Living the Life That You Are: Finding Wholeness When You Feel Lost, Isolated, and Afraid

by Nic Higham, Scott Kiloby (Foreword by)

Overview

“Living the Life That You Are weaves together psychology, ancient wisdom, and honest personal reflections into a coherent and inspiring whole. If loneliness is the great disease of the modern age, then Nic’s heartfelt plea for self-love is much-needed medicine.”
—Jeff Foster, author of Falling in Love with Where You Are

When you feel isolated and alone, the world can seem like an enormously unfamiliar, confusing, and scary place. You may get caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, and even avoid connecting with others out of fear of being criticized, misunderstood, or uncomfortable—which only leads to more isolation and loneliness. This cycle can be hard to break, but you are not doomed to endure this painful condition of feeling lost and alone. This book can help you find authentic peace, confidence, and connection with all that is, right here and now.

Living the Life That You Are examines the modern-day dilemma of loneliness, revealing that its root cause is the belief that we’re all separate individuals bound by personal limitations. We feel disconnected and incomplete, assuming that life’s fullness exists somewhere out there, and that we must be, do, or have more for lasting fulfillment. But the truth is, despite our limited appearance, we are actually boundless. There is no divide between our internal and external worlds. This is the ancient philosophy of non-duality—we are the wholeness we are seeking.

The life that you are is all that is right now: every texture, flavor, fragrance, sight, and sound in their abundance. Using radical mindfulness—a combination of mindfulness and non-dual self-inquiry—this book will guide you toward awakening to the transformative truth and love that is your foundational being. By learning to observe, acknowledge, and question your experience without censorship or prejudice, your sense of being lost and alone will give way to an enriching and comforting state of communion with all.

Includes music downloads for a radically mindful soundtrack

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684030859
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	07/01/2018
Pages:	192
Product dimensions:	4.90(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Nic Higham is a certified counselor, life coach, and a practitioner of neurolinguistic programming and Ericksonian hypnosis. He has over ten years of experience working for the National Health Service (NHS) in mental health inpatient care and a therapeutic community. Higham leads a number of mental health service improvement schemes, run by a UK-based charity whose work aims to enhance the lives and autonomy of marginalized social groups. For a number of years, he has been actively involved in communicating the message of non-duality through organizing seminars, producing popular podcasts, blogging, and managing social networking platforms. Higham is a mindfulness tutor at a recovery college, where he teaches people with emotional and mental problems, as well as health care professionals. He lives in Leicestershire, UK. His website is: www.thelifethatyouare.com.

Foreword writer Scott Kiloby is an author, a licensed Indiana attorney, and a California Certified Addiction Treatment Counselor. Cofounder of The Kiloby Center for Recovery in Rancho Mirage, CA—the first US addiction treatment center to focus primarily on mindfulness—Kiloby is also co-owner of the Natural Rest House, a detox and residential center in La Quinta, CA. He is COO of MyLife Recovery Centers, a nationwide treatment program providing the naltrexone implant. In addition, Kiloby is founder of the Living Inquiries Community, a mindfulness facilitator training program with approximately one hundred certified facilitators who work in over twelve different countries. He regularly speaks at conferences, seminars, and workshops on mindfulness, spiritual awakening, and legal and ethical compliance in addiction treatment.

Table of Contents

Foreword v

Introduction 1

Part 1 Restless Inadvertence and the Perception of Separateness

1 Seasoned by Loneliness, Awake to Aloneness 10

2 Through the Looking Glass of Separateness 20

3 Separateness Runs Deep, but Not That Deep 31

4 Imagination Constructs; Desire and Fear Shape 41

Part 2 Shifting to a Discerning Focus with Radical Mindfulness

5 Angst Is at the Threshold of Being 52

6 The Forest and the Trees 62

7 The First SEER Quality: Sincere Curiosity 74

8 The Second SEER Quality: Embracing and Releasing Experience 80

9 The Third SEER Quality: Earnest Questioning 86

10 The Fourth SEER Quality; Receptiveness to Truth 92

11 The First CRAFT Skill: Courage 98

12 The Second CRAFT Skill: Remembrance of Self 104

13 The Third CRAFT Skill: Attention 109

14 The Fourth CRAFT Skill: Fullness and Emptiness 115

15 The Fifth CRAFT Skill: Tranquility 121

16 The Sixth CRAFT Skill: Surrender 126

Part 3 Alone with All: Natural Unity

17 Seeing Clearly Now, Effortlessly 134

18 Marrying Life 144

19 Radically Alone 154

20 Mountains and Valleys 163

References 173

Interviews

Higham resides in Leicestershire, UK.

