Love's Hangover

Love's Hangover

by C.M. Windham

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Overview

A labor of love, this collection of poems takes the reader on a journey from the negative emotions felt within bad relationships to the inner thoughts of a woman surviving domestic violence and sexual assault. Witness the triumph of an unbroken spirit and the evolution of a young woman who goes from being a child in an abusive home, to becoming the abused mom.



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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781456747626
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 02/24/2011
Pages: 108
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.26(d)

Read an Excerpt

Love's HANGOVER

Lamentations Of Love Gone Awry
By C.M. WINDHAM

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 C.M. Windham
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4567-4762-6


Chapter One

    Pleasure

    He looks at me but doesn't see me.
    My eyes are like windows he can't see inside.
    He touches me but doesn't feel me.
    Oblivious to what has begun.

    He feels so good, it hurts my heart.
    His taste, like dark chocolate.
    Bittersweet.
    Addictive.
    He takes my body, steals my heart, and teases my mind.

    Does he care about me, even a little?
    My heart tricks my mind into believing he does.
    But he could never be mine, he belongs to her.

    When our bodies intertwine, he lifts me into the clouds.
    But Pleasure turns to pain when I come ...
    Crashing down.


    Pain

    You hurt me.
    When you told me you loved me,
    Then just walked away.
    You hurt me.
    When you begged for my heart,
    Then you tossed it away.
    You hurt me.
    When you made all those plans,
    And aid all those things.
    You hurt me.
    When you called me your Angel,
    Then ripped off my wings.
    You hurt me.


    Wanting

    All consuming,
    It possesses my mind.
    As a starving man hungers ...
    My dream unfulfilled.
    In such close proximity,
    See it?
    Smell the sweet scent of success,
    Just beyond my reach.
    Negativity pulling me down ...
    As I jump to grab hold.
    Finger tips grazing the edge.
    Almost there now ...
    Needing to make it over there,
    To the other side of that wall.
    Coming too close to give up,
    My heart's desire is waiting ...


    Torture

    Destroying my sensibility,
    With those eyes.
    Ripping out my heart,
    With those lips.
    He smells so ... feels so ...
    Tastes so good.

    Like a drug
    He poisons my brain
    Giving me a temporary high.
    An illusion of fulfillment,
    Making me want more.

    His skin so smooth,
    Like hot caramel
    As it blends with my own.
    He comes to me,
    Kissing away my tears as they fall.

    His breath on my face
    And sweet, salty kisses
    Bodies slippery wet ...
    My legs wrapped around his waist.

    Giving him my soul.
    My heart aching to keep him,
    Here with me ...
    Broken and empty when he goes
    To be with her.


    Blind Stupidity

    In everything you do
    You only give half a try
    Then when things don't work out,
    You're wondering why.
    Thinking the world owes you something,
    You keep that chip on your shoulder.
    Wanted you to grow up,
    But all you did was grow older.
    Only a man when you
    Gotta be.
    Only a father when you
    Wanna be.
    What is it gonna take to see?


    Regret

    Rip open my heart,
    Then display it for all to see.
    This pain is rotting my insides,
    I feel like I can't breathe.
    Like someone kicked me
    In my chest
    And I have yet
    To catch my breath.
    Constant screams
    And crying inside.
    But I have to pretend
    That I am fine.
    Willing my heart
    To repair itself.
    But it wants to take it's time ...
    Wishing I could go back
    And undo all that was said and done.
    And stop this hurt,
    And end this pain
    Before it had begun.
    But now, too late.
    His mind is set,
    He won't come home
    Didn't pass the test.
    What once was two,
    Now all that's left
    Is an empty hole
    Of pain and regret.


    Incredible

    Her love for you,
    Unable to be measured by
    Earthly instruments.
    Like a monstrous quandary,
    Defying all logic and sensibility.
    Men would eagerly crawl across
    Hot coals, in order to win
    What was bestowed upon you.
    Her heart.
    A treasure,
    Of infinite value,
    Gift wrapped and
    Presented on a platter.
    Her motive?
    To complete you,
    To love and cherish you.
    For all time.
    To smile and give kisses,
    To show that everything was fine.
    But some are truly
    Mortal enemies to themselves,
    In spite of the best intentions.
    You were in a boat
    Floating downstream,
    With no paddle ...
    Seeing your dreams
    On either shore.
    God, Himself reached down
    And handed you a paddle
    That would have helped
    You reach the shore.
    If only you would have
    Done your part,
    And put forth the
    Effort required
    You would have found
    All the things
    That your heart
    Desired.
    Meant to be held
    At the highest regard,
    A Queen ...
    Disguises herself as a
    Peasant, for you.
    Love is a torturing,
    Conniving creature,
    Able to weaken the
    Strongest will.


    Reflection

    Gave up my life,
    In exchange for yours.
    Everything I am
    Has been for you.

    My patience,
    Through the rough times.
    My endurance,
    Through the tough times.
    To keep you happy
    And help you reach your goals.

