartless, but the words attempt to express the
feelings of someone else's blues.
Words with no meaning, feeling worse than a broken bone;
bringing shame like when champions lose.
Bouncing off the enclosed walls of a dead end is lies, betrayal,
hatred ... so hard to forgive.
Causing more problems than disabling stress, but somehow I
Concealed secrets inside, how do I let it out?
It helps to talk about things; but, in this case ... I doubt it.
My entire life has been a secret, will it all ever be told?
Put my story in a book ... may be the bestseller ever sold.
How can I put it all behind—who can I blame?
It is not I, someone else deserves the fame.
It strikes harder than labor pain and it moves fast.
It's upsetting like ongoing dental pain ... how long will it last?
How much longer can I run, fight, and pretend?
What I feel is slowly killing me within.
The burn is deeper than a chemical or fire could ever burn.
Spreads faster than disease, worse than the feeling of mourn.
Tears you faster than a machete, is hotter than a flame.
Please help me to stop it: I know God will take away the pain.
Giving birth can be draining and full of extreme and torturous
Amazing how that excruciating pain can produce such beauty.
Giving so much of yourself but simultaneously you also gain.
And after the birth has taken place, you have some new exciting
The pain of birth is unfortunate but for what it brings forth ...
Fruitful changes and strength come from pain and sorrow.
But, the sorrows and pains are affordable for their ultimate
What is pain and weakness today will produce pleasure and
strength for tomorrow.
But, so much labor is involved before creation of a new life to
All that we go through is to propel us toward an embellished
A baby gives new gracious meaning to life and a grateful
Just as Goliath existed to promote David, some are promoted by
the birth of a baby.
If you are going to give birth and your baby is a carnal baby,
purpose or vision,
The only way to it is through it and inevitable pain is vital to the
Giving Birth II
Although it may hurt, you must push, push, and push again.
Continue pushing throughout all of the pain.
For what waits, is a pleasure and a blessing indeed.
Pleasure produced after so much suffering and pain—hard to
But, push, push, and push again.
Giving birth exemplifies an unexplainable gift.
It can shine the light on elements that may have otherwise been
Gives a new pair of eyes for a new sight to see.
More motivation than ever and another reason to exist and be.
So, push, push, and push again.
Push into empowerment; although, deliverance was through hurt
It's the channel most dreams travel and are birthed into reality—but
only after so much perseverance, persistence, and belief.
Excerpted from Live and Love Life by Latrice Tillman Copyright © 2012 by Latrice Tillman. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Faith and Hope....................27