Are you frustrated with your lack of progress on your goals?
Maybe you struggle with focus or procrastination. Or, maybe it feels like no matter what you do, you're not able to create new habits that support where you want to go.
What's even worse is you KNOW you're destined for something bigger! Maybe you're supposed to make a big difference in the world. Maybe your business isn't where it's supposed to be or you still have books or other creative projects inside you. Or maybe you're not living your purpose or your passion.
If this is you, you're exactly in the right place. That's where the concept of love-based goals-and this book!--comes in.
If you're not living the life you've dreamed of, there's likely something deeper going on-something that's going to stand in your way no matter how many planners you use or productivity hacks you try.
This book will not only help you dig into identifying what your true goals are, and what's stopping you from achieving them, but it will also guide you in figuring out the best productivity system for YOU, to keep you on course.
You'll get both internal and external goal-setting strategies, exercises to help you clear blocks, PLUS a free Love-Based Goals Workbook to help you finally reach your love-based goals.
By the time you finish reading, you'll have a plan in place for finally reaching your love-based goals.
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
SETTING LOVE-BASED GOALS
Why should you bother setting goals in the first place?
Here are two excellent reasons:
1. Goal setting is directly linked to an increased likelihood of success.
In 1979, a famous study was conducted that tracked the careers of a group of Harvard graduates. Most of the grads didn't set any goals, and they were the least successful. The graduates who set goals but didn't write them down were more successful, but not as successful as the ones who set goals and actually put them on paper.
The most successful of all were the ones who set goals, wrote them down, and regularly tracked and reviewed them. (Incidentally, they also earned the most money.)
Common sense, right? I mean, without setting goals, how can you possibly know where you're going in your life? How can you know what actions to take, or what decisions to make, if you don't have something you're working toward?
Plus, if you don't have a plan for your own life, you're probably more likely to find yourself with a to-do list full of "shoulds" (which likely drains you) or even worse, of other people's priorities.
2. Goal setting helps dictate daily habits.
Let's say your goal is to lose weight; one of your daily habits is likely exercise. If you want to write a book, you'll likely carve out time in your day to write, which would eventually turn into a daily habit. If you want to grow your business, you likely make it a daily habit to work ON your business (which includes strategic business planning and leadership strategies) in addition to working IN your business (which includes pretty much everything else that needs to get done in a business every day).
Your daily habits dictate not only how much you accomplish any given day, but also how you feel at the end of the day. If you have a habit of getting lost in Facebook for hours, because you're procrastinating writing your book or creating that hot new business initiative, you'll likely feel like you wasted your day — which doesn't feel all that great. And when you have enough "wasted" days in a row, you suddenly wake up one morning and realize you've wasted years not moving toward your dreams.
But if you develop empowering habits that support you, move you toward your love-based goals, and make you feel good about yourself, not only is it a great way to end your day, but eventually you'll wake up and discover you really did accomplish your dreams.
(Don't know how to develop those empowering habits? Don't worry; I've got you covered. I provide tips, later in the book.)
Okay, you're convinced, right? Setting goals will help you realize your dreams. But what if you've tried setting goals before, and failed?
Ah. You're definitely in the right place.
First off, don't beat yourself up. You may be setting the wrong goals for you; you may have been using the wrong system or process; you may have had some sort of mindset or subconscious block; or maybe, you haven't been setting them in a love-based way.
The good news — this book covers all of that!
What does "love-based goals" even mean?
Let's start at the beginning, with my love-based philosophy.
As I mentioned above, I was a freelance copywriter (which means I wrote copy for businesses, and has nothing to do with protecting intellectual property) for many years. I eventually started my own copywriting company.
Along the way, many of my clients and friends would come to me saying "Michele, I really hate how traditional copy makes me feel — it's so slimy and sales-y and inauthentic. Can you come up with a different way of writing copy that feels good instead?"
So, I started testing, trying different things to see what worked and what didn't. But it didn't all come together for me until my friend Susan Liddy wrote a book called "Love-Based Marketing."
