Living the Life That You Are: Finding Wholeness When You Feel Lost, Isolated, and Afraid

Living the Life That You Are: Finding Wholeness When You Feel Lost, Isolated, and Afraid


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Living the Life That You Are weaves together psychology, ancient wisdom, and honest personal reflections into a coherent and inspiring whole. If loneliness is the great disease of the modern age, then Nic’s heartfelt plea for self-love is much-needed medicine.”
—Jeff Foster, author of Falling in Love with Where You Are

When you feel isolated and alone, the world can seem like an enormously unfamiliar, confusing, and scary place. You may get caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, and even avoid connecting with others out of fear of being criticized, misunderstood, or uncomfortable—which only leads to more isolation and loneliness. This cycle can be hard to break, but you are not doomed to endure this painful condition of feeling lost and alone. This book can help you find authentic peace, confidence, and connection with all that is, right here and now.

Living the Life That You Are examines the modern-day dilemma of loneliness, revealing that its root cause is the belief that we’re all separate individuals bound by personal limitations. We feel disconnected and incomplete, assuming that life’s fullness exists somewhere out there, and that we must be, do, or have more for lasting fulfillment. But the truth is, despite our limited appearance, we are actually boundless. There is no divide between our internal and external worlds. This is the ancient philosophy of non-duality—we are the wholeness we are seeking.

The life that you are is all that is right now: every texture, flavor, fragrance, sight, and sound in their abundance. Using radical mindfulness—a combination of mindfulness and non-dual self-inquiry—this book will guide you toward awakening to the transformative truth and love that is your foundational being. By learning to observe, acknowledge, and question your experience without censorship or prejudice, your sense of being lost and alone will give way to an enriching and comforting state of communion with all.

Includes music downloads for a radically mindful soundtrack

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781684030859
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 07/01/2018
Pages: 192
Sales rank: 823,837
Product dimensions: 4.90(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Nic Higham is a certified counselor, life coach, and a practitioner of neurolinguistic programming and Ericksonian hypnosis. He has over ten years of experience working for the National Health Service (NHS) in mental health inpatient care and a therapeutic community. Higham leads a number of mental health service improvement schemes, run by a UK-based charity whose work aims to enhance the lives and autonomy of marginalized social groups. For a number of years, he has been actively involved in communicating the message of non-duality through organizing seminars, producing popular podcasts, blogging, and managing social networking platforms. Higham is a mindfulness tutor at a recovery college, where he teaches people with emotional and mental problems, as well as health care professionals. He lives in Leicestershire, UK. His website is:

Foreword writer Scott Kiloby is an author, a licensed Indiana attorney, and a California Certified Addiction Treatment Counselor. Cofounder of The Kiloby Center for Recovery in Rancho Mirage, CA—the first US addiction treatment center to focus primarily on mindfulness—Kiloby is also co-owner of the Natural Rest House, a detox and residential center in La Quinta, CA. He is COO of MyLife Recovery Centers, a nationwide treatment program providing the naltrexone implant. In addition, Kiloby is founder of the Living Inquiries Community, a mindfulness facilitator training program with approximately one hundred certified facilitators who work in over twelve different countries. He regularly speaks at conferences, seminars, and workshops on mindfulness, spiritual awakening, and legal and ethical compliance in addiction treatment.

Table of Contents

Foreword v

Introduction 1

Part 1 Restless Inadvertence and the Perception of Separateness

1 Seasoned by Loneliness, Awake to Aloneness 10

2 Through the Looking Glass of Separateness 20

3 Separateness Runs Deep, but Not That Deep 31

4 Imagination Constructs; Desire and Fear Shape 41

Part 2 Shifting to a Discerning Focus with Radical Mindfulness

5 Angst Is at the Threshold of Being 52

6 The Forest and the Trees 62

7 The First SEER Quality: Sincere Curiosity 74

8 The Second SEER Quality: Embracing and Releasing Experience 80

9 The Third SEER Quality: Earnest Questioning 86

10 The Fourth SEER Quality; Receptiveness to Truth 92

11 The First CRAFT Skill: Courage 98

12 The Second CRAFT Skill: Remembrance of Self 104

13 The Third CRAFT Skill: Attention 109

14 The Fourth CRAFT Skill: Fullness and Emptiness 115

15 The Fifth CRAFT Skill: Tranquility 121

16 The Sixth CRAFT Skill: Surrender 126

Part 3 Alone with All: Natural Unity

17 Seeing Clearly Now, Effortlessly 134

18 Marrying Life 144

19 Radically Alone 154

20 Mountains and Valleys 163

References 173


Higham resides in Leicestershire, UK.

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