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Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want

Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want


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“A godsend to anyone searching for, but struggling to find, true love in their lives.”
—Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion

"Empowering and compassionate, and its lessons are universal."
—Publishers Weekly

Real love starts with you. In order to attract a life partner and build a healthy intimate relationship, you must first become a good partner to yourself. This book offers twenty invaluable lessons that will help you explore and commit to your own emotional and psychological well-being so you can be ready, resilient, and confident in love.

Many of us enter into romantic relationships full of expectation and hope, only to be sorely disappointed by the realization that the partner we’ve selected is a flawed human being with their own neuroses, history, and desires. Most relationships end because one or both people haven’t done the internal work necessary to develop self-awareness and take responsibility for their own experiences. We’ve all heard “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself,” but amid life’s distractions and the myth of perfect, romantic love, how exactly do you do that?

In Loving Bravely, psychologist, professor and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon introduces the idea of relational self-awareness, encouraging you to explore your personal history to gain an understanding of your own relational patterns, as well as your strengths and weaknesses in relationships. By doing so, you’ll learn what relationships actually require, beyond the fairytale notions of romance. And by maintaining a steady but gentle focus on yourself, you’ll build the best possible foundation for making a loving connection.

By understanding your past relationship experiences, cultivating a strong sense of self-awareness, and determining what it is you really want in a romantic partner—you’ll be ready to find the healthy, lasting love your heart desires.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781626255814
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 02/02/2017
Pages: 232
Sales rank: 98,679
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is staff clinical psychologist, member of the teaching faculty in the marriage and family therapy graduate program, and clinical assistant professor of psychology at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. In addition to her clinical work with couples and individuals, Solomon teaches graduate and undergraduate students. One of her courses is Northwestern University’s internationally renowned “Building Loving and Lasting Relationships: Marriage 101,” which combines traditional and experiential learning to educate students about key relational issues like intimacy, sex, conflict, acceptance, and forgiveness. Solomon’s work has been widely cited, and her articles on love and marriage have appeared in The Handbook of Clinical Psychology, The Handbook of Couple Therapy, Family Process, Psychotherapy Networker, and other top publications in psychology. Her work also appears in O Magazine and The Huffington Post, and she is a frequent interviewee and contributor for the Oprah Winfrey Network, Yahoo! Health, The Atlantic, CBS Early Show, NPR, Psychology Today, and WGN Morning News. She is a sought-after speaker for corporate, collegiate, and professional audiences on topics related to modern love. Solomon lives in Highland Park, IL, with her husband, Todd, and their two children, Brian and Courtney.

Sign up for monthly articles and relationship advice from Alexandra at, and learn more about her work at

Foreword writer, Mona D. Fishbane, PhD, is director of couple therapy training at the Chicago Center for Family Health, and a clinical psychologist in private practice. She is an AAMFT-approved supervisor, a member of the advisory board for the journal Family Process, and a long-term AFTA member, where she has served on the board. Fishbane lectures nationally and internationally, and has published numerous articles on couples therapy and neurobiology, as well as on intergenerational relationships. She has been the recipient of honors and fellowships, most recently a grant from the John Templeton Foundation. Fishbane’s book, Loving with the Brain in Mind, is part of the Norton Series on interpersonal neurobiology. Find out more at

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Introduction: The Love Classroom 1

Part 1 Self-Reflection

Lesson 1 Understand Your Past 12

Lesson 2 Craft Your Story 20

Lesson 3 Awaken to Your Life Today 29

Lesson 4 Forge a New Connection 38

Lesson 5 Establish Healthy Boundaries 48

Part 2 Self-Awareness

Lesson 6 Embrace Your Unique Love Truths 62

Lesson 7 Surrender the Fairy Tale 72

Lesson 8 Keep the Soul in Soulmate 82

Lesson 9 Listen to Your Gut 89

Lesson 10 Source Your Life 97

Part 3 Self-Expression

Lesson 11 Inhabit Your Body 108

Lesson 12 Honor the Space Between 124

Lesson 13 Respect the Pause 134

Lesson 14 Dig a Little Deeper 147

Lesson 15 Build the Cushion 157

Part 4 Self-Expansion

Lesson 16 Practice a Loving "I'm Sorry" 170

Lesson 17 Forgive…Again and Again 180

Lesson 18 Value Presence 189

Lesson 19 Be on Your Own Team 200

Lesson 20 Ride the Waves 207

Conclusion 214

Acknowledgments 219

Appendix 1 Trauma 222

Appendix 2 How to Find a Therapist 225

References 228


Solomon resides in Highland Park, IL.

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