Editorial Reviews

A deep and compassionate book that brings the wisdom of non-duality to our sense of loneliness and separation ... taking us through these doorways to wholeness and freedom.”
—Tim Freke, author of Deep Awake

Tim Freke

When we dive into the ocean of our aloneness, our loneliness can come to an end. What a beautiful paradox to meditate upon. In Living the Life That You Are, Nic Higham challenges us to stop running away from our present experience—however uncomfortable or intense it is—and plunge into the ocean of present-moment awareness. This is not about ‘letting go of’ or ‘releasing’ our anxiety, fears, and sorrows. This is not about destroying the ego or becoming a spiritually enlightened, superhuman being, immune to the pains of being human. This is about being exactly as we are, human vulnerabilities and all. This is about letting go of our assumptions about reality and becoming deeply curious about ourselves, allowing our feelings instead of resisting them, watching our thoughts instead of trying to control them, questioning our beliefs instead of holding to them. This is about discovering the beauty in our ordinariness, the divine essence in our flaws, and coming to see that loneliness is not an enemy, or a mistake, or a sign of our failure, but a great signpost to non-dual awareness, a call to remember this constant, brilliant light that illuminates our lives from deep within. Living the Life That You Are weaves together psychology, ancient wisdom, and honest personal reflections into a coherent and inspiring whole. If loneliness is the great disease of the modern age, then Nic’s heartfelt plea for self-love is much-needed medicine. Even if your mind cannot comprehend all the ideas contained within this book, your heart will know the truth of them.”
—Jeff Foster, author of The Wonder of Being and Falling in Love with Where You Are

Jeff Foster

I’ve known Nic since 2011, when he first started working for the UK-based social justice charity of which I am a trustee. I have been deeply and consistently struck by his commitment, compassion, and creativity since day one. Nic’s day job involves working to improve the lives and autonomy of the most marginalized social groups, with a specialist focus on mental health inpatient care. Having worked for many years in acute psychiatric wards and therapeutic groups, he is very mindful of the needs of those people who are particularly lacking in power, validation, and/or culturally reflective experiences. In the innovative projects he leads and contributes to, his approach is always to be palpably appreciative of professionals and their clients, and to write service development publications which are appealing, validating, practical, and easy to use. Although it is a different format and is intended for a different audience, Living the Life That You Are is informed by Nic’s egalitarianism and his unique experience. The book has a simple but profound message: live meditatively and inquiringly through cultivating the bespoke selection of mindfulness principles offered. Start your inner revolution with radical mindfulness: when you feel separate from life, become your own best friend by shifting your focus of attention to your sense of being, a most loyal quality we all share. Nic shows readers how to locate and tap into this place to help them feel more connected with themselves and others. I cannot recommend enough the opportunity to bring his passion and experience to a wider audience.”
—Jonathan Jenkins, chief executive of London Air Ambulance

Jonathan Jenkins

Nic writes well and has understood the teachings of Advaita. The book should work well as a guide and self-help (as opposed to Self, which needs no help!).”
—Maria Jory, editor of Beyond Freedom

Maria Jory

At the heart of Nic Higham’s meditative reflections on non-duality lies an invitation to deep self-inquiry. As any earnest seeker eventually realizes, life’s deepest truths cannot be known or attained by the mind; rather, the truth gradually reveals itself to those willing to look behind the veil. Higham shows us that loneliness and anxiety—rather than being states we should attempt to overcome—can be portals into profound Self-intimacy. With kindness and clarity, he elucidates the qualities necessary for us to experience for ourselves what the phrase non-dual really means. As an experienced mental health professional, he has combined a deep understanding of both psychology and non-duality to create a work—both words and music—by which to guide us into the knowing we are all ultimately seeking.”
—Fiona Robertson, senior facilitator and trainer of Scott Kiloby’s Living Inquiries, and author of The Art of Finding Yourself

Fiona Robertson

I’ve worked closely with Nic Higham for several years and have read his website posts about awakening with great interest and resonance. Working with Nic so closely over the years, I can assure you that his experience is direct. You can feel it for yourself as you read this book. It is my honor to introduce you to Nic if you aren’t aware of his writings yet.”
—Scott Kiloby, CEO of The Kiloby Center for Recovery

Scott Kiloby

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