    But on this journey
    To make you into
    The man you strive to be,
    Something was lost
    Along the way.
    It took some time to see.
    It happened slow
    And gradual ...
    What I lost was
    Me.
    Where is that woman
    I used to know?
    With wants and goals
    And dreams ...

    What about Her happiness
    And contentment?
    The things She wants
    To achieve?

    In that mirror
    Looking back?
    Oh, no ...
    That can't be Me.


    Colors

    So sweet when he wants to be,
    Smiling with loving eyes.
    But in his heart lurks something dark,
    A beast who's in disguise.
    She tries to run,
    But he grabs her tight.
    She kicks and screams,
    With all her might.
    She hides those aches,
    That bruise so well.
    Got so good at hiding,
    No one could even tell
    That when she went home
    She felt as though
    Next time,
    She might not make it.
    Prince Charming
    Came into her life,
    And then he tried to take it.


    Fooled

    She wears a smile,
    While dying inside.
    No where to turn,
    No where to hide.
    Internally crying
    Where no one can see.
    Doesn't want to give up,
    But she sees no relief.
    No silver lining,
    No pot of gold,
    Just an uphill climb,
    To a place so cold.
    So far off course,
    She's lost the way home.
    To happiness and peace,
    A life of her own.


    Happiness

    To seek, always ...
    But never really find.
    To pursue and grasp,
    But never possess.
    It's like a butterfly
    Beautiful, fragile ...
    Catch it quickly,
    Before it's too late.
    Careful not to hold
    On to it, too tight ...
    Lest it end up destroyed.
    Like chasing
    The moon,
    The sunshine,
    In June.
    The end of the rainbow,
    The fairytale Prince ...
    Excruciatingly elusive,
    Does it even exist?


    Those Hands

    Large and rough,
    The hard working
    Kind ...
    Can create
    And build
    Or hurt and kill.
    Stroking your
    Skin, Caressing
    Your soul.
    They grip you
    Hard, they
    Grab ahold.
    They rub your
    Back, then
    Choke you out.
    They touch your
    Face, then
    Smack you down.
    They comfort,
    Squeeze, then
    Twist your arm around.
    At first glimpse,
    You never knew,
    Just what they did
    And what they'd do.


    Survival

    Here inside
    I'm safe from you.
    I can pretend I'm
    Somewhere else.
    Can't feel your hands
    Can't smell your breath
    No need to wish for help.

    Here inside
    Can't feel you rip
    And tug
    And grab
    And squeeze.
    Can't smell your skin
    Can't feel you as you
    Pry open my knees.

    Here inside
    There's air to breathe,
    No hands choking my throat.
    My wrist aren't tied,
    No salty tears,
    No need to run and hide.
    Because I'm here inside.
    Inside myself,
    And praying to survive.


    Tricky

    Do I know you?
    One minute,
    You look at me
    As if you see the
    Sun shining in my eyes.
    The next?
    You're treating me
    Like you're a stranger
    In disguise.
    Who are you anyway?
    Beneath the charm,
    And all the smiles?
    A violent beast,
    A lying cheat,
    Who cons as you beguile.
    When no one is around,
    The fallacy of you
    Becomes ever more
    Apparent.
    That mask you wear,
    To hide yourself,
    Has now become
    Transparent.
    Yes,
    You sir are an impostor.
    I demand that you leave,
    Post haste.
    And I'll be fine
    Just wait,
    In time,
    You'll see.
    You've been replaced.


    You

    If you only knew,
    Mmn, Mmn, Mmn
    All the things I would
    Do to you.
    I would press my
    Body against yours,
    Just to feel you
    There and breathe
    You in.
    Give you soft kisses
    On your neck
    Face and chin.
    I would love to
    Kiss those lips
    Softly and taste
    As your tongue
    Grazes mine.
    I would bring my
    Hand up to stroke
    Your hair
    Your face
    Your chest
    Mmn, Mmn, Mmn
    If you only knew
    All the things I would
    Do to you.
    Looking that good
    Oughta be a sin
    I play it in my
    Mind again and
    Again.
    But for now
    You're out of
    My reach
    So my desires
    And fantasizing,
    In my mind
    I'll have to keep.


    Residue

    How can I love again?
    When you've ground
    My heart into a
    Fine powder.

    How can I feel again?
    When you've drained
    Every emotion from my
    Body leaving
    Me numb.

    How can I trust again?
    When you've betrayed
    My love in every
    Way imaginable.

    How can I care again?
    When you've just rendered
    The last couple of years
    I spent loving and doing
    As pointless.


    Endings

    Hopes,
    Like leaves
    Turned and fallen.
    Blowing in the wind.
    They crunch beneath
    Your feet
    As you walk
    Away.
    Hear them cry,
    With indignation
    Crumbling and
    Crackling.
    Dried and
    Worn.