I immediately thought "love-based copy."
And what's the opposite of love-based copy? Well, fear-based copy.
And that's when everything fell into place.
You see, in order to inspire another person to take action, you need to tap into his or her emotions. It doesn't matter if you want to persuade him to buy something from you, or if you simply want your kid to go to bed at a reasonable hour. If you want to inspire action, then you need to tap into emotions.
And all emotions fall under one of two categories — love or fear.
Love-based emotions includes love, hope, joy, gratitude, peace, faith, trust, confidence, happiness, connection, forgiveness, openness, passion, freedom, harmony, honesty, beauty, compassion, self-love, self-appreciation, respect, acceptance, understanding, etc.
Fear-based emotions include fear, anger, grief, shame, guilt, bitterness, judgment, jealously, frustration, doubt, insecurity, etc.
And here's the thing — a lot of what we consider "traditional business" is built on a foundation of fear (actually a lot of traditional things are built on fear). The reason this happens is because in a lot of ways, fear is easier.
Many, many folks live their lives being controlled in some way by fear-based emotions. Either consciously — they're angry/ depressed/grieving/judgmental/fearful/worrying/unhappy/etc., or subconsciously — when they feel an uncomfortable emotion, they run away from it, bury it, hide from it, numb it, etc. (Think about all the things that happen when someone gets upset — he starts a fight, takes a drink, overeats, goes shopping, gossips, etc. These are actions people take to keep themselves from actually feeling the feelings.)
So, if fear-based emotions are controlling your behavior, it's going to be very difficult to build anything love-based.
Now, just to be clear, being love-based doesn't mean you don't feel fear-based emotions. On the contrary, people who have embraced love-based businesses and lives in fact DO fully feel all emotions, whether love-based or fear-based. There IS definitely a place for fear-based emotions in our human existence (believe it or not, those feelings exist to help you) so rather than fight them, the idea is to really feel them, and let them move through you. Feelings just want to be felt, after all.
And, because folks who have embraced the love-based way do feel fear-based emotions, it also means they aren't controlled by them. It's when you try NOT to feel the fear-based emotions that they control you.
Traditional direct response copy taps into fear-based emotions (which include fear/worry, shame, guilt, anger), which is why it feels so icky. But you don't have to tap into fear-based emotions to sell — you CAN sell with love, by tapping into love-based emotions.
That understanding was the inspiration that compelled me to write the following five books:
* Love-Based Copywriting Method: The Philosophy Behind Writing Copy That Attracts, Inspires and Invites
* Love-Based Copywriting System: A Step-by-Step Process for Writing Copy That Attracts, Inspires and Invites
* Love-Based Online Marketing: Campaigns to Grow a Business You Love AND That Loves You Back
* How to Start a Business You Love AND That Loves You Back
* Love-Based Money and Mindset: Make the Money You Desire Without Selling Your Soul.
And you know what?
The deeper I've gone into the love-based philosophy, the more I see how pretty much everything we've built falls under either love or fear — our businesses, our governments, our relationships, our habits.
And that includes our goal-setting and productivity habits.
To me, having love-based goals means we are loving what we're putting out there in the world. We're passionate (if that's what we want to be feeling). We're on fire. We have habits that support the life we want to be living, and the business we want to be building. We're getting things done that are important to us, and it feels soooo good!
But, that only touches on the power of setting — and achieving — love-based goals.
You see, I believe that there are certain goals that push us toward a deeper transformation. Those goals change who we are, to match our "true" self — the self our soul is calling us to become.
In "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck," author Mark Manson talks about the reason certain goals don't come true for us. He says it's because those goals don't match up with our current identity — how we see ourselves. For instance:
* If you've struggled with your weight for years, it may be because you don't see yourself as a slender person. You see yourself as someone who struggles with her weight.
* If you've been trying to get a book written for years, and you're just not able to sit down and write a word, it may be that you don't actually see yourself as an author. You see yourself as a "wanna-be" author.
* If you've been talking about starting your own business for years, and you haven't, you likely don't see yourself as an entrepreneur or business owner, but as an employee (or an employee who wants to have his own business).
* If you've been looking for your soulmate, and you end up always dating losers, it may be that you don't see yourself as someone who can be in a happy relationship, but instead see yourself as someone who dates losers.
You get the picture.
What I'm calling "love-based goals" takes this idea even deeper — the reason you have these goals and desires is because they push you to transform yourself into the person you're meant to be.
Who you truly are. Whole and perfect.
This is your soul calling you. It's your purpose in life.
But, somewhere along the way, you lost a piece of yourself. Your fear or other fear-based emotions took over, and started running the show.
Now, to be clear, your fear-based emotions aren't trying to hurt you. Au contraire, they're trying to protect you, by keeping you safe. Alas, the way they're protecting you is to keep you from transforming into a better version of you. (Most likely, somewhere along the way, your ego got the idea that becoming that person was going to hurt you, so your ego decided to step in and "help." Enter fear-based emotions.)
This is why I call them "love-based goals" — they're the ones you'd likely be working toward right now, if you had a healthier relationship with your fear-based emotions. (Remember, this isn't your fault! It's not like anyone talks about this. How would you even know this is what is really keeping you stuck?)
Now, how do you know which of your goals are love-based? There are a few ways to tell, but one big clue is if you've been talking about something for a while (more than a year,), and you're just not taking any steps toward making it happen, you may want to take a deeper look at it. It could very well be a love-based goal.
If you're squirming a bit right now because you're thinking about all the goals you haven't made any progress on yet, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We ALL have goals like those, no matter how successful we are. There's always something ... some bugaboo we can't get past, no matter how hard we try. (Look at Oprah and, for better or for worse, her very public challenges around her weight.)
And yes, this happens even if we're aware of the identity we take on, and we don't want it! Who wants to be a wanna-be author her entire life, for cripes sake? That doesn't even make sense.
The good news is that you absolutely CAN achieve your love-based goals, and that's what I'm going to show you how to do, throughout this book.
Now, while there's really no limit to how many love-based goals you have (and you likely have multiple love-based goals), not all goals are love-based. How can you tell the difference?
You know you are NOT living your love-based goals if, when you think about the goal, you:
* Find yourself with a case of the "shoulds" (I "should" work on this, I "should be doing this, I "should" work harder at this).
* Feel a sense of obligation (I "have" to get this done, I absolutely have to go to that meeting, I have to set aside time to do that).
* Know it's important to other people, but it just really isn't, to you.
* Are frustrated, because you're not moving forward on something (or some things) that actually are important to you.
* Suffer from a bad case of "busy-itis" — you say you're already too busy, and you frantically run around, crossing off to-dos as fast as you can. (And when you do actually find yourself with a pocket of time where you could be working on your goal, you waste it sitting on the couch, binge watching Netflix and drinking wine, because you're so exhausted.)
To make it even worse, when you're working toward a goal that isn't love-based, you may actually end up finding yourself in such a cycle of "having to" that you wake up one day to the harsh realization that you're actually living someone else's life entirely — and/or building a business that isn't at all that suited for you.
That said — regardless of the specifics of how your life looks on the outside, if you're caught in this trap, it's probably safe to say you're living a life and/or building a business that other people would likely find acceptable. Maybe it's the life your parents always dreamed of for you, or maybe it's what you think you're "supposed" to be doing.
If this is the case, I can almost guarantee that you're not listening to your inner wisdom or guidance. You're looking outside of yourself for acceptance and approval.
And if that's what you're doing, you aren't living a life you love, are you? You're just going through the motions. And life is too short to not be doing precisely what makes your heart sing!
I want you to be in love with your life — to end each day feeling fulfilled — proud of what you've accomplished, and excited about what you're building!
I want you to feel in your soul that you're doing precisely the work you're meant to do, AND you're becoming the person you're meant to be.