    Serendipity

    Sunshine
    Peaking through
    The clouds,
    Like an unexpected
    Reason to smile
    On a face that's
    Flushed and
    Wet with tears.
    Like a young
    Girl, wise beyond
    Her years.
    With care,
    You wash away
    Her fears.


    Opportunist

    Artful,
    Dartful,
    Here and there.
    You up and
    Leave without
    A care.
    Like a cowardly
    Lion, you cut
    And run.
    No second glance,
    You've had your
    Fun.
    No obligation,
    No guilt or
    Concern,
    While a heart
    Sits broken and
    Longing but not
    For your return.


    Beauty

    To the girl
    Who cried
    When the next
    Man called
    Her beautiful:
    You are so much
    More than what
    Was done.
    Your spirit
    Unwavering, shines
    Brighter than
    The sun.
    Your mind,
    Unfettered by
    Life's hard
    Knocks,
    Your body
    Unbroken by
    The physical
    Shock.
    You are healed,
    Even if it doesn't
    Seem so,
    That ache
    That pain, that
    Just won't go
    Is a testimony
    To where you've been.
    Made you a hero
    Among women.
    A sister and
    Friend to all
    Who've been there
    Too.
    You'll never know
    The strength
    They've found
    In you.
    I love you sis.


    Blue Eyed Blues

    Blue into my brown,
    You see the window
    Of my soul.
    You stare,
    You search to
    Find that love
    To fill the empty
    Hole
    That was left behind,
    But ...
    Too much water
    Under the bridge.
    Too much time
    Has passed you
    By.
    Your chance,
    Lost and dejected
    Floats like a
    Balloon
    Up to the sky.


    Feeling

    Nights cast
    A shadow of
    Shame onto
    Her days.
    As she recalls
    This man and
    That entering
    Her body
    But never
    Penetrating
    Her mind.
    Wanting to
    Take away
    The dull ache
    Of a broken
    Heart.
    Wanting to be
    Touched and
    Feel something,
    Anything.
    She's numb.


    Restoration

    I wash you
    Away,
    Down the
    Drain and
    Into oblivion.
    Like hot water
    Streaming down,
    Caressing my
    Body that was
    Once used
    And abused
    By your wants
    And needs.
    I wash you
    Away,
    With the
    Purity of a
    New resolve
    And a fresh
    Start.
    Cleansing my
    Spirit, and
    Restoring my
    Soul.
    You, and you
    And him too,
    Swirling in
    A puddle of
    Remorse and
    Regret at
    The foot of
    My regal
    Re-invention.
    I wash you
    Away.


    Casualties

    For the little girl
    Who woke up to
    Screaming in the
    Night.
    Oceans of tears
    That fell with each
    Sickening thud
    She heard as her
    Mother was being
    Knocked to the floor.
    The screams she heard
    Put knots in her stomach
    And made her heart
    Pound like a drum
    Signaling a warning.
    Those screams that
    Jolted her up and
    Forced small feet to
    Run, as fast as she
    Could.
    Through the darkness
    That threatened
    To envelope her.
    As long as she got
    There in time.
    Almost there now,
    Screaming herself.
    Not quite sure
    How her eleven year old
    Frame would fare
    Against a grown man,
    But not caring.
    Just knowing.
    She had to get there
    Before it was too late.
    Adrenaline flowing,
    Like blood on the floor.
    Clumps of beautiful
    Hair from where
    He'd ripped it from
    Her mother's scalp
    Which bled,
    Red. Flashing,
    Like police sirens.
    Like the vessel
    That burst in
    Her mother's eye,
    Making the white
    Of her eye turn
    Red.
    Like those words
    He spat at her
    Tearing at her soul,
    Ripping her to shreds.
    Beating her down,
    Like her mother's
    Purple bruises
    Which became
    Her own.


    Looking Glass

    What happens when
    The most valuable
    Thing you have
    Gets broken by you?
    What happens when,
    In doing your best
    To shield it from harm
    It gets scratched up
    And chipped?
    What happens when
    Someone close mishandles
    It while you are not
    There to protect it?
    What happens ...


    Innocence

    I would gladly shave
    Years off of my life
    If it meant restoration
    For you.
    I would give every limb
    From my body,
    In order for your mind
    To be renewed.
    I would give every ounce
    Of my being and my very
    Last breath to give you back
    All that was lost
    Along the way.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Love's HANGOVER by C.M. WINDHAM Copyright © 2011 by C.M. Windham. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Pleasure....................1
Pain....................3
Wanting....................5
Torture....................7
Blind Stupidity....................9
Regret....................11
Incredible....................13
Reflection....................15
Colors....................17
Fooled....................19
Happiness....................21
Those Hands....................23
Survival....................25
Tricky....................27
You....................29
Residue....................31
Endings....................33
Serendipity....................35
Opportunist....................37
Beauty....................39
Blue Eyed Blues....................41
Feeling....................43
Restoration....................45
Casualties....................47
Looking Glass....................49
Innocence....................51

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