That to me is the essence of the love-based philosophy.
If this excites you, I'd love for you to join the love-based movement, by creating a life and business you love!
How to use this book:
I designed this book to not only give you information, but also exercises that will guide you through the process of mapping out your love-based goals in a way that allows you to have a plan in place by the time you finish reading.
I start with the inner game (i.e. mindset and subconscious blocks) to identify what's holding you back from becoming the person you're meant to be, as you turn your love-based goals into reality.
(Heads up — part of this identification process may also include the unwinding of old patterns and mindsets that actually attract what you don't want in your life.)
Next, I'll cover a variety of goal setting techniques, from the more traditional, to the creative, to the totally "out there." This variety will enable you to choose the system that most resonates with you. (You might even create your own unique system, by mixing techniques together.)
Whatever you choose, my hope is that you find a system you feel good about, that you follow on a consistent basis.
Finally, I wrap it all up with productivity tips — methods for setting up your days, weeks, and months in a way that allows you to be as efficient and effective as possible. And just as I do in the goal- setting section, I cover a variety of techniques, so you can pick the tactics that are most aligned with you. I also cover how to create supportive, healthy habits that move you steadily toward the accomplishment of your goals and dreams.
Lastly, before we get started, I highly recommend downloading my free Love-Based Goals Planning Workbook, to guide you on this journey toward effective, love-based goal setting and increased productivity. Here's the link to grab your copy: http:// LoveBasedGoals.com/workbook
Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and start creating some love-based goal? Great — let's get started!
WHY WE FAIL TO REACH OUR GOALS
Every year, right around December, millions of people around the world come up with a list of what they're going to do differently in the coming year.
"This is the year," they'll proclaim. "This is the year I'll finally do it — lose 20 pounds/ exercise more/ stop smoking/ finish my book/ start my business."
These proclamations, otherwise known as New Year's Resolutions, have usually bitten the dust by the time February rolls around.
Why is that? Why have New Year's Resolutions become somewhat of a joke?
And it's not just New Year's Resolutions — you may have a host of unfinished goals trailing after you, dragging you down, exhausting you. And if that's the case, you likely feel some combination of overwhelm, inadequacy, shame, guilt, resentment, and maybe even a deep sadness or grief, every time you think of them. You might even feel like a failure.
So, what's going on here? Why do we so often fail to achieve our goals?
Well, I've uncovered eight reasons:
Reason #1: Your identity is not aligned with your goal.
I covered this earlier, but to quickly recap, you don't see yourself as the person who accomplishes the goal. So, if you have a goal to become a artist but you never actually create anything, your identity may be someone who wants to be a artist, but never actually creates.
Excerpted from "Love-Based Goals"
Copyright © 2017 Michele Pariza Wacek.
Excerpted by permission of Love-Based Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Love-Based Goals, 1,
Your Guide to Living Your Purpose & Passion, 1,
INTRODUCTION — WHY THIS BOOK?, 2,
CHAPTER 1 Setting Love-Based Goals, 8,
CHAPTER 2 Why We Fail to Reach Our Goals, 21,
CHAPTER 3 What are Your Love-Based Goals?, 31,
CHAPTER 4 Objections and Mindset Blocks, 41,
CHAPTER 5 Overcoming Objections and Mindset Blocks, 54,
CHAPTER 6 How to Become the Person Your Love-Based Goals are Calling You to Be, 71,
CHAPTER 7 Getting Clear on Your Love-Based Goals, 83,
CHAPTER 8 How to Take Action on Your Goals, 105,
CHAPTER 9 Setting up Your Day for Success, 116,
CHAPTER 10 The Power of Planning, 144,
CHAPTER 11 Creating Habits and Systems to Support Your Love-Based Goals, 165,
CHAPTER 12 How Do You Stop Procrastinating?, 178,
CHAPTER 13 Going Forward, 183,
ABOUT THE AUTHOR ABOUT MICHELE PW, 190,